Matt's Writings

[barbara]

What I have realized about the practical use of a living commitment is that not in the commitment it self of self direction constantly but in things related like how I go about my day at school and how much resistance I create is easier the effect of the commitment can be seen in this. One example is in a particular class I start to doze and I start going into my head and feeling tired and feeling like I want out of the class and just a lot of feelings and little me directing myself to stop the abusive feelings. So in class I realized I wasn’t directing myself, not as a memory really because there was no thought but as a realization I remembered that my commitment for when I realized I haven’t been directing myself is to take a breathe and start directing myself from the point of investigating why I wasn’t directing myself. And for most of the class I effectively went trough the hour of the class directing myself from the point of self investigation as breathe so I was breathing but not just breathing I was also in each breathe realizing where I could more effectively direct myself and in this I helped myself where I had not been supporting myself once before.

Cool Matt, thanks for sharing1

[Matthew Stone]

My destonian complex.

When and where self righteous ideas are formed in my world of myself as being a destonian, these ideas must be forgiveness because the ideas are showing me how I’m manipulating my own process in self interest as-

-I’m a destonian it’s all part of process (Destonians are people walking themselves into life with tools of self honesty common sense until all life reaches a point of life of actualization. I in my process am not letting myself settle for ideas of it’ll fix itself because I believe I’m better then the problem)

-I need a script (Please, do whatever it takes, I should not be waiting to realize self honesty common sense in writing, I should realize many, many, many things constantly within my living and then enhance blow up specify support myself within writing put my day into a nice presentation for myself to manage understand.)

-I’ll write it out. (same point as before I don’t need to write it out that I should not kill family members I live that common sense without the need of writing all my life fear based or not I can apply so much more in each moment if I should give myself the oppritunity which I from here on in this writing will)

-I’ll wait for timeloop (another destnonian complex excuse of believing that “being” a destonian means anything outside what it’s prescribed as meaning.)

It makes sense I might support the group of desteni by not even considering or calling myself a destnonian if all I’ll use the title for is personal interest as self empowerment in relationship to others or excuses to myself.

So I realize this point of not living in common sense, self honesty, self direction, I realize that I must support myself in any way I can not because I’m Matt Destonian but because I realize there is not a moment without consequences here for me.

In my spare time which I have limited who and how much time I spend with others has changed much, but I realize I could do more I understand I could push myself to support myself further.

I realize my friends are a way for me to observe myself in relationship to them, but they by no means support me. My dogs I can not only observe my relationship to but they are much more likely to be supporting me.

So in this example the common sense living is clear and I didn’t need to write this out I could have lived this from the begging I could have supported myself from the beginning of process in living common sense points like this.

To establish this living common sense self support point, first I realize why has it token me to this point, why have I forced myself into this position before writing out a commitment to living in common sense in each moment as support for my process as well as all others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have limited myself honesty, self direction, and realization to paper as defining myself as expanding on writing daily but not realizing for myself that in my daily living I have constant moments opportunities to expand my understanding of my process of equality of my living in the simplest decisions of common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stepping out of line by not living process the way I believe that it should be lived and in this I realize I’ve been living in a substantionally abusive way and that each moment has the potential of me committing myself to doing what’s best and supporting myself breathe after breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not self investigate myself just because I’m not at home on computer when really I could support myself in simply directive investigative thinking in breathe I could support myself in any way I can as a radical commitment to each moment and doing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limiting myself by not living and realizing life support as common sense in each moment as the living of common sense doing what’s best all the time realizing any moment not living common sense in a sing of abuse and something to be written out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my expression of myself in living self honesty in each moment by not taking my process into consideration as self support in each moment by not committing myself to the radical living of what’s best for me in relationship to my process each breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the idea of myself as being able to go about and do as I please and then define what I do as part of my process. I realize here that in this idea/belief no self support is existent at all only an idea construct.

I realize my commitment my reasonability is in each moment, I realize if I’m angry I don’t go off and commit hatred and killing just because I haven’t written the point out for myself.

I realize I live common sense, self forgiveness, writing, breathe direction, all as process each moment process.

I realize I have no excuses to do what is best for life.

I commit myself to playing the active/directive role in each moment as each breathe I take as me directing myself.

Adding onto my previous commitments as adding another living script another active role of self applation in my living.

I commit myself to accepting and allowing myself to in each breathe commit myself to realizing life, to do what’s best as common sense/self support. So I do whatever I think I realize is best for myself as life in each moment, so yes I commit myself to supporting myself with thinking as directing myself to think about what’s best what will support me within my walking my process.

This is my commitment to live in practical self support in each moment expanding my potential as life and supporting myself within process.

