Matt's Writings

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 18 Jan 2017, 07:01

I rode my bike to work, and someone wanted me to go get pizza since it was slow.

So I took someone else's car.

It is a very exspensive car, and I thought of how powerful I seemed driving this car like, look at me in this exspensive car, like for a moment driving this car I can prented I'm worth more now, I'm worth more because I can pretend to myself that I am driving this care because it's mine.

Then I thought what if I bought a more exspensive car?

What if I really did own this car?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point as stupid because of course I'm not going to go buy an exspensive car for no reason, where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest in seeing that in that moment I did wish I could own that car, that I could go out but that car and have a new respect from others as being someone with a luxurious car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to deny that's not me that's not what I'm working toward where in that moment it was clear I within the background of my head fantasied about having power through wealth over others to be more respected to be seen as more more powerful more wealthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take this point seriously where now I see I don't even know where to begin, power, respect, money, all these things and I didn't even take it serious like it was just a fun thought a little fantasy just for fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it's just an innocent little fantasy where within opening it up I can immidetely see how deep it goes just in the surface point that come up alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to influence myself with fantasy where maybe If I really enjoy that fantasy I will compromise myself and start saving up to buy this car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a backdoor of compromising my finances and what I'm trying to work towards practically with my money through a Trojan horse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have matieral possessions to be more respected by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have power as being able to do whatever I want where people would see my car and they'd say 'ohh look at that car that guys gets his way'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shocked by putting it into words like that where at the time it was just a faint experience a little bubble of desire but out into words it becomes more gruesome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be cool with a cool car like check out that car that dude is awesome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without thought have admired awesome cars where I never cared much about cars but seeing the way they reflect wealth and power I have without thinking subtly always looked at the nicest cars always wonder who is behind that car?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want people to see me driving my car and wonder who is that guy? Maybe wearing shades like I can't even see his face how mysterious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a mystery about me like who is that guy how'd get that car?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this point slide in that moment where I could have been firm and stopped it, buy I just let it play out thought after thought, actions, fantasy where I didn't even see I could have taken a stand in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I could have taken a stand in that moment where I was playing it out like it was harmless fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define it as fun to fantasise about wealth and power like that's normal that's OK.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry like in reaction to justifying not wanting to gsvebhoe an innocent game has actually created consquenxes which I now must cleanse myself of before I go and star buying shit, just to get that rush agsin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the power of this point where it isn't something I've faced, I've seen the problem with greed and the money system but haven't out much effort into dealing with it because I've been busy with day to day things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the gift in having points like this open up as I stabilize my day to day I can start moving outwards into the world in this case money and cars and power.

When and as I see myself fantasising about having prestige and power in owning a nice car, I stop, I breathe, I realize no matter how much money I have to spare that it's unacceptable for me to waste money when I could buy a normal cheap car if I really did need a new car, thus, I commit myself to be practical about my realitionships to cars in doing what I need to for my car not going overboard and buying a new one like they're nothing, I commit myself to when I see myself admiring s nice car to open up that moment and see what do I admire? That it looks special compared to the peasant cars? That whoever owns it must be special and have a special car?

I commit myself to remember down the road if I ever have saved up a lot of money to before going and blowing it on a car in a fit of fantasy to remember writing this and to remember the consquenxes of my actions aren't always immidetely evedant but that they do exsist.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 19 Jan 2017, 02:51

There's this girl I've told her I'm interested in taking her out.

She said no at first after I asked her once she broke up with her boyfriend at the time, I see her around once a week and like playing around and talking to her, then after several weeks she said maybe, I'll have to see next time I see her.

Then after that I see my inferiority like compared to the guys In my town who dress in stylish clothes and have this air about them and I see how I don't have that 'style', whatever that is, not being part of the culture of going out and acting confident and wearing clothes like they carry who I am forward as being cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being cool enough to impress this girl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry resentment towards the guys in my town for not seeing how dressing up in these clothes and acting these certain characters is fake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite other's where I wish I could embody that coolness and get into that culture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have it harder because I have to form real connections and don't have a cool style of music and friends and attitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to other guys because I don't feel like I've stepped into who I am like other guys.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I don't have anything that I can show for with girls like 'this is who I am'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to guys who are in college because they're working towards career's and I'm not in college right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress this feeling where I have accepted it as the way things are where I never felt like I belonged to any identity except when I was 'spiritual' for a year

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I had a place in the culture of being that 'type of guy'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I can't make things work with this girl or any girl because I can't place myself as any certain type of guy and only have my self as what I live and express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to put myself as what I'm living and expressing your against guys who have very specefic and unique indentities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'm not good enough for this girl because all I have as identity is my thoughts and reactions and energy stuff.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it's not diffrent to the other guys where really I just feel like I'm more supression of my identity like I bottle things up instead of living them outright as my character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to make it work with this girl or any girl because my identity is that of supression closed up repressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to step out of my supressed character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to through self forgives to step out of my supressed self defeating character and into a real living character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to forgive and change this personality I'm living while I'm still young.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself in relationship to this character where when I'm self defeating and supressing it becomes the relationships I create.

When and as I see myself feeling inferior to other guys for having something I don't that allows them to form better relationships, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I can't form a relationship with anyone else in dating because of how I'm supressing myself as living this supressed character, thus, I commit myself to keep pushing myself in self forviness to keep stepping out of this supressed persona.

I commit myself to form a realationship of self expression with myself in not bottling things up and going into solitude but instead releasing all of that every day in self forgiveness until who I'd like to be and express myself as can actually come through for real.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 21 Jan 2017, 01:11

I have a job at a nudist resort, it's a great thing to talk about, I barely maybe even mention it in my writing because I have other dress and things that take priority do I never really share that I work at a nudist resort for over a year.

I work in the kitchen because we have a dining hall for 4 nights a week I go and wash dishes, help prep, help bus, help out.

I have had some stress there that I have let catch up to me.

The co-workers I work with there now, are the best I ever worked with.

It wasn't always that way, and I kept pushing, I would be surprised if I ever had a job at a place like that ever again, so no matter how tired I was form my other 2 jobs, I never gave up, no matter what other things I was going through I kept pushing myself to go in do my job to keep trying.

Now after all the hardships of my personal life, co-workers, and my own developing dicipline is all come to gether, it's like, everything is still there.

All the stress and nervousness and anxiety is still there when I go in, even though the factors that originally created it are gone, I still go in there conditioned for things to go wrong, and so I read into things that aren't there, I create problems within my own paranoia of what I've come to exspect form a shift there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the resort expecting to be in toruble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the thought of going into work there negatively because of how used to being stressed and at wit's end I am with that job in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that things only seem to have improved with my new co-workers and that the same tensions must be under the surface waiting to come out again.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as the creator of my own abuse in relationship to that job where I keep abusing myself with fear and stress even though the factors I once blamed it on are no longer there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of going in to that job just as frighter and on the edge as ever and yet having no one left to blame because of how good my new co-workers all are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shcioed that I still feel the same way as ever built up over more then a year and yet cannot find a reason that isn't paranoia to blame my co-workers on any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the weakest ever going into that job now that I have to go in and face my own resent face my own fear without anyone to pin it on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no one to pin the blame on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have enjoyed being able to go in and just blame everyone where now that I can clearly see no one to blame any more some how the job seems more intimidating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have generated comfort in the struggle of dealing with other's who in my eyes are at fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate struggle when it becomes clear that the struggle has always been my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate going in now and having to embrace my stuggle as always having been self inflicted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace that my struggle has always been self inflicted where it seems pointless to go in now where I'm not going in regardless of other's I have to go in regardless of my own abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having to go in and see the truth of my anger and hate having always been directed back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate that my job is not easier now with better more supportive co-workers it's harder because I have to embrace that everything that goes wrong is my own fault because there's no one left to blame for my stress and anger and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for making this job so hard when it could be so rewarding it being such a unique enviornment with great co-workers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be humikitaes where I can't believe that with all the people I blamed as being my problem gone, my problems are only amplifying within my mind with no one to pin them on but myself anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how close I am to snapping in realitionship to this job because of myself where 'I can't take it much longer' is still what I keep experiencing and now I have no one to blame but myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to reakxie I've conditioned myself to assossiate this job with all these certain stresses and certain characters and now, that they are gone, I see myself taking their place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the absence of the characters I use to blame becoming those very characters myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created such great dear within myself and not even admit it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to admit the fear I've created is created by me and for me where what I use to react with fear to I'd no longer there and yet the fear is still there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chew away at mysrm with these immense giant emotional attacks on other's which are still running and now are clearly attacks on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel myself to get through my job out of hate of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to with no one else to hate slowly have begin running out of fuel, the fumes I use to run off are gone, and now I just don't have the energy anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the transition from running of anger and hate to having to simply move myself without all the reactions to move me for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having fought with myself blaming others for so long that now all I have to do is take it back to myself take self responsability and now I just don't want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self repsonsbility because I don't want to stop blaming other's yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be able to blame all my problems on others to be able to just supress even though the more I think about it the less stressful my job is it's just that I don't want to admit that all my problems before the current staff was my own invention.

When and as I see myself reacting to going into work kmwoimf that my same reactions and experiences will be there even though the spruces I use to blame are gone, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm having the same reactions because the reactions always came back to me and I built them up so much that they can run on their own now I can find paranoia to blame onto other's even, thus, I commit myself to embrace the struggle of my realitionship to myself within this job, I commit myself to embrace that this job seems harder then ever because I was always the one who made it difficult in reaction and emotion to begin with, I commit myself to go into this job ready for a fight just like ever, but in knowning in self honesty I'm going in ready for a fight with myself.

All this time, I've been fighting myself, I have to keep fighting, but it's hard to find the motivation when I can see that it's myself I've been fighting, but that's how I've conditioned myself so it's the only choice I have, I commit myself to fight harder then ever even though now I see I'm fighting myself, I commit myself to fight myself harder then ever and to get through the shift so I can go home and forgive myself so that I can one day go in and not have to fight myself anymore.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 23 Jan 2017, 09:30

I think that breathing might be important for me look into

Because I had my breathing technique which I did a lot, but now I see that breathing is just something that is me here breathing as an expression.

I think I learned a lot about things through how I walked my process in just trying to breathe and without self forgiveness, I learned that self forgiveness is important, and necessary for me.

In forgiving myself I need to be able to appreciate my decisions and learn from them and not treat myself like a failure but see how I can make the best of my choice to walk with my breathing methods in now I'm putting the pieces together for myself.

Breathing

Energy

Movement

Ideas

Lostness

These words are what I was living and expressing when I went and did my own thing all alone in my mind.

Now, I'm working out my energy for real in self forgiveness.

I'm actually moving myself as expressing myself more within direction and purpose.

I'm not lost in that I am giving myself direction.

My ideas I'm translating to self forgiveness and real living and not just letting my idea be usless pictures and images which I immidetely forget about.

and now breathing.

Breathing is important because it's what I was doing for years and I need to forgive and correct all the stuff I built up around it.

So I go back into my memory and look at my relaationship to breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that there was an anser for me in breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had power within my breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was accomplishing something in breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop and think at all where my breathing was inhibiting my thinking abilites.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider how all the endless unsettled movement I was seeing within myself could have just been resolved if I had done self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my breathing to supress me from realizing myself within self forgiveness where I was always not quite settled and always needed something to stimulate me where it was to that remember to do self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret how simple it would have been to resolve my problems if I had just used self forgiveness where I learnt my lesson and it took me however long it took me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate how many breathes I wasted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as having wasted my breathes where I was learning one breathe at a time the count doesn't matter.

When and as I see myself holding myself in that breathing pattern I developed wihtout self forgiveness to stop my mind, I stop, I breathe, I realize whatever I created will stand on it's own and I don't need to hold what I've created within my breathe against myself, thus, I commit myself to in each breathe redefine who I am as now using self forgiveness and no longer needing to rely on my old breathing mental fabrications in my imagination anymore.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize I can live letting go and being assertive in my breathing to let go of all the crap and thoughts and loose ends floating around in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I don't need to use my mind in my breathing to stop my mind where in self forgiveness I can let go my mind completely and just live and express myself here eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I can physically support myself in breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can walk everything that needs to be walked or imporved or lived or expressed breathe by breathe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to relaize how imporant it is to have an equal and unmental relationship to breathing because I am in each breathe first and foremost so it's important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my mind first and foremost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my mind first and formost over my breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how breathe is not a mind thing it's who I am here and don't realize it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take breathing seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge breathing as anything where in each breathe my judgement of my breathing will add up in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize all my thoughts add up one breathe at a time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize breathe is who I am one breathe at a time as a mearurement of time of amounts of breathes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsability of breathe by breathe defining who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I supress my breathe I'm not responbile for who I am and what I'm creating any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the reality of breathe by breathe being something that I can simply ignore despite my best intrest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be some being that is not held down by exsisting breathe by breathe.

When and as I see myself supressing my breathing to not take self responability for who I am breathe by breathe, I stop, I breathe, I realize there's no escape because I'm still breathing adding it up one breathe at at ime I just can't see it in real time because I've decided to supress, thus, I commit myself to instead of decdiding to supress and not take self responisaiblity for being creating myself one breathe at at time to instead take self resopnsability and see who I am and what I'm creating one breathe at a time and to develop who I am within that as creating what's best where if I'm here in my breathing what's best is evident because I'm creating it one breathe at a time so can see what's happening breathe by breathe.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 24 Jan 2017, 08:05

I played hearthstone more then I'm supposed to.

I'm supposed to only be doing entertainment stuff for an hour, and had been doing good.

I feel like some things shifted in me and I just wanted to ride things out while playing my game on my phone.

I feel this compromise is very much about the game hearthstone itself.

Because I didn't want to do anything else really but play my card game.

I felt like no amount of time would be enough to play it, like I just wanted more and more matches and to test out my deck that I built and want my deck to be the best but you need to play a lot of matches and I don't have enough time unless I manage it so I only spent my entertainment time in hearthstone.

I've never seen hardly any play a deck like the one I built in my card game and I want to be recognized for making it to a high rank playing my deck and to thus have influence in the community for coming up with the deck I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be recognized for being a genius deck builder in hearthstone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be desring to be recognized for breaking the meta as inventing a new deck that would change the way everyone would have to play the game due to my deck becoming popular.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that this is at the core of me moving myself to play the game more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I just want more entertainment time because for whatever is on my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have flown down to see that it has more to do with power, with winning, with having this experience of success and victory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face how much is have to manage my time to only be spending my free time on hearthstone for the hour when I also want to do other things too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring awareness to what I was going in playing my game so much past the time I'm supposed to because I'm supressing soemthing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest about how impractical it is to think I can go anywhere in the hearthstone community with such little time to actually play where I was supressing soemthing with this fantasy of my great deck I built.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to put into words what I was supressing but knowing that soemthing was there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to paranoid about what I'm supressing where it was soemthing I couldn't put into words like my experience of myself was diffrent and I didn't know how to adress it so I just got swept away in this fantasy of becoming great at hearthstone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress myself in hearthstone out of fear of whatever this shift within me was.

When and as I see myself desiring to play hearthstone more then the time I have aloutted for my day as an hour of media entertainment type things, I stop, I breathe, I realize this thing I'm uspresimg won't just go away and I need to investigate it with full effort and time as I would normally for before this shift I felt, thus, I commit myself to when I see myself wanting to go over an hour for my media for the day to stop myself from unconsciously just making and excuse to keep playing and to actually figure it out what I'm supressing.

...

What was I supressing?

I felt like there was nothing immidetely coming up within me when I woke up the other mourning, but that there was soemthing deep in me and I thought I'd wait for it to show up and then I'd figure it out then and in the time being I'd just play my game.

Energy, like I deal with a point, and then there's another point that comes up and I keep dealing with things as they just come up.

So it was like I was just waiting for something to come up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just wait for soemthing to come up within me instead of mivnng myself to live the word dig, as dig in and go find it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deal with points within me as they come up instead of taking advantage of when nothing is coming up like right now and just dig in regardless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see I can go dig in and find things before they catch up to me instead of waiting until I'm already reaction and already it's too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to indulge in nothing coming up when I don't want to wait for things to just come up by that time it'll be too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not seizing that moment and not giving into my fantasy in relationship to my game but actually digging into this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my lost opprituinuty and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have doubts of being able to dig in and get to the roots of this shift in me because I really just didn't want to put in the energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to move myself without the energy where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to look into this point now because of the energy of curiosity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to deal with this point when it comes around again where I've lost my real time opprituinuty to face it right there where I felt this shift like things were a little different.

When and as I see myself curious about what this point was, I stop, I breathe, I realize the curiosity is just energy moving me to wonder but in that moment I could have just moved myself on principle and that's what I need to establish so I can face it now or next time it comes up, thus, I commit myself to when I see myself curious about a point that csme up and then I missed I slow down breathe and move mysked in that moment to move on where I see I can always move myself without energy as the stateemnt move forward, move on, keep moving myself and developing my dicipline.

...

Less curious and more maybe I can see what I can do.

This shift.

Like I wasn't experienceing this shift like I wasn't being moved on the surface like I normally am, I felt moved on a deep level.

Like another stage within myself to face and open up.

Stage

Stay age

Process

Unfolding

Development

Does it matter what it was?

Creating

Shift

Force

Farce

Scared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear abdicating self responsability and having to deal with this point latter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I've done in not dealing with this shift right there on the spot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this point coming up as consquences instead of an opportunity next time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be paranoid where thus point is just an energetic movement and has nothing to do with real world danger or threat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be paranoid that this point has to do with real world danger or threat somehow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being on my toes and being prepared for anything to happen no matter how ridiculous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a made up idea of a movement within me relating to danger in my real world like a predictive dream where I might foresee the future in my dream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear something moving within me predicting my future where if I'm angry then I could predict that anger will possibly make me mean or do something out of anger not that it was a prediction but that I myself lived the anger that I felt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate this movement to my external world instead of seeing how it has already affected my real actions as supressing and playing video games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate my internal movement to the world around me instead of seeing how my internal movement affects who I am within my world around me.

When and as I see myself fearing my internal movement affecting the external, I stop, I breathe, I realize my internal affects the external because I act upon my energy thus giving it creative power, thus, I commit myself to not give this shift within myself external power by reading into it and creating this relationship with it which I then go and act upon and then think it was a prediction of the future when it was just me predicting myself as a robotic allowing my feelings to program my actions.

I commit myself to move on with my life and not feed into this shift through curiosity, fear, or supression.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 25 Jan 2017, 10:56

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'm missing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to change every relationship I create and express becuase I'm afraid I'm missing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devaluate everything that I see as progress within myself and my living out of a fear reaction to the idea of missing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for someone to explain to me what it is that I'm 'missing'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I probably miss a lot of things, things I could have done better, where there are some of the biggest points in my life that I see I clearly missed something but that I then forgave and moved forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there's something I'm missing which is not coming up in my mind so then how can I find it?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this fear that I must be missing something consume me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the perspective of other's out of fear that I'll realize I'm missing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have hidden away from self forgivess and from desteni for a long time in my life to not be questioned to see what I'm missing where I could exspand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the idea of missing something with fear instead of seeing how I can exspand in relationship to something I may over look or not consider within only my own perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the persepctives of other's making me feel inferior where I'd rather 'not know what I'm missing'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm missing something within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this space within myself where no one would outright tell me that I'm missing something because I'd need to figure it out for myself, where within this space my fear and paranoia start to grow that 'there must be something that I need to figure out for myself but cannot'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that what I'm missing is not something making me flawed but something that I could embrace as a better potential for myself as embracing the perspectives of other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to radically reascess something in my life once hearing and learing about the perspective of someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear reliving my inital expierence with desteni where I expierenced a radical need to flip everything that I was living upside down.

When and as I see myself fearing I'm missing something, i stop, I breathe, I realize this is just an experience and has nothing to do with living information it's reacting to fear of missing information, thus, I commit myself to look to other's perspectives to see if I'm missing anything.

When and as I see myself going into a state of fear that I'm missing something within my process, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I can already see that in goin ginto fear I'm already unable to see what I have or what I'm missing, thus, I commit myself to when I experince myself missing something within my process to make sure I'm in a stable point within myself where I can actually introspect and see if I'm missing something where I culd be better living my utmost potential.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 26 Jan 2017, 09:10

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to physically recover from what I've created in relationship to my body through mind and energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to concern myself with recovery of the physical where I'm going to die anyways I need to just focus on my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what's happening to me on a physical level any more then what I can do for self forgiveness for it and how I can support myself with different foods or exercise or activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret what I've created within myself in relationship to my body where it's what happens to everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as unqiue where I'd never damaged my body and my relationship to it where that's just a though and I've had no awareness of what I'm doing to myself throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sepearte myself from the harshness of the mind where 'I would never do anything to damage my relationsihp to my body'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in allowing myself to live for energy I've created plenty of damage to myself in relationship to the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud that I've come to find what damage I've done to myself on my own terms where I could have easily negated so much suffering within myself and my life in relationship to my physical existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold how I have walked my process against myself where I want to be special in having a pure body unafflected by the reality of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a pure body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the impurity of my body to that of other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to make anything of my life until I get what I want as a pure unaffelcted body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate being able to make what's best of my life despire having created such a sick relationship to my own body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the pain I expierence to prevent me from moving myself to what I see as my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to relalize I can live and express purity as myself in doing my pure most uncdontional best from where I am in not judging where I am or how I go here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of what I've created in relationship to my body where it would have been so simple to have prevented this within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for complicating what could have been a simple great process.

When and as I see myself judging myself for damaging myself in relationship to my body through energy and through my mind as being selfish in not accepting things as simple and just correcting myself more early on, I stop, I breathe, I realize I still have plenty left in me to keep going to heal and to move on, thus, I commit myself to not hold it against myself how I've complicated what could have been a more simple process, but instead appreciate that I got where I needed to go on my own merit in the end.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 27 Jan 2017, 10:23

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to pause and seek within myself looking for what's most important to write out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write self forgiveness from the point of looking at everything moving within me insetad of just looking at what's here right in front of me that I can write out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see anything right in front of me to write about because I'm not taking my writing into my living that I'm always living and exprssing something that there'd always be somtehing to write out in any moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my self forgiveness where it should always be a part of my expression right in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myeslf to not carry my self forgiveness into my living in each breathe I take as an expression of myself right in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see every time I go to write self forgivenss and have to pause to look inside it's like I shouldn't have to look inside it should be right in front of me where I can just look forward where it's right here forward in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pause and look down when thinking about what to write in self forgiveness like this longing to know what to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down and then inward in longing to know what I need to write about where the writing is right in front of me forward it's me moving forward not looking down and doubting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go internal in relationship to my self forgiveness in doubt of doubting what's to write out or what's imporant when things can be placed in front of me like tommrow I'm going to do a good job at work this is right here in front of me and is a statement of who I'll be tomrrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to take the internal points and put them right here in front of me into my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus in my day to day all my attention on what's moving within me instead of what's right in front of me in what's happeing who I am what's occuring.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that for all that I expereince within me moving in me things coming up within me there must equally be things occuring right in front of me happening directly as a part of me outside of me as in front of my own eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look inward for all of my points insetad of looking outward as who I am in outwardness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on looking for self forgiveness in my inwardness expereince instead of my outwardness expereince.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be seeing that when I look inward and am sturggling to find what to write out that I need to try to look outward where it shouldn't be a struggle to find something to write out to find something to help me improve.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how things unfold right in front of me like a thought that unfolds right in front of me where I don't need to look internally it's right there unfolding in front of me instead of inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not write self forgiveness for the things that are right in front of me where I instead dig into myself looking for things when it's ok to write out what's right in front of me sometimes also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how unaware I am of who I am right in front of myself where I've foucsed myself so much on everything moving within me and been so internalized that I can't bring the same awareness to who i am right in front of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress who I am right before my own eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look inwards to everything moving within me because I can't see who I am right before my own eyes in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that there's nothing occuring right before my own eyes where all I attribute antyhing to is what moves within me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to open up other parts of what's moving within me then the part I ususally look at where there's more moving in me then what I've trained myself to see and pay attention to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compress my mind to just this one movement within me instead of opening up the other systems within me which I can then write out in self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not open up the other systems of my mind to write out in self forgiveness where there are other systems of my mind which should be easier to tap into then just this one expierence of movement I always look to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only look in one direction in relationship to being aware of and looking at points to forgive within myself.

When and as I see myself through my day only looking at what comes up within me in this one way of energy moving within me and my mind coming up in a certain way, I stop, I breathe, I realize that my mind is probably occuring on other levels I'm not aware of, thus, I commit myself to bring awareness to the ways my mind is coming up on levels and in ways that I'm not even aware of.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 29 Jan 2017, 10:18

When I wasn't doing self forviness for a couple years, I was in my mind still walking my process.

I was going to stop the mind my own way independently.

I was positive.

To me everyday I was going to stop my mind and I didn't need self forgivenss.

All this energy I was moving in my mind, breathe by breathe, I was sure I could force out my mind.

Some how there was some way I could do it and I just kept trying.

I really wish I hadn't done that.

I also don't mind because I really really tested, and it just comes down to self forgiveness there's nothing else like it.

But in going back, I was so sure.

Positive, absolutely positive I'm seeing something and I can do it my way and I lost my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be positive that I could stop my mind breathe by breathe without self forgivenss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not once in that span of x amount of time have stopped to question why?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not one time question what I was doing and why not use self forficness when I know it worked back then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to become a beast just keep going don't think don't question I'll get there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have turned off all critical thinking where I just kept pumping that energy in each breathe I turned off every other part of myself that I could.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be this beast to get through my process on my own technique to just shut down everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived in total stubbornness 'I'll get there on my own I'm positive I can do it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having been so stubborn where I was so sure of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for being so sturrnin that I didn't even question if I was changing at all where all I saw was the energy and energy was my only reference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how lucky I was that I snapped out of it where with energy as my only reference as experience I would not have gotten anywhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have snapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require to take things to the point of destruction before I could accept what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my nature.

I firfcke myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this part of me needing to take things to the point of destruction still being with me where it's still my nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept my nature.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace my nature to forgive and perfect and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how in the destruction I rebuild I recreate I perfect.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at my nature in self hoensty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have to go to a point of destruction before I can see what need to be done and correct.

When and as I see myself taking things to a point of destruction, I stop, I breathe, I realize that this is my nature but it's not for the best, thus, I commit myself to look to see when I'm creating to a point of destruction and to breathe and look question what I'm really creating and participating in within self honesty.

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 30 Jan 2017, 09:54

Afraid of dying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying the way I am now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be killed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this paranoia come up when I see that I don't want to die from where I am in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this paranoia as a fire to move me where I regret wasting time today and sleeping in and not getting myself up and doing the things I was supposed to do today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to move myself with fear of death where this isn't a real means of moving myself into consistency and I can't see how it would do anything but drag things out more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to keep pushing myself and keep trying to hold myself accountable where I'd rather judge myself as hopeless and needing fear of death as a motivator where there's no reason to be more afraid of going out and going though my day tomrrow then there was yesterday where I was not afraid of this thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use death as a motivator where I need to motivate myself within seeing where I've improved and where I'm still faultering and continue to keep acting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify moving myself with fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear of death as a motivator where I should be continuing to move myself and improve from where I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge where I am and the pace I'm moving myself into dicipline as not good enough and requiring something extreme to shake me up as a fabricated paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack myself with fear to move me where I judge myself as needing to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to having fallen behind one too many times that I now much place fear within myself to control my idea of where I should be and how I should be behaving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move others through fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it's OK to move other through fear to create what I desire for myself as power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret trying to move others through fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that what I participate in even one time is what I create for myself as my creation equally given to myself and other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use death as the ultimate point of horror to move myself into fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can work with death to the best of my abilities as avoiding dangerous people or situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death randomly happening where all I can do is drive carefully in my car and be aware of the people I spend time with and interact with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use death as a motivator instead of working with death as being careful and not putting myself in harm's way.

When and as I see myself fearing death as a motivator where I judge myself as not moving myself fast enough to beat death, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I can work with death by avoiding harm's way and being careful when driving, thus, I commit myself to not see death as soemthing that needs to move me in any way but something I can work with by being careful while driving and not putting myself in harm's way by interacting with dangerous people.


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