Tormod's blogg

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tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 10 Mar 2017, 15:40

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... ing-words/

Day 749 – Becoming more of me – expanding through living words




Becoming more of me – expanding through living words.

Rediscover writing and redefining living words.

How to push through limiting believes about self, empower, learn and expand.



I have come to believe that I am lazy and bored, slightly depressed, and that is how my schizophrenic life should be like. A believe. That have become the result of how I defined the words, organized, structured, symmetrical, and also colorful. I have been pushing this notion or idea that I can’t write any longer. My writing skills are apparently gone, or that I have written it all out already. That I am done and my process is complete. Like I have now transcended into the skies and there is nothing more to write about lol.



This is a typical believe of limitations. My definition of the word organized (and the other words) was simply not the “right” definition. It was not what is best for all. It left me bored and dull… slightly depressed – and that is something specific for me to learn from. What within my definition of these words was so wrong that it led me to boredom/lazy/depression ?

So my thinking and limiting believes have been; “I am done”, “It is complete”, “I don’t want to bother no more”, “I have done my share” – ending up within my definition of these words – as a lazy bum. Boredom and depression as backchats within my mind – creating the limiting believes.





So from here I must rise up and find a purpose for myself – by redefining these words – again – and expand within so. And by exactly using these words (organized, structured, symmetrical, colorful) within this process of organizing/rising up. Taking in organized to my “within” taking it in to direct my emotions and my thoughts. How the fuck does one take in a word to direct one emotions and thoughts ? lolol

It is as simple as it is hard. First one must understand the basics of mind and energies and thinking. I would strongly recommend to investigate to learn such in depth and understanding, through the platform of desteni.

My emotions usually rise from my solar plexus, and from there up into the system of me/mind/system. So I take in the word organized to live within, and to direct my thoughts and my emotions to something better than the usually programming/system. How can I adjust myself, to take direction of my emotions and my thinking ? I know a thing or two on how energies work in the body and in the mind. So if I can make my definition of these words a more specific one, so that these words could help me sort out my ; emotions and thinking.



A very specific thing here is to see that believes are so very limiting of our being. Believes that are created from backchats. ” I believe that my life must be dull and grey – from old habit” – and so on. I made a believe that my writing skills had vaporized or that I had changed so much there was nothing more for me to write on. Like I was too good for it. I believed to had ameliorated myself to a new level. To cool for school lol. I realize that I have made my life difficult and hard by not writing. Writing is a such a gift to not be underestimated, I had suppressed my writing by thinking I was done.



So now I take on this living word, organized within, to give it a new definition and a clear direction. I have limited myself enough from believing in different personalities, and constructs of mind. Now it is time to look at the word organized in depth and see how it can assist me in my life.

I now need to expand myself within these words. So what I need to look at is to see within these words to see what with my previous definition went wrong ? My previous definition was by organized; to have such a arrangement of details that all involved parts are comfortable.



So how do I redefine a word ? To redefine a word I must learn the word to know, and then after knowing it I can make a definition – based on what is best for all. For more living words check out SOUL and destonian wiki.



Organized. New definition:

is to have the comfort and mobility to take action and do what is required to become empowered.

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on limiting believes from backchats like “I am done”, “this is it for me”, “I am done with writing”, “till here no further with writing”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchats/voices of mind saying “you suck”, “you are not worthy”, “you are to lazy”, “you are a retard” – manifesting as believes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this believe within myself as I would start to give more and more energies and thinking to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for defining a word “wrong”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself the deceit within my process of refusing to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and blame myself for making a “wrong” within redefining words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and judgmental from having all these playoffs that I tell myself I should have noticed before they made my reality so filled with believes/personalities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat, “I am too week for this”, “I suck at this”, “I am no good at this”, “I should not do this”, “I should just be elsewhere.”



Now that I see this and have pushed through there it is a clarity within.

Clarity/realizations are:

– If I postpone my writing it easily piles up and becomes difficult the more I postpone it.

– Backchats/voices/thoughts makeup the believes that eventually limit me.

– I can take on these words again and redefine them as many times as I need to make it perfect.

– Writing is fun and creative, I learn lots from writing.

– I also learn from pushing through and seeing what makes up what of components and energy, so I can avoid going into the same trap again.



I will now take on the word organized and see how I can live it within, and to direct my systems within.





http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/
https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/



Thank you !



