Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 25 Aug 2016, 00:43

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... e-age.html


Day 95: The same age

I react to the people, who told me that I'm child, something less, but they are have their own children in the same age like I have now. I ask myself why I am less, because I don't have yob, child and family, than they with yob, children and family in the same age? Where are difference between me and them? I know that I'm younger than them, but they are younger to their parents and a lots of people.

People are the equal from birth to death, but for our parents we are child all life. And no, this is not good, not for parents and not for children. Parent feel that they more, they are superior, and children feel less, inferior. Yes, is good that you respect your parents, but if they told you child all life is something wrong. But where is problem and who must solve this. I see people around me, who are older, that they see me like 10 years old child, who need them that they help me. Yes, it's maybe problem, because I'm single and don't have proper yob, but 30 years ago was different opportunity and young people can find yob sooner than now. When I look them I see that they seen me like a child, who need help. And They don't trust me because I live at home. But in the same time I don't want be with them, because only they have right.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less, inferior next to older people who want be more important. When and as I see myself to feel less, inferior next to older people, who wants be more important, I stop and breath. I realize that they see how old I am, and they want be young again, so they feel superior because they so older than me, and they want to show how important they are. I commit myself that when I feel less, I breath and know, that this is their problem, not mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on a words child, kid, rascal and other similar and more aggressive and negative words that they call me with. When and as I see myself that I react on a words child, kid, rascal and other similar and more aggressive and negative words that they call me with, I stop and breath. I realize that I really see myself in this theirs words. But I'm not what they say that I am. I'm what I feel and I know I am. I'm person, who have 30 years, live in house with parents and help them. My mum live with her family in my grandma house too. So where is problem where lives who. Is problem that I don't have yob? Or maybe I don't have "yob" on my mum's and other people definition. I can't know what is their definition of yob, so I must define mine definition of yob and live this word. I commit myself that I know who I am and don't react what other people say who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that they behave to me like I'm 10 years old, because I'm single and don't have yob and family. When and as I see myself to think, that they behave to me like I'm 10 years old, because I'm single and don't have yob and family, I stop and breath. I realize that what they think about me is their problem, not mine. I live the best than I can. If I'm single is mine problem, not theirs, and have yob and family is mine too. I know, that I don't help them with money, but time is money. I take them a lot of time. I commit myself that I know what and who I am and if they behave to me like I have 10 I know, that this is their problem and I only breath and don't react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on their words with they want insult me. When and as I see myself to react on their words with they want insult me, I stop and breath. I realize that they say to me this kind of words because they don't know how in the other way insult me, because I have correct, but because I'm younger I can't have right, so this attack with insult words is their defense. They are some older people who think, that younger people than they can't have correct and they do what they can to prove their right. I commit myself that I see when people want insult me and then I step back and don't argue with them, because they have always correct.

Marlen
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby Marlen » 25 Aug 2016, 19:17

Hey Klav

Cool that you are writing in order to not react back to others' expectations or according to the way they address you. A point of understanding in this case is that yes, some parents will be quite protective toward their kids no matter how 'old' they are, and one has to simply see it as part of the role they decide to play and therefore not creating a reaction according to how they speak to you or address you.

One thing I noticed is that you have indicated how 'they want to feel superior' but this is not necessarily so, that is mostly your interpretation of why they do this and how they feel 'more' than children or younger people, but here, specially when writing Self Forgiveness, it is important to see where it is that you are still asserting things that are not entirely proven to be a fact. In this example, looking at the bold words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less, inferior next to older people who want be more important. When and as I see myself to feel less, inferior next to older people, who wants be more important, I stop and breath. I realize that they see how old I am, and they want be young again, so they feel superior because they so older than me, and they want to show how important they are. I commit myself that when I feel less, I breath and know, that this is their problem, not mine.


The words describing who you think they want to be is a perception or assumption coming from you as well, not sure if they say so directly 'I want to be more important than you' because if they do say so, then sure it makes sense to identify the pattern. But if itis an assumption that you've made based on how others talk to you, then what happens is that even if you are forgiving your reaction, you are still seeing them as 'the problem' because they want to 'be more important than you' when in fact it may not be so.

