Matt's Writings

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Matthew Stone »

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset when I have a sex thought toward someone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to do something because I had a thought of sex toward someone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to do something with myself because I had a thought.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respond with shame and rejection of myself for allowing myself to have and participate in a sexual thought.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respond and become self conscience as over thinking myself in relationship to a thought.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand and direct a sex thought that comes up in my head.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid standing equal to myself in relationship to sex thoughts by over thinking as a way to suppress myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself with over thinking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to over thinking things in response to guilt/shame for participating in a thought.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to stop sex thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respond to the belief that sex thoughts need to be stopped.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge sex thoughts as being more important as needing to be stopped more then other thoughts.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize thoughts as all equal and none having any power outside the power I give them within the relationship I place on them.

I allow myself to stop breathe and direct myself when I experience myself having sexual thoughts/ thoughts about sex. I allow myself to realize that thoughts aren’t bad and I have no reason to limit myself with participating in guilt and over thinking what I’ve allowed within my world. I allow myself to realize that by standing equal to and directing the thought of sex I am moving myself as self direction to stop the mind and stop all participation in abuse within thoughts and the mind.
Marlen
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Marlen »

Hi Matt

Cool for sharing the Self Forgiveness here. As a point of direction, I suggest that besides looking a the 'thoughts' themselves, see when and how they emerge - meaning, are they instigated by and when doing something in specific, or being with someone, etc.

This is to see how we can link these patterns to certain points that bring them up to the surface and that we allow ourselves to participate with.

Another point to look at in terms of Self Correction is how to realize that we tend to deviate/ entertain our minds with such thoughts which in fact are a mechanism for us to be 'busy' within our minds, instead of realizing such desires for what they are and stopping it. Then as we go stopping this point of 'continuous thoughts,' the ability to actually establish a point of self-intimacy with another won't be based merely on feeding a 'constant thought' within our minds, but actually considering another being in its totality, and not as a thought that we use to generate these experiences toward. In the end, it's only generated within our own mind and has nothing to do with/ toward the person anyways.

So! the point is always about self here and exposing this is seeing how we create a dependency/ addiction to be constantly generating these thoughts for the experience they cause within you. Thus the point is not about the 'other person' here, but about yourself and what you accept and allow yourself to experience/ exist-as in every moment.

So - no shame or guilt on thinking - simply stop participating in such thoughts and you stop the chain reaction of judgments based upon the initial accepted and allowed participation in thoughts that you see are simply not based on your physical reality - not about good and bad here, but about seeing how practical such thoughts can be in the moment that you allow yourself to participate in them.

Thanks for sharing.
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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Matthew Stone »

There’s something wrong, there’s something that’s chewing me up and it’s me.

I’m doing something but I’m not really doing anything to realize and write out what I’m doing so can’t forgive it can’t direct it can’t make any corrective action as statements of self forgiveness.

I’ve let things build up because I’m relying on exploration within breathe but that’s becoming another fantasy concept another idea of perfection.

It really is a fantasy that breathe alone will solve me from the perspective that It feels like my power of breathe is wonderful and so effective and great, but points still come up I’m still not consistently directing my world as thoughts, breathe, movements everything that I create and consist of physical and mental.

So I let breathe turn on me because I didn’t look at how I got to where I am in my process. I look at vague misleading ideas and concepts of where I am in process how to deal with thoughts and this build up of what seems like just ideas is consuming me I’m consuming myself as this confusing and hungry concept without any stable point as self honesty direction. I need to write I need to write daily, I need to use writing as a tool more then I have been, also reading from other destonians.

I have not sat down and looked at the writings that lead me to where I am now within my consciousness and I slip into a build up that I’m not even aware of happening until really sitting down probably just now because any other time in the past week I’ve addressed my patterns my main “problems” as patterns as things to be addressed and written out, not necessarily a problem but something to realize take responsibility for.

I’ve let things get messy so what could I write what self forgiveness, self correction can I do?

How do I look into myself when I’m a mess?

I’m not a mess unless I tell myself I am^^
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a mess of vauge and worthless ideas.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let confusion build up due to lack of effectively addressing my patterns of my mind addiction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as confused.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the dizzy feeling I’ve defined as being confused.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being helpless to this dizzy feeling I’ve defined as confusion.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself fall prey to suffering due to this dizzy feeling and yet not write it out, look for support, not do shit, just let myself consume myself with no idea why it’s happening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the dizzy feeling by defining it as dizzy confusion and saying it’s who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ideas of what this dizzy presence is but not actually address it in a practical manner like writing out self forgiveness self honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my method of writing as not precise enough to be effective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as not good enough to self honesty address and correct the allowance of the dizzy pattern in my world (because It isn’t going away)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for the dizzy confused feeling to go away as if it’s something invading me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by this dizzy feeling by expecting it to go away as if it’s something that came from outside of myself instead of directing myself in the physical as life as self direction as realizing that this dizzy feeling is a result of me and my allowance within the mind not something that is having power over me and is invading my world but in fact me realizing the direct effect of mind allowance within my world and experience.

I allow myself to stop breathe and realize this dizzy feeling is not who I am.
I allow myself to stop breathe and realize that definition of this dizzy feeling is not “who I am”

I allow myself to realize what feelings of confusion and dizziness show me to myself in my world.

I allow myself to realize that the effects of my participation in the mind can only go away with self forgiveness, self application and the directed living of stopping participation with what is creating the experience of helpless dizziness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my effectiveness within writing by my experience of myself in relationship to what I’m writing while I write instead of realizing the process of writing is time process
^^^ while writing this a few things came up. The definition idea that I’m letting things get ahead of myself which becomes me chasing an idea.

This idea of that I’m letting things get away from me, the idea that I’m I’ve begun rushing to get things done, but what am I trying to get done? What will rushing myself in writing do except leave things unaddressed and needing to be time looped and re-evaluated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as getting sloppy in writing and letting things get ahead of me as when getting sloppy and letting things overwhelm me and get ahead of me as if it’s not me writing me is just another idea I’ve formulated in relationship to writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as sloppy in relationship to what I write out for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define not understanding what I write as being sloppy.

I allow myself to realize there will always be things in my writing which I don’t understand and things which I do understand and am clear and directive in the speaking writing and living of, but my amount of misunderstanding is up to me and my self direction within the writing not based of the idea that I’m being sloppy and slow in my understanding of my writing, not an idea nor definition, but infact me writing me in the moment as I understand who I am in my writing.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write from the starting point of the idea that I’m letting this writing get ahead of me and letting things get sloppy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize what I understand and stand for within what I write will be based off how well I understand what I write, so there really isn’t any complication outside my mind relationship to my writing.

I allow myself to realize what I understand within what I write will be based entirely upon how much I understand what I’m writing and what I’m communicating to myself as myself written within my writing.

But also what came up is the fear of letting myself repeat my writing and have to rewrite things out for me creating this same confusion I’m experiencing in relationship to writing and everything I write.

Anger that I have to keep experiencing this same pain over and over again in relationship to the point of fear of repeating my writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for myself by responding in anger to the fact that if I’m not effective in self forgiveness I will time loop and have to re introspect and re write things for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the pain of my ineffectiveness in what I’ve written as self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respond in anger so I don’t have to face myself as self responsibility for what I write.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in anger toward having to “redo” points of writing because I’m not wanting to face me entirely and unconditionally as not responding to what I’ve created in my writing but sit down and rewrite and rewire and get things moving again in a way that’s best for me and all life in writing.

I allow myself to realize that getting angry at having to redo and rewire myself after writing things out carelessly and having to repeat is only making things more difficult then they need to be and further complicating the complications I’ve manifested due to lack of efficient writing of self forgiveness and self application. I allow myself to stop breathe and keep writing until it’s done flawlessly and I can stand by that flawless perfection as not having to repeat the same mistake again ever because it’ll be impossible because I’m living as the actualization of stopping and realignment.

The pain just now spot on showed me the relationship I have not only in my body but in my mind as well.


Fear of swallowing something and having it tear me apart inside. Ironic, but not supporting me just like a dream that has symbols and so much going on yet nothing that can really be token from it without self honesty.
Marlen
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Marlen »

Hey Matt

Cool for sharing - A point to remember is to not be hard on yourself and trying to reach an 'ideal' instead of walking it - space and time - through writing. So, suggestion is to definitely keep using writing as the tool it is, learning from others as you have stated, but also realizing that you are learning as you go writing, sharing and developing self-trust as you actually apply the words and self-forgiveness you write here in your every day living.

Check it out:1

That's how we acknowledge that we are able to communicate, write and share unconditionally, no expectations formed on something that we must walk as we 'write' and speak and live.

So - that's my suggestion, to not judge yourself but rather allow yourself to see that this is a process, and it takes consistency to establish a point of comfort within our every day living to write. So! let's walk - take deep breath, let go of any current 'strain' toward writing, and keep sharing yourself.

Thanks
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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Matthew Stone »

I should be on my day 6 of my seven year daily writing, and I’m going to make sure I get my writings in here for myself, but consistently 1 per day would be better then what I have to do now adding one or two extra sheets per day because I’m missing some of what I need to write and turn in on my blog or even just for me if I don’t post publicly.


So writing is something I still resist, and have written about before, but in living what writing I’ve done is not effective is not progressive because I shut down when faced with working and writing, specifically more after a school day and I’m aware of backchat which I could use here, because I’ll go in school with intent of doing it just do it I’ll do it it’ll happen, and I create this back chat idea of me doing the work of self honest investigative writing, but nothing happens at all sometimes I won’t write at all, sometimes I get a few notes in or just a nice piece of thinking, thinking with direction not just wondering.


I allow myself to realize I’m here, it’s just me here writing me and all the resistance toward writing, the shutting down, the negativity positively is all gone, and it’s gone because I’m here I’m writing after only a few minutes of shutting down from writing proving that shutting down and saying it’s not happening it’s so difficult is not in fact true it’s not a real thing it was an experience I had in relationship to writing and self investigation within my writing.


I allow myself to realize despite all the horrible systems I have in place right now the act of writing has nothing to do with any of those systems because it requires me to only sit down write and look and work with and observe myself.


So right now in this moment I’m taking a breathe I’m directing my breathe and I’m looking at how I push the words out like they are separate from me, right now I’m realizing how I’m forcing myself within my speaking my writing and I’m already aware I tend to just get lost in what I say and build up off what I say when I talk without even realizing how I build up off a starting point that’s not me moving me but thoughts, like just now I get lost in the idea of myself as writing and feel sick even reading my words out loud simply because I’m making a struggle out of self investigation self writing here when word by word I could be taking it upon myself to realize myself within each word and direct myself as that word in a way that’s supportive to my body my health me as life as equal as supporting the vibration the word I speak as something that is best simple because there’s nothing to build no ideas simply me realizing breathing moving and importantly understanding what’s happening who am I in realationship to the moment to the writing, realize how fun it is and realize how I’ve made a lot of my writing about and in consideration of others from the point of fear and how that limits me and how It’s ok if no one reads I could drag a single paragraph on and maybe no one but me will see it but realize that if I don’t support myself in what I write I could support others just as much writing total directionless shit here.


OK


Here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself by defining myself as shutting down and denying facing myself having to and even being supported by myself writing myself in establishing myself as life here in words and writing when this the shutting down that I’ve defined myself as is not me and is me participating in the fear of facing myself and fear of facing myself as belief and not a living actualized being as consistent with life itself supporting all life.


Here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate and indulge and allow the system of defining myself as shutting down and being incapable to sit down and write myself out in any given moment or even speak if I can’t write within the same principle.


Here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself unable to write myself out because I’ve defined myself as giving up as shutting down as the belief construct of being unable to face myself within a moment.


Now I allow myself to realize that writing myself out daily and getting my writings in for myself has nothing to do with the mind as I write now as solid proof the fear and the resistance can only stop me if I am to allow myself to be stopped by it as influenced by it as the allowance to not face myself within my writing.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny facing self awareness and writing as writing as part of my process as who I am by participating with the resistance as apposed to sitting down and writing things out as proof to me as me that I’m here physical and the writing application is a silly thing to overlook when it’s so supportive and vital and here and now very involving and moving as I move myself here and interact with myself within writing it’s just as fun as anything else but is in fact a part of self responsibility.
Ok


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realized that I could “do” and act and live as writing even though I have resistance toward it, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have let resistance build up toward writing so much that I defined myself as unable to write because of the resistance I face within myself.


I allow myself to form self awareness of why I resist writing by stopping, breathing and taking into consideration what I am participating in and allowing within the moment when faced with resistance to daily writing.


I allow myself to realize that writing is very supportive to me and to others who read my writing and use me as a reference point or teacher or whatever way I’m able to assist another in sharing writing.


I allow myself to get a single post of writing in for each day even if I miss a day I allow myself to double or triple up until I finally get every day covered.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist facing myself as writing as writing myself out and understanding who I am within my writing as me because I’ve defined myself by not liking writing.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ideas of myself as not liking writing before even exploring that idea and standing equal to it as realizing why I’ve created it and why I don’t like writing before assuming it as an actual construct as an actual thing when really it’s of separation of mind and the ideas around it are the only things which make be belief and perceive it as real.


I allow myself to push through and live a pushing through the resistance toward writing before I sit down and write and whatever resistance manifest while I sit down and write

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face myself as posting and sharing out of the allowance of the fear of destonian critisizim.

I allow myself to in self honesty adress within myself where the fear of destonian critisizim and fear of posting here come from.
Marlen
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Marlen »

Hi Matt

Cool for sharing. A point in relation to 'criticism' see how it's not about what anyone can express here toward you that can affect you unless you give permission to it within the context of 'disapproval' which is what criticism is.

See how the only one that can validate you is yourself, through your own application which means living a practical corrective process to ensure that your words to create a point of direction within your life. That's it - anything that any other person can say about your writings you can only take it as a point of reference, however, it doesn't mean 'that's how it must be' as each person is walking and individual process according to 'who you are' as your current configuration, which cannot be in any way 'the same' as anyone else's.

So, the support given here at the forums is a way to expand our ability to see the points we're walking from a different perspective - however, any reaction that may come up within you = you have to take it back to self to see where you are criticizing your self application, and this you can read for yourself through your writings here.

Therefore, remember that every time that you create a projection onto others about your own experience, know that it's not about 'them' or 'others' but about yourself and the judgments that you have allowed to exist within you.

You determine who you are in your application, no one else can do that, this is about self-assistance and self-application. This forum and sharing is simply a platform of support to also expand support for others that can come and read and also support themselves, that's how it functions - it is not a 'test' that can be 'right' or 'wrong.' Therefore, there's no need to fear, rather investigate how you created such fear and what is it that you require to practically do in order to stop such fears .

If there's something that's not clear, share it and we'll see where we can assist. Thanks
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Maite
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Maite »

Cool writings, Matt - thanks for sharing!
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Anna
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Anna »

Yes cool Matt. With regards to resistance to writing - and anything - it is to SIMPLY DO IT!
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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Matthew Stone »

I recently talked to a friend, and I talked to him about decisions. He said life is nothing but the decisions you make. Which is something that makes a lot of sense, voluntary or involuntary the decisions we make even if we aren’t directing the decision as who we are will have it’s affect, it will affect us because it’s who we are as what we live and what we decide for the world. The decision made by anyone affects everyone so the decisions we concisely make need to support ourselves support life and support a foundation that supports everyone equally as earthlings.

So Here now I’m making a decision and the decision is what I’m stopping and directing and living as a principle to support me and everyone as life not as idea. I’m making the decision to stop an idea of my world that I’ve adapted to process things, but I have a different process now, a have a process of life not a process of ideas adapted in my personal ego and self interest.

The idea is spirit animals, or power animals, or now or most recently I’ve adapted them into not spiritual and I claim no it’s not spiritual anymore because I don’t necessarily associate myself with spirituality and I don’t really avoid spirituality either but it’s not something I really understand and I don’t need something like that complicating for me what’s already a very involving process that requires a lot of self honesty not spiritual ideas and blind following I need to realize here as earth what I’m doing, which I can here I feel my muscles it’s no secret we have bodies that react to earth and doing what I do and destonians do breathe by breathe I grow closer to myself within the sense only in the sense that I’m becoming more aware so not close because that might not work to be specific here but awareness is something that can be expanded and can grow because it’s me as who I am here as realizing myself and I realize more and more and expand in that sense and grow.

So the decision is to be aware of me here, to bring me here as here as I can get in the sense of awareness of here as I said. So In being aware that I’m here life is here I can work effectively with who I am here I stop that which makes it more difficult then it needs to be to be aware of what’s here to work with what’s here.

Spirit animals as I participated in them don’t support me here compared to breathe awareness self direction as breathing and a real physical thinking body a thought as a breathe thinking as moving my body saying how does this physically make me feel how does this add up physical as life, nothing else.

The reason I have token so long to bring down in writing the point of spirit animals in a definitive way where I say here this ends is because I’ve been telling myself that as I expand more physically and become more physically aware what I’m doing to myself and others within creating the responsive animal construct understanding idea that I participate in will bring light on itself in a sense and I’ll be aware of what I’m doing and apply self forgiveness in time.

I really did limit myself and kind of in self interest because I was saying I’ll deal with this in time but at the same time not dealing with it here and now which I could do. Yet in the statement I made where I say it’ll shine light on itself and I’ll deal with it when I become more aware and have more power, is liming me and my power here to address things here and now in the physical in a very effective practical manner, that becomes limited. I say I’ll deal with this when I’m better at dealing with this, yet how can I get better without the practice the application the actually placing myself into everything I’m allowing and realizing what does and doesn’t work.

So what physically application I have done on the subject of spirit animals is the following I’ll write out my expiernce what I’ve learned and really put this into a good hard understanding and then cut it forgive it let go and direct myself to do what’s best which isn’t the participation in ideas that blur even further what is here from me making my process more complicated then it needs to be in the sense that I simply have built up another barrier from self intimacy from intimacy with another as an agreement from life itself I see less of the real and more of my own mind constructs.

-Ideas come up about people and I’ve claimed it as a way to understand people but I when and as these ideas come up it’s clear I’m just giving them power by saying it’s understanding when really they come up like a monster. They appear like scary head monsters consuming me and the people I meet and know because I really don’t have any say I don’t physically check what I’m doing in my own body how do I physically respond, I don’t really write it out in an effective way because I’ve done forgiveness about ideas yet it’s still here like I could have just written anything and gotten the same results. I don’t even realize what I’m doing when it happens it’s not self directed it’s not me thinking to myself in what way could I understand myself and my friends better it just happens then it’s there and I’ve given it that permission.

-After realizing that I was letting the ideas of people form within me I physically brought it into light within breathe and I realized all I was doing was just participating in thinking another form of directionless distraction that I don’t really realize anything from because I’m not even the one directing the thought so it’s just mottled up messy and nothing can be understood when I’m not standing equal to the understanding which would require constantly working on an alignment within the physical as aligning the thinking with me so I would think in regards to the physical as breathe so I could physically check myself direct myself and I would develop that skill and be able to get better and better and more specific and do as little harm and as much learning as I can from a physical perspective.

-Common sense people are here, they’re real because they’re physical constant don’t dematerialize they are here. They are here and yes, of course they will always be like animals we are animals and we share the same physical world as animals, but when I let myself participate in the ideas, the idea itself is not here is not taking into regards what is here. Common sense is understanding what’s here equal to it it’s making sense out of what we commonly share here. We can commonly see that we are here and the animals are here with us, we can see we resemble the animals in many many different physical ways and even the way we live and think, but my ideas are my personal secret.
So Personal secret agendas wither it has some great point of understanding or not is irrelevant. It’s irrelevant because whatever understanding “I” gain from “my” ideas I haven’t been physically checking myself before I wreck myself with consequence. I’ve been just letting things develop without regarding what’s best as life so my foundation my starting point is not being self aware? Why do I believe I gain any understanding or awareness when I’m starting from the point of neglecting to face what’s here?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I’ve gained any livable as practical equal sharable for all life understanding from the starting point of self neglect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as gaining understanding and insight from my ideas I allow to formulate within my mind before considering what’s best in regards to all life as understanding from the starting point of the physical as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my own mind without considering the consequences to life for and as life being addressed from a point of separation, is it really best for life to be approached as an idea? As apposed to a careful specific way of thinking and living that takes what’s best into deadly consideration.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act in personal gain by considering me and my perspective all alone without taking into consideration what’s best for life before forming any notion as idea concept belief of people without checking it the fuck out, really writing it down and saying this might be unsupportive from the point of common sense from the point of breathe from any point of understanding so I’m going to investigate it self honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think without “self honesty” by allowing myself to participate in the mind as the participation in ideas constructs beliefs without regarding the physical as having and requiring me to stand equal to it to be able to live for all as life my mind my thoughts my ideas.


Physically I’m here in my home, I’m aware that I live with much abuse and suffering. An idea comes up to face what I’m accepting and allowing. I then live the physical living of the idea for all to see here in my writing as my self application which anyone can physically check out or think for themselves give advice perspective, because it’s here and nothing’s hidden here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the harsh self honest feedback that I need that we all need by self honesty directing myself in a way that’s best for life as all by directing myself breathe per breathe in a way that physically can be lived by all and in that harsh self direction I check I breathe and realize myself here in the body in the physical so that what I allow can be something that I can stand by with certainty that it is what’s best for life that it is common sense practical loving like you would a baby.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself to myself within breathe within self direction within understanding as who I am moving myself in every way as life, give to me and all life the harsh radical treatment that will prove effective in time in the physical as a sign of love because I see this helps me, I give it to you, we share it physically for all to see and all to work with, that harsh treatment is something that I’ve lacked and a lot of people have lacked to give themselves judged misunderstood as something cynical scary, when what’s really scary is what we allow and participate in on a daily basis, no more jokes, it’s time to be harsh and radically loving, and in writing I allow myself to see there’s no immediate results only the time which proves that the physical is undeniable and wither or not what’s being done is best as unconditionally serving the physical and life one and equal. So it’s time in the physical as the adding up of breathe as the living of change, not an hour a minute a mind moment not doubt where I think well shouldn’t this be connecting with me more? No more mind made up connection only physical practical living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the harsh love that I need by not standing up for who I am in each moment so that there is no I’ll let it slide, there is no maybe maybe not maybe there’s purpose behind my ideas, there’s no letting any separation slip because not only does it add up the fact that it slips at all means I’m still allowing myself to “slip” so there was no slip at all, there is no slip that a thought idea comes into my mind it’s my participation and allowing. SO I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “slip” by letting some in some out, by not unconditionally living the stopping of “all” abuse within separation from life until it’s done and we’re supporting each other and then we go from there because we’ll trust one another.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear thinking about someone’s spirit animal as the idea construct I’ve formed around myself or another.

And, a very cool point supportive point just came up, and it’s wonderful because it proves to me shows me the insight that writing has that it includes right not just happened as a thought in a sense yes it’s a thought but me here I just realized something from it I realized something from the thought and the idea that came up, I’m not disregarding any mind participation because I’m walking that in time and I’m not to be specifically disregarding that’s just hiding, so no hiding form the mind.

So I realized I fear thinking about peoples spirit animals.

This is interesting, and it’s interesting because I just realized the power that I’ve given these ideas over me within fear.

I fear thinking about it like if I think about it it’s going to crawl up on me and eat me alive but it’s just another thought another construct not me moving me fearing facing me and hiding from facing me by allowing myself to give power to separation not being that harsh do gooder who stands for what’s best for me.

So,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear thinking about spirit animals because I’ve allowed myself to believe they have power and even the power over me to make me unable to face who I really am here as life, fearing that they are something that “means” anything outside that meaning which I give them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that seeing a spirit animal as I’ve placed them within my mind in relationship to myself or anyone else means anything outside of the meaning I give it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there’s meaning behind spirit animals when there’s no end to them because it’s of my mind so is energy and can go on as long as I let it, yet life is here done, no more no less, only existing as meaning if give personal meaning out of separation, while my ideas aren’t even of life of earth they’re showing me the power I’ve given to myself as an animal who wages war and spread fear.

So from here on out, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the mind itself has any power whatsoever without me to participate and feed and allow the mind to spread it’s ideas into me and then claim all to mean something anything out of nothing. So Here NOW, I allow myself, AS LIFE as equal to any other life form, I am allowing myself to see that my fear of thinking and participating with spirit animals is in fact that which has given them the power to rise without my consent because I already signed the contract the con traction the squeeze the squeezing of my choose to live as life I already gave that away within belief and now I give to myself and others the realization that it’s my direct participation that gives things power over me and nothing outside of me as who I am within my allowed limitation.

So I stop from here on out any participation in “spirit animals” that is not participating in stopping me from going into separation as going into a state of thinking about ideas and people and constructs as a means of not facing myself here and what’s best as understanding outside of my personal interest understanding. I realize that I’ve already signed the contract allowing spirit animals to invade my world but from here on in each moment I work I breathe as stopping them I breathe and I stop them until they don’t come back until I realize why they started what caused it what damage was done then forgive and breathe and let go.

I understand that it’s not that the ideas are in any way “real” it’s that in my fear of facing myself in relationship to these ideas I’ve allowed myself to believe that the ideas constructs have any real power over anything at all because I fear facing what’s here as me and instead have given into the fear that what appears in my head as my mind is something that has any significance to anyone or anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that spirit animals have significance. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that spirit animals have significance without establishing what that significance is and does it in fact support me as life here.

I'm glad to be able to have sat down and written some of these points out for myself, and I'm glad for anyone who I'm able to share with here I did get and am getting a bit of dizziness which I don't really know why but it's in realationship to the writting just so that I have that clear here, I don't know that I'm going to specefically ask about it, but as a measure of understanding what's written and who I am writitng it I'm getting a physical resonse here as feeling kind of dizzy pressure inside my head and a bit of my body. Thanks.
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Cathy
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Re: Matt's Writings

Post by Cathy »

Cool Matt - Bringing it all back to self breathing and welcoming responsibility

Thanks for sharing
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