part 1 help is really appreciated

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David Robert
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part 1 help is really appreciated

Postby David Robert » 05 Oct 2012, 00:31

External points- first note that i really do need to fix this because its really starting to fuck with my life, so please help

Staying in the marine corp is the best most current example meaning its fresh in my mind since ive been walking that external point for a couple days now.

Ok an external point is a future point, a point that you havent practically physically walking because its in the future and its not here its not the point in front of your face. the point i am facing now is writing about this point on the computer, the point i am writing about fear of failing to stay in the marine corp.

I fear failing to stay in the marine corp for the rest of my contract, i fear fucking up.
first thing i did was bam ok i fear it, i wouldnt let myself calm down and walk the realization that it was a fear, that it wasnt the current point.
so i would instantly start walking staying in the marine corp by any means necessary and this is where it branches extensively because i did many things while ensuring i stayed in the marine corps.

First thing i did was always walk only that point until it was done or until it drove my so god damn far up the wall because i really cant complete the goal because my contract was 6 years long and that i would have to walk one point six years straight to stay in. or like other points say making an doctors appointment on time that was a week away i couldnt do that in the present moment it was a week away. so instead of stopping saying what is in the present moment i would obsess about the point and attempt to walk it until it would drive me until point that i would actually apply some sort of self honesty of what to practically do to walk that point in the present moment to walk that point later.

what i came up with for the marine corp was, stay out of a lawful trouble, stay in shape, attend training during scheduled times (im in the reserves), follow orders.
ok then i applied what can i do in this moment, ah well the point is stay out of trouble, because im at my other job and i cant work out because i have to keep this job and im not scheduled to train today and i cant do what i was ordered to do because im at work. so stay out of trouble, but im at work, stay out of trouble, boom the real point ( that im at work) is in front of my face and i completely take it the wrong way because i am possessed fear of failure so i use work to stay out of trouble when really i want to work because it is responsible to work there fore i should work, ensure i do my work and breathe and not even think or worry about the marine corp, but no i cant do that because i fear getting kicked out of the marine corps, oh shit i feared it "what if i get kicked out because i fear it" takes a breath self forgives for allowing and accepting myself to fear getting kicked out and self forgives for allowing and accepting myself to get kicked because i fear it and "have to" face fear this way which is not true i proved that wrong almost a year ago in bootcamp with fear of failing bootcamp which is where this point started, then self directs to no longer get kicked out because i feared failure,

then i go to live the self direction, well i cant do that now can i cause there doesnt exist a point because really im at work and the point is that i fear failure, plus id have to combine six years into a moment its like baking a cake (a cake you have to bake or position within the system could be hurt) and im in the kitchen at home and have all the supplies, its like bake a cake in two weeks and i have other responsibilities in between doing what is required to bake a cake but i was too damn obsessed with baking a damn cake in two weeks now, and i try to bake the cake now even though i cant do that because i havent done all thats necessary and cant do all thats necessary because some other points are in the future and i just am trying to control and know the future when i cant. i fear the unknown future. so i attempt to control all moments of the day by walking something that i have to to stay in the marine corp, 99% its stay out of trouble because the i must always obey the law and in between training and orders thats about all i can do besides work out and i cant work out for more than a little while cause i i gotta eat sleep, shit, and work.


So while im attempting to walk staying in the marine corps even though im at work or doing whatever it expands into all sorts of wild shit.

what i should have done and will now have to do is find out if i need to get a day planner to keep myself organized to complete goals, then not worry about my goals until it comes up in my planner or becomes a point in the present moment. god so much simpler then i made it out to be. and in between the moments that it would even be a point i must be responsible to what im facing in the physical while being self aware of whats within me.



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KimKline
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Re: part 1 help is really appreciated

Postby KimKline » 05 Oct 2012, 05:46


what i should have done and will now have to do is find out if i need to get a day planner to keep myself organized to complete goals, then not worry about my goals until it comes up in my planner or becomes a point in the present moment. god so much simpler then i made it out to be. and in between the moments that it would even be a point i must be responsible to what im facing in the physical while being self aware of whats within me.
Yes- this is definitely a practical common-sense solution that you can apply in the physical to support you with walking this point of 'obsessing' about future points and points that require being walked over a period of time. I use the calendar tool on my phone, if you have a cell phone, it probably has this basic tool, so that it sets an alarm on or around the appointment date. It useful to remind yourself about an appointment that's far off.

In terms of the stopping worrying- this is where you can apply some self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application. Forgiving yourself for accepting and allowing yourself to exist as this constant worry, for fear of future failure, for overwhelming yourself by bringing a 6 year process here all at once, etc....

And then your self-corrective application will assist and support you to direct yourself in the moment that these thoughts come up, so that you can stop them before they 'drive you up a wall'. So, start with: "when and as I see myself beggining to fear being kicked out of the marine corps I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to awareness by reminding myself that I can only direct me Here, in the present moment, within what I am doing in this moment..." etc... and you fill in the rest, deciding how you will direct yourself when these persistant thoughts come up.

