Elin Liss writings

[Elin Liss]

Be a Destonian without separation

I have been drawn to complicated people, or people that I have seen as complicated. I know that I can’t trust that thought. There might be people with lots of trouble, just that they are good at hiding them OR I might have been drawn to people that I recognize myself in. That’s what we all do. I have created a personality and then I have tried to find friends with similar personality. I do have a lot of people around me and I do have a lot of friends but I have never found anyone that I feel really close to. (Or actually, I did meet a friend just before I started to read material from Desteni. This was around September and it was the first time that I felt a connection to someone right away.)

Anyway, I don’t want to identify myself as a complicated person. The most prominent reason that I have seen myself as complicated or special is because of how much time I have spent in my mind sort of speak. I have followed my thoughts, I have tried to make sense of my thoughts but I’ve only made things difficult for myself.

I talked to a girl at work today that I see as the complete opposite of me. I see her as simple, as if she has had an easy life. Now I don’t know this so this is where I must be watchful with what my thought patterns do to me!! I must also see that I am in a process to become “simple” sort of speak. With simple I mean: not participate in the mind as much. The question is: how can I be less separated from, for example, this girl? – Well I guess that I must STOP doing the things that I see as a “negative” behavior, or stop participating in my mind as much.

I see a behavior within myself – I write it out to make it even clearer – I forgive myself – I go out in the world and I change the behavior – and then step by step I will build a new construction. A construction that is best for all.

I believe that a way for me to stop my separation from other people is to NOT start up with seeing a Destonian as someone "special" but simply for what it actually is. It is a group of people who tries to make a difference in the world. It is not like an angry feminist or a vegan who likes to be seen as someone special. (That was just an example, I know that feminists or vegans dont necessarely not want to be seen as special) What I mean is that they identify them self as this, as a part of their personality. I don’t want to aim for a certain personality; I want to express myself as life in every moment.

I am going to a wedding in the end of may and I want S. to come along. He doesn’t want to go because of Christianity, dress code and alcohol. Somehow, I don’t want to hide from these things that people do in the system. I want to be a part of it and express without alcohol and express my insights and dance and hang out. I don’t want to become more separated than I was before so that's what I will make sure to do.

[Anna]

I see a behavior within myself – I write it out to make it even clearer – I forgive myself – I go out in the world and I change the behavior – and then step by step I will build a new construction. A construction that is best for all.

Cool self-directive scrip here Elin!

I am going to a wedding in the end of may and I want S. to come along. He doesn’t want to go because of Christianity, dress code and alcohol. Somehow, I don’t want to hide from these things that people do in the system. I want to be a part of it and express without alcohol and express my insights and dance and hang out. I don’t want to become more separated than I was before so that's what I will make sure to do.

Firstly, it is suggested when writing about other people to write for example "X" or to use their initials. This way we make sure we stick to writing about ourselves and not make it about anyone else. Is it cool with you if I change it here in the writing above?

Yes, be in the system but not of it - it is ironic though that by judging the system and wanting to escape (as I have for most of my life) one is actually even more enslaved to it - and what I have found is that underneath that judgment is a desire to "be a part of".

[Elin Liss]

Yes, be in the system but not of it - it is ironic though that by judging the system and wanting to escape (as I have for most of my life) one is actually even more enslaved to it - and what I have found is that underneath that judgment is a desire to "be a part of".

very interesting! - ha ... yeah, I recogince that.

Thank you for being staright with me. One of the amzing things with Destonians. Now I know and wont do it again. Yes please remove!

[Anna]

Done!

[Elin Liss]

Watch out for justifications as "It is just the system and all the emotional people in it"

I have always wanted to be part of something, like a big family or a fotbollteam or whatever. If I desire something it is becaue I am lacking someting. I have felt lonely big parts of my life. Even if I have had people around me I have still felt lonely. So how is this possible? Someone else might not have many friends at all but still doesnt feel lonely.

