Matt's Writings

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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 24 Apr 2017, 09:11

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having to put work into things when I have a choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only put work into things when I absolutely feel like I must.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within my actions as only ever working hard when feeling like I'll get in trouble if I don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not developed any principle by which I put in work even when I have the choice to be lazy and not put in the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the point of my life within the system as laying back and enjoying myself because I have money even though I haven't really enjoyed myself at all my mind enjoyed itself but I didn't because I would be living the words enjoyment much more all the time if I actually enjoyed being so lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept the lesson I've learnt when seeing all the time I've spent on entertainment and am not living as entertained.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the lesson I have learnt when seeing how I've lived doing what I want based on my feelings but don't feel good and fluctuate in dissarway within my feelings constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore all sirens and red lights within my tunnel vision of tunneling into laziness and irresponsibility and only snapping out it when things get really problematic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remember that I grew up without any directive except my mind and energy and how I slowly became programmed and then began to program myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the world for not programming me correctly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility for my own programming even if I could have been supported more by my environment to have learnt better skills in discipline and self motivation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for living in indulgence to a breaking point where I see, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to humble myself to the honor of reaching a breaking point within comfort and laziness and indulgence where few people on earth get to experience the point of having what you want so much that it snaps you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my life as totally worthless because I have lived in gluttony without any consideration for anything or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider I wasn't presented with anything else to take into consideration that I might have found any interests that enhanced my life and the lives of other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my life as too late to effectively form the discipline and self motivation goals that I realize would be best for me when so long as I'm alive I have to find the fire inside to keep pushing to change from my laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear coming to realize how much laziness I've accepted as who I am so deep down inside that my very body has adjusted to this lazy idea of myself.

When and as I see myself living and embodying laziness to an indulgent excess, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I've within myself seen the end point of this laziness leading only to destruction, thus, I commit myself to accept the wake up call that my laziness has gone to far and so begin rewiring myself with new behavior and actions and words and ideas as a total system overhaul.



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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 25 Apr 2017, 06:02

I ate a big dinner, I feel nice and full and happy.

While I was at dinner I was trying to figure out what to do with my mind, I felt like I still don't know what I'm doing.

But now after my meal I'm so full that I'm not even worried.

Because I remember when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing with myself and my breathing and my process that i just do self forgiveness and then everything​ will work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control over all the energy I exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling like I'm at a hault inside not releasing all my energy but just stuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not figuring out how to be directive in all ways within myself where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider as long as I still exist in separation as my mind I'll always run into these situations at some level where I'm just stumped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let being stumped become such a part of my nature where I have been stubborn in not asking for help or actually trying with real effort to do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate how deeply ingrained I've become living the word stumped through all of my actions my entire life constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having to face myself in new ways which I didn't exspect because otherwise I'm just not moving at my best pace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won't make it out of my stumpness because it's uncomfortable and probably damaging me phsycially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic when I know that there in everything I live and create are consquences as the mind of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear moments of total stumpness of being stuck and confused inside of myself when making it to the other side and continuing to walk shows that these moments are harmless road bumps for me to grow and expand in seeing that I was confused and didn't know what to do so I move myself within self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to banish myself to not using self forgivness because that makes no sense the way I see it in my mind surely I can just move myself breathe by breathe and everything will just sort out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the truth that breathe by breathe everything will sort out without self forgivness in death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag myself closer to dying by not forgiving myself to prove the point of forgiveness to myself when I already was on board I just needed to take some time to prove it some more which is ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the living proof of self forgivness as subtracting from me as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realized that being on board and excited about self forgivness isn't enough until it's taken to a day by day breathe by breathe walking process at whatever cost that comes with.

When and as I see myself fearing the moments where I'm not moving breathe by breathe in a comfortable flowing natrual healthy way, I stop, I breathe, I realize that these moments just show me where to apply forgiveness, thus, I commit myself to not blame my body for getting stuck because it's me as a being through my allowance that I've gotten stuck and dragging my body down with me is why I must forgive.



