Márton's writings

[Szabó Márton]

Day 75: Waiting part 2
So i left off in the previous post (Waiting part 1) at the types of waiting.
also i saw this video about what "professionals" have to say about waiting:
Video

in this video he is talking about the conscious kind of waiting, where the reason of it is to collect more information to make a better decision, and thus make a decision/reaction that is best for self.
and we reached where i write about WHY we wait at all.
looking through my life, my reasons for waiting were:
- because i've been told to = accepting and allowing others to direct=giving away my power=self-limitation=self-dishonesty
- based on the belief that it is only on a given date/time=separation from time and the point i'm waiting like birthdays for example.=not wanting to see the reality of the point=self-sabotage=self-dishonesty
- based on the belief that i am not ready for it yet=lack of self-trust=not knowing self=self-dishonesty
- letting something evolve/expand to a certain point/state(this is the one shown in the video)=lack of consideration of participation within the point=wanting to have the world in a certain way in order to move=lieing to myself that i cannot yet do what i plan to=self-dishonesty

it is simple and easy to see that every starting point shows self-dishonesty thus if one is honest with oneself-there are no real reasons to wait for anything at all...and this i walk in this blog...i'm not gonna wait till i'm understanding time or waiting or the mind in it's full form...I GO FOR IT! i am here, breathing looking at this point in common sense, and realising the bullshit I've accepted and allowed myself throught my life. i'm not waiting for others to write about this point, nor to have a magnificent realisation...i do not procratrinate-i act and direct myself here.

of course waiting is linked to a TON of point in every one of us...we have waited so long and so much in our life...and thus after this general SF and SCS i commit myself to shearch and discover any connections between points i work on and the point of waiting and thus investigate the relationship and forgive,let go, and walk my process point by point, day by day, stopping myself from participating within and as waiting/procrastination.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait/procrastinate based on the justification that other beings told me to wait and thus accepting and allowing myself to be directed by others and not see understand and realise that i can direct myself and do what is best for all instead of simply waiting for someone and therefore i commit myself to stop justifying the action of waiting/procrastiantion and to direct myself to be here and walk my process and do what i direct myself to and when the moment of meeting comes be here fully within and as the physical and not relate or act based on the past events/experiances.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself and justify this with the backchat "others asked/told/ordered me to ..." and thus limit myself of being here and realising myself in this i commit myself to always direct myself and express this also here in the physical and stop, forgive,let go of the backchat and the trigger points of the particular backchat for that point.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait to an event from the starting point that it is only happening on a particular date/time and to limit myself from understanding how i limit myself in time and create relationships to/towards time and the point/event i wait for, and exist only within and as this relationship based on that i gain energy from it within and as the mind within this i commit myself to see understand and realise that any event can occur at any time regardless of my ideas/beliefs/views except the ones i create as a projections into the future and still those can be altered and the only real event is what is here in the physical and thus waiting for something that is not defined in time is only creating and existing wihtin and as a stupidity loop where i limit myself from being one and equal to what is here and seperating myself from time also. and I further commit myself to stop myself from waiting for a scheduled event to occur and simply be here within and as breath at that time/date and do what i scheduled myself to do from the starting point of directing myself here.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not in the condition of doing a particular task at hand and backchatting about "i'm not ready yet" and also to react within and as fear. i commit myself to see understand and realise that there is not such condition of "not being able to do something" and that this is just a defense mechanism i use in order to not take self responsibility for myself and to not have to do the particular task at hand. thus i commit myself to stop, breathe and let go of any self-judgements about my ability to do the task at hand and to investigate what and how i am able to do at the moment and apply that in the situation while considering what is best for all, and to not participate in the postponement character.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait from the starting point of letting something evolve/expand to a desired state and in this create separation from time, the object and the process of waiting, and being dishonest with myself about what i am able to do in order to achieve the result i want. i commit myself to see understand and realise what i am able to do at the moment for what is best for all and immediately after this investigation direct myself to take action regarding the points/activities and thus show that there is no need to wait for something because I can always create and manifest the particular outcome with directing myself here in every moment.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 76: there is no middle line
yep that's clear...no way to do something in between two polarities...

for the past weeks i've been pushing and pulling myself over and under between two poarity points, TRYING to find a balance point within myself where i can participate within both ends...which is impossible for long term...ther may be one or two days where i could do it then i fell on one side then all over the other...and back and forth...and because it is my own stupidity that keeps this loop going we call it a stupidity loop.

where am i bouncing?
fully organised/everyminute spent by the book - lazy douchbag doing only entertainment and nothing.
and before you try and do the same...i tell you...there is no middle road...no golden ratio, no dividing line...either one end or the other...at lest for me

and two things...one pulls, one pushes, between the two...fear and want...it's straightforward if one looks at it.
how to not do it? never shoot for the middle :lol
(proper use of lol based on that it used to be a smiley then it got forgotten and turned to an abbrevation of LaughedOutLoud, then it became just L.O.L. which is also used for "love of life" "laugh of life" "life of lol's" and plenty other)
so the way to stop polarities is NOT participating within them...but hey how can i NOT participate in being well-organised and relaxed?

this is not a point of relaxation, it is about wanting to balance out what is embedded to be impossible for the long term...all polarities are made this way. so if i'm not participating in these two that means the following:
the action and activity of me organising and relaxing myself is actually comes from the starting point of self-honesty and it is a way of expressing myself, not doing something that is not me but living myself as who i am...

i stated before "i have to balance myself out" which is insane if i look at it from a common sense perspective, because if i seperate myself from balance itself how can i "be it"? i realise that i am balance, and it is not something i have to find, or establish, or create out of thin air...it is me and i am it.

and this is what i am from now on, walking day by day, breath by breath, to establish and incoorporate what is best for all into and AS myself stopping the separation, stopping the participation, breathing here and developing myself as self expression...it will not happen on an instant, only decisions are made in one moment. so
i commit myself to walk the process of integrating and incoorporating what is necessary to be done to exist as an effective being always considering what is best for all and allowing myself to forgive,let go, and place it into myself all that i have separated myself from and as.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 77: Directing
realise: the chair is empty...where are you?
I noticed an interesting pattern which i investigate here regarding directing...art...or really anything we make.

