My Journey through Life

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Mike McDonald
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Mike McDonald » 07 May 2015, 11:28

Hey Luc,

It would be cool to count/mark the Day number on your posts...that way as they accumulate....everyone has a cool point of reference...like check luc day 8432. Also if you decide to begin a blog it's a cool way to reference there also...and it makes searches easier. I have noticed for instance i have come back to the same title topics at later dates...so again...putting the day # in the title is fucking cool. 8-)



Marlen
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Marlen » 07 May 2015, 18:58

HI Luc,

One pointer about weed. To wage a war against weed only perpetuates one's relationship to it, so in the end as with everything it is to see that it is not that weed is the problem per se, but the relationship we create with it and in your case for such a long time all the dependency, the money spent on it, the escapism, and eventually the psychological addiction one creates toward it.

What I see is most relevant is that you are able to ask yourself questions in that moment and then see if you 'really' want to give into smoking again, and so ask yourself if that's what you really want to do? These are 'grounding' questions, though the most directive way that I saw in myself is best to do is when one does not leave even an inch of 'doubt' or possibility to go back to it, at all. I've done the same with weed and alcohol too, it is simply a no go based on the commitment made to myself about it and the realizations I had about why I would 'do it' anyways... it simply makes 'no sense' based on the life I've decided to live and how to support myself. So this is something I would suggest looking at, how to create such resolve so that upon understanding the reasons why you've decided to stop, you make sure you realize that any 'weakness' toward this and having the 'possibility' of giving into it is indicating that there is Still a 'middle way' within you about it, and so that's what makes space for such 'temptation' to exist, because once one decides to not - excuse the frankness - fuck around with ideas on 'doing it,' then it becomes much, much simpler to walk through any possible scenario of 'going back at it.' It takes guts, takes courage, takes strength, but it's absolutely worthwhile investing on these points where you establish your resolve to do something or to not do something and so, self-trust is built this way: you can trust you in your decisions to not 'fall' for something.


About the 'freaky' experiences, I have no direct reference of that, I know of people that have had similar sounds in their mind - women crying and so forth - and all I can say is that it is a result of being too much into one's mind and for that, all I can suggest is to immediately focus back on reality, what is physical, what you were doing in the moment, breath and deliberately push yourself to touch, to see you are physically here and the voices are not 'out there' but within you in your mind and as such: they are Self created - nothing more and nothing else.

I have no direct explanation or idea of 'how' these are triggered, but I suggest you do disclose further WHEN exactly did these thoughts start coming up and these voices, at what moment of the day, what were you doing? or what were you reading/watching? Identifying the context in which this emerged within you will enable you to start 'tracking' the pattern, at least to have a self-reference of WHEN they come up and possibly why they come up. Sometimes it might be stuff that is ingrained within you as thoughts you had participated on in the past and suddenly come out as a 'broken record' as it is stuff we allowed ourselves to be 'thinking about' for a long time in the past. These are ideas I'm placing out here which are assumptions and as such shouldn't be taken on as 'the actual reason for it all.'

So, I suggest listening to the series of interviews of The Future of Consciousness as well, as there are various interviews that explain these points too and generally the solution and problem-solving situation is still the use and application of the tools you already know and are aware of. It is important to not give further attention to it all to the point of actually becoming scared of them, but instead self.-forgive in the moment, breathe, ground yourself in the physical as in realizing it's all in the head, no need to participate and so, do not create any fear around it either: it cannot be something 'there' inside your head or actual people or things 'outside of yourself' = it is all within you, and that's the certainty you can have as well, that no one or no-thing is doing this to you: it is all self created.

This is what I can suggest doing for now but do share if it comes up again.

Thanks for sharing and I agree with Mike, you can count the blogs you've done thus far and start placing a number upon the next one.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 14 May 2015, 01:40

Ill remember to do number my blogs as I go. Thanks mike.

You are absolutely correct Marlen! The past week has been extraordinary in regards to realising my position towards weed. Weed is gone! Not as me opposing the use of weed but my stability in the choice I made not to smoke weed, for a lot of reasons and all my own.

