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Joseph's writings

Posted: 03 Nov 2011, 11:57
by Joseph Stein
Hey everyone. Im writing this right now because I watched "the design of giving up" and I have a problem with giving up and keeping consistency of and with self forgiveness. Well in the video the design of giving up says to walkthrough giving up. Like standing up and not giving into the mind and all that false stuff, and to be here as yourself and not allowing this act of abuse to exsist within you. So right now Im doing just I thought I would share this and write down something without much editing because today I noticed something and its that Im sick and tired of just watching everything and not doing anything thats actually effective because I "give up". I mean because I SEE everything and I hear the message of desteni and it has changed everything forever for me. I notice alot of thoughts/feelings/emotions and abuse and noticing how the system works but I give up. NOW I have to live with the fact thatdw I KNOW whats going on and I still dont do anything about it thats effective. I have done this so many times. So I am making a stand, I am going all out on walking through giving up NO MATTER WHAT. Whatever stands in my way I will walk through it. I will be what directs me, not something thats fucking fake and then sit by and be its slave. Real shit is happening for the world and honestly it is selfish of me to be in my minds world of "giving up" and then to do nothing about it. I am disgusted. I AM PLUS ONE FOR LIFE and I am making a decision for me by me as the directive principle to walk through this point of "giving up".

Re: Joseph's writings

Posted: 03 Nov 2011, 16:26
by Johnathan
I can totally relate to this. There are so many times during the day where you have the choice to stand up or stay the same. Standing up during these times is sometimes difficult and feels uncomfortable but recognizing 'these times' is a great realization. Very Cool Joseph

Re: Joseph's writings

Posted: 03 Nov 2011, 19:23
by Lindsay
cool - thanks for sharing guys!

Re: Joseph's writings

Posted: 04 Nov 2011, 23:26
by Joseph Stein
So Im working on the point of giving up and its funny because giving up doesnt really exist lol. When I watched the video " the design of giving up" the design of giving up says that it doesnt exist and I couldnt see that. I couldnt see how it is actually fake. Then I remembered when I got drunk one time, and I wasnt acting all like how people act like when they drink. Like they get clumsy and act like they got no control and like they cant function and shit like that. So I mean I was the same before and after I drank. I didnt see things differently at all. I didnt give into the character of being drunk and like I wasnt charging the mind. So after I did this and experienced this I knew being "drunk" was fake. I mean I actually walked through this point. You know I was in breath as the directive principle. So after remembering me walking through this point I was now able to see how "giving up" doesnt actually exist. If you are with/in breath and as the directive principle something like being drunk and giving up cant exist and if your mind moves to that, you notice that you are actually making the decision to give into the mind consciousness system and become its slave and live and exist as what you are giving into which is fake from the fucking starting point. So this was pretty cool realizing this and interesting because then its like you are amazed at how delusional people are and for me it was like "what the fuck?".

So I am still walking through "giving up" and not giving into it. I am noticing how it affects me and my life and my relationships and maybe I will write about that...

Re: Joseph's writings

Posted: 05 Nov 2011, 19:37
by Anna
Cool realizations Joseph.
So I am still walking through "giving up" and not giving into it. I am noticing how it affects me and my life and my relationships and maybe I will write about that.
I have realized for myself that giving-up equals giving-in - and that it is simply yet another one of me-as-the-mind's attempts of not letting go, of not standing up, of not facing myself in and as self-responsibility.I also realized that I could keep giving up, but it would not change anything. It would not make things better. Because essentially there is no escape from facing ourselves in self-responsibility. Like it or not, it is who we are.


Posted: 13 Dec 2011, 21:44
by Joseph Stein
So today i was confronted by myself, when I was walking through my kitchen and I glanced over at the dishes. They were full. So normally I dont do the dishes because I am lazy and so my brother or someone else does them. When that happens I feel like and asshole because, I mean I never do the dishes. Someone else always does. So letting someone else do the dishes I am not facing myself because I know I should contribute but its more about me turning what I know into action. Thats my real problem but I am working on it. So when I look at the dishes I see an opportunity to expand myself because I have a reaction of me hiding/avoiding myself by not doing the dishes and its not a nice experience seeing an opportunity to expand andnot take it and then having to live with that. I could apply this to many, many things in my life but I will keep it simple and slowy but surely to accumulate and develop consistency, dicipline, and will.

Re: Not taking action

Posted: 13 Dec 2011, 22:13
by Joseph Stein
I remember when I was the cool guy in school and I had lots of friends, I was taking a fighting class called Nightbreed in which I was the best student. I had been very involved in the Law of Attraction, I was reading books by Dan Milman and I was becoming a peaceful warrior....was getting great grades in school and I had money, which means I wasnt worried about surviving. Oh yeah! I forgot--I was a lightworker. So shit was great. But then things took a turn. Not fast at all but everything just kept getting worse and worse and worse. So okay all that happened and everything that I just wrote above was gone. I kind of gave up on everything and just lived trying to get the next high. I was either depressed, angry, suicidal or in self judgement. I remember me knowing that I was creating my life and that it was my responsibility 100% of the way and any reasons or justifications as to why its not my responsibility 100% is bullshit, in which I am trying to hide from myself and not face what I have created. So that made it worse...or actually why I had the suicidal, depression, anger, and self judgement thoughts/feelings/emotions in the first place because of what I learned from Nightbreed and Dan Milman. From Dan Milman I learned how to turn knowledge into action and made me realize my responsibility for my life.(take responsibility for everything that happens to oneself and not point any fingers) Nightbreed taight me a little bit of the abuse in the world and also got me exposed to dealing with fear.( Man I loved that class lol.) So when everything went from good to bad with me. Most of the bullshit went away. Like love,light,meditation,lucid dreaming,energy,hope,posivitive thinking ect. ect. but I kept certain parts of myself I think....I am sure because I didnt kill myself because of fake thoughts in the mind. HAHA! But I still wasnt applying myself. I couldnt find out why. I mean it felt like something was draining my energy constently like all the fucking time. But I have been working on it and I realized that I am in fact not my mind. The mind is a hassle,seperation,bullshit ect. and I am creating that so I just want to stop it because its simply not worth it. I also realize that I was using my memory of when everything was great for me and that I compare myself to my memory of myself when everything was great.

This process is the greatest thing I could ever do for myself. Actually walking it step by step is amazing. I'm slowly accumulating myself effectively and I am walking the results. I am doing things now that I could have never done without self honesty. Its real change and real time, moving in a way that is best for all.

Re: Joseph's writings

Posted: 04 Apr 2012, 01:06
by Joseph Stein
Today I went with my dad to do some running around and get stuff done that needs to be done. This was perfect for me because I always try and avoid what physically needs to be done around here. So I went and just from getting ready I was already having reactions of fear and I really wanted to stay in and smoke weed, but I stopped myself and breathed through those reactions and went about my business. Getting physical seems to work for me really good. See the thing is is that for about for about 1 1/2 years all I did was get I did was sit inside my house, play warcraft, and get high. I didnt want to do anything else and I didnt. So this grew on me and became everything for me because at the time my dad was getting scammed by this lady and that caused so many problems for my whole family. And then my parents got divorced and then I gave up on everything- I gave up on myself because I was so affected by everything that was happening. So thats how I am where I am now, dealing with this fear of getting things done. I think I dont trust myself enough to get anything done so I fear failing and especially how others will view me when I fail. Thats why I gave up on myself everything because if I dont fail by doing nothing then I will be okay. So staying inside my house, playing warcraft, and smoking weed was a perfect fucked up solution for me to avoid failure, but still that solution wasnt real.

This is cool because I never noticed this behavior, this pattern, this reason why I cant get past anything! lol simply because I was avoiding responsibility to the extreme. I mean I knew I was avoiding responsibility but never knew why or really how....fucking crazy how much I am not aware of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that everything I do will end up in failure. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self destructive behavior patterns out of the fear of failure, within which I give up responsibility for myself and for my world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create behavior patterns that are destructive with no awareness of what I am/was actually doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for not allowing myself to push myself to write so that I can investigate how it is that I am existing within the current system/reality.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize really, actually how good writing can assist me in my process of purifying myself to become life.

Re: Joseph's writings

Posted: 04 Apr 2012, 13:09
by Leila
Cool realization here Joseph! If you look at it, by wanting to avoid failure the very thing you ended up as was "failure" -- as you had already given up on yourself before even trying.
Keep pushing!

Re: Joseph's writings

Posted: 05 Apr 2012, 04:34
by Joseph Stein
Okay - Well Im trying to quit weed because its not doing me any good with me and my process. It is just an auto pilot to forget all the pain and also not to take responsibility for myself. There is a BIG problem with me trying to quit and that is that I am depending on my brother to quit with me but he says every time "Okay I swear the next paycheck we are going to quit." and then the paycheck comes and shortly after a bag of weed. I showed my brother desteni and at first he rejected it completely but now hes into it and he likes it. So I confronted him about the both of us depending on each other and I told him we need to stop because I KNOW/KNEW FOR SURE that it will only end up fucking us in our process of birthing ourselves as life from the physical. I told him that process is to be done ALONE! As in us not depending on anything to get us through process. Thats a big NO NO.(is it even possible?lol) Thats actually the same as my addiction to weed. I further explained to him that its a process to be walked alone and that no one is going to do it for us. I am not going to do it for him and he is not going to do it for me. But he missed the point when he said "I think I would have actually quit weed long ago if you werent around." I seen that as him pointing his finger at me and holding me responsible for why he is still smoking weed. This made me uneasy and I knew there was something wrong with what he was saying. I just couldnt see what was wrong in the moment but I do see it now. So me and him made an agreement to quit smoking weed. I KNEW I shouldnt have done that at the core of my being.....I KNEW that it wasnt going to stay true. Anyways Im glad it didnt work out because its giving me the chance to inspect this and see it for what it is. LOL I actually got mad at him for breaking our agreement which is fucked up because I went right back and pointed my finger at him because bottom line I am responsible for myself NO MATTER WHAT! Even if my mind says no. If i was self honest from the starting point of this, this would have never happened and I can easily see that.

All along I think I was trying to pin my responsibility on someone else, believe that I am right and latch onto that point forever because I didnt want to face myself that bad....