I posted this on my denisesjourneytolife wordpress blog:
Creating a Self that is Inferior to all Life
I forgive myself that I have created within/as self a being that is inferior to all life.
I forgive myself that I allowed and accepted habits, patterns, behaviors, reactions and responses over a lifetime in creating this inferiority as/within me. I forgive myself that over this lifetime, these habits, patterns, behaviors, reactions and responses have accumulated and it will take time to deconstruct those accumulated behaviors and re-create a self that is equal to all life.
I forgive myself that have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am equal to all; all are equal to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see that this was harmful to self and all life here.
I forgive myself that I allow and accept others to be superior to me, including children that I have.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting others having the right to be superior over me.
I forgive myself that in the statement “others having the right to be superior over me”, I am reinforcing that I am inferior.
I forgive myself for creating this inferiority as me.
I forgive myself that in creating self as inferior, others are aware and have and will take advantage until I correct this point.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed this inferiority so as to not have to take responsibility for self.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self to make inferiority the excuse to not take responsibility for self.
When I see within/as myself that I am experiencing inferiority, I stop, I breathe and see that I am no less, nor greater than any life.
When I realize I am experiencing discouragement in not accepting and allowing myself to inferior, I stop, breathe and realize I created this inferiority within/as me over a lifetime and with patience, consistency and self directiveness, I, indeed am creating a self that is equal to all life.
When i realize that I am allowing and accepting my children to act in such a way that I believe I am inferior, I stop, I breathe and focus on the process of creating self as equal, not above or below my children.
When I realize I am acting less than or allowing and accepting myself to be less than those around me, I will stop myself, breathe and I commit to assist and supporting myself in creating a self that is equal to all life.
I commit to un-creating the self as inferior by consistently walking out my equality with all life.
I commit to assisting and supporting myself by not allowing and accepting discouragement through writing this process out, stopping and breathing.
I commit to consistency, patience and self-direct self through practical steps using common sense to be equal to all life.
I commit to not accepting and allowing myself to blame my children for their actions where I have created myself to be inferior to them.
I commit to taking responsibility for myself in creating a self that is equal to all life.
Habits created as a result of creating a being inferior to all life
I don’t go places where I might feel inferior. I shrink inside. A really good example is: I went to a restraint with a guy I like a lot and his friends met us there. I felt lowly, ugly, unaccepted….ugh!!! ooh, so I drank to try to feel more confident…wtf! That’s just weird.
I realize through self-investigation that I elevate others by trying to hear about them, their accomplishments;
I talk to animals as if they are superior;
I have given to “worthy causes” to assist them financially because I judge them as “better than me” , thus I have deemed myself lower than the “causes” or the recipients of the money I may give them as in greater need than I am;
I realize that I will encourage others, not myself.
I realize that I have told myself “ I suck” lots of times.
I downplay my accomplishments out loud.
I realize that II created others being so much better than me.
I realize I have allow abuse as a result of feeling like I am inferior. I don’t try things, just food dishes not just because I feel inferior but out of fear.
I realize I stopped doing the things I kind of enjoyed: I used to sing but do not sing in front of others anymore, I slump within/as my body
I realized too that, I will feel pain when I feel less than all life a lot of the times
I realize that I agree with others because I deem them superior, even though, later I am not in agreement with what they think, say or do.
Patterns created as a result of creating a being inferior to all life:
I just keep letting the cycle going, distrusting self, self-doubt, I dress frumpily, comfortably, but in too big of clothes, I will put myself down,
Behaviors created as a result of creating a being inferior to all life:
Ignoring responsibilities: bills, car maintenance, stay in a “stuck” cycle, give up, allow others to tell what to do, thus, I don’t take responsibility.ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reactions created as a result in creating a being inferior to all life:
Becoming shy, not looking at others, feeling shame, feeling lowly, cough, anxiety, reinforce that I am “stupid” by dumbing down things or conveniently forgetting, not caring to remember or recall something just to reinforce my inferiority, don’t know why I even bother, ask myself, “What’s the point?”
Responses created as a result in creating a being inferior to all life:
Self-hate, self-harm, self-anger, sheepish, low self-esteem, don’t know what to do,( stay stuck), self-doubt,
Feelings associated with feeling inferior created
Sad, stupid, fear, distrust of self/others, useless, hopeless
Times I feel inferior to all life
When I don’t have money, our housing situation, not having a good job, when others are mad at me, when my car breaks down, when I cannot meet the wants of my children, sometimes needs,
I wrote a little more there and I have lots more to go!