When you said there was a point missing within me that allowed space for the thought of using to curculate - that is soo the case! In other words I allowed past experiances of what I have seen and heard about quitting somthing take shape in my own decision to quit weed. An example would be a friend of my mother would stop coming around so much, when I asked my mom why? She said because she is trying to quit smoking, and when being around my mom the temptation was too great. So I allowed that belief to stem into my work place where weed is readily available. So I just pulled back to me, forgave myself for what I was doing through a form of justification and transcended. It has been almost 3 months, and around a month or no cigarettes as a welcomed consequences I have gain 35 lbs! I actually have a bit of chub goin in now lol

As for the strange shit, it kinda scares me to even read about it. See, it happens when I am asleep or falling asleep and I have a good idea of where it stems from, of course I brought up more then one point, but essentially what I have been suprresing within myself in finally coming out. Like homosexuality, I am a straight man but I have experimented with it and always suppressed it has a bad thing, especially in my younger days. The sound of loud static is always before I fall asleep. I believe its my body telling me it's not tired and to stay awake. The feeling of a presence in my room is somthing I wint discuss here but I understand where it is coming from and even though I dont write here everyday, I do still write everyday.

Thanks marlen and mike!



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 24 May 2015, 18:51

Day 23 chappie (A movie title)

I enjoyed this movie. Chappie is a robot designed to be a cop in a rough south African city. Unlike the other robot cops chappie is given consciousness and self awareness. Desteni movie night hangouts discuss many interesting points about the movie, and one point id like freestyle write about is life, how life is aware and what exactly is life?

At the begining when chappie is created he is initially scared of those around him, hinting towards humanity's flawed nature as a starting point of fear. We fear what we dont understand and chappie was a reflection of that point within its fear of the unknown initially and even throughout the movie.

That's how it is initially for a child when they are born. Most if not all children will cry when they are born most likly because they are scared, their surroundings have changed into the unknown. The same applies to a tree, when a tree freezes in the winter is goes into shock, but the more it gets use to the winter season the easier it becomes for the tree to recoup in the spring. A river that carves out the land may hit rocks beneath itself and start crashing with wave above it, or a tree or somthing forces the river in a diffrent direction where the terrain is rough and rigid untill the river smoothes it out again as it carves a new vain in the earth. Or like work working out at the gym our bodies will be sore at first untill it is use to it.

So I believe humans are not the only form of life with this sensitivity towards new things although accepting new things might be purely a human condition. Chappie was accepting of everything, even his fear of death was overcomed by acceptance although they did portrait it as haveing a lot of human characteristics it still had the ability to be compassionate and considering, like when he performed the hiest and the man wasnt going to sleep, he was able to be compassionate and question why the man wasnt going to sleep instead of just stabbing him more until he "actually went to sleep"

Even when his mother is killed he is portrayed as being vengeful yet he questions the man that killed his mom while he beats him up, and doesn't actually kill the guy. Revealing again compassion to some extent. When he expresses that he doesnt like his creator because he made him to die, he never really relinquishes their relationship, he still listened and accepted his creator as a friend. So the movie was interesting to say the least and there are a lot of amazing points about humanity and our relationship to technology.

Thanks for this cool hangout guys and cant wait to see more! Cheers.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 17 Jun 2015, 03:35

Day 24

Remember to copy before posting. Twice this has happened.. still cool to write it all out though. this is a reminder luc! Copy before posting :)



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 17 Jun 2015, 13:23

Day 25 crying on the bus.

There is a man crying on the bus directly in front of me. I pondered talking to him but fears come up fears of what others may think on the bus. What happens within me is a clear reflection of how I feel when brought to tears like that, of course I have never allowed it to really show infront of others but who knows what happened to this young man, maybe he just found out about the passing of a loved one. Another fear is if I attempt to talk to him he is so upset he might tell me to fuck off! Bah perhaps I put to much thought into it, would that be somthing if my reations were certian to be best and come without a thought process! That day will come.

So initially there was apathy or empathy whatever it is, which is a good reaction allows for understanding and compassion.. but wait what if he is crying because some self interested plan didn't go accordingly.. hmmm lol quite the predicament. Well either way I could empathize with the fact the he was upset for whatever reason.

After that there is this desire to help or assist of course there are fears but that comes after. So why do I seek to assist? Well it doesn't feel good to cry obviously somthing is bothering him and id rather see people smiling and happy. Then again if its karma biting him in the ass then so be it. Perhaps his reaction to an attempted assist and support can reveal a lot. If he becomes nasty and rejects conversation then maybe from the principle of humans knowing what we do is simply him allowing and accepting participation with somthing abusive, but if he recieves the support and assistance then maybe it was somthing out of his control, like the loss of a loved one.

After all this comes the fears - What will people think of me if I talk to him and how will he react. Frankly people suck and I careless for sucky people, but id be lieing if I denied it not having a bareing on my decision especially in this instance. Mainly the thought of, "mind your own business" also if it was me and some guy tryed talking to me I probably wouldn't receive it at all.although if a girl tryed talking to me id have a much different reaction.. weird eh? Well not really, actually very common amongst men, if sex is in the air we get stupid and narrow minded. Women are much more open and compassionate then men that is 100%! And im sure men allow sex to control the actions far more then women.

