Tormod's blogg

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 14 Apr 2017, 18:38

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... g-suicide/

Day 759 – fearing suicide



Disclaimer : we at desteni are not doctors or health care personel – we are ordinary people figuring out, practical, best for all solutions in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fearing not living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for fearing suicide, like I fail at life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for having lost so many friends to suicide and/over mental issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for not knowing myself good enough to see this pattern of fearing suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather than giving into this fear, this programming of accepting suicide, I should rather open up and communicate and talk to people, to have courage and to be brave and talk without bias.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live like a personality/polarity construct of wanting to honor life, and to give my best and in the other end fearing to not be able to live – to chose the death part, like with the extreme of suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and discomfort for alarming and confusing others by saying/admitting that I have issues with suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to limit my world and opportunities by admitting and saying to the world that I have issues with suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discomfort with talking even to myself, alone, about suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in energies and drive to something I don’t quite know what is.





I realize that I should rather be with myself comfort myself do things to support my body/self love.

I commit myself to be more open and communicative – to dare live.

I commit myself to express and share more my insides.





links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 14 Apr 2017, 18:41

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... n-my-head/

Day 760 – My voices in my head


A relationship between me and my voices





This is very clinical about my voices*



I realize that I have been living a pattern. A particular pattern concerning my thoughts/backchats/voices. Many times I have experienced voices and “loud” thoughts. Sometimes I experience these as very scary messages. They come from within myself and is a direct result of my schizophrenia/programming. They are my responsibility to handle, heal and/or live with.

It can be tough sometimes. Here; it is my relationship to the word “tough” that I need to look at, to not fuel the mind and the voices further. I hope you get the picture. Feel free to contact me if you don’t.



A peculiar thing is that have characterized my voices like saying that this particular voice is “scary”, or it is “bad” or “evil”. I would give energies/characterization and fuel/power to the voices/thoughts, by sorting them out to myself. I would give this voice the characterization of horror or hell, wicked, spiteful or evil …. and so on.



What I have not seen and realized before now is that, by characterizing and giving the voices energy/verdict, I give them fuel. I grant them access in my mind and in my head through energies. Voices in my head – granted to be there – acting out because I gave them the specific energy to burn with, like fuel on a engine. Running crazy in my head with voices – because I give the voices a certain energy, by characterizing it.

This buck stops right here !

I will stop feeding my voices/thoughts with energies. I don’t need to characterize my voices, rather deal with them in self honesty, self responsibility and what is best for all. I will expose my schizophrenia and share what I find. I will support myself through this process as best I can.



self forgiveness on the point :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give voices and thoughts in my head and in my mind certain energies and characterizations, like a value or fuel for the thought/voice to be and function in my head, of how I experience it out of my pre programming, and then giving it a purpose with how I place value on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize why I have voices in my head, I had forgiven them, failing to see and realize that I judged and characterized the voice that was in my head and by that fueling it more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to characterize my voices out of how I am programmed to value, judge and criticize everything around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to appreciate me here, and Instead give into energies and voices in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be-lie-ve that I have to attach value to my voices and to characterize them, from old habit, when this only fuels them with more power.





self commitment:

I commit myself to not give judging or characterization to my voices, as it will only fuel more voices in my head.

I commit myself to appreciate me here as life and to not “feed” my thoughts/voices with energies.

my video on this point:



Thanks for reading !



Please give time to the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 01 May 2017, 20:57

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... -and-play/

Day 761 – symmetry and play


About a year ago I was given some specific words to investigate, to redefine and live. One of these words was the word symmetry. Now I have been studying some various sources of what is the definition of symmetry. And it seem to me that most have several meanings to this word. It holds several definitions.

I would think , to myself, I need to break it down in one core definition. Like this ultimate definition of this word. Failing to see that it can actually mean more than one thing. It can have multiple definitions.



So with these thoughts spinning in my mind, with its pro an con’s. I thought, I have to nail this in one definite meaning. So I posted on facebook this picture, of what I thought was the definition of this word.




