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Day 119: I change 2
Today I look over how my perspective of love, partnership and men change if there any change at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to not look for partnership, but when one man told me that he like me, I'm in the moment in love on them. When and as I see myself to decide to not look for partnership, but when one man told me that he like me, I'm in the moment in love on them, I stop and breath. I realise that I want be with someone who like me, but each time is the same end, he told me how he in love on me and when is tame for meeting is he disappear and I react each time the same. So, I commit myself that when someone told me that he like me I stop and breath and think why he told me that. Then I look all points why I like him and try see him in the end like a person that is the same than other. I look for my backchat too and find points that is the same with all men I meet them. Then I realise that I can be alone and I still not need the men for relationship, because I must have the real relationship with myself and I must do all to made this relationship with myself good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want be in relationship with men. When and as I see myself to want be in relationship with men, I stop and breath. I realise, that I need someone to give me attention, because I still don't know how give enough attention for myself. So, I commit myself that I work on give enough attention for myself with little things like walk where I like to walk, be where like to be, do what I like to do and so on. Then when I see myself that I need someone I stop and breath and find the point why I need that attention or chat or be with someone. I must see difference between be with someone and look for attention because I can be with someone and don't look for attention because the person next to me I see the same I am and sometimes I look for attention on web, that is the worst thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't look for partnership anymore, because I decide that I don't look for partner next few years till I become stable. When and as I see myself to think that I don't look for partnership anymore, because I decide that I don't look for partner next few years till I become stable, I stop and breath. I realise that this my decide is only a short therm decide because I look over the partner from time to time when me and my body want someone and when I'm full of hormones during the month circle and so on. When is the normal day I not need anyone, but from time to time I will kill for someone to talk and be with. And this is that I'm not stable enough and I need more work on myself. So, I commit myself that in that time I stop and breath and see what me and my body really need. Then I really calm myself with breathing and ask my body what they need. So then I give myself what I want and try be with myself and calm. If I'm angry on someone I breath, then if I really need I call someone who listen me and know how to put me on floor in right way. Then I look for all points that I must do it that this not need anymore and really work on myself and became stable.