[Matthew Stone]

I need to be specific in my writings, I don’t need writings cluttering up with no actual practical surfacing in my living, because I know I’ve made them, and the learning happened, or is happening because I realize that I don’t need more shit in the form of writing, I need supportive structured specific sentences, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to …. …. …. Specific statements, I commit myself in each breathe as living as each breathe …. …. …. Statements like this support me in brining myself out directly as specific as I possibly can a single point in a single structured sentence so that’s what I’m working with here.

So In adding onto my specific living for myself, I’ve realized a point that’s come up in a few different ways actually, and in writing I’ll bring it down to a solid understandable point here and then see what I can do from the perspective of self forgiveness self correction self commitment as realigning my world.

So I realize I need to be specific and expand on being specific little by little here.

I realized that I have not been specific in just how immediately I address a point, I realize I give points in my world weight on me by not immediately stopping the participation the response ect. I give it just that one moment that it needs for me to expand on it and indulge just a little as doing things in my convinces.

So this is a cool point to clear up, and in one way that I’ll write about what happened is that I got home and after watching some videos I started getting into some blogs as a commitment I’m working on forming and I’m going to go ahead and write out the commitment at the end of this writing. So I start getting into the blogs and I just go into this tired state I’ve been at school all day and now I’m doing even more work so I’m responsive I’m like fuck I’m in this terrible state of existence and don’t know what to do so I went to sleep, and slept for an hour and then got back up ate and then was excellent at reading the blogs.

This example if perfect for me because The Absolute Immediate response is the best perspective best opportunity I have to stop breathe and direct myself before I let the systems build before I indulge and it’s when I face the most resistance. So yes I’m going to be better at stopping the mind after I let it in just a little because I’m no longer facing the entire point as it comes up I’m sneaking it out without addressing exactly what I’m dealing with due to my own trickery.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take it on myself to face resistance at the most intense moment as the moment it flares up within me the moment it occurs I address it because that’s the best time to address it and that specific instant action is where I can develop power from.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face in self honesty when I manipulate points by letting them in just a little as not addressing them for even a moment or allowing any response before I direct for even in instant because this shows that there’s something that I’m not facing so my direction is then tainted and no longer can stand as me unconditionally stopping a point.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself as the unconditional directive point within my world, so that if I’m stopping something I’m unconditionally doing it because that’s one and equal, but if I’m letting myself sneak in response and not acting immediately then I’m no longer one and equal for my world because I’m not specifically taking responsibility for my world to my best which is specific effective it’s the absolute best I’m capable to push myself within any given moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize for myself my immediate directive potential to show myself this is not what I’m going to participate in when a point comes up and not just stopping it when I get around to it but leave no room for anything less then me pushing to do something that cannot be given a chance to spread like a disease within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing who I am as self responsibility.

I commit myself to immediately stopping any point that comes up which I have already applied self commitment statements and living to.

I realize the power I have within that seeming small moment to make or break my relationship to a point I realize that there is fear in relationship to being specific like this but I commit myself to push through so in a sense face my fears until I realize my fears and then I’m able to write and forgive by placing the fears in broad daylight.

I realize there is fear, but I also realize just how effective I am capable of being in relationship to this point of immediate and effective self direction without mercy.

I commit myself to something that I realize I have resistance towards but I commit myself to this because once the resistance is suppressed and faded away I still stand and in this I realize the resistance is not showing me common sense so as an action of common sense I commit myself to specifically pushing myself to write out my self forgiveness self commitment/directive statements with effective understandable specific nature by including how I will immediately stop the point by including how I’ve come about to realize something and expanding and creating within writing something comprehendible and expansive which can be effectively lived and worked with.

I commit myself to empowering myself within my process by realizing just what I am capable of by the specific nature of my self approach and my self management in my living breathe per breathe as well as my writing examples.

The commitments I mentioned I’d write at the end are 3 commitments, of self supportive living.

1 I commit myself to 30 minutes of blog reading/destnei related material.

2 I commit myself to 30 minutes of writing my daily blog and writing out points in my day.

3 I commit myself to an hour/60 minutes of nothingness, where I will (nap) (awake) not sleep for one hour a day without any electronics, tv, writing, reading, ect. I will lay wherever I like or sit for one hour a day to breathe, to take time for self intimacy, to even think if I’m so stressed I’m at a point where I’m not directing myself. One hour of spending time with myself.

So two hours of time commitment to my day Starting tommrow due to the time limitations I may have until 12 oclock starting the new day.

To live this commitment I support myself by writing out for myself just why I have fallen within my two hours of commitment in my day.

[Matthew Stone]

repeated post.. actual post below.

[Matthew Stone]

I’m brining up a specific point that’s interesting for me. It showed me and I saw or realized within it that my writing really does include a stable platform for me to create and to realize.

Because today I’m dealing with a point that I experience as directly having no way to cope with, I directly experienced the fact that I hadn’t ever written out this point, so in specific relationship to the point I simply had no structure in place for addressing and dealing with the point in the moment specifically in relationship to the point, I had common sense and direction as a general living commitment, but In a sense I compromised that I realized a construct within myself.