Throught my life this far i've been watching plenty of films, played a lot of games, saw a lot of theater acts, seen plenty of pictures and creations what we call ART...and one thing and one thing only is certain and the same in all of them...these products, because that is what we make from them eventually, are all been directed by one or more beings...



and as we know it every creation bears it's creator-meaning that when one is creating something it is inevitable that the creator's "image" is inside the creation, and thus detectable, recognisable who made it and from what starting point.

and the latter is more important, because we are creators constantly and continuosly creating all kinds of various things and here i am no longer JUST talk about physical items like art pieces but also whatever is around us. everywhere you look around it reflects it's creator and starting point. even our systems such as moneysystem,socialsystem,educationsystem,culturalsystems...everything clearly shows what starting point they were made from/of.

so in a narrow section here let's look at films/videos. from the moment we "discovered" photographing, humanity started to expand in their want and desire to "capture the memory" of a certain event, it is clear that this is based on fear and that we want to stay the same forever in the state of happiness and well-fare where we can be fearless and worryless about our past/present/future and can just exist in "peace" "harmony" and "balance" and so those pictures the technology made possible to make a mark of what WAS here and so we can kepp it forever...altough it was not the first time we did this...in the ancient days we painted figures of animals onto the side of our caves, carved pictures into stone, written stories in clay and stone and papyrus, build structures which would withstand time and the forces of earth...just to be remembered and capture the moment...which is impossible and insane because one cannot put it into physical form the ENTIRETY of a moment, can have many parts of it but not all...yet what we forgotten is that we are every moment we've been...it is what and who we are...in our entirety...even ingraved into our physical mostly...and this is what we can't see from our looking...because it is in front of our eyes...we just don't look at it, but over it.

yet back to the original topic that these creations and trying to capture a moment or a thought or an image in our minds are only showing to us what we are and accept and allow ourselves to be.
many humans - so did I - believe that what we see/experiance is reality...and here i am writing about created images and films, actually our brain cannot tell the difference between "i'm doing this stuff" and "i see someone doing this stuff" in our brain it gives the same "reactions" meaning the brain itself responds to the two situation the same...it does not matter if i see someone walking or i am walking i "feel the same"...so putting this together aaaaand kaboom, the basics of education!

"monkey see, monkey do" as the phrase goes (which is actually false because series of tests prooved that monkeys do use common sense and figure out the best option, while the human child only repeats the taught process) so literally another quote an infamous pchicoreshearcher stated "give me a newborn child and i can make anything from it"

i mean there is nothing "wrong" with this point because this is how we learn to adopt as a child to our enviroment because without this no being can survive in the physical...

so through all those vids and films and music and art i saw i started to discover patterns...which are only identifyable if you "do not get sucked in" meaning you stay aware here and not let yourself be cpatured by your idea that what ou experiance is real, and at the same time exclude things from your preception. for example being so in a game that you actually don't hear someone speaking to you. i mean technically your brain hears it but you have set up a "reality filter" which filters the information so it gets lost.
and these patterns as i went into investigating their nature led me to some realisations-of the "entertainment&education industry" it is an industry because it mass-produces the same thing.
and of course in the case of moovies and films the main reason for these patterns are DIRECTORS.

interesting nameing of the profession because they are who directs the product to be what it is at the end...so all those mindwashing and klische scenes and phrases and language usage is their responsibility to exist in the moovies. but hey...this isn't about pointing fingers, because this is not the end of the line of responsibility! where would you guess they "learned" more so copied these patterns? yes from schools of filming...and also the scriptwriters do learn from the same system...but hey...how did it "get into" our education? it has beed specifically placed based on reshearch and science of the human pschiche who studied how humans think-react-behave...based on the idea and the experiments on animals that their actions can be broken down to parts and that they are systems...machines...robots, who do the same thing for reaction to the same thing, and can be programmed. so the fear-greed-and obsessions of the first civilisations who "started" this snowball are here invisibly embedded in ourselves...but hey-can't blame them either...why do you want to blame anyone at all? it's nobody's fault...yet then who's responsible? every being! yep, we created this, point by point, day by day, decade after decade, generation after generation without even letting the majority know...even the elite is self-programmed in some way but only got their life-direction in their hands after figuring out how to do it...

so while we create plenty of physical and virtual and illusional stuff the other point we miss again is that we are directing IT. we shape and mold and order and direct something we call our creation and thus create this MASSIVE amount of separation within and without us as the world itself...i know this because i was into this really deep, created myself a big ego and believed myself to be a creator of existance and stuff and was obsessed with creating and my creation as something seperate while i didn't realise it is ME, the process of creation, the starting point, the end-results and the consequences of the creation are all one and equally me myself. and this not allowing myself to realise kept me in the same creational-stupidity cycle of ethernity...till i found Desteni and actually realised this point...

so the solution is the one and only...realise yourself and start directing YOURSELF instead of something else in separation-and this point also explains why we are always dissapointed with our creation because we feel something is missing...the reality is...the secret ingredient is...ourselves...we are not in our creation because we seperate ourselves from/of it...so time to stop and actually be the director of yourself not just the moovie of your so-called "life" which you make and just watch through without ever being here. free coke and popcorn sure...but it just does not worth your last chance to be/become what you are...LIFE.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 78: Preparation
while i'm as all of humanity has been living in the past-present-future constantly and continuosly, i've been analyzing the past, shearching for the present and planning-prepareing for the future, and existing in this cycle forever...


