Day 9: Physical appearance.
Something that I sill haven't resolved fully within me and haven't fully let go of yet is judgments of myself and of others based on physical appearance.
In terms of myself I still find that I go and look at myself in one of the multiple mirrors we have at home which is a pattern I developed and still haven't stopped fully yet where I sometimes look at my face and make a value judgment of it.
Another point that I make value judgments abut is my body. This judgments are split in a way, where I like a few things and dislike a few other things about my body. The things I like is my arm and back muscles and my shoulders that have widened quite a bit through working out by lifting weights. The things I don't like so much about my body is my weight and the fat that is distributed in certain areas of my body and also my backbone that is bent and my anterior pelvic tilt which I have both developed from sitting in front of my computer in a bad posture. I am also doing a few things to improve this points because they are affecting me in a physical way that affects my physical health. I therefore put myself on a diet to lessen my weight and I also do a few exercises almost every day to improve the condition of my bent backbone and my anterior pelvic tilt.
In terms of others I mostly find that I am affected by the physical appearance of females. I sometimes look out of the window and see a woman outside on the sidewalk and if I like their appearance I get a bit curious and continue to look at them until they pass my field of view. The same I sometimes do on the Internet where I look for female streamers on twitch.tv and if I like their appearance I stay on their stream for a while and see who they are as a person. On the other hand of I click on a stream of a female streamer and I don't like their appearance I get put off and most of the time don't stick around for long.
But if I look at the point of physical appearance and the judgments I make based on either my own or others physical appearance I see a problem because if I really look at the judgments I make, they are limiting me and my relationship with myself and with others and I don't actually consciously make a decision to like or dislike something, it automatically happens which just confirms that these things are preprogrammed within me on which I then act on which is not something that is supportive for me or for others because if I really look at it what matters the most is the life in each one and not someones appearance as their physical expression and so I should rather focus on who I am and nurture that and not put so much value on how my body looks, obviously still taking care of my body and not neglecting it in terms of my physical health but I should let go of all judgments I have of my body and the bodies of others and realize that the form I have now is temporary and I wont have it for eternity and it doesn't define me in any way is is just an expression that I have at the moment.
So, I will do some forgiveness on the points.
Here it goes:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a habit of looking at myself in the mirror to check how I look like
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I look in the mirror to sometimes make value judgments of myself based on how I perceive I look like and have a corresponding energetic reaction that is based on that perception
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create judgments of like and dislike about other people based on their physical appearance and allow my relationship with them to be influenced by that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get curious when I see a woman which physical appearance I like and on the other hand get put of when I see a woman which physical appearance I don't really like that much
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to a persons physical appearance to the point where it would influence me and who I am toward them based on their physical appearance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base a part of a persons value on their physical appearance without realizing that this is abusive and to not see that what really matters is who the person really is, which is life, and not their physical appearance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I make a disservice to myself and to other people when I base my relationship toward someone on their physical appearance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realized that what I like and what I dislike about myself and about others in regards to physical appearance is preprogrammed and not actually a real decision made by myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be influenced by my reprogramming without me really questioning it and nor realizing that it newer really serves me but only limits me and my relationship to myself and to others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not yet realized the full consequence of basing my relationship to myself and to others on physical appearance and to not see that it shouldn't at all matter how someone looks like, as Bernard Poolman once said: “the only thing that is beautifully in this world is life and life exists equally in all living beings”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet fully live by the realization that the only thing which is beautiful is life and so we are all equally beautiful and so here commit myself to align myself with this realization and honor all life equally regardless of the any ones physical expression
When and as I see that I make a judgment about my or any other persons physical appearance, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the physical appearance of anyone is really irrelevant and that it shouldn't influence who I am toward myself or toward others or how I see me or them
I commit myself to be aware of any judgments coming up within me based on my or other peoples physical appearance and to forgive these judgments immediately as they occur
I commit myself to systematically look at the things that stimulate a certain response within me in terms of another's or my appearance and to take these things out as they are based on my preprogrammed design and don't really serve me in any way
I commit myself to honor the life of all beings as I realize that we are all equal because of life existing in all of us equally and to not allow myself to be swayed away from that realization based on someones individual expression but to see them for who they really are, life, like me, equal to me