Hmm ... friends are "suporting eachothers shit" confirm eachother that they are okey. So when I feel lonely even with many friends it might be that they are not suporting what I want them to support, sort of speak. Since I am hiding the real me and presenting a fake picture, the only thing that get supported is the "fake me" never the real me, so the selftrust is never established.

WOW, Through out my life I have been seeking a place where I can be my self, a place where I belong, but I have never felt like I have found it. Ofcourse I never found it! I never dared to show the real me!

And when I did find some new friend, it was often someone that I shared something with (thats how it goes). Somehow we tend to feel when we fit together with someone (feelings tells us alot). Maybe thats how gossip is created. We find a "friend" - someone that we share something with, and this that we share might not be sides within our self that we particularly like. When these sides are presented/ manifested through our friend, we tend to react with anger or some other emotion.

My enormous fear of losing friends is a fear of being left with the shitty me. But I wont be left with the shitty me, because I wont allow to keep deciving myself.

My anger towards the system
Something that has troubled me is the fact that people play fake games and also that no one is honest. Everyone is living in fear and can't be honest with eachother - they cant tell people straight when there is something that bothers them and that way nothing change. It has buged me that no one tells me straight when there is something that they dont like about me. So that I know! So that I can change.

Wow, what a lie! There is absolutely no responsibility in the statement above. It is a way to make my self a compleate victim. OTHERS has to tell me what I am doing wrong because I am compleatly unable to see this for myself. - So yeah, it is a fucked up system that we are living in but I wouldnt have so much emotions towards it if I didnt do things myself that i dont approve of, things that sustain/entertain the system.

One of the many reasons I seperated myself from other people
I have never been much of a "girly type", a girl that express love and giggle and hug other girls. THIS is an examplary/ spot on example of a point that I havent looked at. The reason I havent looked at it is because I have justified it with the things that i have thought Desteni stands for: "feelings and emotions are but bullshit" so I have simply seen it as "I know better", what other girls are doing are nothing but bullshit. I have been looking down on others - and as we know - it is simply me looking down on myself. The reason I havnt expressed love towards other girls is because I have been so stiff and afraid of showing my feelings. I have tried to supress, supress, supress and then when all of a sudden you are suppose to show your feelings it just makes me MAD and UNCOMFORTIBLE. How can other people express there feelings and not me? I have thought that I dont have any ... that i am totally numbed. But the true reason is that I have not allowed myself to express my feelings because I have seen my feelings as wrong/different/bad. So when I look down on other "loving, giggeling, hugging" girls it is infact JEALOUSY. What I have done is trying to copy this behaviour that I have despited because i have seen it as "bimboaction" and a "fake game" when infact i could have done that EXACT thing as them but NATURALLY instead of hating it and then even though I hated it I copied it as something that i HAVE TO DO to survive.

I have been more comfortible around guys. Why is that? - Well I havent had to play a game around them in the same extent as I have with girls. The funny thing is just that i never had to play a game, I decided to do that. With guys it has also been okay to show my weak sides. I have thought that guys would see my week sides as cute while girls would see them as an opportunity to compete with me. So naturally i have been more relaxed and more "my self" around guys because I didnt think they would judge me.
So - when I meet girls I must try to relax and see that I am the only on who limit myself.

Amazing how so many times it is not about the action at all, simply about the startingpoint.

[Elin Liss]

The video: 2012: Experiencing Change vs. ACTual Self-Change

This was a suppotive video.

I tend to desiering to get rid of the feeling of being different. So I am writing and writing and I think that it will just magically go away. But it wont! I must live this. I must prove to myself that I can stop the mindbullshit, the shame, the stress, the overanalyzing and prove to myself that I am a responsible human being and a grown up. I am responsible for making this happen. I don’t necessarily need to act like everyone else but I need to do what I know, with self honesty, is responsible and common sense.

Also be watchful that I am not doing this to create an other personality but actually bringing myself back to the physical.

The balance between relaxing when I am around old friends and at the same time be watchful that I don’t go into my personality – is difficult, so the solution is to go slow and constantly bring myself back to the physical, with breath and seeing the whole situation from outside – what is in fact taking place here? Am I separating myself and going back into my mind? I must redefine the word “relaxing” which I have seen as going with the flow and just letting the mind rule. “Relaxing” must become a physical action. Slowly step by step.