And it's all intervowen and everything seems to correlate-have a relationship with anything you investigate...and kinda it is how i built up my matrixes and personalities and characters.
preparation - character is triggered when i get to know something in the present and actually go and think about what will be when i actually get to experience that even in the future and so i want to have a certain outcome of that certain event so i think out what do i have to do or change and arrply in order to achieve the results i plan to have and thus to be able to predict the future by making it. because there are fears that what if i "accidentally do this and that?" and such backchats.
this however takes me from here(i mean i allow myself to be going into the mind) and try to manipulate my vision to what i in my own self-interest see as best for me actually never considering more that myself or some small factors...there are some people who CAN consider many things while planning and prepareing oneself for the future yet the main point is that it is based on the starting point of self-dishonesty of self-interest.

so when i used to prepare myself i also created plentyful different scenarios whithin which i played through the vents and then investigated the pros-cons of it...a good film about this which is called "NEXT - there is no tomorrow"
and so after playing out all the possible things i store those scenarios and what i have to do to evade/make them, and thus practise these in my head to be able to react immediately for what is best for me in any possible situation (of course this also allows the "this can't happen!" charater to exist when i didn't consider all scenarios but encounter one)
and thus i also force myself into and keep myself in this rigid structure what i create and to keep myself to the script...which is the same as Actors do on the stage...they have a pre-written(programmed)script which they follow to the exact words and letters and facial/emotional expressions thus create a scene/event which goes by the book...same here but in this case the mind and greed self-interest and fears are the scriptwriter and i am the actor who are denied of any improvisation.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with locking myself into and as a pre-defined, pre-programmed play-out, of events and behaviours and expressions.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and alowed myself to react to upcoming events with trying to prepare myself to possible outcomes.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself into the future through thinking of possible scenarios and thus allow and manifest a pre-programmed series of events to happen.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create self projected futures based on my thoughts/feelings/emotions/preceptions/oppinions and thus limit myself from expressing myself as who i am here.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate within and as the waiting character after i had done with the pre-programming of the possible outcomes and my expressions in them.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect myself to possible events in the future and create more relationships towards it by creating certain specific scripts for certain specific outcomes.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from any kind of event or experiance i experiance/sense in my life
i forgive myself that i have accepte and allowed myself to want/desire to be prepared to any kind of situation that is possible in the future based on self-interest of wanting to survive and thrive at the expense of others even.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that i will not know what and when and how to do in a certain specific event/outcome and thus acess the preparation character within and as myself.
i forgive myslef for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i am not able to knwo/do what is required without preparation at a certain specific event/outcome in the future.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not effective when i have not been prepared to an event/outcome
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being effective in the moment based on my belief that i cannot be one without preparation
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not preparing something and encountering anything that was unpredictable based on the belief that then the outcome will also be unpredictable and can lead to my death.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally a faliure when i am in an event/outcome which i haven't been prepared for.

when and as i see myself going into the pattern of going into my mind to analise and prepare for event's and outcomes, i stop, breathe, bring myself back here, and become the realisation that here i am prepared for anything that can happen because i am everything that i am capable of and know thus when i encounter a certain specific event/outcome HERE i know exactly immediately what and how and when to do to achieve the end-result i need.
i realise that here i have everything as myself in order to be and become the most effective within my living in every moment in every breath.
i commit myself to stop participating within and as preparation with accessing fears/judgements/assumptions/future-projections/characters, and actually push myself to direct myself here in every moment in every breath to be and become my self directive principle and apply myself as such.
i commit myself to show to myself as well as others that we can exist without preparing to events/outcomes by directing outrselves within and as the physical and considering everything from the starting point of what's best for all in every moment!
i commit myself to let myself get into situations which i am unprepared in to test out my application and correct myself as necessary.
i commit myself to stop existing and participating within and as past-present-future projections and thoughts and to always bring myself back here within and as breath.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 79: Physical Preparing
in the last post HERE i talked about preparing from the point of the mental - or hypothetic view yet not all preparations are like that.

we all know that in order to create or complete certain items/processes the activities gets more and more complex as the more complex the end result gets...yet also at the same time partial-processes and the activities with them becomes more and more simple. i use two examples here to explain what i'm writing about here.

first let's look at what we call homeland-chemistry which we all "have to" do in most cases in order to survive AND thrive in our world...yes we call it cooking, or food-creation.
it is also in the definition of the word prepare which means cook (later down i list all meanings of it)
so what does cooking means in it's entirety? putting together certain produces of the earth(plant or animal which are from the earth) mixing them together and in some cases applying energy to make the substance change it's properties. so if i oversimplify it it's mixing of the substance of the earth.
and this can be as easy from putting together fruits to the more "difficult" ones to making a full day menu with plenty varieties of food with every nutrient and such to make us thrive.
yet the most complex recepie can also be broken down to certain "sub-recepies" which can be more broken down to just actions like "pick 10 tomatoes" "wash the ten tomatoes" "mash the ten tomatoes" so basically it is a series of actions where moment by moment one creates something out of some-things. so the whole process is preparation because for the next step you are creating a "sub-product" which will be used later on. so the most hard and complex recepies are also just a series of moment by moment actions one has to do to get to the end...result.

the next example for this are computer programming, yes i know not a lot of people know the nitty gritty of this altough every human is living based according to programming so you WILL understand this whether you heard anything about this or not.
so in programming the role is the same you have certain programs doing certain things to get certain outcomes...mostly calculation with numbers. but in order for those programs to know what they need to do you have to write sub-programs called "functions" inside programs which makes sub-calculations=preparation for the rest of the code...yet when investigating it deeper even those functions are made up of orders-or commands which basically tells the computer what to do with what...and those commands use variables or contants which you have to prepare before using them...and that preparation(declaration)of a variable is the same thing---a line in the program with a bunch of characters after one another given a specific meaning by us.

just like we forms words from letters and sentences and texts and literature...everything is made of equal uniform building blocks around us that we do certain action with and if those actions are followed by another actions that use the product of the previous actions we call the first "preparation"

yet when i look at myself...and what i did in my past i ONLY see preparation or repetition. nothing else. where preparation leads to new and new activities and products while repetition creates the same thing over and over again...but after a while one reaches a point where every preparation became repetition because we don't get anything "new" from the line of activities or processes. so preparation can only be called (in the physical) if you are creating something that will be used in a process or creates an end result that you have not yet experianced/created.