You have many ways to support yourself, such as buying your day planner, possibly setting a phone reminder, and writing yourself out through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. Now the only thing left to do is to do it.



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John Grunzweig
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Re: part 1 help is really appreciated

Postby John Grunzweig » 05 Oct 2012, 07:09

perfect first step to stop anxiety attacks without a need for pills. i think i need to apply this thinking to myself in anxiety you are not really here. if you are not here, how can you stand as life, here? here is all that is so, if we are not here. here the fuck are we?

"what i should have done and will now have to do is find out if i need to get a day planner to keep myself organized to complete goals, then not worry about my goals until it comes up in my planner or becomes a point in the present moment. god so much simpler then i made it out to be. and in between the moments that it would even be a point i must be responsible to what im facing in the physical while being self aware of whats within me"

this is brilliant and simplistic
i think ill try it
thanks for your help!



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David Robert
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Re: part 1 help is really appreciated

Postby David Robert » 05 Oct 2012, 18:43

Thanks for the support ya the fact I can only direct myself within what I am doing is a big point because I could be say working at one job and trying to get a new job within myself when really all can dO practically is continue my work at my present job



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Lindsay
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Re: part 1 help is really appreciated

Postby Lindsay » 05 Oct 2012, 22:22

Yes, Kim has provided some cool perspective.

For myself - my daily planner is absolutely crucial, lol. I not only write out my daily/weekly points in my planner, but exceptionally important points I have a daily calendar on my phone that has an alarm on it so I am reminded of specific events/responsibilities/appointments - this makes organizing and ensuring that my daily/weekly responsibilities are walked effective so much simpler, as I do not require to 'hold' these points in my mind - because, as we already are aware, the mind cannot be trusted; so we cannot count on the mind to assist us in any sort of practical manner - also, holding onto points in the mind is exhaustive, as you seem to have already realized directly.

Now, with the points that you have written out here - it's really a simple point of applying the self-forgiveness, creating a blueprint/map/framework for yourself in writing out the self-correction in how you will practically walk yourself out of the patterns that you've created - and then living the correction: walking the map in real-time.

Like, for instance:
oh shit i feared it "what if i get kicked out because i fear it" takes a breath self forgives for allowing and accepting myself to fear getting kicked out and self forgives for allowing and accepting myself to get kicked because i fear it and "have to" face fear this way which is not true i proved that wrong almost a year ago in bootcamp with fear of failing bootcamp which is where this point started, then self directs to no longer get kicked out because i feared failure,
You state: - 'takes a breath self forgives for allowing and accepting myself to fear...'

What do you mean by this?

I don't see any self-forgiveness - so, it's more like you are 'talking about' the self-forgiveness that you applied, instead of practically-physically writing it out, which would definitely assist us here on the forum with providing perspective/feedback.

So, best to write out the SF and place it here on the forum.

You have ample material to work with so suggest to not open up any more in writing, but work with what you've got here and we'll assist as you go along to clarify anything and ensure specificity, etc.

Thanks for sharing and walking this David



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David Robert
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Re: part 1 help is really appreciated

Postby David Robert » 06 Oct 2012, 00:32

Yes that is exactly eat I was doing, talking/writing about what I would do in the response to fear of getting kicked out, these self forgivenesses are said aloud, very quietly, but aloud, haha not really funny but laughing at my own humor, so specifically why would it be more effective for me to write it on here actually I think I will do that it's nice and organized that way



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Kristina
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Re: part 1 help is really appreciated

Postby Kristina » 06 Oct 2012, 01:57

Cool David - and the support here Kim and Lindsay

As far as "organizing yourself", what I realized is when I was not directing myself within the point, I was overwhelmed and anxious and fearing I wouldn't get anything done, YET was not doing anything about it - was not directing myself. And so as you see, the solution is simple. Direct the point of getting yourself organized, as until we do, the point will return saying, "here I am, I'm still here - direct me please!"

What I initially did was make a list daily, first thing in the morning, of what was required to be directed in that day... and go through the list, crossing of each point I addressed. And viola - I had progress:) Now I use a small list on my wall that support me to see what daily tasks need to be done, then use my google calender for everything coming up, apts, schedule, things like that, and every morning I look at it to see what's on the agenda. So David, find what works for you, in realizing only YOU can direct yourself, and only YOU really know yourself, so find what works for you/best supports you within this point.

As far as why we write out the self forgiveness - it is a physical way of walking the self forgiveness, as we are physically here, typing on the keyboard, and are also able to look back at the points we have written, to make sure we are staying within the point and not wondering onto other points that are not really related. It's a point of physical, structural support, as well as when posting them here, many can give feedback and support or suggestions from reading your self forgiveness, which is always assisting within our process.




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