I understand it may seem like your world is crumbling down - However, I suggest you consider stabilizing yourself through breathing and writing everything out, which means, taking the moment to first stabilize yourself and make the decision of who you are willing yourself to be and if the decision is self support then, continue writing and share.
Joseph, it's cool that within all the emotions you directed yourself to write here on the forum as self support. now, as marlen said you are faced with a choice, whether to utilize the suggestions marlen gave you, as stabilizing your self through writing yourself out, breathing, forgiving yourself, or to give up.
we are here for additional support and assistance
thanks for sharing yourself and what you are going through, we've all been there in one form or the other - i'm thankful for having the desteni tools to support myself with, it's really about making the choice to use and apply what is here as self support