Raúl's writing

Marlen
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Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Marlen » 20 Jul 2017, 18:33

It's cool that you let it all out as it exists within you Raul, that's an 'honesty' point, now you can take it one step further to develop self honesty about it. I also find looking at dreams as useful ways to open up things that had been 'hidden' within me where whatever I am experiencing as 'others' is in fact entirely myself and the judgments, ideas, beliefs, expectations or perceptions I've created about others or something/someone. Therefore however we react in our dreams is in fact ourselves as well and can be a way to open up things that in your case you've been holding on to your mother as all of these emotional experiences that you've defined in relation to or towards her, which in fact don't define 'her' as a person, but it entirely defines you and are showing you who you have accepted and allowed yourself to become as that hatred, as that emotional experience 'towards' another which is then entirely created by yourself.

The way to walk through this is through opening all of these memories in detail, to self forgive each one, to go one by one seeing where your responsibility exists to self-forgive the reactions you've had towards her, and in doing so realizing that as much as you can extend forgiveness 'towards another,' the real self-honesty forgiveness that exists is only towards yourself, because you're the only one that's able to change who you are in relation to this. So, this is also why walking the DIP Process is the way to walk through these memories, patterns, personalities we've become within a particular structure that assists you in learning how to start opening up these points up and also, as we have previously suggested, starting in DIP Lite which will give you also the foundation on how to apply the tools in a more detailed way.

Otherwise you can continue learning from how many others have shared processes of walking through similar experiences too, but one thing is certain, it will take dedication to go opening these points up and actually will yourself to self-forgive you and consequently change your relationship towards her, regardless of her being in your life currently or not. I also wrote a blog recently on 'reconciliation' and how I have been applying/living this word in my reality too https://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.c ... ciliation/

So, share back how it goes for you in opening these things up further, whenever you feel that you're not yet empty, settled, stable and aware of your responsibility to this point you are opening up/writing about to change, it means there is more to uncover, and that usually means yes getting to see the things we would prefer to keep 'unseen' or 'hidden' or covered up as you said, because in a way we are ashamed of what we've become, of what we've done and experienced within ourselves.

For that, I suggest please checking out these very important and supportive audios that have been recently released on eqafe. com

Facing and Forgiving Real Shame (Part 1) - Demons in the Afterlife

Facing and Forgiving Real Shame (Part 2) - Demons in the Afterlife



Raúl
Posts: 107
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 20 Jul 2017, 19:26

"The way to walk through this is through opening all of these memories in detail, to self forgive each one, to go one by one seeing where your responsibility exists to self-forgive the reactions you've had towards her, and in doing so realizing that as much as you can extend forgiveness 'towards another,' the real self-honesty forgiveness that exists is only towards yourself, because you're the only one that's able to change who you are in relation to this"
I have done this, seeing the memories, but not with enough consciousness, I will really look at the situation, and really see the reality of it and my responsability with it, because there is an emotional charge in the memories today

these all was very helpfull, thanks



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viktor
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby viktor » 28 Jul 2017, 09:54

Cool Raul,

I also had a very turbulent relationship with my parents, especially my mother. It culminated when I was around 21 years old – and similar to you – I was angry and held a lot of hate towards my mother.

However I have worked with these points A LOT – and like Marlen suggested – I have walked through a ton of memories of situations I experienced with my mother where I reacted emotionally – and I am still working with my relationship with her. However – today – I have been able to create a much more stable and mutually rewarding relationship with her, and at times, I enjoy myself a lot in her company. It has been a fascinating process to walk – and it has been revealing to see how little of my mother I used to see before process – because all my emotions were clouding my vision. I did not see my mother as an individual, as a person, with her own unique qualities, strengths and weaknesses, I saw her as my 'mother' – and letting go of that mother-son relationship has allowed me to get closer to her.

And what has opened up because of this is the realization that I am very much a like my mother. We are the same or similar in many ways, both good and bad, which is something that I have been able to use when working on myself and my patterns, because in my mother, I have a clear mirror in which I am able to see what still requires attention within me.

Thus, I would say that clearing the 'parenting' point is a really rewarding process to walk – there is so much that will open up through it. Hence – to support yourself to walk through the emotions – I suggest that you remind yourself each time a reaction comes up – that it is not about her per say – it is about YOUR relationship with yourself – that is mirrored through your mother – and that your parents are a GREAT support for you to understand yourself and to develop self-intimacy.



Raúl
Posts: 107
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 23 Oct 2017, 17:34

So hello reader, and hello Raul expressing his writings. I never trully trusted the fredom of my own mind, I never could trully trust it, if I ever did, was to use it, or to explore something new or different. I have tried several times in my life to walk a process, and I can say that I needed to fuck my life and my own mind a bit more, I had to try what else could I do from my mind, once again, in order to get to the point I am now. In the process I destroyed the love I had with my ex gf, and also realized she helped me a lot, a loot, and that she was perfect for me. Anyway I destroyed our love (because I felt hurt because of her new boyfriend), for several weeks, being needy because of my own weaknesses until I fucked everything that was left up. This was a very hurtfull point for me and my ego. And I can also say I am getting myself out of this tantrum I had put in my mind, I can say I did it with the relationship I had with her, but if I didn't have it I would still attached to something in order to be happy. It's really hard to accept you were unable to love someone you loved deep inside so much, and it's hard to accept it's to late to even say one more word, it's feels frustrating when you have awakened to yourself. My main goal, is to get out of the need of a partner, and also I have other goal, to be someday with a woman that was like her, and that helps me so much. I will be in no need to find it, and I will very thanksfull if I ever find that, but I don't want to need anything, I want to be fully prepared, so I can make that woman happy. It's really sad how sad I was and how sad I made myself. But also, also, this is over. I have had enough hell, I built enough shit, I am so freaking tired of it, NO MORE, I am going out, for as much as I can, and I have a lot of determination so everytime I want to come back I am gonna say to myself, I KNOW you, completely, you are not allowed in here, and I hope I grow a lot with this. So this is it, I know how this works, totally, and I want to be as free as posible, and I want to defeat this pain. And there is a light I sometimes see. There is nothing I can not do, I have to be open to existence.



Raúl
Posts: 107
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 04 Nov 2017, 22:39

Everything is going fine, I am facing my demons, I have finally understood what is real life. In fact I had a feeling when I was completely gone, when my mind was not there I was simply existing as life with it... I felt love, but I don't want to keep it, I am not keeping anything else anymore, I want to be it, free from everything, to treat everyone and myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use creative ways to deny the truth about self honesty in oness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to remain in my mind because it feels like home (a fake home)
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that energy is there to stay.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am energy.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that there is no solution.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that intelectual knowledge, and debates, that are simply a game of words, will help this world to reach oness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to deny that my heart can be with me anytime I am there.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that self forgiveness and self corrective application is something I don't need and that if I just keep things as they are they will eventually solve by themselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to carry spiritual knowledge, to carry experiences, to get attached to good memories, to good experiences.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that there is something more important than my honest state of being.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need to be a musician, that I would do anything to be more like a real musician.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to my fother instead of being an honest human being.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I can be better than life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge people.
Thank you desteni, I see now, thank you very much I am gonna solve this whole existence even if I find system, after system after system...




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