Therefore I bring this point for your awareness so that you can see next time you are writing self-forgiveness, to ensure that the focus is on yourself, identifying your reaction to another's attitude or words toward you, regardless of what they were 'intending to do' toward you, that's 'their point' not yours to identify or disclose and self-forgive. Another way to look at this point is also clarifying instead how it is you that perceives them as wanting to be more important than you. In saying 'that I perceive, or I believe want to be more important' or 'I react to because I am suspecting they want to be more important than me' then it is you identifying your own belief, perception or assumption of what their intent behind their words toward you really is.

So, to sum up, when self-forgiving it's relevant to ensure we are not re-creating or reinforcing ideas we hold toward others, like say in this case believing that anyone older than you wants to be 'superior' to you, which is most likely not so and even if it was, it's not really a point for you to look at but in general rather bring back to yourself those points of judgment.

Here is where we get to the supportive aspects you can take out from this reaction of yours. Usually we get bothered by others' comments when there is in fact something within those comments/observations or judgments that we haven't dealt with yet. In this case, I would then suggest you to open up, what kind of judgments, ideas, perceptions do you have about yourself being of a certain age, having no 'family' or relationship or kids or job or all of those things that you have also accepted are to be 'expected' at a certain 'age' in your society. This way, instead of only working with 'not reacting' to your older family members, how about taking those judgments 'back to self' which means investigating where and how you may be judging you for not having all of those things that you might believe you are 'supposed to have' at a certain age. This is where it takes a self-honest look within it, because if you were completely fine and ok with how you are living your life and your decisions within it, then no matter what anyone would think or say, you'd be stable, which means:you know who you are, why you do or don't do things and that's about it, that's you being entirely aware and responsible for your creation. So, here it is then a cool opportunity to rather investigate if there is a form of discomfort or judgment existing within you toward all of those 'expected things' you were supposed to be doing or having at this age you are now, and so be able to forgive your own ideas, judgments or expectations about it.

What this step will create within you is a clarity of 'who you are' in relation to those things others talk to you about like say having a certain kind of job or family or relationship or whatever it is that you may think you 'don't have' compared to others. This way it won't be about 'who's right or wrong' about things, but rather ensuring you are clear, certain and stable within the decisions and choices you've taken on in your life. Through writing out this and being able to stop the reactions toward others or your own judgments, you will then also be able to identify if there is something you'd like to genuinely change, create or expand in your life. Then it will be your absolute decision within having investigated these ideas about 'who you are' and rather looking at what is it that you genuinely want to be doing and making of your life right now.


And remember that no matter if another 'insults' one, the insults are stemming and being created in another's mind, it's their point to consider and eventually become aware of. But whenever we react to it, we become part of the judgment game and that's where we have to look at what is being triggered within us within a certain insult and when investigating such insult and finding what 'bothers' you about it, you may also then find something else to align within you or work on or change, so that such insult instead becomes a point of awareness about something within you that you can change about yourself, because in one way or another was bothering you. This can be 'taking things personally' in itself, and so when listening to such words next time, investigate further as to what is it that is being triggered within you, making you react this way. It might then become a very supportive way to face the same people in your day to day and continue working with these points in detail within you, until no matter how many times you might hear that in a day, you remain stable and not reacting, because you would have been working with aligning, correcting, stopping reactions to those same words or judgments.

This way one no longer sees others as a nuisance, but rather as points to face and clear within oneself only.

Enjoy and do ask if something of what I shared here is not so clear

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 27 Aug 2016, 01:55

Hi Marlen

Thanks to support me in this way. I'm working with myself almost a two years and I must to see what you write, but I have so many other points to look on and I had some ups and downs, so I don't see some points yet. I came back here because I want publish next blog, so I write blog before I see your text, so in next blog I touch points that you suggest. Thanks again.

