Joseph's writings

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 10 May 2017, 21:21

Day 3
Today there wasnt much of a urge to smoke. Ive been sticking to breath and writing. I was offered some weed today but I said no. My response wasnt immediate and I thought about it for a split second but after I said no there werent anymore thoughts or reactions about it. Also Ive been doing alot of physical work with my job as a laborer. I do landscaping, plumbing, painting, construction, demolition, and some remodeling work. Its been nice to get physical. Ive always known its helps you ground yourself but Ive never actually placed myself in that position or allowed myself to do physical work. Thanks for reading!

Day 4 will come later on tonight.



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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 11 May 2017, 07:09

Day 4
Hello everyone. Today there wasnt really any physical work to do and I was stuck in the house most of the day. The thoughts started coming in about how boring and dull everything is. I started having urges to smoke and I was really suppressing them instead of breathing and applying myself to take on those thoughts, Self-Forgive them and move myself to stability. These urges arent really physical but are more about my state of mind if that makes sense. Like I dont really want to smoke weed but I want to be high. Sort of like man I really wish I wasnt experiencing myself like this so I am turning to what I have always turned to when I am bored which is to get high from weed. When I first started smoking weed I used to think that it made everything more exciting. Ive been doing this for so long that honestly Ive forgotten what its like to be in a sober state of mind, to be 'normal'. So its like Im experiencing boredom and I know weed is right behind it and I suppress that and this is getting stronger by the thought and getting out of control. I have felt like I have been hiding something from myself or I just didnt want to see this. My urges have gotten stronger throughout the day like I am reaching a breaking point. So something is definitely being suppressed and building up inside of me. I feel like I am repeating this point of being bored and wanting to solve that with weed because Ive wrote about it before but I havent practically implemented a solution in my life where when I experience being bored I can step in and breathe and transcend the thoughts/emotions/reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made my solution to being bored, smoking weed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that smoking weed to take care of the boredom I experience is a solution.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that a real and effective solution would be to face this point of being bored by bringing back the point of being bored back to myself and applying breathing and Self-Forgiveness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the point of being bored because I know weed is right behind it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to see that I am suppressing the boredom because I fear facing the point of smoking weed and getting high.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply the breath when boredom comes up and thus build up a stronger urge/reaction throughout my day where I will eventually reach a breaking point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I am stuck on this point of being bored and then wanting to smoke weed to get high because I have written about it before.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may never be able to overcome this point about being bored and then wanting to smoke weed and get high so I wont be bored anymore.

I commit myself to when and as I experience boredom and I want to get rid of it by getting high from smoking weed, I stop and I breathe. I realize that If I dont take this point back to myself and I instead suppress it I would then be building up a stronger urge to smoke because eventually it would be so strong and I would be so weak in my stance as breath and stability that I would reach a breaking point and give in.
I commit myself to remind myself for how long I have been turning to getting high out of boredom for and this have forgotten what its like to made through an uneventful day while being sober.



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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 12 May 2017, 06:01

Day 5-Weed? Or addicted to being high?
Hey everyone. Today the boredom was setting in again as it was an uneventful day again. I was breathing and taking back the reactions to myself to the best of my ability. It was hard but it got me thinking. Why cant I just be? Why do I seek more? Why do I have to make life be more? Why isnt me being here with myself enough? I realized that this 21 day challenge actually has nothing to do with weed. It has to do with me trying to and seeking more than whats already here because I believe its not enough and that that is boring. This is a cool moment for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seeking more out of life and its moments.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being able to just be here with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for labeling this inability to be here with myself as me being bored.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to the head high from drugs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that drugs make everything better and more fun and more and more and more because without drugs it is not enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about life in terms of being enough and not being enough.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here for myself and as myself and not allow myself to participate in polarity of life not being enough and life being enough.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand/realize/see that if I participate in either end of this polarity of enough and not enough that I give existence and power to the other over me.

I commit myself to being her with myself.
I commit myself to not participate in the polarity of enough and not enough.
When and as I see myself seeking more because life seems mundane and boring, I stop, I breathe, I am HERE as myself with myself, nothing less and nothing more.



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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 13 May 2017, 20:54

Day 6
Hey all. Just here breathing. Its cool to see who I am without the boredom and that I can move myself out of the boredom. At first I didnt think I would know how to be or to act LOL! But something I notice is that I hold off on my writing till the end of the day which is fine. What isnt fine is when I see movement inside of myself and I dont want to apply myself in the moment when I know that right there and then writing will support me to expand and understand and prepare myself to deal with these movements that arise within me in my day and that I cant quite just breathe through them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to apply myself with writing and Self-Forgiveness when and as I see that it will support me to see/understand/realize/expand/prepare/develop myself in relation to the movements that arise within me.

I commit myself to act upon my seeing when I see that writing will support me further to understand what I experience as the movements within myself.
I commit myself to write or apply Self-Forgiveness throughout the day instead of waiting for the end of the day to write and apply Self-Forgiveness.



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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 14 May 2017, 22:43

Day 7
Well Im 1/3 of the way to completing the 21 day challenge. Its been easier that I expected. Its funny how our minds tend to blow things up. But if you give yourself the chance to clear yourself of all the bullshit (doubts, judgements, pictures, and beliefs) then its really not at all what it seemed like it would be. So thats all today and Happy mothers day to all you mothers!



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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 15 May 2017, 21:56

My Day 8 post is over in the dreams discussions thread for anyone interested.



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Maite
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Maite » 16 May 2017, 08:07

I enjoyed reading through your 21 days challenge posts.
I realized that this 21 day challenge actually has nothing to do with weed. It has to do with me trying to and seeking more than whats already here because I believe its not enough and that that is boring. This is a cool moment for me.
Yes - that's exactly so - the relationships we form to substances are founded in deeper points within us, so in the end, it's not about the particular substance, although, of course a habit was formed and it will take a physical process to release the habit, but the real challenging part is to face those underlying points, whatever it is within us that creates 'fertile ground' for an addiction to develop.



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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 17 May 2017, 02:47

Yes Maite. Its taken me a very long time to see this. I used to blame weed and think its weed this and weed that and if only I quit weed. But as you said its on a deeper level. What made me realize this is that I wanted to get high from something else and it just clicked like its not weed its ME! and my desire to make life more than what it is. Anyways Day 9 will be in the dreams discussion thread.



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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 18 May 2017, 04:26

Day 10
HEy everyone, today I felt tired and I didnt want to write anything. Shit, I still dont. Yeah Ive just been floating by today. Ive been trying to also quit porn and masturbation ever since I read some really good articles from the desteni website. Im wondering if I should just focus on 1 addiction at a time. But today felt heavy if you know what I mean. Felt like saying fuck it and giving up. Not because an urge to get high or masturbate to porn but because I have to apply myself and stop myself and introspect and have all that be real in self-honesty. I just feel like I need a break from all this applying. Maybe my minds going wacko and flaring up because of the no masturbation to porn for a couple days. But I have to keep pushing myself and stick to breath and my Self-Commitment statements because I have deceived my Self-Honesty for too long and I am really trying to build Self-Trust within myself. I really dont want to start playing games with myself again. Well thats that, thanks for reading.



Marlen
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Marlen » 18 May 2017, 17:51

Hey Joseph, I'd say instead of focusing on 'stopping the addiction' and having your focus on the 'addiction' only, rather look at what is it that you are trying to escape/hide away from or evade confronting in your reality where you instead seek out a perceived point of relief or comfort such as porn as a way to 'cope' with your reality

Therefore try approaching it differently, instead of fighting the 'addiction' as such, rather write out and see for yourself what are the causes or points of origin that you've been avoiding to face, take responsibility, change or confront and so have resorted in porn or masturbation as an apparent 'comfort zone' in your life, which then becomes a 'problem' in itself, but it's more of a consequence of something else that you might be aware you have to work on and change and you haven't done that yet.

It will require your actual movement, decision and dedication to get to a point of stability within you around this, so in essence it all depends on you now whether you keep prolonging getting to tackle this point in your life or leave it 'floating around' which is then accordingly how you are choosing to live your current life/reality.

You can check out SOUL's videos for support on this as well.




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