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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 30 Apr 2017, 09:41

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'll always just do whatever I feel like and not become the integrity hard working studied person I'm supposed to become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to not be a better person because I only want to do what I enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to become the best version of myself through a path that I'll enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to redefine and expand how I live the word enjoy and what I enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to use enjoyment as a reference.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see enjoyment as living and creating without conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I enjoy everything there's no conflict and everything is going over smoothly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume things are going poorly even though I'm enjoying my path and trail through life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself within enjoyment as a reference for progression and development and expansion and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge things in my life for not being perfect when I am enjoying how things are unfolding for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as crazy for enjoying things even though I feel unstable in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see enjoyment as a reference that I'm more stable then I imagine.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that enjoyment has always been a reference for my process where in my mind I enjoy just playing games, but when I look back to my memories some of my best memories of enjoyment trace back to self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that to me the whole point of process is to enjoy where all of life can enjoy where to be hard working and disciplined is good for me so it's what I'll enjoy for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it takes time to get to the point of living enjoyment in my life that I can just focus on discipline and handwork before I can manage myself without a lot of entertainment.

When and as I see myself judging myself for going with the flow of what I enjoy in my living, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm judging myself because my enjoyment revolves around entertainment more then hard work and discipline, thus, I commit myself to face the emotional restraints that I have incorporated into my body that I use to keep myself suspended and attracted to diminishing and limiting expressions of myself.

I commit myself to include focusing on self forgiveness and hard work and discipline as the things that are goals in my life but to see also that I have other goals in my life that are important like school and work to think about as main goals.



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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 08 May 2017, 11:30

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unsatisfied with my diet unless it includes a lot of meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my craving of meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerful eating a lot of meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this moment of craving meat even though I just ate meat this mourning when there's probably something going on in this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like eating anything but meat right now when I do eat meat regularly but never have craved it so much in particular.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in slowing down and breathing I can see what this meat craving is reflecting about me and physical exercise and getting my gears moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this meat craving where I can't just eat meat I need to eat other things to have a rounded diet.

When and as I see myself fearing my sudden craving for meat, I stop, I breathe, I realize that in slowing down I can see what this shift in appetite represents as a shift in my life movement, thus, I commit myself to breathe and center myself here until I eat meat tomorrow and then can move forward from their to see if my idea about what this craving represent is true after consuming meat for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire immidete gratification to have things stop moving inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for everything to stop moving inside of me immidetely as wanting instant change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I need to be the one to stop everything from moving inside of me which takes time and direct application and participation in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exspect everything moving in me as my mind to suddenly be better on it's own like self forgiveness is a magic spell when it actually requires breathe by breathe constant self application no matter where I am or what I'm doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disrepsect the amount of self application in each breathe that I put in to remain still and consistent and centered as my commitment to be here and stop seperation from life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the stopping of everything moving around inside my mind comes from my breathing application my writing application my living application.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the only thing given without self movement and application is the things that corrupt and just become an entitlement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel entitled to have everything moving within me to stop as if it's not reflecting me and who I am and showing me what i must do with my life to stop this movement of energy inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate that all the real application of me is how I've manged to start working towards stopping this constant energetic movement inside of me and didn't just magically happen because I wished for it through self forgiveness but I lived breathe by breathe, self awareness in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immidetely find things of separation inside of me that I want to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as limited and incomplete so long as I have things moving and active in me that are separate from the silence of me here.

When and as I see myself desiring instant relief from the discomfort of all the energy and things moving in my mind, I stop, I breathe, I realize I can breathe and support myself but things will always creep in because these reflect the deep unresolved points that I can't simply breathe through but need to take into serious application in writing and forgiveness, thus, I commit myself to support myself immidetely in breathing and self forgiveness when faced with points I'd like to work on, but not to expect things to be immidetely resolved because that takes time and application.



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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 11 May 2017, 09:16

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that I've overlooked the real actions I needed to take in my life to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider what real things could have supported me in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook the real decisions I could have made to support myself within my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to being more decisive in the people I spend my time with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to the words that I speak and what they really create and reflect of me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that when playing games and videos all I'm doing is spinning things around in my head not really doing real living stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not getting a hold of my real living at all too caught up in the process of my mind to see what real actions need to be done to actually resolve anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret letting my real living slip away by not seeing how the only way to stop everything moving around energetically in me is to get real and get physical in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that process consist of doing real things like, breathing and writing, and that speaking and what I do and who I am within the things I do is what makes process of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that I'm just now understanding how to walk process where I wish I had realized these things from the start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid when all I learnt growing up was feelings and pictures and emotions so my real behavior and choices never occurred to me to be accumulating who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimidated by changing all of my living and behavior when it comes in hand with self forgiveness because self forgiveness itself is a real physical action and self movement.

When and as I see myself angry that I didn't realize that chaning my words and actions to be what's best for me and the people around me didn't occur to me sooner, I stop, I breathe, I realize through self forgiveness as a real change in my behaviour and actions was I able to come to this conclusion, thus, I commit myself to trust myself to do self forgiveness on the real actions and behaviours I need to change until I consistenlty live my new bheaviours and words in time.