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 27 Aug 2016, 01:56

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... -baby.html


Day 96: Like a baby

A few days ago I post on Facebook picture where I lie in bed and dink water from bottle. I lie in some position that I see in front my eyes a a few years old baby who have bottle and drink from it. In that moment I feel some feeling and I feel like this baby that I see. I'm feel like a baby. This feeling was nice, comfortable, tender, loved, accepted, all positive emotions. Over the day I think about this emotions, because someone tell me that is good for looking it, and when I think about them, I remember word child. So this emotions I remember from my childhood.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know only negative feelings. When and as I see myself to think that I know only negative feelings, I stop and breath. I realize that I know negative feelings and positive emotions, but I have prefer feelings, negativity. I commit myself that I research feeling and emotions and then know what I know and what don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare feel good when I think on baby who drink from the bottle and I do the same. When and as I see myself to scare feel good when I think on baby who drink from the bottle and I do the same, I stop and breath. I realize that I feel good because I remember this emotions from my early ages, when I was single child and my parents take me all time that they have. This was before my age 4, because after this age I have some memory, but there is no anymore good feelings. I commit myself to in same situation research feelings and emotions and know, that this is mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this emotions that I feel in that moment isn't mine, because I think on the other child who enjoy in bed where drink from bottle. When and as I see myself to think that this emotions that I feel in that moment isn't mine, because I honk on the other child who enjoy in bed where dink from bottle, I stop and breath. I realize that I really see other child in my mind, but emotions are mine. In this child in my mind I see myself, I feel forgotten emotions from my childhood and after I start thinking about it, I see this. I commit myself that see my real feelings and emotions in other people if is some reaction in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare and don't see emotions because I think I never felt it. When and as I see myself to scare and don't see emotions because I think I never felt it, I stop and breath, I realize that I felt emotions, but I don't remember it, because I feel better in negative feelings. I feel emotions now too, but not so strong that negative feelings. I commit myself that I feel emotions without scare.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to want to fast grow up when I was young, because older people have more positive emotions, but now, when I grown, I scare to be grown, because I feel only negative feelings and I want be young again. When and as I see myself to want to fast grow up when I was young, because older people have more positive emotions, but now, when I grown, I scare to be grown, because I feel only negative feelings and I want to be young again, I stop and breath. I realize that I want be someone who I'm not. I looking for feelings and emotions on incorrect way. I know, that I can feel what I need all the time, but better for me is, if I don't have too much feelings and emotions and only be, breath and live. I commit myself that I don't look around for feelings and emotions, because I have all in myself, so I must only look in myself.

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 26 Sep 2016, 23:50

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... yself.html



Day 97: Support myself


Each person need someone to be with. But firstly each person must be good for them-self. Last weeks I'm alone. I can rely on only in myself. I see that I'm so important person for myself that I can live alone and help myself in tough moment. I see that breath is so important and each moment of my life I can live, be here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared because I stay alone and I don't know if I can go forward in my process. When and as I see myself to be scared because I stay alone and I don't know if I can go forward in my process, I stop and breath. I realize that I was alone all the time. Yes, people around me help me, but I must walk my process alone. I live my life like before, but now I must rely really on myself and believe myself that my path is correct. I commit myself that I believe in myself all the time and know that I can do all in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need someone to be with me and support me. When and as I see myself to think that I need someone to be with me and support me, I stop and breath. I realize that it is nice to be with someone who support me, but when is the toughest time for me, I must be strong and go alone trough this time. If someone support me is not mean that I'm weak, but it easier and other person told you something that you don't see. I commit myself that I work on myself because only me can change myself if someone support me or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that be alone is not supportive for myself. When and as I see myself to think that be alone is not supportive for myself, I stop and breath. I realize that if I'm alone or with someone is the same supportive. Love myself and be supportive for myself is not the same, but if I don't love myself, can't be supportive to myself and if I'm not supportive to myself I can't love myself. So I must work on myself and see myself in real, who I am and what I am and what I want to be and live my life and words that I want live and became person. I commit myself that I support myself, love myself and be who I want to be, person.

