Gregor's Writings

Marlen
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Marlen » 10 Feb 2017, 07:00

Cool Gregor, I agree on keeping present that point of what I nurture I grow, and consider our life as that garden where we can decide to plant new seeds, give them the proper daily conditions for them to grow, while also keeping an eye on the weeds that can grow along of past patterns that we can also work on rooting out and instead planting more of that which we do want to live as and stand by.

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 10 Feb 2017, 23:19

Day 7: Day of reflection and re-commitment.

So, I want to reflect on myself and my process of writing and sharing myself through my writings thus far.

Something that that I seen became more of a burden that a form of support was my commitment to write at least every second day. My initial starting point for that was to support myself to again develop consistency within writing but I lost sight of that starting point and in the end writing every second day became more of a obligation that I felt I must stick to rather that doing it as a way of supporting myself and that caused quite a bit of stress within me because I wasn't fully satisfied with what I wrote and how I wrote it and I felt pressured to post something because of the commitment I made. This I see wasn't working that well.

And so I want to make a new commitment. That commitment is to write as often as possible and that might sometimes be every single day or I might not write for two, thee or even four days but I commit to write as much I can. This way I don't create deadlines for myself and so don't fell pressured anymore to the extent I was recently and so stop worrying to find something to write about every second day and spending time worrying and being stressed out.

And I actually tried to find something to write about every day but often I couldn't find something that I deemed as relevant enough to make an actual post here and so I took care of these points within my private writings I have on my computer and that are really minor points where I dint write much. I myself enjoy reading writings or blogs that are more detailed and more deep because I usually find a lot support from such writings and so I myself want to write in a way that to a degree resembles that.

I am also very thankful for all the support I gotten thus far and I want to thank everyone that reads my wrings and if you find any point that you see would be supportive for me please share it with me as I would really appreciate any feedback and support in regards to the points that I write about so that I can grow and become better which I also see is the whole point of this forum which is to support each other to and make walking our processes faster.


So, this is it for now. Thanks everyone for reading and until next time.

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 13 Feb 2017, 16:09

Day 8: Playing with the cards we were given.

So yesterday we played some cards and later on an interesting analogy came up within me and that is that one can compare life on earth currently to a game or a card game.

I have seen that we all in a way live and play with the cards we were given but unfortunately if we look at this world and this game of life we all play on this earth, only a few win and most loose as this game was rigged from the beginning to favor only a few and I have seen that how life on earth currently functions is basically like a casino where only a few win the jackpot and where the house wins most of the time, the house being the ones that control the system from behind the scenes that benefit from how the world works and is structured currently as a world system that is currently managed by a few and accepted and allowed to be this way by the many.

I also saw while playing cards how much of the result of the game is determined by the cards we have in the hand at the beginning which one could relate to this world where how much of the life one will live is determined by the conditioned one is born into and sometimes one can unfortunately do very little to better that conditions.

And I often react in regret and feel bad when I made a mistake that caused me to perform badly in a card game and I see that this is the same with real life when you make a decision that leads to consequence that if one would be more careful and better assessed the situation and oneself in the situation (as in the cards one has and how to play with them) one could have performed better and prevented a lot of consequence.

But this game can only continue because we believe in it and continue to play it and we don't need to really actually play this game and can stop playing it, but the problem is that everyone needs to stop playing this game together and together create a new game of life where everyone is the winner which is only possible if we stick to the principle equality and oneness and base all our decisions and use the cards we were given to create or contribute to the creation of a world that is best for all where we are all equally winners.

So I see that I need to commit myself to contribute with the cards I have as my position in the system and the resources that I have as my time, money and education to a world that is best for all so that no one suffers or needs to suffer as there is actually enough resources for everyone to go around and to be taken care of and to always keep in mind those that don't have what I currently have and to take them in consideration within everything I do and see how I can change myself to someone that stands for what is best for everyone equally, by walking a process that creates me as such, which is the desteni process.

I also significantly lessened my participation in playing the game by deliberately, as much as possible, stooping my participation in thoughts as I realized that thoughts newer really serve me they are only a program running within the mind, serving the mind and its continuation at the cost of myself and that which gives me life which is my physical body and that they just perpetuate the game that we currently all play here on earth, which is really not worth playing for the wast majority of us.

And so I see that there is only one game worth playing which is a game where all are winners all the time and this isn't actually a game that one plays but just living according to the common sense of basing all actions one takes to crate an outcome that is best for all and serves every living things equally allays in all ways.

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 17 Feb 2017, 16:54

Day 9: Physical appearance.

Something that I sill haven't resolved fully within me and haven't fully let go of yet is judgments of myself and of others based on physical appearance.

In terms of myself I still find that I go and look at myself in one of the multiple mirrors we have at home which is a pattern I developed and still haven't stopped fully yet where I sometimes look at my face and make a value judgment of it.

Another point that I make value judgments abut is my body. This judgments are split in a way, where I like a few things and dislike a few other things about my body. The things I like is my arm and back muscles and my shoulders that have widened quite a bit through working out by lifting weights. The things I don't like so much about my body is my weight and the fat that is distributed in certain areas of my body and also my backbone that is bent and my anterior pelvic tilt which I have both developed from sitting in front of my computer in a bad posture. I am also doing a few things to improve this points because they are affecting me in a physical way that affects my physical health. I therefore put myself on a diet to lessen my weight and I also do a few exercises almost every day to improve the condition of my bent backbone and my anterior pelvic tilt.

In terms of others I mostly find that I am affected by the physical appearance of females. I sometimes look out of the window and see a woman outside on the sidewalk and if I like their appearance I get a bit curious and continue to look at them until they pass my field of view. The same I sometimes do on the Internet where I look for female streamers on twitch.tv and if I like their appearance I stay on their stream for a while and see who they are as a person. On the other hand of I click on a stream of a female streamer and I don't like their appearance I get put off and most of the time don't stick around for long.

But if I look at the point of physical appearance and the judgments I make based on either my own or others physical appearance I see a problem because if I really look at the judgments I make, they are limiting me and my relationship with myself and with others and I don't actually consciously make a decision to like or dislike something, it automatically happens which just confirms that these things are preprogrammed within me on which I then act on which is not something that is supportive for me or for others because if I really look at it what matters the most is the life in each one and not someones appearance as their physical expression and so I should rather focus on who I am and nurture that and not put so much value on how my body looks, obviously still taking care of my body and not neglecting it in terms of my physical health but I should let go of all judgments I have of my body and the bodies of others and realize that the form I have now is temporary and I wont have it for eternity and it doesn't define me in any way is is just an expression that I have at the moment.

So, I will do some forgiveness on the points.

Here it goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a habit of looking at myself in the mirror to check how I look like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I look in the mirror to sometimes make value judgments of myself based on how I perceive I look like and have a corresponding energetic reaction that is based on that perception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create judgments of like and dislike about other people based on their physical appearance and allow my relationship with them to be influenced by that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get curious when I see a woman which physical appearance I like and on the other hand get put of when I see a woman which physical appearance I don't really like that much

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to a persons physical appearance to the point where it would influence me and who I am toward them based on their physical appearance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base a part of a persons value on their physical appearance without realizing that this is abusive and to not see that what really matters is who the person really is, which is life, and not their physical appearance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I make a disservice to myself and to other people when I base my relationship toward someone on their physical appearance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realized that what I like and what I dislike about myself and about others in regards to physical appearance is preprogrammed and not actually a real decision made by myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be influenced by my reprogramming without me really questioning it and nor realizing that it newer really serves me but only limits me and my relationship to myself and to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not yet realized the full consequence of basing my relationship to myself and to others on physical appearance and to not see that it shouldn't at all matter how someone looks like, as Bernard Poolman once said: “the only thing that is beautifully in this world is life and life exists equally in all living beings”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet fully live by the realization that the only thing which is beautiful is life and so we are all equally beautiful and so here commit myself to align myself with this realization and honor all life equally regardless of the any ones physical expression

When and as I see that I make a judgment about my or any other persons physical appearance, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the physical appearance of anyone is really irrelevant and that it shouldn't influence who I am toward myself or toward others or how I see me or them

I commit myself to be aware of any judgments coming up within me based on my or other peoples physical appearance and to forgive these judgments immediately as they occur

I commit myself to systematically look at the things that stimulate a certain response within me in terms of another's or my appearance and to take these things out as they are based on my preprogrammed design and don't really serve me in any way

I commit myself to honor the life of all beings as I realize that we are all equal because of life existing in all of us equally and to not allow myself to be swayed away from that realization based on someones individual expression but to see them for who they really are, life, like me, equal to me

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 22 Feb 2017, 19:44

Day 10: Setting priorities.

Setting priorities is the point I want to look at today because I see that my priorities in life are not fully clear and set yet in a way where I would be satisfied with them and myself within them.