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tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 11 Mar 2017, 12:17

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... and-doubt/


Day 750 – My personality of uncertainty and doubt




Lately I have been facing, gradually more and more a certain personality of mine. It comes from back in time, where I was asked to investigate the word “uncertain”. Later I left this task and sort of “stacked it away” apparently nowhere. Today some months later, the character appears again in my mind, it is returning to me from how I had projected it away from me. It is based on ego, and just a “feel good”, on the positive pole, – like don’t worry, but a rather deep sense of insecurity and doubt /paranoia on the other, negative pole. I would have to feel certain and 110 % sure/secure about anything. I would need to double check everything to be soooo sure about appointments and agreements. It was like paranoia.



A full blown personality of polarity !

This personality would act out very hidden, or unseen. Like hiding from chores and tasks. I would avoid communication, and arrangements out of fear of feeling uncertain. Trying to hide from conflict, often by suppressing and making the polarity more potent in both poles equally (basic math)



I would notice this personality some time back, but looking at it / noticing it, I would not know what to call it. I would feel uncertain and in doubt about what to call it. lol I did not see until later that the uncertainty and doubt I felt in relations to what to make of it, was it! It was staring me in the face.

It was so obvious, I could not see it – so I ended up projecting/blaming it on others.



I also notice a blame system within here, where I had this particular polarity/personality projected at another person. I could not recognize the personality/uncertainty as mine, (I felt uncertain about it lol), or as something I had done, so I would judge it and project it elsewhere. I had for a long time projected this character of uncertain onto XX. This is where it is soooooo valuable to bring everything that we/I experience (like projections) back to self. Whatever I see and experience in my world and living, is my responsibility. Whatever thoughts, mind, projections, blame whatever I might bring up, is my responsibility to deal with.



Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of polarity and live by its design and programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being stuck with a personality construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this uncertainty and this doubt within myself, over time and question everything that I do with suspicion and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become suspicious at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so filled with doubt and uncertainty that I would call it every-day paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so uncertain about any situation, big or small, that I would literally be very paranoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this polarity/personality onto XX for no other reason than seeing him as weak and little and then placing this with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project fault at the “little man”/ weak person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to myself on why I should be allowed to make that projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress within the fact that I projected this at him (XX), and I after this, refuse to take responsibility for projecting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry and sad for discovering that I was projecting this polarity construct on to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not in control of myself since I was suppressing and denying so badly the fact that this personality of uncertain was mine and not one of XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and “thrive” in the positive energies/ego part of the pole, personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only sometime see that consequences would smack me out of negative pole, basic math of polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the negative consequences and to try to project these also onto others.







Self corrections:

I commit myself to bring things back to myself, to a further and more deep going degree.

I commit myself to live self forgiveness in my breathing/body.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my shit.

I commit myself to use my breathe (and close my eyes) to find stability and calm (self honesty) within to be able to trust myself and to feel certain and stable of what I am doing.



Realizations/insight:

– This personality of uncertainty and doubt really started long time ago, and has its roots in paranoia.

– I would fear the paranoia part of it so bad that I would push it away / project it away from me onto XX, who was innocent within this.

– I would suppress and deny being the origin of the polarity, though I see now in clarity that this was my responsibility. I could not see it because it was so obvious.

– I take responsibility for this personality and the projection within so.

– I learn from this how badly I fear thoughts/paranoia.

– Also I learn how easy it was for me to project this, like subtle blame.

– I realize how important it is to bring all things back to self.



If you seek information and assistance on doubt/uncertainty/anything check out eqafe – use the search bar for typing in what you seek.





Thank you for reading my blog !

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/



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tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 12 Mar 2017, 14:02

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... let-it-be/


Day 751 – learning to let it be


Conflict – learn to let it be




I just experienced a deep rooted conflict with another villager here where I live. This person is often acting out in possessions (psychosis) over small thing and has a hard time with facing new things and new routines. There was just now a big commotion in the kitchen, where I was pushing her buttons and trying to force through what was common sense, but what was not cool, with this other villager.

She went into possession and I went numb, scared and confused. But I kept of pushing for common sense while I should have just let it be, and found something else to do. This is a returning pattern with me how I keep pushing common sense/my solutions on to XX – who does not like new things.

