I remember when I was the cool guy in school and I had lots of friends, I was taking a fighting class called Nightbreed in which I was the best student. I had been very involved in the Law of Attraction, I was reading books by Dan Milman and I was becoming a peaceful warrior....was getting great grades in school and I had money, which means I wasnt worried about surviving. Oh yeah! I forgot--I was a lightworker. So shit was great. But then things took a turn. Not fast at all but everything just kept getting worse and worse and worse. So okay all that happened and everything that I just wrote above was gone. I kind of gave up on everything and just lived trying to get the next high. I was either depressed, angry, suicidal or in self judgement. I remember me knowing that I was creating my life and that it was my responsibility 100% of the way and any reasons or justifications as to why its not my responsibility 100% is bullshit, in which I am trying to hide from myself and not face what I have created. So that made it worse...or actually why I had the suicidal, depression, anger, and self judgement thoughts/feelings/emotions in the first place because of what I learned from Nightbreed and Dan Milman. From Dan Milman I learned how to turn knowledge into action and made me realize my responsibility for my life.(take responsibility for everything that happens to oneself and not point any fingers) Nightbreed taight me a little bit of the abuse in the world and also got me exposed to dealing with fear.( Man I loved that class lol.) So when everything went from good to bad with me. Most of the bullshit went away. Like love,light,meditation,lucid dreaming,energy,hope,posivitive thinking ect. ect. but I kept certain parts of myself I think....I am sure because I didnt kill myself because of fake thoughts in the mind. HAHA! But I still wasnt applying myself. I couldnt find out why. I mean it felt like something was draining my energy constently like all the fucking time. But I have been working on it and I realized that I am in fact not my mind. The mind is a hassle,seperation,bullshit ect. and I am creating that so I just want to stop it because its simply not worth it. I also realize that I was using my memory of when everything was great for me and that I compare myself to my memory of myself when everything was great.
This process is the greatest thing I could ever do for myself. Actually walking it step by step is amazing. I'm slowly accumulating myself effectively and I am walking the results. I am doing things now that I could have never done without self honesty. Its real change and real time, moving in a way that is best for all.