Joseph's writings

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 21 Apr 2014, 05:27

Next journal entry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking things personal and making my starting point where I have to fight for my rights because if I dont then people will walk all over me.

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 21 Apr 2014, 05:58

03/25/2014

Im going to make a list I can look at to help me when I feel like giving and going back into abusive patterns and behaviors. Yesterday I went to apply for a job. I did the application really shitty because I didnt want to be there at all and I wanted to leave. So my goal was to screw this up so I can leave. I didnt get a second interview and my first one was really short. So my partner got a second interview and her first one was much longer than mine and she did some extra stuff. So as we were leaving I started getting angry and I started to envy my partner. Then I thought "but I did a shitty job on purpose so why am I acting and feeling this way". After asking myself that I was able to let it go so easily. I realized that if I understand the mechanics of my mind, I would be able to let go of things more easily because I would understand in full detail the mechanics of my mind. Its like this---if someone was fixing a car and they didnt know how. It would take them a long time to understand the mechanics that make the car function. Or the person can look at the manuel lol. It would go much faster. So my manuel is ME I just have to start opening it up page by page so I can understand the mechanics of my car.

[*]I already made a note to myself about having to do this process for myself

[*]Even though I havent realized it yet to the fullest extent. I know writing is the way and self-forgiveness along with self-honesty. Everyone is always saying write and write and write yourself out.

[*]Resistance to write or self-forgive or self-honesty is really a resistance to not want to look at the mechanics of my mind.

[*]If I understand the mechanics of my mind it will be easier to change because Ill know all the details.

[*]Breathe--Breathe in 4 counts, this is where I bring the point to awareness.
Hold 4 counts, this is where I forgive and deconstruct all of the relationships of the point.
Breathe out 4 counts, this is where I give the earth, universe and existence back the energy by moving it out of myself as I breathe out.
Hold 4 counts, this is where I check if theres anything left to take care of on the point or if there is anything moving within me.

[*]Watch the Design of giving up

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 24 Apr 2014, 07:42

3/25/2014

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dwell on the thought that I dont have any weed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought that I dont have any weed which makes me want to do it even more and more.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of smoking weed when I am bored.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to really believe that smoking weed is a solution to my boredum.

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 24 Apr 2014, 07:55

3/26/2014

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel and think that when X leaves I can smoke weed because X is gone and it is okay because of that.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think constantly about when X will leave.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thoughts of "when will X leave so I can smoke weed" because the more I participate the more intense my urge to weed will get.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to smoke weed because I am experiencing a point about my father and me having problems with my father.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angrier and angrier and angrier when I talk about X because I start participating in pictures of what X has done to me and put me through which activates my wanting to get back at X -- so then I say "fuck X, I hate X, I want to kill X, I dont want to help X, let X rot and die".
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to self-forgive myself on X and all of the anger, hate, rage, that I have against X.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to create a healthy relationship with X where we can both enjoy eachothers companies and support eachother to become better human beings.

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Carrie
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Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Carrie » 24 Apr 2014, 17:27

Hey Joseph.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to really believe that smoking weed is a solution to my boredum.


Cool that you brought up boredom. Observing myself when I am 'bored', I see I go into waiting for something to happen and within this, I pace around and then attempt to find something to entertain myself with. The problem is, when I'm done pacing around or whatever I'm entertaining myself with is over/ends, I am STILL bored and waiting for something cool, distracting, fun, or exciting to happen. In regards to weed, it's probably been your 'go-to' fix for boredom for a loooong time and so you're looking at a pattern/habit that's become a part of you after a long while of accumulating the same behavior in response to a situation/experience over-and-over-again. So, here you can utilize the breathing to breath through the impulse to smoke weed when and as you become bored and from there, move yourself to do something that is more constructive or supportive for you. It does assist to have a plan ahead of time - so when you have a moment, take a look at some things that you would like to do or daily tasks that you've been 'putting off' that need to be done and make those your new 'go-to' for when/as the boredom comes up.