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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 13 May 2017, 12:14

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to watch videos about crazy events and prophecies and end of the world videos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to watch these prophetic and symbolic symbol videos because it triggers something deep down in me that stimulates some energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to part of the world when everything is painted as an action movie thriller when real living isn't like an action movie unless things are very bad for a lot of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a part of the controversies as watching all the conflict and hostility in politics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I don't really understand politics I just like to watch everyone fighting with each over over things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to watch these videos about how this is the prophesied end of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend in my mind that this is the end of the world and everything is evil and coming to and end because that's a part of myself that I am feeding into through the images and reactions to the kind of videos I watch on youtube.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to watch Youtube vidoes about what everything in the world and means and what's happening because it makes me light up like I'm a part of something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to watch these Youtube videos about what's out there in the world because I feel like I'm not a part of some thing out in the world that I can't reach within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not watching these conspiracy videos that I deliberately know I'm just using to manipulate me energetically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not self honestly account for why I would like to watch these conspiracy videos just to stimulate myself as what am I running from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like nothing interesting enough could happen in my own life to warrant the same bigger then life picture videos on youtube can paint.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if I don't feed this energy by watching these conspiracy and symbolism videos on youtube then my life isn't going to become interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with these spiritual videos to feed my dream of what is going on in the world and painting that picture in my head which doesn't really apply to what is real and relative for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to distract myself with spiritual enlightening videos on Youtube when I have things to deal with in the real world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind get totally warped of what is real and relevant or not so I don't have to take self responsibility for things that I need to address and take care of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the real things that I define as boring to have a moment of stimulation where I postpone and forget about relevant things to have a moment of awe and wonder over the situation on earth.

When and as I see myself desriing to watch AWE inspiring videos of spirituality and chaos as ying and yang on Youtube, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I desire to watch this stuff on youtube because it reflects what i"m separated from in my living which I don't want to be accountable for, thus, I commit myself to check what my intentions are when I go to watch doomsday and spiritual enlightenment videos on Youtube to see what am I suppressing that I don't want to be here in my real life.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed by things in my mind which I cannot shake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed when I get a point stuck in my mind and have to put extra effort to shake it off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having to give special attention to things in me that are dragging me down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel victimized that I have parts of myself that nag at me until I resolve them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having to slow down and give extra attention to points that I'd prefer just went away instead of me having to be stuck with them because of my choice to let these points become inflated in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for over inflating things in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I need to deal with the points I over inflate or else they will pop and cause even more mess then to just deflate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the things that I get stuck up on when I can see though my own actions and deliberate choice did I let things get over inflated and hard to deal with and grasp.

When and as I see myself blaming the points that get stuck in my mind, I stop, I breathe, I realize my mind is an extension of myself where I see how I choose and the moment I made the decision to let a thought get carried away tot the point of possession and obsession, thus, I commit myself to forgive myself for over inflating simple thoughts to become things that define who i am and what my world is.



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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 08 Jun 2017, 12:27

I'm working with words,

words can give perspective and context on things,

I could drink soda or water,

right now I'm drinking soda, I didn't put a lot of words into this action, but one word is unhealthy, but I see how that word is not something that I want to apply immidetely to all things, I don't want to not eat something just because I see it as unhealthy, but I do want to explore things that are defined already as healthy.

I didn't put that many words into it in the moment, but that's the entire sentence that I was living in choosing soda, is that I don't inherity know soda and it's relationship to me totally.

There is a buzz to drinking soda, the word is BUZZ.

Like a bee, because bees collect the pollen from the flowers and make the honey and honey is sweet, and my soda is sweet, and I'm buzzing like a bee writing and digging through points in writing.

In the buzz, there's a focus, the buzz drowns out the negatives and the certain slow down energies, and speeds things up to get things done.

Sometimes you need to just get thing done, but it'd be best to be able to breathe and be directive to get things done.

....

Another thing is I have this one thing I need to do and I keep thinking about it like obsessing about it, and then I was avoiding doing it, so it's like the more I avoid it the more I keep reminding myself about it, so it's like a cycle, unconsciously postponing something i need to do then becomes all that I think about and I get worked up over thinking about it so much so get guarded and postpone and then it keeps coming back.