I am reminded by how I acted with my younger sisters (20 – 30 years ago) where I would bully them and tease then until they reacted, and then I would give them a beating. It makes me cry how hard I seam, and how I simply can’t find it within me to let things be.

My solutions are obviously too much for this person to handle so I should just let it be. But I don’t like to isolate her or me from anything, so it is a delicate task. I get so dragged into her energies/psychosis that I lose control of myself within it.

The funny thing is that it escalated from nothing at all, all of a sudden there is a volcano in the kitchen. And I can’t help myself by being dragged into it and reacting with it.

If I can learn and practice to let things be and not bother with more to the fire, then I am taking a step to stabilize my world and my living, it all has an effect. It is a start to me to learn and evolve within a more peaceful living.





Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push the buttons of XX so that she would burst into a full possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being dragged into the energies/psychosis/personalities of XX and how I could not avoid trying to push common sense and my solution onto XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my way is the right way when that is obviously is not so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel suspicious and uncertain about XX, fearing that one day she will snap, and stab me with a knife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel totally handicapped and lost when It comes to dealing with XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself in backchats about XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what XX could do to me if I was unaware.



I commit to bring all this back to myself and within so face my own creation.

I commit myself to more let XX be and not bother her at all.





Thank you for reading my blog !

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/



User avatar
tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 13 Mar 2017, 18:42

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... -judgment/

Day 752 – self judgment




Self judgment:

I notice today that I live in self judgment. This is noticeable by me mostly from seeing the core design of the self judgment. I have been able to take a step back and see where does it come from ? And funny enough (this time) it comes from TV and movies, documentaries and fiction.

I have seen so many movies and series/drama about court rulings and layers life. I have made a very energetic picture/drama of the lawyers and the judges, and the happening within so.

I would think of a court as a game. A game to win or lose, and from history the game is rigged against me. Because the court is the rich – system – powers play ground. It is there together with for instance doctors to make the gap, wider between classes in society.

So I have been projecting this onto others, how I “dislike” lawyers (and doctors) and I have been living in that self judgment myself where I am the judge, lawyer, police man, victim and criminal. It is like a circus of role play to me. Very common to my schizophrenic mind. This all strikes back at me and causes pain and disturbance within me. I see now that I live this self judgment and I need to come to a acceptance and embracing of me. And let go of the energetic looping/judging of mind.



Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on the polarity of positive pole, popular rich lawyer, and winning in court; and negative pole; looser criminal and being sentenced in court.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my issues of law and the court/lawyer life onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I will not be a celebrity or a star simply a looser clown from the polarity of LA – LAW series I relate to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as the loosing/sad clown and that I am lost as of present since courts still have a say in this world (today).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I suck at being a clown, but it is still a mask to hide behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the voices of the sad clown in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock myself with judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock myself with law.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on the polarity of taking law serious or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself in my clown – circus of court/law.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the TV series LA-LAW where I live and act like a playboy from California in the 80’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the phrases from TV drama and documentaries in my head over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so obsessed with judgments that I have a energetic party within the room of court and judges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I know enough about law to outsmart a judge, and to play the court for a fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling on to different theories about law and justice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deep down fear judges and lawyers and to think that they as a group don’t serve life, and they are abuse within the system and should not be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that deep down the court system is a scam and a mind trickery, and it just tricked me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel abused by the law system of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take myself serious when I say that courts and lawyers of today are by structure, definition and design not supporting life – they should not be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind – fooling myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack the law/court system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can distance myself from self judgments, failing to realize that I then distance myself from me/my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see nothing but judgments and to live in this sentence of “I sentence you to” or other similar words from TV/movies court rooms drama.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck and fucked by the design of self judgment and within this addicting to it and feeling like I can let it go it is on me like a magnet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my self – judgments with my eyes/seeing and my own moral of judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the self judgment like my pair of glasses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to live with myself judgment failing to see the solution to accept myself and to embrace and value my self – instead of judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fucked by the law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel raped by the law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel deeply abused by law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel corrupted by law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like shit from law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like puking and “giving up” from law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that law is not me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the law that we see today (protecting greed/ego) is doomed.





Self corrections to be lived:

I commit myself to accept myself and to investigate myself and my mind and sort out all my shit.

I commit myself to expose the old system / self /mind /law and to remove it all breathe by breathe, step by step, and create a new system that is a system that is best for all.

I commit myself to embrace myself – no matter what.



Realizing / clarity:

I need acceptance of me to be able to see into me and this grants me access/accept into my mind/body/world/imaginations.
self judgement is not real it is fiction and imaginations.
courts and such law we see today is not going to last.
I have a response – ability to create new systems to replace the old.
To me with my schizophrenia, self judgement is still very real/in my eyes.
There is no need to judge – we are all equals.





Link to another blog on self judgments:

http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... -self.html



User avatar
tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 15 Mar 2017, 17:41

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... organized/

Day 753 – more on the word: organized


more on the word: organized


a continuation from blogs:

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... organized/

&

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... ing-words/





today I redefine this word again :



organized: have a certain structure, to keep it neat and uncluttered and also to have comfort within ones environment.

I today take on this word, within. A new process opens up with walking with words more on my insides – letting words guide me within, and sorting out more of my thoughts and emotions. so I can birth life from my physical, meaning I can be a example in my own flesh / body for other people to see and realize/wake up within them self/mind, to live more fulfilling living for what is best or all in equality and oneness.



I have been walking now with this word organized for quite some time, and I have grown within this word. I notice that I take my time with such a word and I don’t know if it is because I jump to other words to fast, and act within being unorganized. Or if I simply needed to take that time. I guess it is a mixture of both.



I now see opportunities and possibilities as well as response – abilities open up for me with walking with this word on my inside. I find this very interesting and fun to see with my real – eyes. To be intimate (into – me – I – see) with my body. I think I will take this gradually and really mature within this word.

I go through my day with all sorts of things going on within my mind. Self judgment and certain emotions like angst, or depression, and I take out and look at how I can live this word organized in such a relation to disturbances like emotions.

My mind is a reflection of me. If I am in my nature grounded, stable, firm and organized, THEN my mind with be the same in return – to me. It is basic math, that goes to prove the equal and one relationship that one have to develop within ones being (body). I make most of these realizations from working physical with my body. That is where I nurture my awareness – the most.



Meaning …….. you might not have seen the last definition yet !



For more living words and how-to see : SOUL





other links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/



enjoy breathe !



User avatar
tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 27 Mar 2017, 21:57

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... d-eczemas/

Day 754 – Schizophrenia and Eczemas


Schizophrenia and Eczemas

I was recently in the Canary Islands on a vocation with my parents and two of their grand children. It was a outmost congenial experience, over all, and I grew quite a lot within my walking process, particularly the last days on the Islands. On the way home from the Canaries to Norway, I had a very fine concentration/living experience of self. I was like in the “zone” like I was “zen” and all transcended lol. I was living the word “discipline” and really seeing new stuff both within myself, of my mind, and also experiencing really nice movement within.





It was just as if it was too good to be true. And to my programming – it was.



– What you live today and tomorrow is determining the future you will have – eqafe.com



I have always had eczemas. I grew out of it in my teens and I grew (back) into it later in my early 20’s. if you would like a honest, view of eczemas please check out this link about why we have eczemas.



I was on the bus, with my family, towards, the air port in Las Palmas. It was a 40 minutes drive. I was able to balance my skin with sun block, since my pink/whatever skin had taken on lots of sunshine. I was starting to experience eczemas on my shoulders and upper arms, from sudden lots of sunshine. It itched. Sitting on a bus, and later for 5 hours on a plane, did not do things much better for my itch.



When we later arrived home at my parents place, to sleep that night, I decided to have shower. In the back of my head/mind a backchat started to present itself, when I made myself ready to shower: “burn yourself”, “you should burn yourself on your skin – to not itch”. I undressed and entered the shower with being somewhat (?) aware of my backchat telling me to burn myself with shower. I have chosen to burn myself with hot water a few times before, showering, to be able to avoid scratching and itching. It was (really) one or the other evil. Either to scratch and itch myself, or to burn myself with water. I was in the shower and the hot water would burn my itch away, leaving me in a sort of orgasmic/emotional-relief state of “wounded”. Like a personality of being battled and bruised. It was pretty warm water, and I was red like a lobster after the shower lol.




So I chose the burn over the scratch. What I SHOULD have done, that is easy to see now, was to say neither of these two evils, STOP (!) right here: I would like to add my doctor prescribed crème please! That sentence of common sense should have made my day, but it did not make it; or … I was not aware and slowing down enough to see and block this desire to burn/scratch myself. I should have dealt with the nasty backchat in the moment before taking a shower. But I was in a hurry. The program was to hard wired within me.