I posted it without much consideration on facebook, and thought it is mostly word play. I wanted to play with this word so I posted it, not taking it ever to serious what definition I had given this word. I was like testing it out.

To me it was mostly play. And that right there is my core issue. If I post something out of play and … testing out to myself, like playing with the word/issue. Then do I have to say that – hey this here is play ? Do I have to make a sticker on the post saying obs, obs, be aware this is me playing ??

What is play ? How do I define play ?



Because in the eyes of the observer, who reads my facebook post, how should he or she know that “hey, this is a joke” – more or less. This is not serious or .. real, it is a joke. And how is it that I hereby make play invalid and wrong ?

Interesting huh ?



If someone is playing, than it should then show, that this someone is playing. No? Is this not about being clear in ones stand ? Yes it does. So if I was clear in my stand, It would show that this was playing ?… I am not sure if this is right, and that is from not knowing myself good enough. From not knowing 100% my standing and purpose. It creates insecurities and doubt, do you agree ?



So for me this was a alarm going off. Saying to myself to be clear. To know myself. And to work on de constructing and removing my personality of uncertainty and doubt. So it seem like my personality of uncertainty and doubt have been playing me for a fool here.

So this goes to show that I need to redefine play to myself – because as of now it is not clear. And to continue on finding my definition to the word symmetry.



Thanks for reading

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 01 May 2017, 20:59

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... l-of-fear/


Day 762 – I am GATVOL of fear


I decide today that : I am GATVOL of fear

“Gatvol” I learn is africaan and it means “no more”

I decide to not allow myself going into fear. Instead I become here with myself, looking within myself, sensing and being aware of myself, within of my body, in self honesty.

Fear makes us angry – let’s NOT be angry !

Fear and anger is the opposite of solution.



Here is two awesome links to investigate:

https://eqafe.com/p/why-is-the-world-be ... -of-matter

https://eqafe.com/p/self-forgiveness-on ... ce-of-fear



Instead for feeding my mind with energies and reactions, “what if” – kind of thinking and paranoia.

I say till here no further. GATVOL with fear. Fear is a imagination – it is a lie.

I have been corrupting myself enough with “what if thoughts”, fear and imaginations of mind.

Instead I will be here with myself supporting myself and living self honest. And I will secure it with living words. Living words like; intimacy, support, genuine, honesty, guide, deep, gentle, stable, calm etc.



So… if I face situations that can seen stressful or reactive. I stop, and I breathe… perhaps I close my eyes for a second. I move within to self support. I embrace the situation and live and act in self honesty.



If everyone could do this and drop the fear… THAT is real change…

wooooow… what a potential !

Are you ready for this kind of world change ?



Let’s join teams !

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 01 May 2017, 21:00

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... cal-aware/


Day 763 – physical aware


How I am more physical aware than before

The basics of my physical awareness living


I am more physical by focusing on my breathe. First point, 24/7 breathe awareness. Then bring everything together with that breathe, and be one and equal to everything. HAH ! That is a challenge of a life time lol.. so it is a purpose higher than myself – it is still good. I mean look, the way we treat each other and this mother earth, we need something that is greater than our self to reach for. Not like a believe, but practical for the body/physical, so… equality and oneness is the perfect match. Codes of life.



So breathing in awareness. Inn and out. I breathe inn; I embrace what is here, I breathe out I express myself.

Then, from long time practicing self forgiveness/embracing self completely, once reaching that state of not being in separation, being here, not feeding the thought/paranoia/mind.

The thought and the mind is what keeps this old slavery system/matrix/mind together. You see, I have been searching high and low for “the secret” – seeking outside, failing to see that I in the flesh/physical is the key. I as the physical is the very key here. To bring equality and oneness (heaven) to earth. To balance a awareness with my physical with living words is a cool way to treat self. When I do that I live in physical energy, energy of the body, like solid, firm, not signals/lights in mind/head. But a rather calm, comfortable, warm, yet chill kind of sense. Really cool to experience.



Today I started a yoga practice. I will do this for some time to see what are my effect. But I must say that it is very important to be able to let go of thoughts and thinking of the old mind. I will always carry my mind in this life, but I don’t want to slave to it for energies/eternity. It does not have to be prominent like with consciousness.