So it's like postponing the real action that needs to get done, is postponing dealing with it in my head, where how can I make a cement, I'm doing it tomorrow at this time and won't think about it again until it's that time when I've already been postponing it so I know that I can't trust myself to actually deal with it when it comes up in my mind or when it comes time to do it, which in turn makes me want to just get it done so I can get it off my mind and then it's my unconscious making the decision just to control my mind by just getting the thing done with.

The phrase is 'get it done', the word could be consistent, when I'm not being consistent in my actions, my mind as myself is also not consistently able to direct the thoughts that I have of what I need to do.

What word can I use to support me to just get this task completed...

Decisive.

Decide a time to do it and then when that time comes decide to do it even if I don't feel like it, where self honestly I'd know if I'm sick or injured so much that I need to instead go the hospital as a reason to not do this thing I have to do soon.

I know that I can go do it tommrow.

So it sounds good, I have to get it done some time, I'd like to get done with this thing and then start looking for what next thing I should or could be doing with my time...

So,

I could do sf on being decisive in general, but it would be better to just focus on this one point as taking baby steps.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get up to do my emmisions test for my car because it feels good to sleep in and be lazy when I just woke up and don't really have to do anything if I have no work, or nothing scheduled that time when I get up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wake up with a word, with some force with some movement, I'm awake now, how would I like to exsist today, wouldn't I like to do things and be consistent and trustworthy and on time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself any tools to change myself upon waking up and needing to do my emssions test.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up, breathe, see how powerful my desire is to feel good sleep in play games and decide that's not something I'd like to stand up against this mourning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the tools trhough words to wake up and get these emessions done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not imagine what words could support me when waking up like 'snap to it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wake up and live the phrase 'stay on top of things'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to one word as lazy instead of giving myself an entire phrase, 'it's time to go'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge playing games as more fun then my emessions test when it doesn't have to be that way and fun doesn't have to be a part of the equation when something would be better then fun should be a decesion, I have to get this test done, it'd be best to not put it off, 'let's make it fun since I've got to do it anyways'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to the word fun as acting upon what seems most fun as my decesion instead of making my decesion what will be best for me, where what's best for me will ultimately be the most fun, so I'm even ginving into a compromised version of fun just because I'm not giving myself something to wake up with.

When and as I see myself waking up tommrow and in the moment of coming to having to decide if I'm going to get things done or postpone more, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I haven't been giving myself the tools I need to make a decesion to decide who I will be when I get up, thus, I commit myself to wake up and give myself the phrase 'time to go' by taking a breathe and making a decesion directly over what I will do instead of immidetely going to my phone to watch something and then maybe take a nap, as immidetely deciding I'm awake, take a breathe, and move.

Decesion, I redefine decesion as making a clear cut choice what will be done and then acting upon it.

I make a decesion that I will let my feelings direct what I will do.

I also make a decesion that I will not let my feelings direct what I will do and live a higher more fullfilling more fun more me purpose.

Give myself more then just giving into the appeal of something on the surface which it seems on the surface nice to just lay around and be lazy but it's not actually as nice as it seems on the surface it's deceptive but I forget that and then I'm in the heat of the moment and I'm not living words.

So that's where the word decesion comes in, to see who am I as decesion right now?

Can I stop whatever I'm doing for a moment, or just take a breathe and bring awarness to who I am as decesion really qick even?

There's responability on the line here, because part of making the decesion is that I've already decided tommrow I"ll wake up and take action and live the word decesion to completion by acting on my decesion I'm making right now, where I could make the decesion I'm going to run for 3 hours tommrow but I'd be compromising myself in that decesion because I know I would not do that because I'd get too tired and hurt myself.

So living responsability depends on the success of my decesion or not.

So it's responsbility to make a decesive time to do something, but then it's 1 step forward 2 back if the follow through isn't met.

Breathing is not enough for me to wake up and make this decesion, so I'm brining through the word decesion to support me where I won't be possessed in a moment of feeling right as I wake up beause I'll already ahve a word that I"ll be dealing with which is decsion.

I see that this word will be suffecnt, but for living the word security, I could give myself a fall back word.

I close my eyes and imagine what words also could support me to take action as I'm supposed to tommrow mourning.

nothing came to mind because I couldn't think of what could override my desire to just sleep in more and go on the internet.

So maybe that's the word in disque Desire.

I commit myself to when I wake up to bring awareness to the word desire, as becoming aware of my desire, and seeing that it doesn't matter in this situation.

Another word is habit, it's a habit when I don't have to wake up in the mourning for a serious school or work related responsability that I will not and will instead sleep in more or go on the internet habitually.