I realized after the starting point of feeling insufficiency, I respond to trying to create what I want within compromising myself as not facing the consequences of my actions.

I let myself slip out of control in relationship to a point, and in this I suppressed myself and did not show to myself the expression of who I am as realizing myself and directing myself in a way that’s best that’s supportive.

So the starting point was a point of insecurity as I can see but due to the amount I suppressed myself I cannot even face this point but instead can, and am able to face the point that I built off of that point which is not facing the consequence, and allowing myself to do this participation in abuse by defining myself as “loosing control”, or “slipping out of control” as a total excuse from facing consequences.

I realize here that I responded to a point of desire to insecurity, and in response to this point I mentally projected myself into the experience of chaos so I could in that chaos experience the separation needed to make a feeling of desire of getting something I’m lacking when really I just separated myself from realizing myself one and equal to what I want, and so I’m really just participating in an energetic mind play out of energy within myself which I’ve defined myself as wanting without facing the consequences of what I’m participating in.

I’ve already written this point out but I’m going to try to rewrite some of it into a structure I can live as forgiveness and commit myself to having a structure to work with if the point is coming back up ever again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as being able to let things get out of control. I now realize that the experience of letting things get out of control is really me not facing myself within my responsibility for my consequences of my participating in the statement letting things get out of control.

I realize control is not lost nor there because what I’m attempting to control is myself and I can only direct myself not control, that’s the lie, and the reality is me not facing and directing consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let tension grow around a point so much that I decide I must be broken with consequences and allow this being broken to occur within the participation in the living of the statement letting things get out of control which was a backchat I realize I was experiencing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by anything but equal to the feelings of total physical chaos as who I am within what I create in participation.

In chaos I tried to create as point separate from me where I could get what I wanted, but that’s kind of a dimension in itself as something to be individually addressed separately while here I’m focusing more on the point of letting consequences build to a point that I define myself as a breaking point to play out the energetic play out of my desire, so a kind of desire in punishment is a good way to put it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of chaos when I don’t get what I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to get what I want in chaos.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself as responsible for my consequences I create within my participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow desire because of response/as response to feeling insignificant/insecure of myself.

I realize security as want/desire is total chaos as deception to not face a simple starting point.

Chaos for me is consequences going unchecked, as not taking responsibility and not facing myself as having to take responsibility for my conseucees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself let consequences grow and compound within my world because I don’t want to face myself one and equal to the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face myself within what I’m actually created as equal to myself within my participation in chaos and the experience of it as the build up of energetic consequences.

I commit myself to stop breathe and direct in self honesty the experience of my world as chaos the immediate moment I realize I’m allowing this experience to occur.

When this experience I’ve manifested of chaos is coming up in my world, I commit myself to immediately stop participation in the energetic payout realizing that I’m not taking self responsibility, and in this moment of breathe also direct myself to face myself within what consequences am I trying to avoid facing one and equal, as stopping breathing and facing a point within self responsibility not consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to face myself within consequence as apposed to self honesty within the moment.

I realize that in common sense me facing me as doing what’s best is stopping participation in abuse as conflict as consequences, and immediately acting in a supportive way for myself where I do not have to reach a point of chaos and insanity before I realize myself as stopping participation and supporting myself within responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad at myself for needing and allowing such radical consequences before I face myself within my actions one and equal.

I commit myself to within breathe investigating in self honesty and writing the starting point of such insanity as chaos within me due to my direct participation.

I commit myself to recognizing and realizing the starting point to enhance in self honesty just why I’ve allowed points to manifest within me where I do not face myself as self responsibility whatsoever, why I’ve defined myself as entitled to abuse which expands far beyond what I on the outside experience it as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the feeling I’ve associated with chaos.

I realize feelings cannot represent loss of control and chaos because chaos is only existing as me not taking self reasonability not and is only existing so I might avoid facing myself in self honesty in relationship to the points of which I’m trying to hide.

So I realize it’s written I’m sharing the point, there is not consequences, and in common sense I realize that if I am to play this point out to the point of consequences again it will be worse and worse and worse. I commit myself to not having to exist as a life of consequences and instead I commit myself to life itself as taking directive control and responsibility for consequence as realizing myself as stopping them as not me as not having control over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in any way define the experience/feeling of chaos of having any control over me within my world whatsoever outside of what I grant this construct power over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power of self away so that I can get what it is that I want.

[Garbrielle]

I’m brining up a specific point that’s interesting for me. It showed me and I saw or realized within it that my writing really does include a stable platform for me to create and to realize.

