Raul's journey to life

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Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raul's journey to life

Postby Raúl » 19 Jul 2017, 14:39

Day 5

https://raulsjourney.blogspot.com.es/20 ... h-day.html

Hello, I feel more inspired today, I perceive inspiration as a force of doing, of creating, of enjoying creation, of seeing a purpose, of seeing that what has to be done is done. I am learning a lot with desteni, if I am clear and sincere I feel some kind of afection to all this people working in this process, this comes from the fact that the time I have been seeing the message of desteni has had a big impact in my life. In the past I did felt this reaction in me, the reaction of... seeing a content that is true, that knows you better than yourself, and that puts you against your mind, I considered myself an spiritual person, that just means I made an ego with it, my ego became stronger, it was with desteni that I could really have all the answers, and have the practical aplication of how to do it, I just love that combination. You receive all the information, there is no hidden menssage that the person is keeping to himself, and you also receive the practical aplication. So it's just a fact, I see desteni a very positive thing in my mind, that's why I don't mind paying for some content, even if I didn't have to pay I would consider donating some money for the help I have received. I am sometimes possesive with my money, because I have times where I need it, for example to buy things I really like like my guitar and that kind of stuff, but I am also a person that doesn't protect his money very much, and not because I don't know its value or I am a fool, it's just that for me it makes no difference to have more or to have less, I will be the same, and if I can spend it in good things instead of drugs well much better hahahahaha.

I have noticed how it's easy for me to have afection with the people I already new but I have a barrier with unknown people. For people I know, what they are for me in my universe, they are just people but I would see them as a part of me I develop and I help, even that I take care of, I sometimes think about the people around me, how they are, what they really need, it's a bit surprising to see myself saying that, that is a fact, because I also have a part of me that is the ego of I want to be better than you, and thereforce I can't help you because you would become the same that I am and I want to be better so the less you are the better for me, I am working on this part of me, I feel sometimes how I have shared something with a person and then that person won't even care about me and it's like... I have gave you something of value and I would like at least see that you would do the same for me. I am not always like this, only when I am triggered into the feelins, for example with my brother, a person with a very tragic existence... I help him unconditionally, but I also have other people that I have this kind of competition, but in fact I recently healed the competition, from competition to supportive relationship, so I am making progress. My brother is a really tragic story, I mean there are stories more tragic than his one, but he is near me, I know him very well, and it's just sad, when I listen to him and I see what his voice tells me... all the intelligence he could have and that he has lost... all the going down instead of up... I read in is voice a person that doesn't know what he is really going through, he knows, because I have talked to him a lot of times, but if he really knew what he has lost he would start to cry and change, that is what I try to open with him, but he closes so fast, he is not constant, and I can do anything with that it's up to him... I am doing my best. So that is the story of my older brother, I fear that he will never come back to life.

So going back to the afection, when I know a person I have some kind of ressistance, I would even say I reject them... like... I don't want you to be this close, I am knowing you, we are getting close, like if we already know each other, I can't accept this... it's sad to see how I really work... I mean it's not that sad but it just surprised me to express right now what is behind the resistance. To look an unknown person in the eyes, and know each other, I feel like... I will only do this if you have something of value for me... because if you have something of value I will be doing it because of the value and not because I love you for who you are, because if I love you for who you are... what would happen then? that we would accept each other as equals? Maybe what I fear when they get close is that they will reject me, and I cover that with... being bad, with saying if you don't have anything of value for me I won't accept you, but what is really behind that is that I refuse the conection...

I think I should have more love with the people...

I will accept them as I would like to be accepted.

I have this thing saying to me... I don't need any conection with anyone! And that is also true, the two parts exists... I really don't want to need it, I won't need it, but at the same time I will really allow it to happen, just this affection to the people... ugh...

I see more or less from where all this come from...

Enough for this moment.

And by the way, within all of this I see how a person can react to a certain thing, and still not be the entire manifestation of who he really is, I really tend to judge people becaused on the reaction, but there is a whole world inside of them.



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raul's journey to life

Postby Raúl » 21 Jul 2017, 00:21

The 6 day


https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogI ... c=postname

Wow it's 23:59 here in spain, I almost forgot to write myself!!! just in time, I don't care if It's 0:00 now, nothing happened. I must say that when lifes go as you want you feel powerfull, like no barriers, just a feeling of being fine in the present moment... I can't know how usual is that in our humans world, but for me... I will say it, really, I lost it at the age of 5, these moments of complete awareness of myself with my heart by my side? From the age of 5 I separated from that, and how can I tell you exactly the ammount of happyness that I had with 5, the ammount that I lost, the ammount I have now... It's just impossible that we ever know each other, but I know my process and I can talk about it. When I feel inspired I just want to play the guitar, but I am writing now.

It's funny this random talk, no goals, no motivation, no needs, complete awareness in the moment. You can do what you want with this text, I know what I am creating in it and with it.

So this inspiration, this... I want to be happy, and I can be happy right now, I lost it at a very young age, I feel like a complete alternative version of myself is over there, in the multiverse, existing but not existing, because it was liberated. And again I know I am not absolutely liberated, but let me have my times of complete unblamefullness hahahahaha. I have denied to me these unblamefullness moments for so long, I know unblamefullness is a strange word, but since ingles is not my mother language let's allow me some fredom...


So I don't really know what else to say, how are you? Are you fine too? If you are not you must iniciate the search of your soul, and if you are... you must have a soul!! Good job, but don't you think in terms of good/bad I am very addicted to do that...


I wish I could make some self fogiveness or something but I feel I am walking, I am doing what I can do for my own developmente, there is just no need for anything right now. Btw god job Raul, a part of me still impressed that you actually have become this. You wanted it your entire life so... it was already time. These simple words, this simple last sentences have had a long journey through time to come this moment, and then say to my self, this is a really good job!! Impressive


I have a lot of work to do with parts of me, I will be with them tomorrow. Goodbye!!!



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raul's journey to life

Postby Raúl » 22 Jul 2017, 15:16

7 day: small short shitty talk :lol: but I have made an agreement so I had to write something

https://raulsjourney.blogspot.com.es/20 ... h-day.html

I am going to a jazz concert and I almost forget to write myself so I am typing from my phone and this one will be short.

I am learning, or remembering, aswell as discovering who I really am in every breath. Oness and equality is a very beautiful concept and it means a lot for me, when at the same it means the nothingness that is me, the real nothingness.

I have listened to almost the entire serie of what is sex, and I am learning a lot, veey helpfull because sex was a big source of energy for me and I wanted to understand it.

Bye!!



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raul's journey to life

Postby Raúl » 22 Jul 2017, 15:16

The 8th day!
https://raulsjourney.blogspot.com.es/20 ... h-day.html

I was thinking about how I used to suffer because of my mind and my energies experiences, what one thinks that is what is going on in existence. How I used meditation and spirituality to escape from that, how when in the days I used to stop reading the beautiful words my mind would start to suffer again and I would feel fear, fear of going to the same state of a locked mind I could not handle alone. So I was thinking about how with desteni I understood the real answer, responsability, and how I still have that mark that I used to feel months ago and during my whole life, a mark of... you are not free, there is no solution, you are powerless, and I covered this sensation with a lot of things in my life. With desteni I stopped having fear and accepted my own responsability. I had already stopped consuming drugs before I found these people so they came in the best moment possible. I used to think nah, this way top stop suffering, this view about my mind in a free state from this bad perception of a suffering existence, it's just a mind trick, but in no way reality, because reality is this. I know now how subjetive everything is, how one can be who he really have always desired to be, I separated myself from that long ago, and myself was hidded in a place where I could only desire and wish I could be that, but in no way I would become that love, and in some way I didn't deserve that love, because a human being needs integrity, so nobody can divide himself, so unless I would become that strength, I would not be able to in fact be me.
This is not about desteni (it is, because they helped me) this is about the personal story of my life, in which I become what I have always been, this light or whatever word you want to put to it, the real manifestation of a soul, the soul tells you that unless you betray your own knowledge, your own instinct, your self, you don't have to be in pain, you can be free to express who you really are.

Yesterday in a concert an old friend of mine told me that she had never seen my smile like that, during my life I kind of wanted the world to tell me how good I was, because I knew that inside of myself, in the only place that exists, in honesty, I was not happy at all.
And to hear that from a good old friend was a concordance between my inside and the outside world. I didn't allow myself to be influenced by the opinion of this human, I couldn't because I knew who I was and I was complete and didn't need any validation. But I appreciated what she said, from my own integrity, it was a beautiful moment.

Bye!!



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raul's journey to life

Postby Raúl » 23 Jul 2017, 16:57

9 day

https://raulsjourney.blogspot.com.es/20 ... h-day.html

Today I woke up in a particular state of mind. I always wake up in my mind, because for me to understand what is going on in the moment I wake up my mind must start to work and create, must be very interesting if one day I just wake up and I am in absolute silence, but it's not what happens to me, it's more like I wake up my perception of reality wakes up after that and then slowly I start look at it and its nature changes, sometimes it changes completely, that's when I am spired and powerfull and I open a lot of points, other times it changes partially, and I have an altered state of mind during the day, it's not an absolute mind state, but a mind state after all, and within that obviously I experiment no fredom to create solutions, the get out of the cages of perceptions and assumptions. And this in a moment changes when I listen to sunnete interviews or I see content of desteni or blogs, it brings me fredom! So I am gonna stop seeing content, to grow my own internal personal fredom, and I am gonna give more value to the interviews, like if they were gold that I can extract a lot of information from, that it's what they are.

So now I am thinking about what my talks in this blog are, in this moment of my life, they are a way of expressing words perceptions and sensations I have, as a mean for understanding what I am now, and create fredom from my own mind. I know that there is someone reading this, so you as a reader, I suppose that you in your existence when you read a blog you are waiting to find gold, to not waste your time, to find something that gives you a... something, it can be whatever, you are obviously not going to read something you dislikes. I'd like to share gold here, because even if this process is entirely done for myself, I feel that I am sharing part of it with the people that may read what I write, and I obviously would like that what I share is gold. This I just expressed now it's something very interesting for me, because when I am being my mind and all that that means, I will only do things to find that energy, everything I do is for that, and that means that I come from a lack of something, the mind is never satisfied isn't it?.. I'd like to share gold because I suppose, that you are going after that when you do things in your life or read this blog, but what if the reader is a free person? Even if the person is free from the search of energy I described I think that he would never go after something he dislikes, it's like if I go I don't know... to watch jersey shore? But now that I am thinking about it, I would learn a lot from that tv program if I made the consciouss decition of seeing it, the point is that I have better things to do. But I would learn from it!! It's not like it would be a complete waste of time. So if I am able to enjoy form jersey shore you are able to enjoy this blog if it doesn't matches your expectances of seeing a good blog.... omg

I just had to stop going that way, it's an absolute mind fuck up, to worry about what other people will think of me or perceive from what I create in my existence, I must change my perspective from create "good" so the other person involved in the communication gets what he expect to simply BEING HONEST. How did I allow myself to create a whole personality based on other people reactions emotions or perceptions...

What other person perceives of me is his own problem, my responsability is with myself, to remain honest, and the other person must be honest with himself too. Come if you feel like, don't come if not, but that is your problem. My only problem is to remain honest as myself.

Honesty is gold itself, but-stop-this-search-for-gold, specially if it's for other people
bye



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raul's journey to life

Postby Raúl » 25 Jul 2017, 22:10

11th day

https://raulsjourney.blogspot.com.es/20 ... comes.html

Hello, I am just here sharing what comes to me, nothing more and nothing less than that. Today I had a bad experience when I woke up this morning after getting highly drunk the night before with my friends, it was... I had fear and I was angry too, because with the alcohol still in my body I felt very lost, I was like, who am I? I just woke up and the past days I woke up and I did something but I wake up this time and there is nothing here, this is the life, this is my mind. In this particular state I felt: who am I? Why trust desteni about being against my own mind? I felt a dead of my spirit. This process is not really about desteni, it's about myself. I find that desteni helps my heart, in the sence that it can fly higher! It's more independent, and not like I am independent because I need it because I desire to be this, it's more like a true state of being that you get nothing from. So now I have clear why I have trusted desteni, why I have changed in the last months, because I heard a message that inspired me, that could connect with the same message I know inside of me that is true.

I was scared this morning of not recognizing me, I understand how personalities work and I was like divided between a normal existence, the one I had in my life, where I don't have to do anything, I am just there, no awareness needed, and the other, the one that starts moving for itself and seeing a path to fight for, a path that fills your soul for itself. So in that moment I was not the person I was in my past, and I was not the one I have been working with for this period of time, and it was a very unmagical moment. So even if I have got drunk a lot of times in my life, I see the consecuences it has on my spirit now.

I always find interesting with drugs how the body wants to clean itself, why would it want that? Do you imagine you take alcohol and it just remains there and becomes you? lul but no, the body will always have a map to clean itself if you allow it to work, so maybe the body each day upgrades itself, I think so.


I have learnt for the first time that whenever I use drugs, it will have consecuences that I am gonna have to fix.

I love writing myself, it helps me a lot, it's like having pieces of my heart in words, and they will resonate in my eternity, like it's something I, the real I, have expressed, and it will always be a part of me. I know this is just a text, just words in virtual paper, and not like I'm writing a book here, just small texts about specific things, but there is something else, the inspiration I can create within me, for me, aswell as for the universe, and when the two sources are conected, me and the universe, as it should, I feel the inspiration!! haha



Raúl
Posts: 136
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raul's journey to life

Postby Raúl » 31 Jul 2017, 20:55

https://mysteriousgrowinguniverse.wordpress.com/ This is my new blog
I will be sharing there what I express in the search of my own soul
Thank you very much to everyone for doing such a great job
seriously, there is amazing people in this community, you work with yourself, and then you share it with the world, and the result is that you are humans beings of real value for this existence and you help other people by sharing your process, thank you very much for your support
I won't post daily, but I will come here to share my posts
I am taking responsability for everything I have created, goodbye!!




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