Day 16 Unconscious
The word speaks for itself right, unaware, unobserved.
A good tool of support for myself is with my physical eyes, Where do they look?.. and When, why, where, who, what. I found this support to be effective yesterday. Somtimes what I look at is seen as insignificant but surely it is not, espechally true when I say to myself, "meh" but then... I look again! my physical body will point me in the right direction back to myself. Yesterday it was very revealing, I wont go into detail here but for myself support I realized I had to face it - I had to ask the questions.
I realize I am alone in this, i have cut tighs and burned bridges - a single bottled being that has to refill my own self, no one will do this for me.
I can and will do this, I have been through exactly what I needed to go through to shape myself a perfect fit for the "eye" of the needle. The unconditionaly forgive correct and commit myself will take time, well time is all we truely have as our individual selves, the only thing we can claim to be ours. "where there is time, there is mind" that intails a life long journey here, the only destination is death and until then I have to push myself towards the clues of myself, my patterns, my vocab, my conscious and unconsious.
One thing im sure we can all relate to is music, in the past I can recall playing a tune in my head over the course of acouple days. It's funny cause I'll say to myself, "enough already" im sick of this song! lol but i still play it in my head! Like, "dont break my heart my acky breaky heart, i just dont think you understand"
its halarious cause the song is catchy but what the hell do i keep playing it in my head lol I realize because the physical is speaking to me, through thoughts, the physical is sacificing itself to show me somthing. somthing in the words perhaps needs to be faced, unconscious yes but if we really examine it, we can pull it into the conscious field of play, fair play in a way. Cause I have broke down the words that kept playing in my head, what I attach to the words, the feel if the words, there is sooo much to learn about myself through the smallest insignificant things.
All of my writings can become tedious, when I overlook them, i find self doubt, that system that is so use to keeping me - is loosing its grip.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to overlook the small things in my life realizing that the small things are probably the most significant, i commit myself to bring to my attention everything I consider insignificant within breath and write out the questions, as hard as it is, as much resisitance as there is, i WILL do this for myself, as i am by myself in this, gifted to lead myself, gone through to weed myself OUT! I commit myself to never again allow myself to consider instead commit, as everything is relivent even the smallest little things!
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel alone within my process, when I know I am here to support myself, i place my hands on my body to comfort myself, i talk to myself about my day and the things i experianced because it is the way i have have paved for myself, it is the way back to myself, to honor myself, and I commit myself to never again attach value in others and I know the real value here is being here and remaining here, i commit myself to apply what I already know that by bringing myself back to the physical is the tool needed to correct the physical, my loved ones, my fellow destonians, humanity, animals, plants, they need me! And I will not fail them! PERIOD!
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with others on a personal level, people that could careless and have thier own lives to attend too. I commit myself to apply breath forgive and forget whatever comes up within me in my own personal journal in regards to others, and i commit myself to realize that i am my own creator, thats it, thats all!