I commit myself to live the word habit when I wake up by stopping myself from immidetely acting on my habit of postponing not important obligations by attending the obligation and changing in that moment who I am as habit.

I got a lot of plans here and a lot riding on the moment of waking up tommrow so I'm really shaping up tommrow to be something significant, where if in theory I fail and my desires to not be responsible overwhelm it will deffinetely leave a mark because I'll remeber how much work I put into planning the act of getting up and even that I posted it publically so that's like even more significance that it's being shared as a refrence.

So then I'm a little hesitant since there's so much on the line but really in reality there's not much on the line it's just a matter of my own development and in me developing sharing my development with exsistence.



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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 10 Jun 2017, 04:50

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to just get done with process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine just getting done with my own process and then being done because it seems nice and pretty to just be done and not be concerned of anything ever again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine process being finished on the mind level in the 7-14 years of self forgviness being like retiring and then being done with everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine just being done with process and then not having to worry about anything anymore because I wouldn't have to apply myself to see what can be done about a lot of the problems on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my goals getting done with process and to then die instead of making my goal to walk process in tandum with walking and investigate real solutions and actions to take about problems in myself and other's on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine process as a quick way out of things on earth apposed to actually putting me in more responsability and dedication to resolving things in myself and on earth equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to humor this line of thought beneath the surface without challenge where when I challenge it my common sense of what process looks like is to live with as much purpose and solution as I can squeeze into my life not to just have it all figured out and then be done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that no matter what I can always live to find new means of challenging myself to do more when I have tools like the forum for speaking and other Desteni stuff for donation when if all I have is to share process then I have a outlet for that and if all I have is to work and make money as my propose there are many outlets to donate and purchase Desteni material as Grass Roots change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine this desire of just being done and then nothing mattering anymore within process to supress some things which I'm not standing equal to but supressing through outlandish ideas of process which I make slowly without realizing it in my mind and only notice when I actually bring to the surface.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate challenging myself and expanding myself with my life for as long as I can to make the most of however much time I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as too weak to live and that it'd then be better to just finish my mind process and then nothing would matter that I'm weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live to strengthen myself where I see my weakness to live to live the word strength for myself and other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into defeatism subconscious through the idea of just being done with process when I finish the mind part through writing self forgviness each day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subconsciously dimiss my life as having value by imagining it would be nice to just finish the mind part of process and then just crawl into a ball or something and be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decieve myself into thinking that I'm in a position to even imagine the end of my mind process when I have just been imagining still what process is from different ideas and projections and not really gotten into the meat of things but just the surface.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to humor this idea in the back of my head to paint a pretty picture instead of presenting the countless substantial counters I have to this idea of just magically being done one day and being able to go live in a cave or something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this idea of an end of the road of process as a self congradulatory Pat on the back without recognizing self honesty for what I've created of mu life or consideration for the challenges and work to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I have got process down so we'll that I can start planning years into the future when I go through having figured out process to have everything turned on it's head again on a weekly basis on average.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine just being done with process having finished one day to avoid facing some of the challenges I've already seen in myself which require investigation, and writing, and application.

When and as I see myself humoring the idea of one day having finished writing enough self forviness to just be done and get to go crawl under a rock and die, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I let this thinking train of thought sneak up on me, and in this moment I'm taking action to day I don't humor this idea, I have no end to the to work if like to do and the studying I'd like to do, so it's not funny I don't think it's a funny quarky joke anymore I have some real things I'd like to do with my life which could take any number of years after finishing the mind part of my process if it were so simple to just be done like it's a quota of self forgviness and then you're just done, thus, I commit myself to stop humoring the idea of ever in my life getting to just decide 'I'm done now'.

I commit myself to stop planning into the future in ways that I can't back up, where I can't back up what being done with process on the mind level is like, and I can't back up that I will be able to walk that process to completion.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 11 Jun 2017, 08:49

I remember a story I heard in elementary school about a guy who was in a canyon and he yelled and the echo came back the next day to wake up him so after he yelled into the big canyon he went to bad and was woke up the next day by his own voice.

So that's an external living of how people live memories.

I have whatever I want to recall or remember tommrow and it's like I send an echo or wave into the future to wake me up, but it's me a part of me that can retain infromation and bring it up at sectled times.