and this is where this gets confusing because we never know what is preparation or repetition because we cannot tell the 100% accurate future. yet this is where planning comes in...if i am planning to create something and work towards that than every action taken from that starting point will be a preparation, while when i am not working towards something but the creation of an existing thing it is repetition. and the key here is the starting point...

of course this way only our starting point can show what is preparation or repetition...and of course this kicks in plenty of characters and we as humanity as we are currently showing ourselves stuck in the idea that we only have to repeat our actions and all will be fine-even that we clearly see,understand,realise the end-product/outcome of our repeating actions such as war,murder,self-interest and so on.

so i'm here and stand up and commit myself to always prepare for something and act from the starting point of doing what's best for all and also commit myself to show as an example the difference between preparation and repetition.

because doing what is best for all is never repeating...there is always a way to achieve and discover new "recepies" where we can improve and make something that is more beneficial than the one before...and also what is best for all is that when everything and everyone as being again stops ALL separation within and without, when this is achieved we will no longer do "actions" as we precieve it today...because every being will express themselves and their very beingness and that is a whole other story than what we ever experianced and we will discover it as ourselves, the first step towards this is the equal money system-link on the top right in the icons.

a last sentence is that when one is only repeating then it's nothing more than a machine...like a program it can be turned on and off and does the same thing over till it runs...now decide for yourself are you a program or the programmer?

[Szabó Márton]

two in one:

Day 80: being Thrown around
i experiance these moments/days, where i planned something yet i allow myself to be thrown around and not do exactly what i planned...blaming something else that it screwed with my schedule and thus i can't do it so within this i go and justify that i don't have to do the rest at all...while of course missing breathing...and this is also another point which made me miss days...



"i can't work with this so many distractions!" which is invalid obviusly because firstly i decide how many distractions i go after and allow myself to be distracted...secondly i decide how many things i have to listen at the same time and keep track of...it is only my own responsibility...

this also relates with "doing something FOR others only" which has plenty of characters...even ones i not yet identified...

and also i go into the finding of balance, which i wrote about earlier...getting to release that i made a bigger deal than anything else...

not from the vids i'm watching but the same concept here
and all these and such realisations come from...watching natural horsemanship training...currently i watch c. Anderson's courses and there altough not hurting the horse any way there is a definitive training which is effective...and just by watching it and understanding the horses and their behaviour and how the trainer corrects them and en-discourages things...sensitizing and desensitizing it...and seeing it also from the horses perspective...

this way i am like a domby horse who just goes off and leans against pressure...and kinda don't want to take the lead...while on the same time i am the trainer of myself who knows and trains myself to take the lead and do what is best for all and walk process...

and thus i learn how to manage myself...not in separation just brought this up because it's a great example...and slowly but surely get to respect myself and also respond-in acting from the point of self-direction step by step...training by training...yet it is important to make the pushing and the relaxing/rewarding stable and presistent...therefore i can be/become stable and presistent...

animals teach you plenty of things...and animals with humans...even more...animals with respectful and understanding humans...best combination.

Day 81: Mind Placement
I as an organic robot in most of my life before starting this process, was "learned" from my very childhood that whatever i experiance or think or make up, i must hold onto that, because that is what either me or the world is...and both were taught to be important to me...of course seperately.



Without this i wouldn't been able to respond to my parents and teachers when they asked "what is this?" and all the "please tell me the information i just given to you" and after a lil while as a kid i had to realise, if i just leave every information around like a pile of junk, it is hard to remember or recall or answer to inquiry...so i had to manage all the experiances and bits and pieces of what i had...about everything...and thus i organized and kept a mess in the organisation...and while living my years from a kid to an adult i always refined and reorganised and defined even more complex systems of categorisation...where not just information went but also thoughts, ideas, beliefs, experiances, memories...anything (that i seperated myself from-even myself as a thing)

And so everything had a placement inside me...what does that mean?...it means that i labelled everything and put them to groups and placed them inside groups and areas to better organise them...the real downside is two things: -i did not questioned or reviewed if this system is what is best for all OR best for me at all -i did not considered the possible consequential outflows of applying and creating and LIVING AS such system. the answers are common sense for these really.

this is an interesting word, because as many others it writes down exactly what it means: "place meant" which states that everything i made a place which meant something so i just had to know the places and knew what is there...interestingly i also expressed this in the physical...where seemingly my stuff was all around in my room yet i knew every place and what i have put it there. and the only one okay-ish thing about this is that i always knew where something is when i shearch/look for it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing self-forgiveness relative to placement and my organisation and categorization of information&knowledge, experiances, thoughts,feelings,emotions ideas and beliefs.
I forgive myself tha i have accepted and allowed myself to create a system of placement both inside and outside of myself where i seperate myself from anything i have ever encountered.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a total system of separation and use it as my main tool to survive
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect myself to this self created system of separation from everything.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this system of separation from everything.
i forgive myself for acceptign and allowing myself to think "this will help me organise my life"
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thought "this will help my organise my life"
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the thought "this will help me organise my life"
i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to question and investigate this system of placement within and as myself.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to immediately seperate myself from something i encounter and place it in the system of placement and give it a specific value and other specifications to define my relationship with it.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give and attach a certain specific value to something i encounter and rank/grade/group them based on it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship to/towards anything i encounter and define myself, my behaviour and the value of that thing by this relationship
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create this system of placement and organisation and categorisation based on the inquiry and asking of my parents and teachers.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be a "good boy" based on the encouraging and teachings of my parents and teachers and thus also i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist within and as the "good boy" character where i do things to please others.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not question or investigate my parents and teachers before acting/creating systems based on their actions.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see understand and realise the separation i cause/exist as while creating and filling up and participating within this system of placement.