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 29 Sep 2016, 00:54

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... -less.html


Day 98: More or less


Me, you, they. Who is better and who is the worst? Who is more and who is less? We are all people. But I see older people who more important than me, because they have more knowledge than me and because teach me, when I was young, that I must respect older people and address formally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that respect older people mean that I think that older people are more than me, so I must believe them, say them that they have always right and talk nice with them. When and as I see myself think that respect older people mean that I think that older people are more than me, so I must believe them, say them that they have always right and talk nice with them, I stop and breath. I realize that respect older people is the same than respect younger people or people with same age than me. Respect are talk with other like I want they talk with me, be nice to them, help them, but not too much, I must stay me. Not be under or above other people, be in the same level with them. I commit myself that I respect people to see them like a person and behave to them like I want to they behave to me and if they want teach me how I must behave to them, I stop and breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my parents teach me how to behave to other people in modern way, but I see a lots of old school mentality in their teaching.When and as I see myself to think that my parents teach me how to behave to other people in modern way, but I see a lots of old school mentality in their teaching, I stop and breath. I realize that there are a lots of old school mentality in country side and this is don't work anymore. I address formally people that I see first time and they older than me. If I see person with my age I don't be polite, like my parents say and address them formally, but I talk with them like someone that I know them. I like if I don't need be so polite, I want be myself and see all people the same than me, but this is not OK for people with old school mentality. But I can be polite without addressing people formally. I commit myself that I see what other people want and if they say that they want be addressed formally, I addressed them formally, but for other people I use polite words, but I see and talk like person like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that people who stay to look like bigger than they are, that they want to look like more important/better/more/superior like me. When and as I see myself to think that people who stay and look like bigger than they are, that they want to look like more important/better/more/superior like me, I stop and breath. I realize that I see this move, I see that they do this if they do or not. This move is only in my mind, because I see this move in my childhood often and they want tell me, that I must listen them. So I see now this move and think that they want be better than me, they want that I see their superior. And in that moment I see myself inferior and I react, because I don't want be less than other. I begin with louder voice, I want to fight, I want be the same than other people. I commit myself that if I see that other people look like bigger than they are, I don't react, but I breath and realize, that they don't want be superior and see me inferior, but they want be like me, so I must talk with them like a people who is the same than me.

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 21 Oct 2016, 22:58

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... eople.html


Day 99: Be same than other people


I want be the same than other people. This is sentence that I write in last blog. Did I really want be the same than other people. I don't think so. I want be equal, but not the same. I am who I am. And I don't be the same, because each people is different than other.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write that I want be the same than other people. When and as I see myself to write, that I want be the same than other people, I stop and breath. I realize that word have big power. If you don't use correct word is meaning so different. You want told, that each people in the world are equal, but you write that they the same. Different word, different meaning. But in real I don't make a mistake. I commit myself that I use correct word when I want told something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want be the same than other. When and as I see myself to want be the same than other, I stop and breath. I realize that I want write equal with other, but I want be the same. I see people who have what I want and be like they. But I can't be like they. I only can be myself. But I don't see that. I see myself less than other, because I see only what I don't have and don't know. I don't see myself and how unique I am. I prefer compare with other and I feel less, inferior. How good is this feeling. But this is not true. Being inferior or superior isn't good. Only being real me is good. But who I am? I am who I am. I commit myself that I be real myself and don't want be like other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't know who I am. When and as I see myself to don't know who I am, I stop and breath. I realize that this is not so easy to say who I am. I see myself like a lazy person, who don't know anything and so on and so on, only negative things. But I'm not pure negative person. I'm person. I want be someone who I'm not. I try to be someone who other people say that this is you. But I'm not. I'm love to write, take some picture, be in nature, but I'm a little negative too, I'm nervous when I must do something new, I argue with other people sometimes and so on. I try to be who I am. But in the same time I try to be who other people want that I am. I commit myself that I'm the best me.

More about who I am and who I want to be I write in private.

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 27 Oct 2016, 23:30

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... ly-me.html


Day 100: Simply me


This is my 100th blog. And through blogs I walk with a different themes. Yes, I have still a lot of problems, but I solve some of them. I take enough tame to change myself. I know, that I'm not work enough intensive, I can do better, but this is my life and my pace. I do the best that I can. No, not real. I can do better than I do to now. I can do more intensive and faster. But is this best for me? Soon will be 2 years when I was first time meet with Desteni. Since then I change myself. I'm better me.

The toughest for me is writing from the moment. Or when I want to write some more, but I stop and I don't know what to write anymore. But that moment is the best. Then I see who I am and how I react. When I don't know what to write, I begin to look on Facebook, drink water or do something not so important. And go back and write is so difficult. So, I begin with theme and when I have theme I write about. Is so much easier.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare with other how fast I go and how good I became. When and as I see myself to compare with other how fast I go and how good I became, I stop and breath. I realize that this is only mine process and only I'm important in it. I go my pace. I know that I can go faster, but point is not how fast you finish all, but that you improve yourself and live life. I commit myself to not compare my process with other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid writing/see problem/ go trough problem when I came to the difficult point. When and as I see myself to avoid writing/see problem/go trough problem when I same to the difficult point, I stop and breath. I realize that the toughest is work on myself. I want change myself, but in same time I want stay in secure/well known place. I scare changes. I see that something work and want that stay, I don't want changes. But I know, that I need changes to live better. I commit myself to accept change and see that life is better with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to asking myself if I do enough fast and intensive my process. When and as I see myself to asking myself if I do enough fast and intensive my process, I stop and breath. I realize that this is my process and only me know and see how fast and intensive is my process and if I can go faster. In the same time I see if I need more work on myself, more agreement to myself and so on. I known myself the best. But I see, that other people know me better than me. I begin with meeting with myself and don't see some points, that other people see. And they tell me about and tell me what point I must to look and so on. I commit myself that I know I do enough intensive and fast my process.