Sometimes the mind echoes things that I might not want to face but they are my echoes if I like it or not my programming an echo of me in the past still stuck inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live memory as remembering the things I'd like to do and work on and then apply them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word memory as remembering things I'd like to live and apply and work on because I did every single thing totally automatic in my life without any remembering of who I'd like to be or work on becuase I hadn't even defined so much of that at all for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never utilized to remeber because I would just habitually do whatever I wanted, was told to go to school, knew to go to work, and then would just habitually do what I wanted to do as what my mind directed me to without thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have widdled away living impulsively moment to moment not remembering who I'd like to be or what I'd like to do with myself just acting as ego program coming up in the place where I should have asserted something of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live memory as a limitation where I would remember I don't like school and go into school living that memory alraedy preimposed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define memories as how things are like I remember this person being that way last time I saw them so that's how they are and will always be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my perception of others to how I remember them as if they couldn't change in anyway but from my own memory stay the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by remembering my habits and acting on them creating a personality that I manvure and act upon when if I didn't remember the things I liked to eat or to do then I could reassert anything in that place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret when I forget someones name showing me that in the moment where I should have been remembering I delibertely decided this person isn't worth remembering 'it doesn't matter'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in memories of paranoia where It's like I remember I had a bad thought once so then the thought comes again and with it remembering the same fear without any substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the imporant things to remember almost hang over me like a cloud that needs to be managed becuase if that's part of me living as memory I need to perfect it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling onto certain memories like they have important value which I haven't discovered yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not shape my memory what I'll remember in breathe as in a breathe remembering something and in a breathe deciding to remember something later on like an echo.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see remembering things is like an echo.

When and as I see myself fearing not knowing how to consciecsly shape my living of memory, I stop, I breathe, I realize as a living being I use memory and to remember things every day and it's a part of who I am just need to perfect it, thus, I commit myself to develop myself within memory and to remember as my relationship to memory and remembering things.

I commit myself to dismiss memories that aren't relevant to anything and really just thoughts.

I commit myself to make note of when I remember something I need to do which I forgot and to realign myself with this memory to remember later on now having perfected in a brethe in living adjustment, in living refinement, in living perfection of mind, body, being.



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Matthew Stone
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Re: Matt's Writings

Postby Matthew Stone » 12 Jun 2017, 06:11

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my living of exspansion to what I feel like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit me expanding more to believing that I have a limit to how I can exspand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to an idea that I'm limited in Boston much o can exspand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose limitation on myself because I don't feel like expanding any more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain comfortable in limited in how much I can exspand because I never have had such access to being able to comprehend and act out what exspansion is where even if I'm wrong I'll still be exspsndfionh in learning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear diving into what I see as unlimited exspansion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear tapping into unlimited expansion because I'm used to be stuck in my experience and automation and thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fesr real exspansion because it's so real that I can see how I've limited myself and ruined myself through my whole life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this new comprehension of living expansion within life as process changes my view of process completely whole leaving only minor questions to be unveiled with tomr and development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I'll be capable of tapping into this infiite expansion as phsycisl life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsability of managing everything of myself which comes with exspansion in seeing the little things I let slip expand into my life and who I am on a deep ripple level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rest failing when reaching into the expanse of living In creation in stilling the mind and living the real himab potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ngsekd to hate the responsibility of exspansion where I must take everything into account taand prepare myself as knowing the state of the world and what I am up against.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the responsability that comes with exspansion when this hate isn't really my best potential it's deceptive n not in my interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear knowing this exspansion is real because it's innately obvious it's what I've always been looking for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going wrong within this exspansion living when I have been going wrong my whole life in applying myself as I have been any risk I take will be for the best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using my mind as part of my creation send exspansion.

I forgive ngzemf that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using my mind as part of my living expansion when what else it to be aware bit to be living awareness through my mind being and body relationship.

I forgove myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fesr how I have under utliized my mind due to supressing it when I've been using my mind obviously just as I've been remembering and living memory even though I don't mentally use it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not separate the difference between using the kind as mind body being living and expressing as word as life, vs the past prframds of good and evil rrpoictaijg itself as preprigrammed virus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to far having to identify the virus from the living of exspansion where living identify will allow me to diffrmevita.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about living expansion without mind compromise where the worry is already compromised thinking about it is already compromised.

When and as I see myself fesinr the great responsability that comes with living the word exspansion, I stop, I breathe, I realize that living this exspansion is simple because it's who I am in the best interest of life, thus, I commit myself to leap deep as I can into living expansion in all ways and to simply correct and forgive where I make mistakes unconditionally.

I used to define exspansion as meaningless spiritual fluff until I hit a dead end even in applying myself and new I need to expand.

My new defenition of exspansion now is to move self in silence in self forviness, in word in correction in commitkenr.

I redefine exspansion as a part of who I am.




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