Writings

Ellie

Re: Writings

Postby Ellie » 04 Dec 2017, 23:06

DAY 4: Making Use Of The Little Time I Have

I work long hours during the week. I rarely have time to focus on what I enjoy doing. What I enjoy doing is practising my writings, going to the gym, MMA, bike riding, learning life skills, bettering myself, building websites, visiting family, catching up with friends and working on my business. Working such long hours takes up a lot of time. However, I do have some time at work on my breaks to focus on some of my enjoyments. The break times that I have are my sleep time at night. I get 11 hours sleep on an overnight shift. I know that i don't need the 11 hour sleep so I plan to focus on learning about video editing and making time to write for the day. But a pattern that occurs is the moment a client goes to bed at an early hour... I'll go straight to bed too and sleep right till 4 a.m.. I end up waking up, feeling guilty, not feeling that I've achieved anything, feeling a little of resentment towards my job, Blaming it and wanting to get out of it, feeling disappointed in myself. All of this stems from the knowing that I can do better and so much more if I use the spare time I have to put towards bettering myself. That one decision to go to sleep is what holds me back. If we use the spare time that we have effectively we would be able to build better relationships, practice our writing, our change and have a decent focus on all spheres of our lives.

When it comes to our best for all plans is to live by the words "just do It". The same as the Nike slogan.. Just do it... The way I choose to live now is if I've written it down in my phone as a plan to live out then I do it before I rest. We need rest and sleep but don't let sleep and rest take all of the time that one can be working on bettering oneself in this life time. Using every bit of spare time is crucial for bettering ones life.


I realise that sleeping and rest should not take up the majority of my time.

I realise that plans that are made and are doable can be done by just getting up and moving myself to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about resting and sleeping away my plans

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let rest and sleep mean more to me then my plans and bettering myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on plans by choosing to rest and sleep for long periods

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my job for me not living out plans that I've made for spare time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about having used all my spare time to rest and sleep away the plans I make to write, communicate and learn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time that I could be building better relationships with friends and family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste not bettering myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that all it takes is for me to focus, do what I planned, spend time in it, gather what I need, live and continue on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself make it difficult to live out plans by letting my emotions direct my life and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let excuses/justifications that are designed to stop me from bettering myself, determine if I will or will not live out plans on my spare time.

I for myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel resentment towards my job taking up too much of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain about my job taking up too much of my time when it is helping me pay the bills, giving experience, teaching me how to adapt, assisting/supporting another individuals, and helping to be less reactive when treated horribly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that there are other avenues to get good hours of work by looking for a decent company that will offer me the hours that will help with balancing work and personal life.

When and as I see myself about to make a decision to sleep and rest instead of completing plans first - I stop and I breathe - I realise that by getting all my plans finished before I rest and sleep, I'll be able to go sleep and rest for a good amount of time and with the satisfaction of knowing that I've focused on my own personal progression, self care and so contribute to making life better and easier.

When and as I see myself complaining, creating excuses, getting emotional about living out plans - I stop and I breathe - I realise that the way to go about plans if they're doable and if I have the spare time, is just do them no matter the emotions, complaints or excuses.

I commit myself to shut down on sleep and rest

I commit myself to just do what I have planned to do if I have the spare time and is doable.



Ellie

Re: Writings

Postby Ellie » 06 Dec 2017, 14:13

DAY 5: Fears Of Being Vulnerable

I occasionally listen to motivational videos. The motivational videos help to stop creating excuses. I'll listen to the motivational videos non-stop. I don't listen to them to feel motivated, I'll listen because of what they're saying and how they specifically design their perspectives about the limitations of the mind that people have. I find that when I listen to these perspectives and insights from people who have had the experiences, it helps me to not accept any of my own excuses, emotions, judgments, etc. that are all limitations from preventing me from stepping out of my comfort zones. It has helped with my 21 day challenges.

I listened to one motivational video that talked about having the necessary people in your life who have the skills and knowledge that can assist/support you to be the person you want to be. I took that on board and I wanted to apply in my everyday life. We do occasionally need outside feedback, perspectives, insights and constructive criticism to assist/support ourselves to mould & adapt ourselves if we want. People don't just get to where they want to be without having some form of assistance/support by the outside world. There is always assistance/support occurring in the minute detail. So, now that I am earning decent amount of money I've decided to bring people with specific knowledge/information in my life to help better myself.

The first person I've decided to bring in is my MMA instructor/teacher/professor. I signed up to do personal training sessions with him because of his skill set and knowledge/information. I had my first session with him yesterday. I was the first to arrive to get a workout happening before we trained. In that time, I was feeling nervous, a little fearful about him seeing my weaknesses. I was afraid of what he would think of my weaknesses in MMA and I was afraid of my perfectionism getting in the way. I was afraid of the criticism, the feedback and the work that has to go into strengthening these weaknesses. A lot of people don't like to hear about their weaknesses. They don't want to hear that they need to improve here, there, that needs to change, try this way, etc. People want to stay in their comfort zones where they don't want to step out, learn from other people, better themselves and I could see that this is what was going on for me in those moments. I was afraid to be vulnerable, I was afraid of constructive criticism, I was afraid of seeing my own weaknesses, I was afraid of my determination to improve myself, I was afraid of work that involves in strengthening the weakness and that is the worse part… we are afraid of who we could be if we strengthened, changed and adapted ourselves into the best we could be in all areas of life. The first thing I did when I noticed I was feeling these thoughts was to breathe, places some sfs and move myself. I did warm ups, I punch the boxing bag, I ran up and down the cage..getting myself prepared to do this and to learn. We will experience these minute reactions in our solar plexus but if we do not let those experiences and the thoughts override the physical and learning more then it's incredibly fun. So, If we do not let our reactions, limitations, fears, insecurities, emotions/feelings limit our bodies and ourselves from bettering ourselves then we will be able to assist/support ourselves to create the best we want to be for others and ourselves.

The physical world is simple and if we become non-reactive and non-judgmental to it then it becomes easier to enjoy our lives, to grow ourselves and to reach our potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being vulnerable with my MMA trainer/professor/teacher

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being determined to move my body in ways it has not been moved before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my trainer identifying weaknesses that I have in my stance, strength, punches, kicks and how he will teach me to become aware of those.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my weaknesses being exposed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I will see come out of my body with the practice, the training, the determination and the will-power to continue to push my body in living and strengthening words.


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand how fun it is to learn different types of body movement.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that living the word playful in MMA can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain of the physical when I am strengthening words with the use of MMA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about my physical weaknesses

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear constructive criticism, perspectives, insights and feedback from people who are working with me to strengthen words to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people have to say about my body movement and the way the body is now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the parts of myself that I didn't know existed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the relationship building process with my instructor/professor/teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my instructor/professor/teacher liking me more than someone who he assists/supports to learn different types of body movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my instructor/professor/teacher taking my interest in his life, what he knows about MMA and the comfortability that I am creating for myself as meaning that I am interested in him as partner.

When and as I see myself being afraid of constructive criticism, feedback, insights and perspectives that other people have of my work or body movement - I stop and I breathe - I realise that there is no point becoming reactive about it as this is just information that I can either discard or make use of to assist/support me.

When and as I see myself being afraid to see my weakness and step out of my comfort zone - I stop and I breathe - I realise that to recognize, to realise, to grow and to strengthen is all about having the courage to step out of the comfort zones, reach out to people, learn from them, learn from the world and whatever is gain from all of it is a way to turn into that which is assistive/supportive for one's world and reality.




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