This point came up a couple of days ago where I went to the kitchen to get something to drink and I saw my mother and stepfather in the living room watching television and the question arose within me of what priorities they have in life and to what do their priorities contribute to, because they go to work every day and when they come home and until they go to bed again they watch TV and that they do for most of the days in the week. But then the real question arose within me which was what are MY priorities in life, because I cannot really change others or blame others for who they are, because that leads nowhere, I can only change myself and support myself to become better and support others if possible to do the same.

The problem is that how I currently live and what my current priorities are is not fully aligned yet to what is best for all and doesn't contribute to what is best to the degree that I see that it could.

So I will do some forgiveness on the points that I see I need to correct.

Here it goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at others and question their priorities in life instead on focusing on me and questioning mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other peoples priorities as misaligned and not serving what is best for all without realizing that I am really not much better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can never really change other people and I see that I should always focus on the thing I can always change which is myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have misaligned priorities that are not fully aligned with what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing that aligning my priorities will take time and is a process and I commit myself to walk it as effectively as I can

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully embrace myself in the moment and the potential I can reach and prioritize my life to reach this potential that know I can be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make full use of the fortunate position I am in currently in my life where I have an abundance of time and to not effectively use and prioritize that time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to currently spend the time that I have rather poorly where I spend quite a bit on entertainment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that spending time on entertainment and being entertained is in no way contributing to a better me or a better world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that entertainment is nothing more that a form of mind control distracting me from the problems that we are facing in this world and so with this perpetuating them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not prioritize the time that I have to do the things that support me in my process to the degree that I see that I could

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully consider the people that don't have the life that I currently have, that live in poverty, lack, starvation ans suffering and to have not made it a full priority to contribute with my actions to a world where they will have a life of worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to during the day lose sight of the people and beings that don't have such a fortunate life and not consider their plight and be part of working as well as I can toward creating a world where everyone can enjoy themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make it a priority to give to all as I would like to receive

when and as I see that I don't prioritize my day and the time I spend during the as well as I could to do what is best for all, I stop and I breathe. I realize that everything I do, don't do and accept and allow has a consequence and so:

I commit myself to align my living so that what I do results in something I will be proud of and not something that I would regret and be ashamed of

I commit myself to stick to my priorities and to not so easily be distracted by the things that usually distract me

I commit myself to not forget the plight of others and make it a priority to work together with others to bring about a world that will be best for all

I commit myself to make it a full priority to walk my process as well as I can

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 01 Mar 2017, 22:22

Day 11: Getting myself out of the pattern of procrastination and postponement.

So it has been a week since my last post in this thread and there is a concern within me of not sticking fully to the commitment that I made in regards to myself to write maybe not every second day but as much as I can and I have see that I have not fully sticked to it because I have followed the thought of “I can do it tomorrow” and “I don't feel like writing now I can always do it the next day” because I didn't want to put pressure on myself like I did in the past in regards on my writings and being consistent which caused a lot of stress within me but I see that I have with this developed a pattern of procrastination and postponement that I see I need to correct.

So, I will do some self forgiveness and correction on the points that I see I need to correct to break this pattern of procrastination and not writing as often as I see that I could:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fallen into a pattern of procrastination which I see I have fallen into by postponing sharing myself here and to have with each day made stronger until now where I have decided to break it because I see that it is not beneficial for me and that it is in fact limiting me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I saw that I could write about a point that I struggled with already at the day I posted my last post here, to postpone it till a couple of days later because I felt in no hurry to write and publish it and in the end resolving the point within me soon after and because I have resolved the point to feel no need to write about the point and share it here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to write something a couple of days after the last post because I fear that I might not find anything to write about afterward because I have already run out of topics I already planed to share about in the past and am now dependent on finding something new to share about which I find it not so easy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle and not find it so easy to find things to share about because there is not much happening in my day to day living as every day is essentially the same with not much going on in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not considered to write about points that I struggle with during the day and do self forgiveness on them and share what I wrote and post it here on the forum

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to a degree forget about the value of sharing myself here on the forum and being able to support myself by writing out what exists within my and resolving the things I struggle with and also being able to be supported by others that might read what I write and perhaps have solutions to points that I struggle with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have for over the past week nurtured the pattern of procrastination and postponement even though I knew form the get go that it is not worth it and is consequential to do so and to have not sticked to the common sense of stooping it immediately and sticking to my commitment to write and share here on the forum when I find something to share about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I participate in a pattern like postponement or procrastination like I have up until now, that I am only making it stronger and so tougher to break through and to allow myself to participate in it regardless even though I could see that I could have stopped much earlier

When and as I see that I have something to share about and I say to myself that I can do it tomorrow or that I can do it later during the day and that there is no hurry and I see that I am not sticking to the commitment to share something when I see I can, I stop and I breathe. I realize that by following this thoughts I only nurture and make stronger within me the pattern of procrastination and postponement which I see is not acceptable as it does not support me in any way to grow and expand in my application of self writing and self development

I commit myself to not anymore postpone writing and sharing something when I see that I have something to share and write about but to rather embrace the opportunity and do it

I commit myself to look at the points that I struggle with during a day or days and to write it out and try to find a solution for it and share my process here on the forum

I commit myself to not anymore give into the pattern of procrastination and to push through the resistance to write if and when it comes up within me

Marlen
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Marlen » 02 Mar 2017, 18:39

Cool self-support Gregor, and I agree, instead of pondering 'what to write about' take on whatever you are working with or struggling with in the moment and write it out, that will assist you to truly learn to use the writing as a source of self-support and clarity as well as consistency in your life, which is the intent with it.

Therefore the process is about you discovering the use you give to writing to support yourself, not so much a commitment 'for the forum' or 'towards others' because that's where we miss our starting point in 'why we do these writings' in the first place, so support you and share it - that's the way it will become a part of your day to day.

Thanks for sharing

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 03 Mar 2017, 15:45

Thank you Marlen for the support

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 03 Mar 2017, 15:48

Day 12: Fearing reality.

The fear that came up within me today which actually comes up most of the days if not every day is the fear of turning on my computer. I see that the fear is not so much turning on the computer but is actually created by the routine that I go through every day on my computer after turning it on. The fear is actually based on finding something “bad” or “shocking” or “negative” when I go through my daily routine of firstly checking my email then facebook then a YouTube alternative medial news channel and then a independent media news site. Going through my email and facebook usually doesn't create a fear in me as there is not much “bad” or “negative” memories from the past connected to it, but with the news channel and news site I have quite a few memories of fear and shock related to it which was basically about what happened in the world and me feeling powerless to do something about it and so creating a fear of finding out about something that I see as “bad” or “negative” happening in this world toward which I could do very little affect change. This fear is substantially less that it was in the past but there is still and “echo” left within me of my past experiences of shock, fear and powerlessness.

So I will do some forgiveness and correction on the points that I see cause cause this fear within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a fear to turning on my computer because of the routine I go through when I turn it on to which I have created a fear relationship toward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because of this fear resist to turn on my computer and many times postpone turning it on because I resist to face this fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear toward this routine because I am faced with points that in the past created fear in me and am still fearing that they will create the same experience of fear within me again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still to a degree fear going though the routine of watching videos and reading articles of certain news sites that I deem as trustworthy, about what is happening in the world, because of things happening that I see as “negative” or “bad” about which I can currently do very little about to effect any change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in essence fear the truth of this reality and judge it as “negative” and “bad” and “fearful” and I perceive that at this stage I can do very little about it without realizing that fear is never something that empowers or supports one and that I with this realization should rather embrace the world and see how I through time could get to know this reality better and be able contribute contribute to solutions for this reality however small or big the change I could effect could be but to always be focused on solutions rather that being stuck in problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realized the common sense of rather embracing reality than fearing it and apply this realization to my day to day living and so let go of the resistance and fear that I have created toward turning on my computer and going through my daily routine on it

When and as I see that I feel a resistance toward turning on my computer and the fear comes up again of what I might find by going thorough my daily routine on it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that existing in fear toward the points is in no way supporting me or is in no way a solution but that I should rather focus identifying the points through self-writing and finding solutions for them and forgive myself for the causes of the fears that I create within me

I commit myself to let go of any fear I have in relation to being faced with the truth of this world and to rather find the source of this fear and forgive myself for it and so release myself from it

I commit myself to start embracing this world rather that judging and fearing it as I within this get to now it more and so am being able to see how I could contribute to this world more

I commit myself to writing regularly, so that I can find solutions and resolve the problems that I face within me within my day to day living

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Gian
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gian » 04 Mar 2017, 23:45

Cool Gregor, interesting points that you are opening up. I also have had some fear to turning on my PC and the routine.

this helped.


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