DAY 5: Fears Of Being Vulnerable
I occasionally listen to motivational videos. The motivational videos help to stop creating excuses. I'll listen to the motivational videos non-stop. I don't listen to them to feel motivated, I'll listen because of what they're saying and how they specifically design their perspectives about the limitations of the mind that people have. I find that when I listen to these perspectives and insights from people who have had the experiences, it helps me to not accept any of my own excuses, emotions, judgments, etc. that are all limitations from preventing me from stepping out of my comfort zones. It has helped with my 21 day challenges.
I listened to one motivational video that talked about having the necessary people in your life who have the skills and knowledge that can assist/support you to be the person you want to be. I took that on board and I wanted to apply in my everyday life. We do occasionally need outside feedback, perspectives, insights and constructive criticism to assist/support ourselves to mould & adapt ourselves if we want. People don't just get to where they want to be without having some form of assistance/support by the outside world. There is always assistance/support occurring in the minute detail. So, now that I am earning decent amount of money I've decided to bring people with specific knowledge/information in my life to help better myself.
The first person I've decided to bring in is my MMA instructor/teacher/professor. I signed up to do personal training sessions with him because of his skill set and knowledge/information. I had my first session with him yesterday. I was the first to arrive to get a workout happening before we trained. In that time, I was feeling nervous, a little fearful about him seeing my weaknesses. I was afraid of what he would think of my weaknesses in MMA and I was afraid of my perfectionism getting in the way. I was afraid of the criticism, the feedback and the work that has to go into strengthening these weaknesses. A lot of people don't like to hear about their weaknesses. They don't want to hear that they need to improve here, there, that needs to change, try this way, etc. People want to stay in their comfort zones where they don't want to step out, learn from other people, better themselves and I could see that this is what was going on for me in those moments. I was afraid to be vulnerable, I was afraid of constructive criticism, I was afraid of seeing my own weaknesses, I was afraid of my determination to improve myself, I was afraid of work that involves in strengthening the weakness and that is the worse part… we are afraid of who we could be if we strengthened, changed and adapted ourselves into the best we could be in all areas of life. The first thing I did when I noticed I was feeling these thoughts was to breathe, places some sfs and move myself. I did warm ups, I punch the boxing bag, I ran up and down the cage..getting myself prepared to do this and to learn. We will experience these minute reactions in our solar plexus but if we do not let those experiences and the thoughts override the physical and learning more then it's incredibly fun. So, If we do not let our reactions, limitations, fears, insecurities, emotions/feelings limit our bodies and ourselves from bettering ourselves then we will be able to assist/support ourselves to create the best we want to be for others and ourselves.
The physical world is simple and if we become non-reactive and non-judgmental to it then it becomes easier to enjoy our lives, to grow ourselves and to reach our potential.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being vulnerable with my MMA trainer/professor/teacher
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being determined to move my body in ways it has not been moved before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my trainer identifying weaknesses that I have in my stance, strength, punches, kicks and how he will teach me to become aware of those.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my weaknesses being exposed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I will see come out of my body with the practice, the training, the determination and the will-power to continue to push my body in living and strengthening words.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand how fun it is to learn different types of body movement.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that living the word playful in MMA can be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain of the physical when I am strengthening words with the use of MMA.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about my physical weaknesses
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear constructive criticism, perspectives, insights and feedback from people who are working with me to strengthen words to better myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people have to say about my body movement and the way the body is now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the parts of myself that I didn't know existed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the relationship building process with my instructor/professor/teacher.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my instructor/professor/teacher liking me more than someone who he assists/supports to learn different types of body movement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my instructor/professor/teacher taking my interest in his life, what he knows about MMA and the comfortability that I am creating for myself as meaning that I am interested in him as partner.
When and as I see myself being afraid of constructive criticism, feedback, insights and perspectives that other people have of my work or body movement - I stop and I breathe - I realise that there is no point becoming reactive about it as this is just information that I can either discard or make use of to assist/support me.
When and as I see myself being afraid to see my weakness and step out of my comfort zone - I stop and I breathe - I realise that to recognize, to realise, to grow and to strengthen is all about having the courage to step out of the comfort zones, reach out to people, learn from them, learn from the world and whatever is gain from all of it is a way to turn into that which is assistive/supportive for one's world and reality.