I saw today when I took a walk with a friend that I had a strong will to show here that I had changed. I also spent a lot of time in my mind earlier during the day fantasising about the future when i will write my own blog and share my insights and how i will make people understand the message just by a few blogposts that will be so wellwritten that everything gets clear. - EGO - MIND - LIE

Once again: The physical, back to the physical with breath. The process will infact be more effective if I stop thinking about it all the time. Be ONE with everything and everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be eager and seeking experiences within the process when infact this is not practical nor beneficial.

[Lindsay]

Watch out for justifications as "It is just the system and all the emotional people in it"

...

Amazing how so many times it is not about the action at all, simply about the startingpoint.

Yes, this realization for myself was quite an 'eye-opener' in that I realized that 'wow! I see that when my starting point is clear and aligned to what is best for all, I can do anything! There aren't any limits, as I am the only one that limits myself, and I will no longer allow this!' - it was quite revelatory, really, lol - I mean, this is basically where 'it all begins' in that we see that we are the creator of our reality, and we will decide within self-direction who we will be, and who we will not be - no longer allowing ourselves to limit and constrict ourselves to illusory self-definitions, but to instead create ourselves into beings that move and express without hindrance - not zombies that zombify through this world on 'sleep mode'

So, cool stuff - and it's a process to be walked, for sure - wherein we have to actually see for ourselves where, specifically, we have limited ourselves throughout the entirety of our lives - which is a process of walking back through our life, step by step, to forgive and remove each and every point wherein we abdicated ourselves to a pre-programmed mind-set that we allowed to dictate to us who we will be, instead of being the self-directive principle of our living here - this is how we realize who we are as creators, so that we can take our life back and create ourselves into someone of actual substance.

Thanks for sharing Elin

[Lindsay]

The video: 2012: Experiencing Change vs. ACTual Self-Change

This was a suppotive video.

I tend to desiering to get rid of the feeling of being different. So I am writing and writing and I think that it will just magically go away. But it wont! I must live this. I must prove to myself that I can stop the mindbullshit, the shame, the stress, the overanalyzing and prove to myself that I am a responsible human being and a grown up. I am responsible for making this happen. I don’t necessarily need to act like everyone else but I need to do what I know, with self honesty, is responsible and common sense.

Also be watchful that I am not doing this to create an other personality but actually bringing myself back to the physical.

The balance between relaxing when I am around old friends and at the same time be watchful that I don’t go into my personality – is difficult, so the solution is to go slow and constantly bring myself back to the physical, with breath and seeing the whole situation from outside – what is in fact taking place here? Am I separating myself and going back into my mind? I must redefine the word “relaxing” which I have seen as going with the flow and just letting the mind rule. “Relaxing” must become a physical action. Slowly step by step.

I saw today when I took a walk with a friend that I had a strong will to show here that I had changed. I also spent a lot of time in my mind earlier during the day fantasising about the future when i will write my own blog and share my insights and how i will make people understand the message just by a few blogposts that will be so wellwritten that everything gets clear. - EGO - MIND - LIE

Once again: The physical, back to the physical with breath. The process will infact be more effective if I stop thinking about it all the time. Be ONE with everything and everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be eager and seeking experiences within the process when infact this is not practical nor beneficial.

lol - cool realizations here Elin! Yes, slowing down and taking our process step by step is how to support ourselves - it's not a rush, or a race, but a hereness; a breath by breath hereness - like you stated: relaxing must become a physical action. Slowly step by step.

Yes indeed - because when we are here, moving, directing ourselves within the simplicity of each breath, step by step, we can relax - because we see for ourselves that we are taking responsibility for ourselves, and that we are directing ourselves, so no need to rush, or fret, or worry - it's all being taken care of HERE, lol.

Cool Elin.

[Anna]

Very cool writings and realizations here.

[Elin Liss]

yeeej I wont become a zombie hahah