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 09 Nov 2016, 01:37

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... hange.html


Day 101: My physical change


Last time I change myself. I start walking two week ago, because I must to walk, but soon I see that walk is good for me and now I walk for myself. I know that I must lost some weight, but I don't walk to lose it, I walk because I feel better if I walk. My digestion is better. I'm better. It was difficult to begin, so I ask my dad if he want go with me. He say yes. And this is start of my daily walking.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that walking is not for me. When and as I see myself to think, that walking is not for me, I stop and breath. I realize that walk is important for me. When I walk I'm with myself. I know that is not good, that I talk with myself in ma mind, but I find some solution about different think. When I walk listen myself, my body. I feel where hurt me. I breathing. I'm be there, I feel wind, I feel my body. I commit myself that when I think to not go to the walk, I look on all benefits on my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to the walk because I must go. When and as I see myself to go to the walk because I must to go, I stop and breath. I realize that walk is good for me, so I decide I walk because I feel better after walk. I feel better and I see all more positively. I commit myself that I walk because I want, not because I must go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare if someone see me that I walk, because I think, that fat people don't walk. When and as I see myself to scare if someone see me that I walk, because I think, that fat people don't walk, I stop and breath. I realize that fat people walk too. All people walk. But walk is more difficult than go to the gym. So in the beginning people maybe go to the gym, but why I look what other say about me. I walk for myself and I can go when I want to go and where I want to go. I live in moment when I walk. I can be with myself and breathing and this is more important that what other people say. But if I want be with myself it be better be alone, than with other people who disturb me. But I must live in both situation. I commit myself to take chance to myself to be proud because I begin walk and I work on myself in this way.

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Journey to Life (ENG)

Postby klavdija.h » 29 Nov 2016, 01:03

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... -food.html



Day 102: Love of food


If we want to survive we must to eat. We eat a different food. Some food we love but other food don't. But where is line between love food and eat because we must to eat. We prefer some taste. But is food with good taste for us, good for our body too? I love to eat chocolate. I eat dark chocolate or very sweet chocolate. Which one is better for my body? Both is OK if I eat one piece. And what can I eat and what not?


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body need what I eat and what I wish for eat. When and as I see myself to think that my body need what I eat and what I wish for eat, I stop and breath. I realize that I eat, because other people around me eat, but my body don't need any food. I can be all day without food, but I'm not hungry, only my body don't need food in this moment. So I must listen my body, not eat, because people around me eating. I commit myself that I eat when I feel hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I getting fat, because I eat sweets and food with a lot of calories. When and as I see myself to think that I getting fat, because I eat sweets and food with a lot of calories, I stop and breath. I realize that I getting fat, because I eat because eat other people around me, I'm hungry, because I don't listen my body and I think that I'm hungry, not thirsty, because I drink too little. I commit myself to look how I feel before I eat, I drink before I eat and listen my body if they need food at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that chocolate is bad for me. When and as I see myself to think that chocolate is bad for me, I stop and breath. I realize that I can eat chocolate as much I need, but I can't feel bad about it. I must feel good if I eat it and if I become bad mood because I eat too much, that is not good. I must stop earlier, because I only think that I need so much of chocolate. My mind think that I need, my body need so much of chocolate. I commit myself that I don't became bad mood if I eat too much, I listen my body and I eat that much I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that salt food is bad for me. When and as I see myself to think that salt food is bad for me, I stop and breath. I realize that all salt food that I buy it is crap food. Is salt and greasy and there is not any food in it. I love crisps and other popular Slovenian salt package food. This food is bad for me. Better is, if I prepare similar food at home. Is better and healthier than food from stores. I love to cook, why I don't prepare good food ad home. But if I buy and eat that food, I can't be angry on myself, because is this worst, than bad food. I commit myself that I made at home food I like it, but if I buy some crap food, I don't be angry on myself.


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