The eczema programming nailed me !



Later I felt bad… oh so bad…. lots of self judgment…

Next day I made a (new) testimony to not burn myself in the shower again.

Now my skin is healing, and I am getting back to my track of where I was before the burning. But this was definitely a step – back within and without.



I realize that I should be able to slow down more, before concluding with self to take a shower, to change my activity – that is truly my alert point. I should have marked it with a flag point, within mind programming, if I see that my old mind is driving me to abuse and energies, from changing activity.

So I learn from this to take things sloooowwwer. To sort out nasty backchats and to see it come. I should have had that fine tuning, acumen, to see it coming from the back of my mind/head. I need to be in charge of my own awareness; being, mind and body. If I can have the directive principle of self as here, and slow the fuck down, when doing shit, I can really move faster in my process, in the metaphysics as well as in physical real time. I have seen this lots of times with self – change is here.

Where are you ?

Interested in what I am doing – how I write/what I write about ? Feel free to contact me



Enjoy breathe !



User avatar
tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 28 Mar 2017, 16:29

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... ery-night/

Day 755 – Massaging my feet every night



I really want to make something out of my life. I want to do that extra “thing” every day or so often – to push myself to reach for a higher purpose. A purpose of : Equality and Oneness – what is best for all.

Basic simple math, hidden in front of our noses. The message from; Jesus, Lao Tzu, Bruce Lee, Alice Bailey, Osho, Nelson Mandela… now mine to live, are you ready to take on yours ?



To be able to live this purpose I have to really walk a deep going process to delete tons of energies and programs that have been, the one I was – before – growing up, my mind, taking on the parenting and schooling of life/society. I have dumped/deleted very, very much mind data, and energy enslavement from within.



It is a reason why the new teacher or schooling method is called un – schooling and I myself work to de – program myself. I have been doing so the last 5 years.



By working with self forgiveness and self corrections, gaining self trust, and response – ability and self honesty, it is a humbling and rewarding process to walk.



I learn more than anything – about myself. My mind, being body relationship, from the tools and groundwork that is presented by desteni.org – it is a one of a kind “tool – box” for you to use. Check it out…

Within walking my desteniiprocess I learn more and more about me and to find grounding in my physical (body). Then a cool thing for me to add on to this, to soothen my process is to massage my feet every night. I have now been massaging my feet every night for 3,5 years. I can count on ONE hand the number of days I have lapsed or skipped to massage them from tiredness/forgetfulness. If I was on a journey or inn a awkward position, I would massage my feet perhaps more quicker and not so intense or deep going – not use so much time on it. I would guess I use 10 – 15 minutes every evening on massaging my feet before sleep.



By massaging my feet every evening – I learn to know myself – I learn to be with myself unconditionally. I massage my feet every night to be able to learn to be with myself and to see my signals. I learn to know my body. I know what points to push for ears, eyes, brain, liver and so on. It is all a part of the holistic practice that self forgiveness is a very fine key within to discover, reveal and explore.



I highly recommend to massage hands also. It is easy and it can be done by self – like with feet, it is good mental hygiene.



To learn about self and to give self that balance and a good night sleep – try to massage the feet every night. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain lol. Massaging my feet makes me move slower in physical, and at the same time faster; through mind (metaphysical)



A thing to KNOW to be really response – able, is that all the body has points on it from all sorts of programming and dimensions. Did you know that the under arm, (lower arm, from elbow to hand) is the place on the body (your & mine equally) for resistance ?



Check out this link to dive into some real explaining holistic practice, from desteni articles. All the pain/movement /discomfort you experience has a meaning and a practical explaining. It is all a purpose, and it has all be a programme running in reverse….



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tormod
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Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 29 Mar 2017, 14:51

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... ni-part-1/

Day 756 – How I found desteni: Part 1


How I found desteni

Part 1



I have been skeptic to this world and its system(s) since I can remember. This would very easy lead me into drugs and sabotage of society as it was presented before me, when I grew up. I would deeply oppose systems, what I saw of authorities, structures and organization of things in my surroundings, that would lead me to a very unstructured and unorganized, life and living. I was basically living in chaos, disturbance within and without, from very early on. I am today aware that I was born schizophrenic, so my life was sort of destined to be a “bumpy” road.

In 2008 or 2009, I was doing drugs, both doctors prescribed and hashish/weed, together with lots and lots of alcohol. I was a somewhat a busy artist, painter, with lots of girl friends. I was multiple addicted and very restless. My anxious and troubled nature was becoming a serious problem. Lucky for me I was born in Norway, and was under the wings of the health care system.




I was at this very evening, visiting a friend, we were drinking and “partying”. The party’s entertainment, came from the more and more popular youtube (YT), that would play in the many homes during drinking and partying to it’s different music and tunes. Lots of beer and sigaret’s and lots of YT.

Then my friend, whom I was visiting, asked me: “Would you like to see a portal ?” I can’t remember my reply, but anyhow he found a video, on YT, with the portal, doing a portaling/giving a message. I remember my jaw sort of fell to the floor. I was … quite shocked. This was now real. I remember feeling like, PJUH finally a solution to humanity’s misery and problems. After this very brief introduction, I was still possessed with energies/mind and addictions/enslavement and substance as such. But a certain spark within me was moving, I was aware, and I thought to myself there is no going back after this. I would in my schizophrenic mind see/experience the math or the metaphysical reality/imagination that was shifting, within so without. I could see or experience, thoughts like, there is no turning back now, this is it; I best get with it, and join in.

This will change the whole thing (world system).

That was my conclusion after seeing the videos of the portal on YT. I did not know what it would ask or … demand of me to do or investigate for my own sake. In 2010 I was still very, very lost in energy addictions. But at this time I started to write in demonology forum. I would write in that forum and I would have guiding from there to find my path or to learn myself to work on self forgiveness.



I was at this point 2008 – 2012 obsessed with schizophrenia. I worshipped it (in my own sabotaging way) with drugs, escapism and the extreme of culture. Addicting to conspiracy. It was the winter between 2011 – 2012 I had just driven myself to rock bottom traveling around in Europe. I was totally fucked, and long lost. And I came home to my parents, just like the prodigal son. I stayed with my parents, for about 2 years. During this time, I ended (may 2012) most of my substance/energy addictions. I also began to learn to make my own self forgiveness, to speak it to myself , moving myself from demonology forum, to (the common) desteni forum.



I was here given guidance and support with the things in my mind/my past. How to work through it. And I was from this point (may 2012) more and more committed to walk my process, in this life, here on earth. I connected with other destonians and started to study the message that was presented. To make it a world of equality and oneness – for what is best for all.



To be continued….



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tormod
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Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 31 Mar 2017, 20:56

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... ni-part-2/

Day 757 – How I found desteni: Part 2



continued from : part 1



I was first introduced to the demonology forum. This might sound scary, but we are serious about what energies and possession can do. Realize that “possessions” is what a hospital/doctor would call “psychosis”. Since I have been carrying schizophrenia and having lost of energy addictions, it was natural for me to start at demonology forum. It was logical for me, with my condition of illness. I was guided there and shown some basic structures of mind, thought, what therapy and resonance to apply. The origin and psychology. Common sense and responsibility. Thing is that I was so loooong gone corrupted of slaving to energies, I was simply very, very fucked after many years of drugs and addictions. I had to realize that I am the system, I am responsible, within my mind, my being, my body and myself breathing, something like a human. This would make up a system that is me. So within so without. I had to take responsibility for me being me. For me accepting and allowing myself to participate, in a world of abuse.




Two things in particular was crucial for me to grasp. One thing was to build up and write my own self forgiveness sentences. That was not as easy as it sounds lol and there were some newbie strange attempts to do so in the beginning. So it was rather challenging to learn the writing and spelling of self forgiveness. I have been half way a dyslectic, and to be comfortable with writing have been challenging.



The second thing that I found challenging was to see the difference between feelings and emotions. I would think that feelings is the high and emotions is the low, of a wave of energies. Just like that. It took me some time to see the clear difference of the two. To come to terms with that feelings is one thing and emotions is another thing. This was hard for me to grasp. My programming was so hard wired it would refuse this awareness.





Gradually I started to speak self forgiveness to myself, and this was the big innovation of me. Like going backwards, finding my own innocence. Becoming physical, forgiving the great mind enslavement.



And there was lots to study within this new me. Equality and oneness. Who are we really as humans ? What is our origin ? Why are we here ? Why is there abuse/war ? All these questions and many more is found within the language and writing of desteni.org



It is a waste database of knowledge and investigation to see and study. To listen to Bernard Poolman on YT. To hear his words and to see what he would see. To not believe the portal but take it all into consideration and just hear it and then apply it, within the system of self. The messages of desteni.org is a very practical and common sensical message. It is sanity and what is best for all. It is what this world is literally screaming for.



For me with schizophrenia, desteni.org was through the portal able to show me what is schizophrenia, and how to best deal with it. Now be clear we are not doctors at desteni.org, we are ordinary people investigating life/dimensions. I have been able to reduce and marginalize my schizophrenia with the tools taught to me at desteni.org In particular the self forgiveness have been of great support, and I have deleted lots of bother within me – physically/interdimmensjonally/of mind. I have gained lots in practical terms, of where I am and how I live. Also self honesty, self trust, self responsibility, self aware, consideration, regard, living words…. the list goes on and I am truly grateful and humble to be. With the tools of desteni.org I saved my life. I am still puzzling myself together.



So who every YOU are – desteni.org holds something truly unique to offer you and your living. From my experience I would not waste a second more – but get right on it and start the process to walk – to make it a good world for us all. We are the system(s). Lets walk into equality and oneness – for what is best for all.



Thank you for reading



links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/



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tormod
Posts: 986
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 06 Apr 2017, 15:41

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... e-admired/


Day 758 – Desire to be admired


I have been made aware of a desire within that have been creating conflict within me lately. I have a desire to be admired and to have status. But I have not given myself the chance to live this in real time.

So how does this play out ? For instance I have been suppressing and making “bad” my genuine expression. You might say sexual expression. I fear to be 100% me without bias and judgment from within. So when it comes to sex, it is all about slowing down lol.. So that is also my clue. To slow down and be myself and not judge myself or go into thinking that my expression is wrong or un-cool in any way. Thinking that sex and expression is what media serves us of characters. Whoever it might be this week. It is porn and fame it is not my thing. Failing to realize that hey (!) just that observation there of how we are programmed to think lesser of our self and our bodies because of cultural programming – which is a crying shame. And just that shame point I have take on. Judging myself and my expression as wrong or bad. Not seeing that this is hard core programming and design, of thoughts, mind and relationships () – hardwired of mind design.

I would for instance feel a urge to dance more. To be more present when I move. To have grace. I need to be more with myself when I move my body. And I could also “need” to let go of many needs lol. And let this come more naturally like my expression from within, and not force it out…

I have then a desire to be admired. If I need to be admired then admiring will come to me. So I need to live like there is no separation from this word admire. If I have a energetic relationship to this word “admire” – then those energies is causing stress within me. Like tripping wires. I sure hope you can see this. I need to live this word like any other word that I can embody. It must come naturally and not by me pushing and stressing about it.



self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into desire and almost addict to a imagination and idea of being admired, where within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this desire and then become totally embarrassed and scared, thinking (backchats within mind) “This is not me”, “I am not Hollywood”, “I am a loon and a clown” – literally creating my own believe (be-lie-ve) within nasty backchats in my head, and suppress and reject the desired idea, and create conflict with my wanting to be admired and to have status.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself pile up a lot of suppression and denial within and then dive into this soup of emotions and lose myself within it going pretty deep into depression within so.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of give into the nasty backchats in my mind and loose myself into emotions and believes of how my life should be, according to pre-programming, I must rather support myself and being with myself, give myself time to breathe, in a common sense manner, to treat myself good and to embrace myself 100 %.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of going into stress and fear and make my pro – blames even bigger, I must make arrangements within, of commonsense, and to slow down my tempo.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimidated to mention my sexual expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long for my sexual expression.



self corrections:

When and as I see myself going into denial or suppression of my desire and want to be admired and to have status, I stop myself, I breathe, and I level with what is here. I realize that there is nothing wrong with being admired and to have status. If I can deliver what is best for all it is rather cool and a nice thing. This world obviously needs good leaders. I realize that I have lived a glam and fame/fashion kind of idea of being admired. I realize that I have a pre – programmed idea of being admired.

I commit myself to de school and delete my pre-existing definitions of being admired and to have status. I commit myself to redefine being admired.



links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/




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