Well in the end I didnt talk to him, he just sat there all alone wiping the tears from his silly looking face. The world is a brutal place filled with human shit heads that care souly about themselves and how they can benefit.

That is a good point though, how could I have benefited from speaking to the younge man and were my actions or reactions based in self interest?

I must admit there was a quick thought that people will see me as a compassionate person reaching out to a fellow man in need. "Ooo what will the girls think hmm will they wooo and aweee" lol for fuck sake! But yeah that is how it is currently within my expression. I understand that this life is a gift and I cannot lie to myself and I can not claim honor if I lie to myself about how I honor this life. It cannot be real where self interest exist. It's a tameing and retraining process to bring myself back to here and away from my self interested thoughts/desires. Time is the only aid along side self honesty and motivation for self deliverance. One thing I am certian of, I felt bad for him when I noticed him because I was relating to him, we have all felt that way and none of us want to feel like that, that is certian.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 23 Jun 2015, 13:33

Day 26 laughter

Laughing is fun I enjoy laughing especially when it hurts :) tears form and the belly ackes. That's when laughter hurts and man it is quite an enjoyable experiance. Of course why we laugh? Like when I see a person bail on their bike or trip over their own feet? Somtimes it's not funny depending on how severe the fall is or who exactly is falling. An example would be a stranger compared to my daughter, if I saw my daughter fall off her bike I get very concerned for her, but if a stranger falls, defending on the severity, ill laugh. Of course this ties into the family construct but somthing worth investigating. somtimes when somone hurts themselves and its severe I wont laugh at all rather show concern for the being but some people around me will laugh. Although I do remember as a child being told not to laugh at another persons down falls. Understandably because I wouldn't like somone laughing at me if I triped over a rock or fell down the stairs lol.

What IS really funny and sad is a drunk drinking yet can't even walk straight or even stand for that matter. Of course I am concerned if the person is in immediate danger but if they are just stumbling struggling to stand I laugh, oh I laugh, because with in me is a voice that says, "they should know better" also I am totally against alcohol, offten preaching against it, so don't drink! :)

Also I love jokes that touch on reality, like bill hicks when he said, "if jesus was crucified last week we would all be wearing electric chairs around our necks" lol that joke put me on my ass! That blunt in your face reality check, awesome.

Cant forget the cookie monster, everytime he gobbled up a bunch of cookies :) apparently they tried making him a vegetable monster! Lol gobbling up veggies instead of cookies lolol I guess tbig bird was having a hard time getting his children to eat veggies.

Of course humor in our world is somwhat fucked up, I mean while some laugh... some cry... while some grip their tummys in laughter some hold their bellys in hunger... that doesn't ring to me at all, there is no reasoning or justification for it other than insanity. Walls of fairy tales put in place to separate us from the truth. No one laughs authentically till all laugh in harmony.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 25 Jun 2015, 13:33

Day 27 identity

Humans believe they are diffrent or separate from one another because of name, belief, heritage, in general their entire background gives way to identity. Identity is one of the great deceivers. The fear of death is sourced through it, the fear of loss, fear in general is always somhow based on how we identify ourselves.

Death is a tricky one because we have been led to believe that our mind as consciousness is real. Let me ask you this - is the mind of conscious awareness real in others? Other then identifying yourself as seperate, what death actually occures? Does the mind as conscious awareness die? How can it if it exists in us all. We are not passing through, nonono you wont get off that easily, all being will have to face what is has allowed and accepted untill all being is honored, respected, cherrished, cared for. No one will escape what they have allowed and accepted especially not through death. When it is done one thing will remain, breath, the breath of life. Not what school you went to, not how old you are, not the color of your skin, nothingness implies this, nothing will remain but the growth of life. Of course the world is anything but prolife, we honor destruction in many forms, we lose ourselves in what we justify as innocent, nothing is innocent! No one is free indeed till all are free indeed!