So I breathe and ground myself in breathe awareness, find grounding my physical and balance it all with living and redefining words and self honesty.



When I work out my physical it is the same, though a more prominent focus on self honesty. Like digging dirt, I stay focused on my body in full self honesty. And sort of break it off with living words as well as with breathe awareness. Without pictures of boobs, buts, beers, cars, weed, whatever pictures or any particular energy that I would slave to mind with. But saying fuck of to energies/emotions sneaking inn on me. Telling my mind to fuck off: I am working with my body atm. Don’t give mind space/energies. Not with anger/fear but in self direction. Be self in charge from the physical. Calm, directed and honest.






I can learn to use my mind if I need it but I will not give it free range: no more.



It is a cool job. It works, I am living proof.

Enjoy breathe

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 07 May 2017, 13:15

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... he-portal/

Day 764 – meeting the portal



My first meeting with the interdimentional portal



I was just this last week in Brussels, Belgium, for a destonian gathering. We had been planning to meet there since new year’s 16/17. We all chipped in for a ticket so that Sunette (the portal) could travel to Belgium to see us. We where about 30 people at the most when we would gather in central Brussels.



I was first greeted by my fellow destonian Talamon (Tala), at the airport. After that we would travel into the city to see Leila, Gian, Cesar and Sunette. Before meeting I have been going through some projections and expectations of the whole thing. I would forgive and release these expectations when they occurred. The moment I would hug Sunette I sort of went into a reaction. Both from being tired of traveling, and also from the surprise of seeing how normal and ordinary people really are. You might say not what I expected lol.



So in that station hall, we would then first meet and hug. It was a sort of breaking point to me, and I was quite shaking right then and a few minutes later. But to my pleasant surprise I managed quite fine. I was able to release the energy and move within/without.



I was considered and my mental health, and I was asked if I was not tired. I was asked if I was ok. I was going though some reactions, like I said, but I managed very good. I was surprised by myself how well it all went.

Later in the park, we got to see first-hand portaling. Beings like Anuaki, Lilly and Mykey, presented them self to us. And we had a chat then in the Brussels park. A very cool experience indeed.

Also I had a portaling done, to only me, to hear from my mind, body and being. With the intent to bring my being forth within. To give me some strengthening advice and hear what my being /body / mind could tell me that I could not see/hear or had missed. I was told among other things that “You are stronger than what you think you are” and “Start with yoga” – such a advice. I was very thrilled to hear this and today is my third day of yoga, doing a new beginners course from youtube.



So meeting the portal and all the other destonians walking life process, was a deep honor and a deep sense of gratitude. It was over all fun and I learned lots about myself.



Thank you each one of you that I was able to hug and greet !

Together we walk, equal and one !

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 07 May 2017, 13:16

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... much-help/

Day 765 – To much help ?


With walking my desteni I process, being a living breathe on this earth with applying the tools that is offered generously by the desteni – group… I have come to realize a sneaking pattern within my mind and living experience. So I already mention that desteni offers allot of solutions. Assistance for self to apply. Like self forgiveness, breathe awareness, self honesty, self trust, self responsibility, physical awareness, living words and so on. These are some of the main pillars and tools/applications that is offered by desteni. Like you can see they are many.



And this point of the assisting tools being many my mind have used against me. Like my mind would project out a picture and “feeling” like all these components like a rack, stacked on top of each other… unorganized and very chaotic. Like a big mess. Make a big deal of a small point – which of mind is a expert lol…



One more time: my mind would try to use the multitude of assisting tools to tell me and convince me to discard and sort of give up my assisting applications, by telling me they are chaotic and unorganized. Like a mess of help lol.



So… ” Mind is a beautiful servant but a dangerous master” – Osho



Mind will work (if allowed) against life. Against me. So I must find ways to not give mind place/room/space within me – by using my applications – by being physical. I must not fear or hate my mind, simply take charge of it. It is not done over night.



