Today I noticed myself reacting to my little cousin. I reacted in anger and annoyance towards her and allowed this energy to direct and control my actions into physically harming her. This energy escalated into myself being injured in the rough play as she retaliated with anger as well. after when I got injured (the back of her head to my mouth) I was energized with fury in the moment, an energetic up rage that if I wasn't breathing in the moment, might have had me act upon the thoughts that automatically came up -which we not the nicest, in how I could 'get back' at my cousin for hurting me and 'taking my pride'.
In the moment I realized how spite and anger originates as energy within the mind and reactions within the body as feelings, to direct and control ones existence in moments one is not standing in control and stability of ones physical actions and mental thoughts. I realized how I wanted to spite and hate the fact that my cousin got the last punch in, and that I had to suck up my pride for if I truly wanted the last laugh/hit, it would have meant hurting her back -which is completely unacceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite/hate as energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the uproar and fury that is energetic reactions within the mind to direct and control my physical actions in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to justify myself hurting my cousin as and within energy
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand clear of the energies that direct and control my moments in each moment, wherein I allow the feelings and emotions to direct and control my physical behaviour here.
When in moments I notice myself feeling the fury as energetic reactive up rages within me, I STOP - I do not accept and allow this energy to direct and control me here, it is unacceptable, the abuse justified within the mind.