Matt's Writings

User avatar
Matthew Stone
Posts: 358
Joined: 24 Jun 2011, 08:01
Contact:

Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 10 Feb 2018, 05:18

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my relationship to X falling apart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless not seeing how I can actively do anything to immidetely secure my relationsihp to X.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no control over my relationship to X except for doing the best I can to support and mantain the relationship in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having to live with my real time creation of my relationship to X unable to retroactively change what's occured or affect things outside of my real time application in interaction words deeds real interaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a means of control over my relationship to X instead of working with the reality of what it is in real time actions words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in relationsihp to relationships being two way where I can't make things work in a relationship if someone else is not intrested in an equal agreement to make things work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into emtional reaction of despair that I must face who I'd be without a relationship to X because it's right here as me in the fact of agreement being two way where my desire to control an agreement is a point I'm facing in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I would be so good in a relationship to function in reality taht I wouldn't have to eventually face my disiullsion of a agreement being more then an equal agreement that requires both to be aligned where I can't force another to align with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be able to force X to remain in alignment with me to mantain our relationship/agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look externally to how to control an agreement within myself instead of sorting thigns out on my end alone and accepting that as what's best, as the best I can do for myself and the other without going into compromise manipulation of the araingment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into depression in response to manipulate myself to appease my depression by trying to force the other person to mantain the relationship through my order/control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus inwardly as improving myself in hygine orgainzation exercise living word to improve myself for myself and another as a partner as taking care of myself and another in taking care of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actively believe that I'm effective enough for a relationship without constant matanaince on myself through writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego compromise the effectiveness of my relationship by thinking I'm so effective that I can write out my relationship sparingnly without needing to do what's best for myself and another by constantly working on the agreement on my end in writing things out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having caused consquences in my relationship to X due to my self assurance that I can write things out sparingly in relationship to them without making sure I get into detail and become as effective as possible in the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm only capable of walking out my relationship with X to such an extenet that writing is pointless in some ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to play out the relationship by ear instead of managing it on my end through my tools to support and assist myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my relationship to X entirely on fate by going with the flow in trusting something outside of myself to secure the relationship instead of playing the role of director over my own actions agreement and acceptance in the relationship entirely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bet my relationship with X on a dice roll instead of managing my own end of the relationshiop not concering myself with forces out of my hands which I don't know of and don't concern who I must be and do as the best for any relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship with X as special that I must place it in the hands of something external as if I"m infeiror to the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsioulsy put myself in an infeiror position within my relationship to X by not actively managing the personal end of the agreement relationship through my tools of self support for me and X.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to paint X as inferior to my relationship to them by leaving the relationship on both ends up to forces outside of direct human decesion and action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my relationship with X is better off left to fate as if fate knows best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of fate with X where there is no order of human action and decesion but only reading into things from a point of sepeartion and self victimization.

WHen and as I see myself leaving my relationship with X up to fate, I stop, I breathe, I realize that even mildly letting this system slip into my relationship with X has lead to consquences for me and X as me not taking the best care of myself and thus X within the relationship agreement of two people supporting each other, thus, I commit myself to breathe and to accept full responsaiblity for all personal aspects of my relationship to X, I commit myself to stop participating in all ideas of letting fate play things out where I then actively supress the things I can do on my end and leave the relationship up in the air in no mans imagination land where external forces decide because they know what's best over living beings.



User avatar
Matthew Stone
Posts: 358
Joined: 24 Jun 2011, 08:01
Contact:

Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 13 Feb 2018, 04:07

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed by all the thoughts I still have in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as that I should be past having so many thoughts in coming up in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be past having certain thoughts and so many thoughts that I could feel like I've accomplished something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a better direction over managing and stopping my thoughts to give me value instead of from a place of actually caring about managing my thoughts for the best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about managing and stoping my thoguhts from a point of ego seeing myself as a better more powerful person if I can manage and stop thoughts more effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stop and manage my thoughts but not put the time and application into writing out day to day my relationship to certain thoughts and what changes and how I can actively work with myself though the day to direct and stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge thoughts as trivial and not as important as other points when thoughts can represent much deeper poitns that are slipping into my mind in the form of thoughts.

I forgive myself that I ahve accepted and allowed myself to look to my relationship to thoughts for how I can manipulate where I see myself in my process rather then actually change my position in process by actually putting the work and effort into studying and directing thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a space within me where I don't expereince thoughts and then define that as actually having stopped thoughts when it's just an energetic temporary meditation space which doesn't stand up but for moments where I can pretend to be zen and not be having thoughts when I'm just not aware of them within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus more on stopping thoughts through force then actually changing to a position where there simply aren't the thoughts coming up because I've changed that part of myself natrually through time and application and writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create even more stress and anxiety within myself by forcing down and manipulating my own thoughts in supression not creating an actual solution but trying to change one part of myself by force to paint a picture of myself that I want to see.

When and as I see myself trying to force all thoughts out of my head, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I've done this to a point of abuse trying to force myself to change wihtout actual release correction or understanding of my own thoughts and the nature of them, thus, I commit myself to breathe and live the word balance in relationship to my thoughts where I recognize if I'm putting more effort into stopping a thought then would be best to just breathe relax and recgonize the deeper point it's bringing up in me to face which wouldn't be resolved in fighting and forcing down the thought as if it's not a real part of me representing something to deal with and adress.




Return to “Writing Yourself to Freedom”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron