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Matthew Stone
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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Matthew Stone » 13 Oct 2011, 00:22

Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown for me stems from the fact that there's no security within the unknown. There's no safe place you can run to when faced with the unknown so the unknown seems frightening and unsafe, scary. So what most minds will do (if not just mine) is the mind will use itself as a tool to cope with the threat of the unknown. The mind will make up ways to rationalise the unkown and imagination to trick itself into beleiving that the mind can comprehend the unknown, even though the unknown is... unknown so there's no way for the mind to possibly conceive the unknown or even recreate what is known because the mind cannot reconstruct what is experienced in any given moment only create pictures and consepts to reflect what was felt within a moment, so the idea of the mind creating a mirrior of the unknown is totally out landish and not common sence, it's simply a responce that comes from responding to fear of insecurity. Insecurity comes up when faced with the unknown because there is no safe place.

It's clear that this is an issue, because fearing the unknown changes nothing and only give grievance to the unchangeable. It's just a road block I've allowed my mind to beleive exsists based off fear.

So the fear of unknown comes from insecurity. Looking back I can see that the strongest and one of the first times this point ever came up was while under the influence of drugs. The feeling the drug gave within me was to much and I started to judge it as beyond myself. Faceing this point of more then myself was fearful becasue I had seperated myself from It so I felt unsafe, I didn't feel like I was within my own grounds of reality and I felt like I had steped into the unknown. It was also at times a good feeling and gave satisfaction like I had reached some other bounds of reality.

This is like a point of seperation because I seperated myself from the event and the feelings so I called them unknown to me, but in reality anything that I experience within myself is me so I cannot excuse the feeling as coming from outside myself.

So what I have here is judging feelings as too good to be true- seperating myself from the feeling because of that- because of the seperation I didn't feel like the feeling was mine- because I didn't feel like it was me really having the feeling I convinced myself the source of the feeling was unknown- because the source of the feeling was unknown I feared it because I felt insecure under the control of the feeling because I thought it was unknown and like I said the unknown holds no security unless my mind creates some false security. Why does the unknown feel unsafe? The unknown is no more then a mirror into oneself, because it's never been known only the mind can place defenitions like unsafe on the unknown. So why do I personally judge the unknown? It would have to come from a distrust of myself being able to face the unknown, and judging myself as unable to pursue the unknown because I don't trust myself.

So because I abandoned my self trust a long time ago when I'm faced with the mirror of the unknown I find myself, and inside myself I've accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself- and so I distrust the unknown because it's no more then an inner mirror into what I've accepted and allowed within myself.

This makes sence but I feel like there's more to it, so I'll have to reinvestigate it later on.

So sperating myself from what I experience is what creates the unknown. Because what I know exsists as me. What I don't know does not exsist within me yet so It's not even a part of me, but the moment I know and then become that witch I do not know within that moment the unknown becomes known and it becomes me. The only way I could fear what's within me is if I don't beleive that it is me and I accept and allow myself to seperate it from me.

So this point of seperation and the fear of insecurity.

From the judgement of points within myself I've seperated myself form the points that I judge as more then me because I've morally judged myself as not deserving the feeling or just for what ever reason. Everything I experience within myself is equal to me and is a responce to what I've exsepted and allowed myself to exsist within myself.

The fear of insecurity stems from me allowing myself to judge myself as weak, vulnrable, or insecure. I felt weak, vulnrable, and insecure when I allowed myself to beleive that someone else had power over me, and in essence I allowed myself to seperate my resonsability from myself and place it on another person/power.

So the point of fearing the unknown was never forgiven and lived on to affect me still. It comes up when facing points like death, why people are the way they are, and even things like what's my purpose in life.

So because I do not understand these things^^^ I feel fear towards them, I feel fear towards them because I've allowed myself to exsist as less then and inferior instead of equal to my experiences. The unknown has no defenition, I've accepted and allowed myself to beleive that something with no defenition is inferior/powerless(as I felt when I judged myself as having no defenition of self after judging myself as weak/powerless). SO when I think about the unknown that thought is "me" but to think of the unknown is to think of something with no defenition, so I'm exsisting as a thought with no defenition when I think of the unknown and this is a poing of fear and insecurity due to my seperation from myself and what I've accepted and allowed to exsist.

So what I do is use my mind to trick myself into giving defenition to a point that is unknown and has no defenition. So what do I do? I make myself beleive and judge that my exspeirences imply that my life must have meaning beyond what I understand. I allow myself to look to spirituality to explain death and try and describe it and give it defenition. And I make up understandings of people with phychology and other bs beacuse I fear not being able to know why they act a certain way.

By tricking myself into thinking that I understand the unknown I trick myself to thinking that I'm superior and have more power in any way shape or form.

The fear of the unknown did not exsist untill I seperated myself from my experiences. It was that seperation that put me in a position of feeling insecure and needing to give defenition and purpose to everything because there were now things exsisting in me that I'd allowed myself to beleive were not me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that I'm not one and equal to what I've accepted and allowed within myself.
I forigve myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from my exsperiences because I'd allowed myself to create experience that hurt me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create expereiences that could hurt me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to balme others for the experiences I had so I didn't have to take responsability for my actions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry about my experiences and blame them on the people I trusted to protect me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsability and beleive that there's anyone else who could protect me from what I'd experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless because of the seperation that I'd created.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my expierence as not me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my expierence as not my responsability.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my expierence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the unknown as not equal to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the unknown as not my responsability.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure because I'd seperated myself from the unknown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to empower myself by trying to understand the unknown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to understand the unknown instead of taking responsability for myself and my interactions with things that I don't understand.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and define the unknown with my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that I could have power over the unknown by understanding it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that I posses the power to understand that witch is unknown to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing why people are the way they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people as a form of making it seem like I know who someone is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mind to make up stories of why people are the way they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up stories of who people are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown of death within the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mind to make up explanations of death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing what my purpose is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that I need a purpose.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up stories in my head of what my purpose is.ccepting and allowing myself to judge my expierence.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Matthew Stone » 13 Oct 2011, 08:48

Looking at the need for entertainment. Entertainments exsists strongest with television, witch is zero percent activity and attempts to make you have feelings and emotions while you sit and eat. The need for entertainment is created within me like an addiction. It's like I've disallowed myself to be here within myself to breath and recognise issues and instead need periodic and sometimes constant breaks wherein I allow myself to be totally careless and unproductive. So I use entertainment as a distraction so I don't have to face myself.

This habbit began when I was young, and because I was young and had so little reponsability entertainment was a wonderful feeling, but now that I have many things that I need to work out and face within myself the need for entertainment is no more then the want to not have to face myself.

Along with distraction comes my own mind, and how my mind will find the most of any thought as a way to distract myself and become so obsessed over a thought that I fool myself to not face myself.

This is coming up because I've judged myself as being unsatisfied with myself over the coarse of my life due to the decesions I made. I judged myself and seperated me from myself now it's a matter of applying self forgiveness and finding my way back

Another important note is the fear of faceing myself, I'm fearing to look into myself because I don't know what I'll find. I did a previous post about fearing the unknown but In this one I should recognise how I've allowed myself to fear the unknown of looking at what I've allowed within myself and fearing the unknown of what It'll be like to loose so the sence of self I've created. I've created such a bond on myself as a personality and now I'm misrable as a personality and am facing fear at going back to exsisting as breath and pure principle.

This is more so important because it used to exsist because now it hardley ever occurs but It's still unforgiven and should be recognised espically now while it's own my mind. I've created an attachment to feeling good and a need to have good feelings, but this attachment in itself has made me misrable because I hardley ever feel good anymore and so the attachment to wanting to feel good while in a state of not feeling good only brings me down and makes me feel empty and needing some kind of feeling.

SOO
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face myself in any given moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to distract myself from facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mind to distract me from facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place so much attachment on my mind that it has the power to distract me from facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use distraction to not be resopnsible for myself at any moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as unsufficent because of my personality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become incapable of facing myself due to the seperation I'd created by judging myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from myself with judgement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I only exsist as emotion.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be misrable because I'm not having good feelings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I only exsist as feeling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown of what It'll be like as I keep self forgivng myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and pretend to know what It'll be like as I continue my process because I'll never know what It was like to be as pure as I was when I was a child because I've become to diluted to see without the minds interpretation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that facing myself takes any effort(what does take effort is hiding from myself)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself by acting off fear of facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exsist as fear by fearing facing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy being distracted from myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being distracted from myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy not having to face my responsabilities.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Matthew Stone » 13 Oct 2011, 20:44

Presumtion and expectation really seems to be seeded with failure for me. It's very crippling because when I apply self forgiveness I want that to be that, no reason to look into it anymore once the point is forgiven and all angles are accomplished, but this implies for no mind interpretation, and expecting for a point to either still come up after self forgiveness or even assuming that it will not come up both can be troublesome and lead to me wanting to pry the point back open because I don't feel like the points been fullfilled, while the real problem is simply me assuming that my self forgiveness wasn't good enough, or me even assuming that I did everything perfect when maybe there's more that I could look into.

I assume that the sun is going to come up, and that I have school this particular day. With those things though even though I assume them to be true I might want to apply investigation and see is the sun really up? DO I really have school on this date? Does this girl like me or should I ask her before assuming marriage?

So assumption appears to be entirely based off fear for how I've been using it. If assume something to be true, say I assume I'll wake up in the mourning because I don't really know I'll wake up the next day. Assumtion is me trying to fill in the blanks, me trying to put a defenition on the unknown once agagin. Do I know if my self forgiveness will be effective? I wouldn't know untill I try and work with the point prior to self forgivenss and see if I've really become effective in a particular area. Assuming that I've either been effective or uneffective is only my minds fear of unsureity. My minds fear of not knowing if something is or isn't due to feeling unsecure within that particular area because as I previously validated I fear feeling insecure/vulnrable. Assumtion gives me a sence of false security because It places defention of false knowing on things I truely don't know the result too.

It's intresting because I assume that there must be a use for assumtion but that's kinda ironic. Looking closely I think maybe assumtion could be useful in science or some other kind of study, but science requires precise measures just like math and has no room for assuming, so assuming within any form of study would be counter productive. I might assume that me and so and so still have a secure realtionship, but if I'm wrong then I would want to investigate and see why our realtionship is falling apart, assuming holds no power but to either be lucky and be correct(which still didn't help me but only gave me temporary security untill I found out the truth) and if I'm incorrect in my assumtion I'll feel like I've failed myself when I find out I'm false.

There are cituations where you would predict something to be true, but you're going to want to verify it with yourself before assuming it true.

SO
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and place defenition on the unknown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure about things I'm unsure of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use assumtion to lie to myself and feel like I know the truth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to presume that my self forgiveness will be effective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to presume that my self forgiveness won't be effective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make assumtions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make predictions without testing it as truth or not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being unsure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling nervous about things I'm unsure of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not taking the responsability for the seperation I've created within myself with the unknown(instead of exsepting that the unknown exsists within me I've been trying to define it and label it because I don't want unknown exsisting within me hence I've pushed it away from me out of fear and seperated myself from the unknown)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to take responsability for the unknown within me.
I forgive myself for avvepting and allowing myself to assume that my realtionships are all fine(based of fear of losing a realtionship, because I feel like I'm incomplete without realtionships)
I forgive myself for accepting and allwoing myself to fear that I'll be incomplete in any way without a realtionship.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Matthew Stone » 14 Oct 2011, 06:23

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling overwhelmed by my current experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to sleep instead of trying to see what I can write out about my accepting and allowing within myself.

I've come to see that I have been looking at my self responsability in a twisted way and could be better approaching it

I've been looking at it as a destenation and expecting things to just suddenly be better for me.
But this is me defining things as bad as the mind.
And me expecting to recieve some kind of mind shift(witch would be me just creating more of a maze within my own mind)

I also have still been exsisting within compairison and comparing my own experience of self responsability to others.(even though there's nothing that I can really compare because I'm only exsisting within myself and judging others from within myself as so I'll never truely be able to compare myself to any one else except through the deception I've allowed to exsist)

I also have this idea that there's a blue print, or map that I can use to know exactly what needs to be fixed but that in itself is only exsising within the mind.

SO-
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not taking self responsability by comparing myself to others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and my experience in any way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insuffiecnt within my experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge other peoples experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame other people for me judging my own experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by my experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my experince as overwhelming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to empower my ego by comparing myself to others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be satisfied by being responsible for only myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I'm only responsible for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the feeling of comfort because I've judged myself as doing good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as doing good as apposed to just being responsible and expecting some kind of reward out of it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that some kind of reward can come from me simply being responsible for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that self forgiveness will take me to some kind of destenation instead of just being here and exsisting as responsible and within my own breath and expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to impress others as a means for me to feel better about myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel obligated to impress anyone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like a hostess who needs to please everyone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to expereince helping others before I can even help/become responsible for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having the intention of using my self forgiveness with the intention of becoming important.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that I need to become important.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exsist as important and unimportant within myself.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Matthew Stone » 16 Oct 2011, 03:19

Right and wrong, winning and losing. I've been acting based off these things that are highly realated to feelings. Like I'm feeling good and suffient when I do something I've deemed as "right" or when I "win" the opposite applies to "wrong" and "losing" so the problem is that right and wrong, winning and losing are only exsisting from my personal perspective.

Really it's a means of feeling sufficent. I've judged myself along the lines as insuffiecnt and worthless so when I'm feeling like I'm winning or I'm important because I do what's right then I feel good about myself and feel important for just a moment. This is kind of silly because I could make myself feel "winning" or a "good person" by any way that I wish to but I guess I went with commonly agreed apon ideas like winning is having money, and being good/doing what's right is making people happy.

So as this stands I've made like a contract for myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be controled by where If I do a certain thing based on wither it's right, or winning then I'll respond with a feeling of empowerment wherein I'm proud of what I did and I think better of myself because I think I'm more suffient in the sence that I'm fitting acording to the rules of morality and soceity(The two things I've allowed myself to be domintated by)

Self forgiveness in this as itself is not complicated but If it comes down to it I'll have to pick out the individual things that I've allowed myself to view as right,wrong,winning,losing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in right and wrong from the perspective of morality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exsist as my defenition of morality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good when I do something I view as right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I do something I view as wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that life is a game wherein you are either happy and winning or sad and losing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view having money as winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view having friends as winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view not having money as losing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allwoing myself to view not having friends as losing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I'm better then others when I'm doing something that's morally right to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I'm worse then others when I'm doing something that's morally wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that giving people what they want is right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that hurting someone is wrong(I still don't believe in hurting people but that's exsisting from the idea that hurting another is not best for all and will not support the change that you want to see in that person and will only build up more angers and agresssions)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that working with myself and learing from desteni is right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that not working with yourself and learing from desteni is wrong.
(It's not like there is any right or wrong in this world. Maybe deseni can teach people how to stop what they're exsisting as and maybe not. What's right or wrong is irrilevant what's important to look at is the implications of what we're accepting and allowing and me thinking that I'm "right" because I'm doing a certain whatever implies that I'm self righteous and will always find a way for me to make myself feel better then everyone else. The truth is because we are equal no one can ever "win" untill everyone "win")
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see people as equal and viewing some as winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see people as equal and instead see some as losing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see people as equal and instead see some as right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see people as equal and instead see some as wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from myself and believe that I need to have power in the form of winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from myself and believe that I need to have power in the form of losing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from myself and believe that I need to have power in the form of right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from myself and believe that I need to have power in the form of wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate me from myself by seperating me from myself by thinking that I'm incomplete without these powers that I've manifested within my mind.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Matthew Stone » 19 Oct 2011, 04:21

I'm not capable of relying on anyone outside myself. To trust what anyone else has to say without question and analising is totally irresponsible. It's not important to judge another as right or wrong simply evaluate what they're saying to me and process it. This means recognising what is here and being spoken within the breath and this implies that no mind interpretation is ever neccisary.

What another says and does will never have any impact on me, I can and do however allow it to appear that people can affect me giving me a false sence of realtionship wherein I'm at fault for another person at any given time.

SO,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel obligated to take care of another persons emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when someone is not feeling well.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy when the people I'm with are pleased, happy, content.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny simple mathmatical principles and allow myself to partake in consepts like me controling another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to will myself to attempt to act in a way that could possibly shift anothers opinion of me to like me/favor me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that other people are tools to attempt to make them have emotions about me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself while in the presence of anyone else out of fear of being judged by them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my expressional limitations on other people instead of realsing me that it's me limiting myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place resistance on school because of how many people are there.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become very with drawn and nervous becuase of my anxiety of being in a constricted room of people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I'm contricted just because I'm in a small space.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that who I am outside of the mind can ever be contricted by anything except the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not try and reach my full potential as a human being at any given moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that self honesty is something that will ever be "difficult"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live by words such as easy/difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about what others might think of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as doing something that must be worrying myself if I think It'll worry others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for back chat instead of attempting responsability for it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for judging other people instead of trying to be responsable for my judgement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my self forgiveness by judging my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my judgements of other people as a referance point of self judgement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to my judgements of others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use judgement as a way for me to hide from my responsabililty as self to be self responsable for my standing in this world.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek refuge in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I'm safer in my own mind then I am here in the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think incapable of pinpointing exactly where my back chat arises from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mind while compiling self forgiveness and limiting myself forgiveness by using the mind as a tool to deem it appropriate or not.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Matthew Stone » 20 Oct 2011, 02:13

Encouragement is like an insentive. An insentive to over power what is holding you back. Why though would you want to over power what is holding you back and treat it like it's just some road block preventing you from your goal. Instead why not adress what is holding you back and apply self forgiveness so that there's no longer any need to over come because there's no longer anything that's holding you back. From here you can actually recognise the actuallity of what you're doing and can make a decision from that point instead of powering over any road blocks to reach a point that you couldn't see clearly anyways due to the road blocks in your way.

It's like how I've accepted myself to want that witch has a blocked path, to want what is out of reach. I build and build and build up all this energy to push past the road block and yet I never recognise why the block is there and simply see the point that the road block is blocking me from within my mind.
SO like talking to someone who I'm nervous to talk to. DO I really want to an exchange with them or am I simply trying to prove to myself that I can over come this random limitation I've made.

The encouraging point arrives when I say I've got to do it. I've got to get past this road block. I've just got to prove this to myself. I'll be a better man once I'm done or just whatever kind of insentive I can build up within myself to try and get me to do something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up energy to power past limitations I've made in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respond to the limitations I've accepted and allowed by trying to be stronger then they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from what I've accepted and allowed by trying to use power against it like It's not something inside of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be aware of why I'm doing something and only doing it because there's a restriction placed on it within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and use power as energy to get what I want.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can actually work out my road blocks/limitations within me with self forgiveness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel encouraged by friends because they want me to do something and I want them to be pleased.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to repeat the same self forgiveness over again. It should be a one time done application, but at the same time I do go back and make some revision to be more specefic witch in case seems fine as long as I don't keep repeating the same thing over and over like it's a prayer that someone else will grant true.



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Re: Major points of self forgiveness

Postby Bella » 21 Oct 2011, 21:57

this is a very cool practical example of how we sometimes tend to create 'process' (after all, this very process we all are walking is SELF-created...) - 'just to' get the feeling/impression/idea of 'overcoming' or 'mastering' something, as if it were separate from ourselves.

here you give a practical example of how within this particular point you self-realize equality and what it practically entails to live it; a practical example of how one is able to will self to stop the inner conflicts and the friction that goes therewith, and let go of the energetic addiction.

thanks for sharing Matt!



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Matthew Stone
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Matt's writting.

Postby Matthew Stone » 19 Mar 2012, 08:15

Self forgiveness

I’m going to try to start daily posts on the desteni forum and the blog I have.

I have had desteni blocked from me by my parents I couldn’t get on but I can get on again now.

I’m going to be as specific as I can now so that anyone can give me advise and show me how I could be more specific more precise in what I’m writing so that I don’t complicate things even more by manipulating the platform of change within not really using my own self forgiveness as practically as I could. I’ve already been told I’ve been missing out on a lot of actual sitting down and writing each and every part of self forgiveness out effectively so I’ll take that notice and place it in myself.

I’ll write out any abuse toward my self forgiveness now.

So In this self forgiveness I’ll write out points

- I realize I’m currently participating in.
-Points I remember doing, Like If I remember using self forgiveness without actually coming to a point of me realizing myself (as in applying self forgiveness because I feel guilty and am using self forgiveness to feel better without realizing what’s gone wrong

So any points in my awareness after looking at the points within self honesty within myself.

I’ll

Work on being

-Specific
-understand exactly what I’m saying
-not speak self forgiveness out of ideas of what I’m saying.
-bring points of self forgiveness totally back to me one and equal to me so I feel and realize why I did it and I’ll direct myself within that moment to stand equal and direct myself as stopping that point.

Self forgiveness manipulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate self forgiveness. (this is a broad statement but it’s the overall point so it’s included)

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to speak within myself specifically and allowing myself to place the writing within myself as specifically speaking points out as who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak self forgiveness from a point of separation from myself where I’m not actually working toward realizing and standing equal here to what I speak but instead I am using self forgiveness as a tool of manipulation where I create a relationship of feelings when I self forgive as I feel a certain way when I self forgive but don’t direct that point and by not directing what I feel when I appy self forgiveness I’m not applying myself to stand equal to self forgiveness and what I realize within my self forgiveness.

^^^
This is self forgiveness for separation from myself within self forgiveness as creating a realationship to self forgiveness where I feel things come up as I speak but just let them pass by without standing equal to them and directing whatever in my world comes up as I self forgive.

SO also more specifically and to elaborate even more to break it down for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not direct myself while I apply self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate self forgiveness by believing that I’m doing enough simply by writing every day.
(I just got a pain in my heart after this sentence like a needle? Any view there? I’ll reread it outloud again and see what I can figure out I don’t know how feelings like that work but I remember hearing speceic things like back pains meaning I’m missing something which this could be I might not have fully spoke this point within myself.)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself when I speak self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I suppress myself within self forgiveness then I’m not applying myself as self forgiveness I’m using it within separation from self application as in I’m not directing myself within whatever it is that I’m saying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat myself by not applying the tool of self forgiveness one and equal to myself but defining it as something outside of myself that will make everything work out in the end.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully apply myself to my best abilities of self direction and self application within self forgiveness because I believe that everything will simply fall into place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that everything will fall into place without realizing that I’m the one who directs everything into place.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize everything does have a place to fall into one and equal only to myself not outside of myself in any way as in not outside of myself as faith, or expectation, or belief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place trust in self forgiveness from appoint of separation as faith in self forgiveness as apposed to trust as who I am within speaking loudly and actually directing myself each moment of self forgiveness to my absolute best abilities within that moment of speaking and stating myself as the self forgiveness as clear within myself as I can be where I don’t leave anything out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak self forgiveness from a popint of an idea of what I’m self forgiving.

(I just caught myself doubling over, and trying to get two points into this single self forgiveness)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust myself as one and equal to self forgivness as the spoken word of who I am as my living of my life constantly applied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dought myself within self forgiveness and try to get it over with by placing too many points within a single articule for me to actually be able to resonate and feel and understand exactly what It is I’m trying to speak within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be indirect within my world by speaking self forgiveness out of an idea of what I’m stating as apposed to what I’m actually trying to communicate and stand one and equal to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be indirect within my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave any room for misinterpretation within my writing’s of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be specific because I believe that self forgiveness can somehow work itself out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility by actually being the standing point the point that’s being both spoken and self forgiven within the statement of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disrespect myself within manipulating the tool of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create patterns of laziness in relationship to self forgiveness because I want things to be able to simply come together for themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want things to come together for themselves because I don’t want to sit down and figure a way out to actually take self forgiveness serious and actually stand with full effort within each statement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to overpower myself within my self forgiveness by trying to be loud as I speak.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that self honesty within self forgiveness is me directing myself one and equal as I speak so that I see where I’m standing in separation and I redirect myself to stand equal, where I see that I’m not speaking as myself and not reflecting each point carefully within myself but I’m actually just speaking it as words not words of life as sound reflecting who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to further disempower myself within not speaking my self forgiveness as a reflection of myself but as a tool to help me get by in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use myself and have power over myself within using myself as self forgiveness as a tool to get me by and make me shit so I feel nice and cozy inside and so I can feel good about myself and can manage in life while still maintaining abuse because I’m not being effective in my own writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take self forgiveness for granted and not respect it as myself as a tool to support me as life to actually stand up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard any feeling that comes up or expierence that comes up in my world as I apply self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to place every single part of myself into my self forgiveness so I can stand one and totally equal to each point I speak as I speak out of understanding and I speak as breathing and feeling where separation is occurring and I speak as redirecting it and standing equal to it in a single breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate the voice of who I am within self forgivness statements.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct my voice as who I am within my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my voice within self forgiveness as not reflecting each word as a word of who I am as I apply self forgiveness but instead just suppress my voice so I can use self forgiveness how I want to use it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use self forgiveness consistently so that I can maintain self forgiveness as a practical tool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for my world and everything that is appearing in my world because I don’t want to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that what I want does not matter I am one and equal to self responsibility as who I am and there’s no escaping that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself as one and equal to self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from my self responsibility within suppressing myself in my self forgiveness as apposed to standing up as who I am in each statement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use self forgiveness any way other then me stating myself as self forgiveness as understanding as self meditation as a form of practical application and self living in each moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to speak clearly and fluently within my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to speak clearly and fluently as much as I can so that I cannot get a clear impression of where I’m standing within the statement of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I don’t speak clearly and fluently then I’m not allowing myself to realize exactly where I stand within each word that I speak as myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live my word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing who I am within my word within self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility within my self forgiveness by having to wait until someone supports me before I actually stand and support myself by realizing that I’m not being nearly as effective as I could be for myself in my word of god as my word of myself as self forgiveness and self empowerment.

I allow myself to not manipulate myself as self forgiveness.

I allow myself to reflect each word I speak within self forgiveness as one and equal to a reflection of who I am.

I allow myself to open myself and realize myself as who I am within self forgiveness as reflecting myself throughout myself as much as I’m able to do.

I allow myself to remain consistent within my self forgiveness so that I can use it consistently as a tool one and equal to myself as stability as life.

I allow myself to not suppress myself in any way while applying self forgiveness.

I allow myself to realize where problems are within my self forgiveness as who I am not needing anyone else to show me to myself, except from a point of another person simply helping me.

I allow myself to speak each word of self forgiveness out of love for myself as me pushing myself to speak each word and feel and hear each word and actually dig in and realize within myself what I’m capable of doing as who I am as self forgiveness applied daily constantly as using self forgiveness as a daily checkup so I don’t make the same mistake twice and others can realize the same.


advise on self allowance statements would help also.



Marlen
Posts: 4080
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
Contact:

Re: Matt's writting.

Postby Marlen » 19 Mar 2012, 17:43

Hi Matt, cool that you're able to participate here again.

So, with regards to the beginning writing Self Forgiveness and getting ourselves to understand it, it is definitely a process that each one goes walking according to how you currently understand it and the starting point of you forgiving-yourself, which is in essence a tool to start realizing where we have to take Self Responsibility for ourselves and structuring how we can correct such points to start living in a self-directive way, which is simply becoming aware of the words, actions and thoughts that we have in our day to day living. That's the first step and within writing our day out, we start developing a self-communication wherein we give words to our experiences, we place through written words that which we would usually just 'think' and let it go by, without taking a moment to question what is it that I am actually saying/ implying in such thought, what am I actually allowing myself to act-out in this moment? how come I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this particular way - it can be a belief, a fear, an emotion, feeling.

Through developing the habit of writing yourself, you start becoming aware of 'who you are' through words - thus you are able to read yourself back and within Self Honesty see where you require to correct yourself, to be come specific as in 'digging out' further to see, for example, if a fear is experienced why is that fear there? What are the thoughts that lead me to exist within and as fear? So by 'specific' within the comments I've left in your blog, it is about writing out Self Forgiveness statements that contain the essence of the point you're looking at- such as you have now realized when there are 'broad' statements and you can dig further into it to see what is actually 'contained' in such self-forgiveness statement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak self forgiveness from a point of separation from myself where I’m not actually working toward realizing and standing equal here to what I speak but instead I am using self forgiveness as a tool of manipulation where I create a relationship of feelings when I self forgive as I feel a certain way when I self forgive but don’t direct that point and by not directing what I feel when I appy self forgiveness I’m not applying myself to stand equal to self forgiveness and what I realize within my self forgiveness.


So within that statement, what we can clarify is how the 'realizing what I speak' point is how we might just say the words but don't realize what it actually means. It is to realize that when we speak and write Self Forgiveness it is a statement in which we declare that we take Self Responsibility to correct such points, because we have 'accepted and allowed it' which are the words wherein we become aware that what we have existed-as in terms of a certain application, a pattern, a thought, a feeling or emotion, requires to be directed in common sense, which is the consideration of what is best for all, what is best for me to live by and apply as a corrective process in Self-Honesty.

See for example what would mean to 'stand one and equal to Self Forgiveness' and how you understand such words - and see how Self Forgiveness without application is useless because that would mean only speaking out words without actually 'doing' anything about it. The 'doing' being the corrective process wherein you start supporting you to stop and correct all of the points that you bring up through Self Forgiveness and realize require correction.

See for example how 'what you feel' has to be understood as a point that requires direction in terms of stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions, as you realize that they are not supporting you to be here, self-directive, but keep you in a mind-experience as a 'feeling' which is what we walk and direct through our own writings as we go discovering who we are as words.

Cool for the points you have placed out here as you can see that it is only 'you' that can 'cheat yourself' by not walking the talk so to speak, and that's the way we learn to walk our own process: through realizing where and how we are still deceiving ourselves and how we can correct such point of self-dishonesty into a self-honesty point - that is definitely what we go finding out as we go writing and living out the process of self-correction.

So, this is all about clarifying you to yourself - by doing so, it will be clear and sound for anyone else. Thus be aware of not trying to 'fit in' the self forgiveness in a specific mold as it is not about 'how it is written' only, but making sure that you understand and realize what you are implying in your words in order to be clear on how to direct-you in each point - how you will practically support yourself to walk-through the correction of a particular thought, feeling, emotion.

I allow myself to speak each word of self forgiveness out of love for myself as me pushing myself to speak each word and feel and hear each word and actually dig in and realize within myself what I’m capable of doing as who I am as self forgiveness applied daily constantly as using self forgiveness as a daily checkup so I don’t make the same mistake twice and others can realize the same.


Cool - this is about you-supporting you, so make sure it doesn't become something to 'show' or 'prove' to others as that would be separation and seeking approval from your own statements - this is about sharing here and if there are points with which we can support, we will do so. However it's definitely a point that you go walking as you live it - that's the way that I can see any doubts about it become clear, the moment that I place a statement into practical application and see if the words I wrote out in Self Forgiveness are actually the way to correct myself or if I am just trying to 'present' them in a particular way that 'backdoors' are left to not fully apply myself - these are just examples, you'll go seeing it as you walk/ apply yourself in your process.

Overall cool for placing out Self Forgiveness on Applying Self Forgiveness - thanks for sharing Matt


Here's some videos on Self Forgiveness that I suggest listening again to for further support:

2010: Forum Desteni Support - How does Self-Forgiveness work and How do I know I'm effective

2012: What is Effective Self Forgiveness?

2011: Beginners Conscious-Mind Thought-manifestation Self-Forgiveness

2011: Self-Forgiveness - From Pre-programming to Directive-Principled Living

History of Mankind - Part 54 - The Abuse of Self Forgiveness

2011 Process Self-Honesty : When is Self-Forgiveness ... Used.Less ?

Self-Forgiveness: learn to forGIVE yourself

2011: Self-Forgiveness Support: Energy

2012: Quantify Process - Speak Self Forgiveness OUT LOUD




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