Because today I’m dealing with a point that I experience as directly having no way to cope with, I directly experienced the fact that I hadn’t ever written out this point, so in specific relationship to the point I simply had no structure in place for addressing and dealing with the point in the moment specifically in relationship to the point, I had common sense and direction as a general living commitment, but In a sense I compromised that I realized a construct within myself.

I realized after the starting point of feeling insufficiency, I respond to trying to create what I want within compromising myself as not facing the consequences of my actions.

I let myself slip out of control in relationship to a point, and in this I suppressed myself and did not show to myself the expression of who I am as realizing myself and directing myself in a way that’s best that’s supportive.

So the starting point was a point of insecurity as I can see but due to the amount I suppressed myself I cannot even face this point but instead can, and am able to face the point that I built off of that point which is not facing the consequence, and allowing myself to do this participation in abuse by defining myself as “loosing control”, or “slipping out of control” as a total excuse from facing consequences.

I realize here that I responded to a point of desire to insecurity, and in response to this point I mentally projected myself into the experience of chaos so I could in that chaos experience the separation needed to make a feeling of desire of getting something I’m lacking when really I just separated myself from realizing myself one and equal to what I want, and so I’m really just participating in an energetic mind play out of energy within myself which I’ve defined myself as wanting without facing the consequences of what I’m participating in.

I’ve already written this point out but I’m going to try to rewrite some of it into a structure I can live as forgiveness and commit myself to having a structure to work with if the point is coming back up ever again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as being able to let things get out of control. I now realize that the experience of letting things get out of control is really me not facing myself within my responsibility for my consequences of my participating in the statement letting things get out of control.

I realize control is not lost nor there because what I’m attempting to control is myself and I can only direct myself not control, that’s the lie, and the reality is me not facing and directing consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let tension grow around a point so much that I decide I must be broken with consequences and allow this being broken to occur within the participation in the living of the statement letting things get out of control which was a backchat I realize I was experiencing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by anything but equal to the feelings of total physical chaos as who I am within what I create in participation.

In chaos I tried to create as point separate from me where I could get what I wanted, but that’s kind of a dimension in itself as something to be individually addressed separately while here I’m focusing more on the point of letting consequences build to a point that I define myself as a breaking point to play out the energetic play out of my desire, so a kind of desire in punishment is a good way to put it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of chaos when I don’t get what I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to get what I want in chaos.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself as responsible for my consequences I create within my participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow desire because of response/as response to feeling insignificant/insecure of myself.

I realize security as want/desire is total chaos as deception to not face a simple starting point.

Chaos for me is consequences going unchecked, as not taking responsibility and not facing myself as having to take responsibility for my conseucees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself let consequences grow and compound within my world because I don’t want to face myself one and equal to the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face myself within what I’m actually created as equal to myself within my participation in chaos and the experience of it as the build up of energetic consequences.

I commit myself to stop breathe and direct in self honesty the experience of my world as chaos the immediate moment I realize I’m allowing this experience to occur.

When this experience I’ve manifested of chaos is coming up in my world, I commit myself to immediately stop participation in the energetic payout realizing that I’m not taking self responsibility, and in this moment of breathe also direct myself to face myself within what consequences am I trying to avoid facing one and equal, as stopping breathing and facing a point within self responsibility not consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to face myself within consequence as apposed to self honesty within the moment.

I realize that in common sense me facing me as doing what’s best is stopping participation in abuse as conflict as consequences, and immediately acting in a supportive way for myself where I do not have to reach a point of chaos and insanity before I realize myself as stopping participation and supporting myself within responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad at myself for needing and allowing such radical consequences before I face myself within my actions one and equal.

I commit myself to within breathe investigating in self honesty and writing the starting point of such insanity as chaos within me due to my direct participation.

I commit myself to recognizing and realizing the starting point to enhance in self honesty just why I’ve allowed points to manifest within me where I do not face myself as self responsibility whatsoever, why I’ve defined myself as entitled to abuse which expands far beyond what I on the outside experience it as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the feeling I’ve associated with chaos.

I realize feelings cannot represent loss of control and chaos because chaos is only existing as me not taking self reasonability not and is only existing so I might avoid facing myself in self honesty in relationship to the points of which I’m trying to hide.

So I realize it’s written I’m sharing the point, there is not consequences, and in common sense I realize that if I am to play this point out to the point of consequences again it will be worse and worse and worse. I commit myself to not having to exist as a life of consequences and instead I commit myself to life itself as taking directive control and responsibility for consequence as realizing myself as stopping them as not me as not having control over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in any way define the experience/feeling of chaos of having any control over me within my world whatsoever outside of what I grant this construct power over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power of self away so that I can get what it is that I want.

Awesome Matt, really cool realizations here...it's cool how you see that we have to take responsibility for everything we participate in from the points we are conscious of to the points that are not see easily seen and take dedication and self investigation to get to the root and core of why it is here, so more the subconscious and unconscious mind points. You show here within your writing that you are pushing yourself to indeed investigate each point for example with the chaos play out, where easily we could go into a point of lostness and abdication, but cool you saw that you need to bring it back to self and see what was the points you were trying to avoid. I have done this as well, very cool you are pushing yourself in process and using the writing as a tool to get more in depth and specific with how you are creating yourself and thus give yourself the opportunity to change and be more direct. Cheers!

[Garbrielle]

I’m brining up a specific point that’s interesting for me. It showed me and I saw or realized within it that my writing really does include a stable platform for me to create and to realize.

Because today I’m dealing with a point that I experience as directly having no way to cope with, I directly experienced the fact that I hadn’t ever written out this point, so in specific relationship to the point I simply had no structure in place for addressing and dealing with the point in the moment specifically in relationship to the point, I had common sense and direction as a general living commitment, but In a sense I compromised that I realized a construct within myself.

I realized after the starting point of feeling insufficiency, I respond to trying to create what I want within compromising myself as not facing the consequences of my actions.

I let myself slip out of control in relationship to a point, and in this I suppressed myself and did not show to myself the expression of who I am as realizing myself and directing myself in a way that’s best that’s supportive.

So the starting point was a point of insecurity as I can see but due to the amount I suppressed myself I cannot even face this point but instead can, and am able to face the point that I built off of that point which is not facing the consequence, and allowing myself to do this participation in abuse by defining myself as “loosing control”, or “slipping out of control” as a total excuse from facing consequences.

I realize here that I responded to a point of desire to insecurity, and in response to this point I mentally projected myself into the experience of chaos so I could in that chaos experience the separation needed to make a feeling of desire of getting something I’m lacking when really I just separated myself from realizing myself one and equal to what I want, and so I’m really just participating in an energetic mind play out of energy within myself which I’ve defined myself as wanting without facing the consequences of what I’m participating in.

I’ve already written this point out but I’m going to try to rewrite some of it into a structure I can live as forgiveness and commit myself to having a structure to work with if the point is coming back up ever again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as being able to let things get out of control. I now realize that the experience of letting things get out of control is really me not facing myself within my responsibility for my consequences of my participating in the statement letting things get out of control.

I realize control is not lost nor there because what I’m attempting to control is myself and I can only direct myself not control, that’s the lie, and the reality is me not facing and directing consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let tension grow around a point so much that I decide I must be broken with consequences and allow this being broken to occur within the participation in the living of the statement letting things get out of control which was a backchat I realize I was experiencing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by anything but equal to the feelings of total physical chaos as who I am within what I create in participation.

In chaos I tried to create as point separate from me where I could get what I wanted, but that’s kind of a dimension in itself as something to be individually addressed separately while here I’m focusing more on the point of letting consequences build to a point that I define myself as a breaking point to play out the energetic play out of my desire, so a kind of desire in punishment is a good way to put it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of chaos when I don’t get what I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to get what I want in chaos.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself as responsible for my consequences I create within my participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow desire because of response/as response to feeling insignificant/insecure of myself.

I realize security as want/desire is total chaos as deception to not face a simple starting point.

Chaos for me is consequences going unchecked, as not taking responsibility and not facing myself as having to take responsibility for my conseucees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself let consequences grow and compound within my world because I don’t want to face myself one and equal to the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face myself within what I’m actually created as equal to myself within my participation in chaos and the experience of it as the build up of energetic consequences.

I commit myself to stop breathe and direct in self honesty the experience of my world as chaos the immediate moment I realize I’m allowing this experience to occur.

When this experience I’ve manifested of chaos is coming up in my world, I commit myself to immediately stop participation in the energetic payout realizing that I’m not taking self responsibility, and in this moment of breathe also direct myself to face myself within what consequences am I trying to avoid facing one and equal, as stopping breathing and facing a point within self responsibility not consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to face myself within consequence as apposed to self honesty within the moment.

I realize that in common sense me facing me as doing what’s best is stopping participation in abuse as conflict as consequences, and immediately acting in a supportive way for myself where I do not have to reach a point of chaos and insanity before I realize myself as stopping participation and supporting myself within responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad at myself for needing and allowing such radical consequences before I face myself within my actions one and equal.

I commit myself to within breathe investigating in self honesty and writing the starting point of such insanity as chaos within me due to my direct participation.

I commit myself to recognizing and realizing the starting point to enhance in self honesty just why I’ve allowed points to manifest within me where I do not face myself as self responsibility whatsoever, why I’ve defined myself as entitled to abuse which expands far beyond what I on the outside experience it as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the feeling I’ve associated with chaos.

I realize feelings cannot represent loss of control and chaos because chaos is only existing as me not taking self reasonability not and is only existing so I might avoid facing myself in self honesty in relationship to the points of which I’m trying to hide.

So I realize it’s written I’m sharing the point, there is not consequences, and in common sense I realize that if I am to play this point out to the point of consequences again it will be worse and worse and worse. I commit myself to not having to exist as a life of consequences and instead I commit myself to life itself as taking directive control and responsibility for consequence as realizing myself as stopping them as not me as not having control over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in any way define the experience/feeling of chaos of having any control over me within my world whatsoever outside of what I grant this construct power over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power of self away so that I can get what it is that I want.

Awesome Matt, really cool realizations here...it's cool how you see that we have to take responsibility for everything we participate in from the points we are conscious of to the points that are not so easily seen, which take dedication and self investigation to get to the root and core of why it is here, so more the subconscious and unconscious mind points. You show here within your writing that you are pushing yourself to indeed investigate each point for example with the chaos play out, where easily we could go into a point of lostness and abdication, but cool you saw that you need to bring it back to self and see what was the points you were trying to avoid. Very cool you are pushing yourself in process and using the writing as a tool to get more in depth and specific with how you are creating yourself and thus give yourself the opportunity to change and be more direct. Cheers!

[Matthew Stone]

I’ve spent some time today reopening the point of feelings, and specifically the point of feelings on weed, which gives me a very interesting perspective.

Firstly it does not matter that the feelings I experienced while on weed were during a period of intoxication as being “high”. This doesn’t matter in addressing points I experience while I used to get high. The fact that I was high makes no difference because It’s sill me still my participation I’m only being shown how fragile my system really is so that I can be so easy broken simply by taking in chemicals.

Even though getting high is a very interesting perspective, it is not a preferable perspective, as in I’d prefer to be boring old mat who may be less interesting then matt taking chemicals because there’s no support while on those chemicals me ingesting chemicals as weed as cigarettes was me taking advantage of myself because I couldn’t really move myself I couldn’t direct myself on drugs I couldn’t direct myself in normal living day by day how could I throw drugs into the mix and come out fine.

So I’m looking at feelings, feelings are constant I constantly feel something but the feeling is also showing me I’m not standing equal to myself, It’s not that I don’t enjoy having no feelings meaning I don’t enjoy myself I don’t enjoy myself feeling with or with out feeling because we are broken systems as humans we haven’t token care of who we are so we face the consequences as not enjoying things to the fullest possibility.

Now, how can I enjoy feelings without compromising myself? How can I enjoy feelings while remaning equal as directing the feelings as supporting myself? Feelings imply separation feelings therefore can be supportive feelings aren’t bad.

Now forcing feelings onto myself while using drugs wasn’t fun, but I did it, and people will continue to do it until self is established as self directing self not to do something that makes life suffer.

So If I can direct pain, then I direct it to support myself and I’ll enjoy it which sounds absurd enjoying pain usually thought of as a fetish as something weird strange bad. It is possible to not only enjoy the feelings we experience but direct them so they won’t grow into worse consequences as pain and suffering, but in reaming directive standing equal to feelings we can direct them, I can direct pain, I can direct orgasm as equal to me so nothing will get “out of hand” I won’t “blow my load” as consceiecesness system.

When I first starting looking at the weed feeling point I felt the same misery as I felt when I did it because I only a few times enjoyed myself on pot, marijuana. Yet I continued to participate in it which made no sense. But because I have written two separate times to day I have two separate perspectives so bring up the perspective from earlier now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to participate in the feelings of uncomfortable misery as suffering when thinking about my experiences with abuse in drugs.

Further.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider the possibility that I could have directed myself one and equal to the drugs as I experiences them as during my high over the extended period of time I tried drugs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself as responding to a chemical instead of realizing all is equal to me and if I am placed in a situation where I must stand equal and direct myself as chemical then I do so as support to myself and life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a drug or chemical which makes me suffer and experience myself in terrible ways I could have self honestly realized I was not prepared for when no body would make me do it but myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define taking drugs as a “good idea”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define something like taking chemicals into my systems when I’m already messy, a good idea when I have nothing to back up that reasoning except that other people are doing it.



Now the feelings involved in the drug intake are very very strange so I keep it at a simple level, as self honesty I realize these points are practical and easy to work with good starting points to write about and expanding on feelings will come in time as I grow more aware of myself and what I’ve placed myself into as my living experience. Also I realize I must push myself no matter what to expand and cannot rely on time without standing equal to moving myself as the test of time.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a system simply because everyone else is doing it even to a point where I take drugs all alone and don’t even speak about it with others because I’ve set in my mind so deeply that it’s a good idea when really I hate it I hated it, I’m not thinking about this I’m simply expressing I fucking hated it I put myself into situations that made me very unclear very disorientated experiences I don’t feel anyone would prefer and I hated that I hated myself for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never before having self honestly addressed the fact that I’ve hated myself for doing drugs and I’ve hated the experience of drugs as I allowed myself to be blinded from the self honesty needed to face what I directly participated in.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand equal to feelings as directing them as standing equal to them and not just settling for the idea that I do or don’t like them, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself as equal to the feelings in my world so that I can direct myself and support myself from the position of feelings.

Because I’ve pushed myself to open up some interesting points and I don’t want to fuck myself over with consequence I in self awareness make the decision to leave things as they are as realizing I’ve pushed myself in new ways, and that I can always come back to continue to expand after giving myself time in-between.

I commit myself to in each breathe face myself as each feeling I experience in my world and stand equal to it as using it to direct myself and my world as one and equal to myself.

I commit myself to not only directing feelings but having no fear in facing myself as enjoying feelings and enjoying supporting myself as realizing different feelings while I direct myself as a form of self expansion as expanding myself direction and self support from the position of equal to feelings.

I realize I’m not a crazy radical who hates things that are of mind, I simply realize the actuality of feelings in my world and will attempt to in each breathe stand equal to feelings so I can support myself with feelings, and in the end I allow myself to enjoy feelings as not suppressing them no matter what.

I realize this opens up a new point, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself from the position of feelings as separate from me, as I realize when I defined myself as feelings if I were to feel bad I would then suppress myself. So I realize I’m not the feeling so the suppression of feeling was really the feelings showing me how I suppress myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate feelings by defining myself by them.

To place in a few specific living points because I realize what I’m talking about includes specific points as specific feelings in my world.

I commit myself to, when and as I experience myself defining myself by a feeling stop breathe and in this breathe as self direction I realize the feeling is not who I am so I direct myself to be supported in stopping the definition of myself being a feeling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have lived the statement I feel good, or I’m doing good when I feel good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the other when I lived the statement experience/feeling of I feel bad, or I’m doing bad today.

I realize this is only polarity and that who I am does not express as radical unpredictable feelings.

When and as I realize I’m defining myself as good or bad based in feelings I stop I breathe and In that single breathe I immediately stop participation in the idea or belief because in breathe I am already realized as not existing as idea or belief so from there I simply must direct the point to establish myself as my commitment as stopping the overall abuse of feelings.

So specifically if a thought comes up where I think to myself this is a good day I feel good or the opposite that’s me define feeling, I stop breathe establish myself immediately and direct.

If and experience comes up in my mind and I can Cleary see that my expience of myself is based off a feeling that I’m having in a moment I realize this is not preferable as life, I stop breathe direct.

As I’ve commitment myself to in each breathe realizing myself one and equal to feelings in the living of this point feelings will become lesser and larger as they are able to surface less and when they do I am faced with more responsibility as having to deal with larger points in my world so then my specific commitments will be better lived because with bigger feelings it’s clear when I need to direct a specific point.

You cannot tell a starving child that his suffering is just feelings and not real, that’s bullshit, true or not is irrelevant a child who’s suffering can by no means comprehend the spiritual idealism as feelings not being who we are, I do not settle for ideas as I write I settle as establishing a system which is best for all where no child is left to comprehend something all alone while he starves in a third world country.

[Marlen]

Hi Matt, thanks for sharing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a system simply because everyone else is doing it even to a point where I take drugs all alone and don’t even speak about it with others because I’ve set in my mind so deeply that it’s a good idea when really I hate it I hated it, I’m not thinking about this I’m simply expressing I fucking hated it I put myself into situations that made me very unclear very disorientated experiences I don’t feel anyone would prefer and I hated that I hated myself for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never before having self honestly addressed the fact that I’ve hated myself for doing drugs and I’ve hated the experience of drugs as I allowed myself to be blinded from the self honesty needed to face what I directly participated in.

See here how there is still a reaction of hatred implied in your Self-Forgiveness statements here, which implies that the entire relationship is not being fully placed on the table to also let go of you hating yourself for doing it- it might have been a 'fact' yet this is to also address such 'facts' and unconditionally self-forgive.

Ask yourself, what would have happened if you would have really, really enjoyed yourself - as a mind system of course - while doing drugs and you could run your life perfectly fine with it? Who would you be if such experience was your experience?

Some points to ponder to consider Self-Forgiveness as statements wherein you are actually letting go/ releasing any relationship to any form of reaction to anything you've lived in your life whether it was positive or negative or how you experienced yourself within it, as we understand that it was then only part of the same reactions created in your own mind.

[Matthew Stone]

I was thinking that I’d like to write this point out today continuing my point from yesterday expanding and also taking a few other points in relationship into consideration.

I wrote about a kind of back chat as voices talking in my head which I’ve realized has been occurring often recently and especially when I would smoke weed I’d experience voices as voices outside of what I create which has done damage as confusion and consequence in ways that I must commit myself to discovering.

In opening up the point of voices in my head as other people I realize this may have been an expanding manifestation of my own voice being heard in my head, as I experience myself as a voice in my head that I try to shut out but just can’t so here in writing I specifically break down little by little all the little voices shouting in my head.

So I’ve addressed voices talking like I’m listening but what about when the voice in my head is experienced as me so the perspective changes, when the voice, voicing opinions is just back chatting but I’m defining myself by it.

Another point that interestingly came up the day after writing out on the point of backchats and working with practical thinking, is I started grunt thinking without really even realizing it as it happened it just came up in my world and it was practical and fun and I flew with that. And what that was instead of expressing backchat in my mind I would instantly take the chat or thought into my direct expression as a noise or a grunt sound just like you’d hear a monkey who’s similar to humans making in his jungle.

Then this grunting was me like thinking, I didn’t need to go into my mind I could just a make a noise that perfectly represented me in that moment that I could understand and learn from and move myself accordingly still applying the exact same principles and self direction/intervention I’ve always used, but it really did change everything and I did that for an hour or so and will have to pick it up and work with it later on now that I’m introduced to a new concept totally independently no one told me I didn’t think about it it’s a natural occurrence out of my participation in writing in my process.

The grunting (also just any kind of noise) is simple because it’s as loud or as quiet as I can share with my environment if I’m at work, or school I might just hum to myself but with the same understanding of myself as these noise, and really we make noises usually without trying to they catch us off guard, a sneeze, cough, if you’re shocked you make unpredictable noises, laughing, but we can direct and stand equal to these noises and implement them as I realize I was literally physically thinking every thought was a physical noise I could share without limitation. So this is just a fun point but is also something that could be explored much further which could be supportive because I like to just make noise make different kinds of noises I enjoy that a lot like learning new ways to make noises with my mouth.

I commit myself to devoting each breathe to learning practical and supportive ways to live and express the best interest of life.

I commit myself to realizing who I am as the expression of myself in everything that I do and how I approach every situation and how I can affect and manage that approach towards my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by hearing “my” voice in my head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by any opinion, idea, or belief the “me” back chat claims or speaks. I realize the backchat is not me practically addressing and forming practical realistic supportive life views as self direction it is only a preprogrammed numing to my environments or situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never have realized how weird/strange it is that I as a human being do not express myself as a human being but instead express a voice of myself in my head that no one can hear but myself.

I commit myself to realizing using my life as breathe where do I begin as reality and where the voice as the minds eye begin as separation as not reflecting me in the moment, I commit myself to realizing how it is possible to express me as life in the moment without any pretend voices in the head as fears manipulation and confusion.

I commit myself to cutting of the voice in the head as much as possible breathe per breathe by immediately stopping the “me” voice when it occurs and direct whenever I possibly can as whenever I realize that I’m back chatting as “me” voice

(also I realize many supportive points seem to have come up today because in investigating voices in my head while reading as a voice in my head reading the words I realize that I can look and read the words without voices in the head and perfectly comprehend what I reading but it is a practice and trust must be built up because I’m at a point where I’ve read and I’ve lived with so much backchat occurring that it’s even difficult to address things as purely me here working with what needs to be addressed at any given moment in space.)

also I’m addressing another back chat, which is interesting because it’s a very sneaky backchat. Because as soon as I started writing out the point of voices in my head a new form of voices in my head I hadn’t considered or written out started playing a huge role in my day as I went through my day. I started having a lot of loud songs playing as backchat in my head, and it was like my mind new I was trying to shut a system down and I allowed it to sneak a little bit back in by letting in a point that may or may not be what I was talking about, but now I write and I declare and I realize this is exactly what I’m talking about as voices talking in my head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let any voices talk in my head as me allowing a voice separate from my voice express itself as separation where I could be addressing myself as life, including even songs going on loop in my head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my mind loop over and over playing a song representing the repetitive looping existence I’ve made out of limited consciences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in this looping song backchat when I could be addressing my physical existence and expanding myself where there is no looping or repeating over and over because each breathe is entirely independent from the last.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to backchats when I have so much available to me as my physical direction and existence on this earth.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have token into consideration that it must be extremely tiring and difficult for me to try to address the physical while still contradicting my attempts by allowing backchats to remain existing.

I realize the contradiction of trying to direct myself physically while still participating in the opposite as mind will leave me wrecked and tired.

I commit myself to entirely devoting myself to the physical where I do not have to fight and grow tired in trying to keep one or the other alive, where I try to keep the mind alive because I still allow thoughts and yet I also am trying to manifest myself physical while being crippled by the mind.

I realize it’s my power my self empowerment as my commitment to myself to entirely stop the mind and realize how I can live as practically and as self supportive as I possibly can.

When and as I realize I’m participating in the backchat of songs in the head I immediately stop the participation in this song breathe per breathe until the backchat is eliminated as many times as I need to I commit myself to stopping this manifestation of separation in my living.