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 27 Mar 2016, 15:19

day 28 support

Every now and then everyone requires some form of support. Some look to a god, some look to family, some look to friends, and a few dare to look to themselves. the last mention must be the most important as one can re-script their reactions/understanding towards living the word "support". Clearly we are individual modules participating with the whole, therefor self support must be the #1 form of support one can ascertain and in a complex world is probably the most difficult/illusive kind of support to develop as it simply requires one thing, YOU! When I hear the word "support" I naturally think of two points where one is in need of the other. Like a bridge that fills the gap between two points, in that way a bridge is supportive in getting from one point to another. what is that bridge? it could be a perspective shared, it could be money shared, it could be anything shared, the key is that it is shared. Even an individual that supports themselves must do so through sharing. Sharing with one self could entail opening ones mind to new perspectives allowing new information in and working with that information in a self supporting way. In that way sharing is the most supportive tool one can use to support themselves and others. that is we are here, to share, to support others as our selves within this blink of an eye we call life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the belief that support is singular, that self support requires only self, I know this is not true because everything i have allowed and accepted myself to be was initially shared with me and was my choice to either adopt what was shared or reject it, but ultimately required outside sources.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to take the full extent of support shared with me through destonians and the desteni message, by not applying what I knew was best for me and in turn others around me.

I commit myself to apply myself within the desteni forums in a manner that is supportive to me and everyone that participates, applying the understanding that without support shared by others I can not support myself, that as a team we can create change in our world that is best for everyone including me

I commit myself to develop a better understanding of words I choose to use when expressing myself. Researching their definitions and looking into the history of the words shared to make sure I am applying it in the best possible context to ensure the best possible support for myself and others. A bridge is no good if it can not support right? that could be dangerous! lol



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: My Journey through Life

Postby Luc St-Amand » 20 May 2016, 18:03

Day 29: Less than/stupid

Feeling "less than" is a reoccurring experience I have of myself particularly with other people. When I analyze this experience of myself i am takin back to my preschool days. Being in a special education class (special ed) was one way I would put myself below the standard of others in regards to intelligence. Because (but always my choice) what society (classmates) would tell me about being in a special ed class. That we were in a special ed class because we needed extra teaching to reach the normal standard of intelligence. That we were less than the common youngster in regard to how fast we learned and picked up on the abusive measure of intelligence we have applied to our children through school.

Now, as I look back on the past 10 years of my life, I know that I am not any less intelligent than others. In fact, I have placed a belief within me that the measuring tools we use to determine intelligence are fundamentally flawed, fraud, and fogged up. I have come to this realization through desteni and what desteni has shown me about myself and my world.

So, I have only to look at how I allow this experience within myself here and now to determine how I continue to allow myself to experience this less than attitude. Now I see it as - not owning what most people my age own, like a car, or not possessing things most people my age possess like a licence to drive a car. There are certain points (people) I place on a ruler - measuring (comparing) myself to in order for this less than experience to manifest. The more dominant thoughts of feeling "less than" manifest when I am comparing myself to family, people I am close to - People my age that have by worldly standards achieved more than I have.

My starting point to this attitude of "less than" is not exactly what is being presented here. What I mean is that my starting point to feeling less than is no longer measured through these points because I understand that no one is less than another. I understand that as life we all share equal value and are all equal parts of the whole. So I talk to myself about the experience as it is happening. I reassure myself that these old patterns of thoughts are not real, that only when I allow them can they take hold of me. sometimes it is a challenge and sometimes I fail becoming angry with the thoughts and feelings. I lash out within myself towards what ever point I might be experiencing. Like owning a car, I say to myself, "At least I don't pollute the air we breathe with exploding gas and black smoke" "I have never needed a car, I bike sometimes over 100km a day if I need to get somewhere" "that equates strength and real power" "I am strong and powerful". When this happens I notice myself debating with myself - I say things like, "you're not strong! you have medical issues that have almost ended your life" I say things like "wouldn't life be easier with a car? less effort and expelled energy?" this the internal battles i have with myself even now as I write this. So this "less than" experience has a lot more points of where I experience being "less than" but i'll take this slow and start with the point of owning a car.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fight with myself about not owning a car.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use others who own car's in my thoughts as opponents as to why I believe I am better than they are because I dont own a car

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to own a car which as I age will become practical in getting from point A to B with less bodily energy expelled in doing so.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with the feeling of "less than" because I do not own a car. Believing of what society (that I allow) has told me about owning a car as the norm for someone my age... In this normal world we live in... lol

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach any form of value to driving a car as I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attack any value from NOT owning a car. debating with myself over nonsense that can easily be measured in a practical way without an ensuing (self imposed) debate that only causes stress on myself.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I experience myself going into conflict with myself about the standard/norm of owning a car at my age. I will apply the understanding that no shall be measured as less than or more than due to what they own. I understand that that is not fair to do to other or myself and that stopping myself from participating with those thoughts is the real measure I show myself as a standard for living as a good human being in this world. By comparing myself to others in anyways is infact a mirror reflection of MYSELF and only MYSELF and that which I MYSELF need to change in order to bring about a world that is best. A world I know is important and best for all.




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