So this is a point for me to look into. The word “organized” also the multitude of things and applications that I have. Question is if take them for granted ? Do I take my assisting tools for granted ? What do I take for granted in my living ? Important questions to ask self.

Thanks for reading

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 10 May 2017, 21:13

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... lf-online/


Day 766 – Bringing myself down from sharing and exposing myself online


Bringing myself down from sharing and exposing myself online

Today a troll brought out a demon in me. I shared a video from you tube where I do a talk. The troll was attacking me and not my words and it was totally not a cool thing to experience. It hurt me. Se picture above.

So I challenged myself, after talking to my DIP(desteni i process) – buddy – to see what else was behind this point. And It goes to show that I judge myself for sharing myself. I would express something within a video or a comment and later judge myself for it. Thinking I expose myself to much, I should not say this’n that. Bringing myself down from raising my voice.

This buck stops right here! I will express and expose myself, my mind and my solutions and my living to everyone interested.

Check out self forgiveness at desteni.org – it can really change ones living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as “to much” and as a clown and silly or a looser for posting lots on facebook/else and for making myself a name, out there and sort of saying to the world “here I am” – and for thinking that I do this to much and that I over do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with myself for seeing that I judge myself within not living my desires and my ideal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations of myself how I should be sharing and not – online

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loos myself in depression from judging myself for not living this ieal and dream

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have unreal ideal and dreams about myself and life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like since my dream and expectations are not lived I fail and feel angry with myself for failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I fail to live my desires and dreams and within thinking this – I start to judge my expression and experience online as wrong and bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I fail at expressing my core, depth or any taboo within where I judge myself thinking that I should do things differently and that I am not ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with myself and within this anger I would bash out with my mind and loose myself into despair and isolation/depression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and lost in despair within self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face my own judgment – when I really just have to drop the whole judging thing and live !

It seam I judge myself for not living a perfect life. Like I have dreams or desires that are perfect (?) There is no need to judge. What so ever. There is however need to heal. So – dropping the judging and becoming life though self forgiveness.

Thanks !

Enjoy breathe !

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 11 May 2017, 15:20

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... 67-choice/

Day 767 – choice


If I can make that choice

Right now I have Michael Jackson in my head.. :

“I am looking at the man in the mirror…”



I am looking at me in the mirror, and In self honesty and integrity, I can see that there are things within myself that I can change. I am sure it is that way with you also. 100 % sure!

Thing is we all want a better world. We want a good life, peace and prosperity for all… right ? If that is not the case – then I would say that you are mentally ill, and many of us are, mentally ill without taking it into consideration. Such a shame.



That choice can be a turning point in self, like it is to me. We all have choices in our lives. We all have that something we can do for the greater good. We all can do more to assist self to a better living. We can listen to the common sense, what the body tells us – and to not listen to minds, energetic desires – that will always, always deceive us.

So if I can make that choice in my life maybe I can assist others on doing the same. My choice is about several things, but mostly it is me and my living where I am. It is about being more physical. It is also about writing more. I have been focusing on to do more physical work. Living on a farm there is always work to be done and my body very much enjoys the work. Though my mind will reject it from losing its grip on me and at the same time I also bring forth my being. And that is what this is about; to honor the physical and bring forth ones being and not give mind its space and attention. It is a big job and it may seem difficult, but consistent work and pushing self will carry through. To just do it and jump out of comfort zones and do the work, what needs to be done.



Because it s from honoring and caring for my physical and bringing forth my being, together with living words and self honesty that I can change, expand and evolve – be better myself.

Not giving mind attention and space.

And through writing I can understand, realize, forgive and direct myself.





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid physical work and to avoid taking part in it, making excuses that my body hurts and it is weary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses about my living to not have to go to work simply from fear of confronting my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the reward in doing physical work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to jump out of my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.



I commit myself to be more consistent and also flexible with my physical like to do more yoga.

I commit myself to do more yoga.

I commit myself to write more and to expose and share more of my living.