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 24 Apr 2014, 18:52

Yes, Carrie. Lol exactly what you said about pacing back and forwth. I have literally done that and thank you for the suggestions about taking a look at doing more contructive things when and as boredum comes up and also to breathe through those reactions of boredum. I havent said anything but I havent smoked weed for 15days now. I will write about it when on here when I go through that part of my journal entry but what you said was like a more clear observation of what I was going through. So what the hell I am here writing so I might as well make a commitment statement because its basically laid out for me.

I commit myself to when and as I start feeling bored, I stop and breathe.
I commit myself to move myself to do more contructive things such as doing the dishes, taking the dogs for a walk, cleaning up around the house, yard work, read desteni material, ect. ect.

But yeah my writings and more self-forgiveness on weed soon to come.

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Carrie
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Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Carrie » 24 Apr 2014, 19:45

Awesome Joseph!

Marlen
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Marlen » 24 Apr 2014, 21:03

Very cool practical support here, Carrie - it's definitely those moments where we can start changing the 'starting point' of our day within 'waiting for something/someone to come and 'entertain us' as Kurt Cobain would say lol and so only becoming a subject of experiences being generated for us, subjecting ourselves to getting a 'kick out of life' instead of realizing that life is not an experience as in giving us these emotional or feeling experiences, life is about the physical activities that we do and participate in as part of our realization that yes we are in this world and yes there's a lot of things to do, to sort out, to understand and change in this world, so I begin with myself - at least that's part of my reasoning also behind being able to quit weed or any other habit wherein I was subject to experiences instead of being self-directive which means, being able to rather change the activities, the 'every day living' from how I used to spend my time before. So as with anything we 'remove' we then have to 'replace' with self-supportive directions and 'habits' that can then support us to walk through that process of letting go of the past, the old habits, the old patterns and so this is why it is practical to lay out the 'instructions' as to what am I going to do when I see myself 'being bored' for example or 'seeking to fly away from reality' and that way we ground ourselves in physical reality based on laying out activities, responsibilities, points that we decide then to do as part of our self-support, of taking responsibility for ourselves and our reality.


I havent said anything but I havent smoked weed for 15days now. I will write about it when on here when I go through that part of my journal entry but what you said was like a more clear observation of what I was going through.


Very cool! a point that supported me was to also let go of the fears of 'who I would be' without it or letting go of wanting to continue living 'on a cloud' and certainly it takes simply a decision to no longer climb up back again to be high or just in the 'feel good' mood, and rather look at the practicality of it, the money spent, the consequences at a physical level, the relationships, the entire 'lostness' and 'fogginess' that I had made of my life at that time, which actually I only much later found out that I hadn't have such a 'good time' while on weed, but I had in fact neglected myself a lot, suppressed a Lot of emotional experiences and the entirety of my decisions in life. So, it's best to stop it for once and for all, that's what I suggest as a preventive measure for any desire to smoke again if it comes up or else.

Thanks for sharing, Joseph

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 01 May 2014, 08:31

3/27/2014

I think alot in my mind about stuff like the dimensional beings and existence. I realized its stupid to do that or not stupid but not necessary at all because 1 I cant be sure if what I think about the dimensions is actually true or not. So number 2 is that it is up to me to read all of the desteni material to educate myself on everything I need to know so I can know the real deal from what desteni says with the portal and everyone else who studies it instead of listening to my mind which I cant be sure of. So I stop my thoughts when and as I start to think about the dimensions and dimensional beings and existence and start to wonder about it because Ive realized that I cant trust that type of thinking.

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Joseph Stein
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Re: Joseph's writings

Postby Joseph Stein » 01 May 2014, 08:33

This is where my realization of how dating my journal entries could support me to see exactly how long I stood for and how long I have fallen for.
4/7/2014

Wow I was looking at all of the days I missed my writings. (lol thats all I wrote)


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