when and as i see myself going into the pattern of resisting self-forgiveness or self-honesty, or self-corrective application, i stop, breathe, let go and push myself to do these activities from the starting point of what is best for all.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of creating systems within and without myself from the starting point of self-dishonesty and self-interest, i stop, breathe, and apply myself to investigate and debunk the system i created with all the relationships,characters and various other manifestations of self-dishonesty.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of justifying abuse or self-dishonesty with survival of myself, i stop, breathe, realise that survival is based on fear of death and myself, and walk the corrections and not accept nor allow myself any justifications to abuse or be self-dishonest with myself or another.
I commit myself to stop any and all connections and relationships to/towards the systems i have created and existed within and as, and to show that everything based on relationships are in fact self-abuse and self-dishonesty and seperation.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of defining myself based on the systems of abuse i have created before, i stop, breathe, debunk the system within writing, self-forgiveness and self corrective application and release/erase both the systems and the definition of myself as those systems.
i commit myself to live and express what i am and not define myself according to anything.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of giving value to something i encountered, i stop, breathe, let go of the valuse and delete the relationship within self-forgiveness, writing, self-corrective appplication and walking my corrections.
i commit myself to stop and step out of the "good boy" character and not allow myself to only do things in order for them to appreciate me as a character/personality and to validate my existance as a being.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 82: Falling asleep - self-direction
yesterday evening, before my normal going to sleep time...i was not complete with my day regarding the activities i do dayly for example writing a blogpost every day...and i was listening to some music and leaning on my bed...and again...i felt asleep, i really listened with awareness to the music keeping myself understanding or using my brain and one moment i just got asleep as a blackout...

and till today i hided and feared writing this point out and wanting to only cover this up with the fact that "it is normal to fall asleep when you're tired" and that "it's late" and other backchatting...i know i was not that tired at all, and i was also focusing when it happened...and altough i got up some time later in that state to make my bed and clothe down and really go sleeping, in those moments i was REALLY like a zombie...it's even hard to remember i did it at all, but i know because i can remember that i did not wake up in the state i fell asleep for the first time...only with breathing here could i realise and trace back that i actually got up from the bed took the cover off took my clothes off got the blanket out and then shut off the computer and got into the bed and get back to the sleeping mode...i was moving i was doing stuff and normally i could not remember it...i even wanted to keep the computer on before to let it process info for me...

so i got into this ultra zombie mode where i was completely "shut off" from reality as if i were sleeping basically doing a sleep-walking as we "normally" call it...but this is not okay AT ALL. because this only shows that i accepted and allowed myself to give up the direction of myself in and as this reality that i completely shut myself off from reality and not just pretending but being NOT here.
i know from my parents tha in my childhood i used to sleepwalk sometimes and even talk to them...and before i was not even aware of it...yet when i stabilize myself here in breathing and take the point and bring those moments here to relive them within and as myself i can recall 100%-of them...to the last words i spoke to the last detail i saw with my half-opened eyes...and every time i sense the feeling or sensation of being in my body but not OF it...like when you are on a submarine-i can look out the window, see what's going on, smell touch feel anything yet completely out of control and out of being able to react or act at all...being in my personal 3D moovie and being strapped on the seat having to watch it. but at the time i was always AWAY and i really mean away...like outside in space or something THAT much away.

and this makes it interesting and brings up a lot of common sense questions. where i really was then? what did i do there? what made me leave me here? who made me do what i did? what leads to this experiance/even? what drives me to keep doing this over and over? why can't i do it on purpose? and so on.

in the years before i never really went into this point...it was just okay i have times when i can't remember what i did but others told me what i did and it was okay...focusing more on what did i do when i was AFB(away from body) then realising that this is not okay.

even now when writing about it i get so uncomfortable that i want to go to my bed and lean and be as comfy as i can and not do this...even trying with some yawnings to not let me know i actually see myself wanting and resisting to write...lol i have it written here i can't not face it anyway...so stopping here this endless nonsense...
of course it all boils down to fear...fear of what? of self-direction, of doing something, of not sleeping enough, of tiring myself out,of not being comfy, of getting something done when i could just lay down, of pushing myself, of exposing my faults, of realising that i must not give my responsibility away, of loosing control, of loosing my life,of death.

i see this is more then one point for this moment...and i'm not hurrying myself or overworking myself...one point at a time...so take the fear of self direction first because this seems the starting fear for the chain-reaction what i made myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-direction of myself
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to self-direction
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define fear within and as delf direction and thus project self-direction as something to be feared/loved
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect this fear of self direction to fear itself therefore i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mself to connect and define self-direction as something opposed onto me by a seperate entity
i forgive myself that i have aeeepted and allowed myself to judge slef-direction as something difficult therefore go into the justification that i don't know what self-direction is and then create and participate within and as the fear of self direction within and as myself.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into judging myself about my application/what i do here.
...
i forgive myself for acceptzing andf allowing myself to postpone writing and speaking slef-forgiveness and justifying it with "i need to think about what i have to forgive"
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not let myself see understand and realize what and how i do when i am not letting myself direct myself but giving away my power of directing myself.
i forgive myself that i have acccepted and allowed myself to give away my ability to direct myself and not see understand and realise the consequences of such actions.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i can give up anytime i want because it has no real meaning if i give up.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to completely leave my body to the mind to direct and control based on thought participation and giving up.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself as i were nothing important at all.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and judge myself as worthless and thus do not care about me giving up.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel myself inferior to everything instead of realising that i am equal and one within and as all that exists here.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide/cover up the moments i have given up on directing myself copletely therefore i can do it over and over again and pretend that it never ever happened and continue living the same way.

commitments tomorrow will follow...here it is.

when and as i see myself going into the pattern of fearing self-direction, i stop, breathe, forgive the points that come up, and release those point and realise that fear is not real in any way.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of connecting and defining myself within and as fears, i stop, breathe, forgive myself, release the fears and connections definitions and walk the realisation that i am not my fears, and that fears are not real.
i see, understand and realise that self-direction is literally me the self living and walking within and as the directive principle of myself thus it is not imposed on me from someone or something seperate.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of judgeing my self-direction and myself, i stop, breathe, forgive the points and judgements, and walk the realisation that no judgements are real and i only use them in order to justify the separation wich i react to by judgeing.
i commit myself to stop any and all judgements about what I or another being is actively participating within and as.
i commit myself to stop all postponement within and as myself
i commit myself to stop any and all justifications of why i should postpone what i started to do or planned to do.
i commit myself to act from the starting point of self-direction, meaning to establish a self-directive-principle within and AS myself and stand AS that principle and direct myself within and as the physical to act and behave accordingly,without supressing myself or any points that come up in the meantime, but directing each and all the points within the established principle of doing what is best for all in oneness and equality.
i commit myself to direct myself when and how i leave my body, meaning sleeping, and do not allow myself to give up on directing myself regarding this point.
i see understand and realise that i am not inferior nor superior to any existing being/thing but in fact being equal and one with and as all existing beings/things.
i commit myself to show to myself and others when i am giving up on a point or giving away my power by not taking my self-responsibility.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 83: Learning?!? i don't know...
yesterday and today i've been tutoring another in the are of Math. SHe contacted me and asked for assistance in certain topics to be able to pass the graduation re-exam from math because last year she failed to pass them and because one of my classmates suggested me to tutor her.


and that is cool, now i know that when i learn a topic and stuck or not really get it, you must ask for assistance because you are alone but here are millions of human beings who can assist and support when asked, and can show more ways to think about the point i'm facing/working on let that be guitar or math or grammar, and thus can explain the point and give context to it so i can understand.

i'm am not judgeing anyone who ask for assistance yet at the same time when the basic fundamentals of math are not understood to a level of knowing it and not just remembering and applying the rules then that is a clear sign of a big hole in the concept of learning.
which is quite easy to get because our education system is in itself more like a big black hole(NOT the one in space), and leaves one in the minds of the youngsters...

i'm not going into detail about how fucked this system is here...yet particularly at her i saw a point that made her into such position.

and that point is the "i don't know" character. even after i explained in many ways how to solve the problems, and showed some examples, when given some excercises to solve which are exactly the same in nature, this character immediately comes up and even verbally expressed. of course in this case i went over again on the examples and the explanation and write out the excercise and the explanation in a step-by-step form, because when we really look at Math it is nothing more than a bunch of steps that require the basic counting of addition,substraction,multiplication and divison with one digit numbers.
even after doing this more than twice this character still comed up as her...and of course when facing this character one allows to put a blank slate in the mind as a blank thought and from there she just started to try and make up answers to the problem based on guesses. there's no problem with that at all because at least not got stuck on the blank thought but pushed on yet got only to the fundamentals and not where the "new"method for solving the problem resided.
so at some break i asked around about her and what she experiance and how was she learning math ect. and got to the point that first came fears and judgements, than got into this character which stops progress.

now there is a couple ways for a child to DEVELOP such habits and patterns because we are not born with the "i don't know" children never actually say this by themselves, it only comes up when we systematically WANT to hear our answers from them and kinda staggers them that we asked, or we asked something that they never got to know at all like: "did you know that earth is not completely round?-from a 4year old" these encourage children to get to a habit of just presenting the "i don't know" character and thus evade the responsibilitsy of answering or failing to answer or fearing failing to give the RIGHT answer. we all know this, we all know ourselves that when we ask back something from the child we always want THE RIGHT answer to our question, when we get it then we go "cool thanks" or pet them and say "good boy/girl" or "you are so smart" ect. and the kex point is when we not hear that particular answer we go and immediately REACT with exaggeration and express huge emotions like anger or sadness or frustration or dissapointment and such.

the easiest way to identify if one really never heard of something or just putting up this charactes is to check their writings/lessons from the past meaning look into their booklets and see if they encountered the problem before...i saw those there and saw self-completed examples too and so it becomes pretty obvius that if one could solve it before, after some refreshing one can solve it again. noone is stupid or forgetful enough (except those that have severe illness in these areas like alcheimer's) to not know the way to solve it.

so when i have proof of myself have been able to do an exercise or problem before then i cannot go into saying that i don't know how to do it...

so i see the best way to stop this is breathing and realising myself here that this lie is so obvius to me that i cannot get along with it ... so i push myself to remember OR go and learn it again and figure out how i did it before.
and this is why i encourage self-larning techniques for pretty much everything...i mean it is cool to have support and assistance IF YOU NEED IT, otherwise one can learn anything by itself...so whenever i face a problem that i really don't know yet this also encourages me to go and look for it...

i was never a good learner in schools-no in any of them before i started this process. and because i was in many schools and saw plenty of teachers teaching the same thing and had the tendency/ability/time to analyze the teachers and what they are doing(instead of learning :lol) i understood that it really depends on the teacher's understanding, patience, respect and motivation/urge to teach.not every teacher can teach every kid to the same thing...not every kid can learn from every teacher too, so basically this shows that the best teacher you'll ever find to suit you is yourself and yourself only. if i'm not taking the responsibility to teach myself then i will NEVER EVER learn ANYTHING at all. just sit there and stare out my head...this is why the saying is true "one cannot teach another if the other is not willing to learn" basically this means that if i am not willing to teach myself within and AS the teacher she/he cannot possibly teach me anything.
and it just assists in the creation and participation in plenty of characters like the "i don't know" "i am too dumb to understand" "i cant see the bigger picture" "there's too many details!" and so on.

when i'm here, breathing i see that i have all the time and patience in the world to teach myself anything let that be handling heavy machinery or making a beaded necklace or putting together a chair or just moving my body. the key point to realise is that I AM what i learn, thus i am being and becoming what i learn and thus change my very beingness by becoming that topic and thus expanding my ablitiy to express myself here and do things in the physical world.
so the best way to discover yourself is to teach yourself as equal and one and expand my self-expression and beingness.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 84: Learn how-to Learn? part 1
There are plenty of things through our lives we just take for granted and never really actually go looking into as something worth considering...we just tend to act like it's normal and it is how it should be and all is well. Here it is clear that our world and what we do is NOT at all okay or normal not even acceptable at all so this is the main clue and reason why one-by one we have to investigate ourselves and see understand and realise the points we created and what it causes-therefore we can forgive and correct ourselves and start as a foundation for a world that is best for all, and for the generations to come.



So about learning: i as all of the kids around me never considered learning A THING. i just did it. i took it for granted and most of the time altough i learned the information handed to me i went into rebellion from the beginning of my school-journey and thus always went into blame and hatred and of course when i learned something i liked i was more friendly and curious and was more responsive and interactive on those classes. my teachers never really explanied how and why i can get information and being able to remember them "learn" them they just told me a bunch of stuff and later on they DEMANDED that i say it back exactly the same. basically i was there as a recording machine...and i felt that this is not really okay with the subjects i didn't like german language for example in the 3rd grade yet never felt it in those cool classes...i was engaged and amazed and sucked the information and knowledge up as a hoover. i see myself that i was often looking like a kid in front of TV opened mouth with steady eyes, barely blinking and just staring at the teacher who's talking...yes it was like a trance for me and i loved those moments...i was like this so much that actually once, in math class in 4th grade, the class went on and it was really interesting and i just started to feel a bit tired and heavy-headed and a bit warmer than usual...so i got my arms before me and leaned my head on both my arms and kept listening...after a minute or two i started to feel more heavy and a bit more heat so i got my head onto the cold table but still with mesmerised listening...i was this for some minutes than the teacher saw me just laying on the table there in the first row and so asked "are you okay?" i said "yes i'm fine please go on, i'm just a bit tired but i listen and understand what you say so please continue." while forcing myself up to my arms, and so she was okay with it and continued the class...then the next thing i was that somehow i started to fall to the table and then forcing myself upright again to show i'm okay and to not stop the class...and after 4-5 of this i just stopped and the teacher saw me again and asked again if i'm okay...i made it clear that it's hot and i'm tired...so finally she came up to me and put her hands on my forehead...and THERE CAME the REACTIONS i had fever, okay, and it's terrifying in class when you have a sick kid and such...so she ran out and got a thermometer and asked me to measure...it came out to be 44°C. not kidding...when she saw it another wave of reactions came "oh my god, are you alright? i'll be back soo hold on!" i didn't feel that bad just wanted to sleep but kept myself stopping it for the sake of the material being presented...then of course she came back with cold wet towels after calling the ambulance and thus took me to the back of the room and put the towel to cool me off...and everyone was around asking if i'm okay...and suddenly i became the center of interest...for the first time in my life...and our class was big, i mean 43 students plus two teacher cares only about you...attention i never got this much.
to cut this long story short i was taken to the ambulance and kept in for two days which i was not ill at all nor had fever or else...just got sick from the hospital itself-but later on that in another post maybe, so all in all i wanted to learn and inprint the new information SO MUCH that i totally IGNORED my body which was battleing with something. it was a shake-up to HEY you're not here, you're not listening you're not considering me aka. yourself...you can kill yourself with this attitude!

this is just one example where i was a clear example of not being able to direct myself effectively to learn and be here within and as breath and incorporate what's presented...i just sucked and stored it...not became it.
and thus i made within myelf a "good learner" and a "bad learner" character based on the fears i had about learning. and whenever i liked a topic or material i was in my good learner character, being nice with the teacher helping him, asking questions, letting myself adopt the knowledge and also take the "bad learner" character to classes i hated or disliked and not really remembering much of those hours at all...and even debate with the teacher and so on.

Here as walking this process, which is really walking with OPENED EYES-not looking outside but actually investigating myself in total self-honesty of what i'm doing and why and how i got to do it ect. and thus see understand and realise some concepts and processes i never really saw/precieved real before. and if i look at it learning is just a tool, a tool which enables me to expand myself as my understanding of what is here and the tool to take what is here and create something from it.
so learning how to learn is actually creating and establishing my toolbox.not filling it with tools but crafting the box itself...because we can have tons of tools in the garage but when they are all around and scattered you can't always find the correct one for the actual job so you use one that you have near you...but when you have a nice box with small pockets in it and such it is much easier to find and use the correct tool for the job and it takes less effort and makes more fun using your tools.
and all around the world...we never ever teach our children how to make these toolBOXes, we just stuff their garage with tons of tools...no wonder why they are messy in their lives as well and their rooms.
the brain is not built and does not work AS a computer which stores data and reads it all the time and does nothing else. it works that it takes pieces of informations and put together in different contexts and way to create a solution...it does not shearch or remember a solution to a problem but makes one based on the STARTING POINT. and this is why it is really important to have a clear starting point and to be able to learn and "know" how to learn.

forgiveness and commitments in the next post...

Day 85: Standing up within and as Learning
we even have systems which shows the system of learning we developed
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take something i do for granted and not see understand and realise all the consequences i create with my participation.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take the ability to learn for granted and believe that it's a natural thing to do AS i am presented and asked to do it in school.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to mimic, and copy other humans on how to learn while not considering or investigating if it's effective or supportive at all.
i forgive myself for accepting nad allowing myself to create and develop habits in learning that are based on my thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus allow myself to learn only as a reaction to the material or the teacher or the enviroment.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be effected by circumstances,teachers,thoughts/feelings/emotions and enviroments in my process of learning
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and other factors that i allow myself to be effected by in my learning process and thus be self-dishonest about what i do and participate within and as.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want and escape my self-responsibility regarding learning processes by blaming other factors that i allow myself to have an effect on me and direct me instead of me directing myself within and through the process of learning.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ask and/or investigate the process of learning and my relationship within and as it.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a relatioship to/towards learning processes and thus seperate myself from the process of learning itself and thus everything that i "learn" this way.
i forgive myself for acceptign and allowing myself to seperate myself from how and what and when i learn, and only store what i see/experiance/hear into and as memories and information & knowledge in order to be able to "acess" it later on.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create memories and information&knowledge based on my experiances and thoughts/feeling/emotions and also to create plenty of relationships between them to further increase the separation.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself the starting point of "wanting to acess information &knowledge later" within and as learning processes. instead of realising that learning is only a preparation in the physical in order to be/become more effective and establish starting points and self-directive principles for certain situations/events.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to know as much information&knowledge i can and to have an infinite amount of it.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to posess any and all information and knowledge that humans have, based on fears
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having any information & knowledge whatsoever
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to beleive that without information & knowledge i cannot live at all and thus fear death.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the lack of information&knowledge within me to death.
i forgive myself for acceptign adn allowing myself to fear death based on the fear of lack of information & knowledge.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to completely disregard anything around even my own HPB while in the process of learning.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to learn the most effectively i must give it all my attention and shut off any other source of information around me such as my senses.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experiance being sucked into the universe of the subject and thus only exist within and as it's boundaries
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create this experience of being sucked into a subject.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define and create a seperate universe for each sucject what i'm learning and thus create -what i believed- a perfect enviroment in order to gather and store information & knowledge.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only work with the subject within and as it's seperate universe and thus limit myself from seeing understanding and realising that every subject is just a small fraction of a bigger picture eventually leading to existance itself.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand and arealise that here are not one thing that is not part of existance therefore everything is a fraction/part of the big picture as existance and thus the very foundations of our existance is within and AS every part of it.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always shearch and seek out infromation and knowledge OUTSIDE of me that i can "learn" and posess,instead of realising that actually the information and knowledge posesses me and drives me to gain more through my own acceptance and allowance.
i forgive myself for accepting nad allowing myself to be/become posessed by information & knowledge and allow myself to create massive amount of separation and distraction from what is really here.


when and as i see myself going into the pattern of taking something i do/have for granted, i stop, breathe, investigate and realise the point and release through self-forgiveness and walk the self-corrective application within writing, and applying myself physically and allowing myself to be always aware of what i'm doing and participating in within and as self-honesty.
i commit myself to stop taking the process of learning for granted and investigate and be aware of my participation while living the act of learning and develop myself to be effective within and as taking and imprinting information and knowledge into and as myself and practically live all what i learn.
i commit myself to show to myself as well as others that i can effectively apply and live what i learn and to stop using the process of learning to only attain information&knowledge in order to store it without actually applying it.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of fearing the lack of information and knowledge, i stop, breathe and walk the realisation that information and knowledge does not define my being but only assists and supports to be and become an effective being in this physical world.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of allowing myself to be sucked into a self-created seperate univrse of a subject/topic, i stop, breathe, bring myself back here, and become aware of myself within and as the physical and apply myself as self-movement and/or self-expression and stop all participatin within and as seperate universes that are only illusions i created.
i commit myself to show and reveal how much we as humanity are driven by fears regarding learning and that we always want more and more while we are just creating more and more separation and thus pushing ourselves further and further from what we want to have which creates an infinite stupidity loop until one realises itself and stops.
i commit mysel to stop and show to myself as well as others that i am being posessed by information & knowledge and that we actually encourage and teach our childres to do the same and thus allow ourselves to be conrtolled by the information we have and thus make it possible and easy to be controlled by others who provide those informations & knowledges.

[Szabó Márton]

Day 86: Giving Life
there are plenty of context for this action...giving life...and it is based on our narrom-minded concept of life&death.

our fantasies and concepts and beliefs are all can be watched in moovies or TVshows or pictures or any other material we created...and every thought and feeling and idea around this has been recorded in one way or another.



while watching an episode of torchwood s01e08 to be exact it is really not about the life&death point but more on giving.

and an interesting question-or line of questions-arised here: would i be able to fully committedly give ALL my life to another unconditionally? how much do i value "my life"? what can i give fully and unconditionally? am i at all able to give something unconditionally if i couldn't even give to myself the 24 commetment to myself and the gift of breath?

here in brutal self-honesty, the answer shines "no" as the complete and full description and declaration of who i am. Me as all of my life shows i am not able to give up everything to another, not even to myself...which clearly shows that if i can't give life it is because i am not life.

here are moments, where the unpredictability of myself encounters and has this ability or more so selfness that i allow myself to do such thing as giving fully and unconditionally even at the cost of everything that i made myself. but only mere moments stretched across time.

many times i evade looking at myself as this, this total clearness and self-honesty where nothing else remains but what i am as all of me...and for me within and AS the mind this is the worlds most terrifying and frightening thing of all. not because it's true, not because it shows me that i do not stand for what i really am. but because HERE the program runs out of boundaries.
HERE the facts and truth are so immensly programmed to be misinterpreted and hid and distorted and faked and illusionised by me that when i take ALL this bullshit away what i see is LITERALLY MIND BLOWING.

these are the moments of realisation which shows me that this is totally unacceptable...and plenty of things i do is unacceptable as it is...
and interestingly no "inspiration" appeares magically to make me moove into correcting myself of forgiving. it is what i see is the only possible step as what i am...not doing it is like not being myself...which is literally true...i become fears and thoughts and personalities and characters and millions of other things except what i am ethernally.

life and death has no value at all in itself...we beings give it value...it's a process and a reoccurring circle, can one give it to another? well it is certain that i can ONLY give what i am and i am totally meaning i am completely one and equal with and as it. i can give death if i am death, i can give life if i am life itself...but that means there is no relationship between me and what i give...and when i look at it than if there's no relationship then no giving CAN be achieved, because the very definition of giving is about that one "looses" the thing and the other "gains" the thing being given. therfore it is easy to see that NO GIVING can be done at all...only PROVIDING which means constantly and ethernally being here with and as the other being within and as the point you provide.

so i can provide only myself with assistance and support and this is an ethernal commitment.
i commit myself to provide complete assistance and support to myself within and as oneness & equality. and this also adds to the starting point of walking my process.