User avatar
tormod
Posts: 949
Joined: 25 Jan 2012, 12:05

Re: Tormod's blogg

Postby tormod » 12 May 2017, 12:18

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... o-trouble/

Day 768 – attracting to trouble


attraction to complications / a autism perspective

walking with schizophrenia




So it is clear to me that I have lived a life so far with quite some mental challenges. The word and diagnosis of “schizophrenia” is not defined right by society/doctors/practice. Today people with this sort of complications are told wrong things. They are not told what schizophrenia really is. It is easy to see this error, and also that it is coming from the establishment/western medicine that is in practical terms, completely in reverse. I have done many posts, videos and blogs on this (schizophrenia). So If you would like to hear my take on it – please contact me or investigate.

I have lived a life with this (schizophrenia) type of autism all my life. I have grown into attracting trouble. I have 3 or sometimes 4 minds to deal with; I am informed. Sometimes I see this monster within, a tree/four headed beast/troll that is the core of my schizophrenia. So I have lived and nurtured with this beast for a long time. Again it is all what I make of it and how I create myself. My burden can be that – a burden or I can strengthen it and make it something of support. Made possible from walking with self forgiveness and desteni.org

So it is quite natural for me to attract to trouble. Being drugs, sex or any type of systems sabotage or uproar. I have been through it. It is in my past now most of it, I quit most of my energy addictions very close to exactly 5 years ago. Today I have very little bothers of this nature. I can be more myself, stable, calm and rooted, yet allow myself to be wild, free and honest. You see, through working on self forgiveness consistent for 5 years, everyday bringing shit to surface and dealing with it forgiving it, taking it into me, deleting it within – brings a new perspective on life.

My dealing with what is in my mind. I don’t leave it up to “God”, or any separate entity to take responsibility for this. No, this is all about me, myself taking 100 % responsibility. Though, I am not guilty of any crime what so ever. It was all and it still is : all programming and design of mind. I am guilty of nothing, so I should not judge myself either. It is all how mind is rigged…. how we live our lives. Are you aware how much mind is in control of your living ? For real ? It is a deep, deep rabbit-hole of self. All the systems “out there” is a system of self – projected outwards. The ultimate ride. To forgive self, to embrace, liberate and become one and equal.



We at desteni have been saying for years how it is all programs. It is all a huge mind fuck. Time to deal with that picture. So I have been attracting to commotion and bothers, by indentifying with it. Again : it is what I make of it, do I want to live with the burden or do I want to live with the support – I have that level of freedom to make such a decision today. I am at that point of creation. Trouble have been me. It is what I have lived for quite some years. Again I take 100 % responsibility for it and bring it all back to self to embrace and forgive. To delete the metaphysics. The forgiveness part is important to understand self and life.



If you try it out and talk about self forgiveness to self, in spoken words. You will see this very soon…. the real hero here is you. The physical is key. Are you ready for the challenge ?

Schizophrenia is not real the way it is taught today. It has different origins and a different recipe than what schools and doctors tell us. I mean what the fuck … if we are to trust the establishment, then we trust the outcome, right ? What is the outcome of the current establishment and mind system ? In this world today there is, war, child rape, murder, torture, pollution, pain and abuse….This goes to question our trust in systems… like wikipedia ? Or Harvard Doctors ? Your parents (?) or “same old same old patterns” ? The establishment ? They are systems that keep us at status Q … right ? Our very own thoughts and mind, that keep us locked in the “same old same old” idea and hamster wheel. Can you see this ? It all origins at self, it is all, every tiny piece of it originated in the human mind experience. I mean bring it back to self for real… What is in your head ? Who is in your head ? … Who are you ? What is your dreams ? What is your purpose ? Why are you here ? What is your potential ? That is the kind of questions that have always been lost… but no, no, look at the circus and the energetic play of mind. What the fuck. Are you real or are you a zombie of mind ?

Are you letting the zombie mind rule your world ? What do you say about consciousness ? These are things that govern our living to the very core. These are our systems of death. Mind and consciousness. Mistaken for God. It is all in reverse. You see ? Free self from mind slaving with self forgiveness, this is the only way to become real.


Return to “Writing Yourself to Freedom”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest