Zakaria's Blog

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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 11 Apr 2016, 20:15

Day 6 - Where's the money?!

I will not hear these words directly, but they will come from a subtle angle, I will be compared to other people in my family. I’ll hear my father and/or mother saying ‘but where is the money from the business idea? It’s taking so long’.

I became deeply offended at the idea of taking so long to make financial gains, I would say things like ‘these things take time’ or ‘it’s a development in progress’ or ‘it’s a very hard job I do you know?!’. These statements were of course not as justifying as I was making them out to be. I knew I was lying to myself. I know that I was not really applying myself 100% and that I was not really invested in the idea of actually working for myself.

So all these other excuses came to the fore, I said to myself ‘but I already have a job - that’s why i’m not applying myself’ or ‘I work a lot already - to work more would be ludicrous’. So I could see that there was a certain level of comfort in ‘the way things already were’ - thinking ‘why would I want to change this?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when I hear my parents comparing me to other members of my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am being compared to other members of my family whenever my parents talk about how much money I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in offence when I hear the word ‘idea’ within ‘business idea’ being spoken by my mother, taking it to mean that what I am working on is just an idea and as such everything that I am ‘doing’ is not real. That it somehow means that what I am doing is not solid or tangible or feasible and that I should ‘move on’. Furthermore I see that these statements are all me - and that I hold onto them within myself as a definition of myself, so I am in fact the one making everything an idea, an infeasibility, a non-solid structure. Not seeing or realising that to make something real, real things have to be done. I cannot just imagine something into existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not succeeding within my business.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for my business, believing that I can just get away with doing the bare minimum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to participate in a judgement of myself for not making money quickly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say ‘but these things take time’ not really meaning these words but rather hiding behind these words to cover my procrastination and avoidance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that work is hard, not seeing, realising, or understanding that I actually fear failure, I fear the process not working, and in so doing I limit myself so that I do not have to face failure in any form, because if I have done nothing - then there is nothing to fail. Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a fear of failure - connecting failure to fear, thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

Furthermore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not apply myself when it comes to my work for the same fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not living up to the examples set by others, not seeing, realising, or understanding that I must focus on my self and my own process within my life and my business, seeing and realising that comparison is a complete mind fuck.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that because I have a job already, that my other business does not take precedence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the excuse that because ‘I have a job already’ … ‘that is why I am not applying myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become too comfortable in my current position, not seeing or realising that my current position is not the best that it can be, and that I have an opportunity to go much further in helping more people within the whole life of their education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that ‘to work more would be ludicrous as I already work too much’.

When and as I see myself reacting to my mother’s words in relation to my business and see that I am reacting with anger towards them - I stop and I breathe. I will myself to take a look at what words I am responding too and to then investigate this response so that I can see what it is I am showing and highlighting to myself - as all of it will be me, and it will be something that I have allowed to define me. And in doing this I will release myself through self forgiveness and set a course of correction through writing, and then living the writing into reality, creating myself.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to another person’s process and feeling bad because I do not live up their apparent ‘standard’ I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see, realise, and understand that comparison means nothing in this sense, and that I allow myself to severely limit me by not allowing myself to feel bad because of what I ‘see’ as another person having over me. Not seeing that I am actually not seeing the situation properly, and that I am lying to myself by comparing myself, as there is nothing to compare myself to except me. I can only gauge myself according to who I was, am, and will allow myself to be.

Thus a will myself to focus on my own self expansion and self expression and no longer stifle myself through unnecessary comparisons with other people in my reality.

I will myself to see that living my utmost potential means taking the physical steps necessary to move myself every single day, it is exactly the same process involved in learning, Thus I see and realise that it is just simple movement, every day..



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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 16 Apr 2016, 11:00

Day 7 - Authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of the word authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word authority to fear, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of being ‘told off’ by authority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘being told off by authority’ to fear, thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always try to be in friction with authority figures, participating within the belief that ‘I must show them who the boss of me is’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger at the thought that authority figures in my life have power over me, not seeing, realising, nor understanding that no one really has power over me in this way except me, so that means being given an order or a directive is not the same as having my ‘soul’ bent to another person’s will. It is just a fact that in instances in this world we have people who are in authoritative positions, whose orders and directives we must abide by. Hence I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take these moments personally in a way in which I believe I have been cast down as inferior to this other superior being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that anybody in an authority position is superior to me, not seeing, realising, and understanding that this these polarities of inferior and superior are not really physically real; as they only exist in the mind of the beholder, hence only by my own self acceptance and self allowance does this belief of being superior and inferior come to pass. Seeing now that everything in this existence is physically equal and quantifiably one. There are no demarcating lines in reality.

I thus forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of authority being ‘used’ on me, seeing, realising, and understanding that I am actually ‘using/ab-using’ these ideas onto myself, of being more or of being less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘authority being used on me’ to fear, thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I thus forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that ‘I do not like authority figures’ now seeing, realising, and understanding that it is only myself that I do not like, as when I am in the act of debasing myself by allowing myself to believe that I have been ‘cast down’. Not seeing, realising, or understanding that I was/am the caster of this spell.

I thus forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the rage and jealousy of authority figures, not seeing, realising, or understanding that this rage and jealousy comes from a place where I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being less than this other being, as being less worthy, less ideal - thus leading me into the position where I say to myself ‘why them and not me?’

When and as I see myself as participating within the polarity design or inferior and superior in regards to the people I see and meet in my life - I stop and I breathe - and I will myself to take a step back from the situation and silently forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have participated in a comparison of myself with another, breathing, seeing, realising, and understanding that this comparison is not me, that I can never ‘be’ this other person, and that what this other being ‘has’ does not define neither I or they unless their is an acceptance and allowance of such definition of ourselves, where we base ourselves on position/standing and/or worldly accomplishments. And so in these moments I will myself to come back to myself, my breathing, my physical body, in a realised fashion - whereby I see and understand the inherent equality and oneness between all things, further seeing that if I allow myself to participate in this kind of comparison I am separating myself from myself.

I will myself to see how inferior and superior are both forms that are created by me - and in the act of creation I am placing a spell on myself so as to severely limit and abuse myself through reactions as emotions, projections, fears, and backchats that serve only to separate me from this existence and myself.



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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 21 Apr 2016, 18:11

Day 8 - Authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of ‘standing up’ and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that standing means taking responsibility for myself and other people and things. Not seeing, realising, or understanding that this point of taking responsibility for myself-people-things is connected to standing, though it is not ‘standing’ as the real life definition of the word.

Hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘taking responsibility’ to the definition of ‘standing’ as ‘position, status, and reputation’ - seeing, realising, and understanding that the three things that these words share is responsibility, as responsibility or lack thereof is implied within these words, but it’s definition does not rest solely in this word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that standing means having to do ‘the hard things in life’. Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘standing’ to ‘hard things in life’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that life is either ‘hard’ or ‘‘easy’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect life to the polarity of hard and easy, not seeing, realising, or understanding that Life is Life, and that my experience of hard and easy comes from myself as the acceptance or resistance of certain moments, such as a resistance to doing new things in my life - this resistance is based on a fear of the unknown - or when I am very accepting of an experience due to familiarity and trust. I am seeing that both of these points of resistance and acceptance are mind-games I play with myself, as I see and realise that they are just opinions (and are ever changing) and that I am the author of my opinions in every way. I will myself to see, realise, and understand that my opinions can never be trusted - as they do not come from a place of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I must be a breadwinner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I must be a provider.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of ‘providing’ for others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘providing for others’ to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a judgement of myself because I can see that I do not provide as much for my family as other cousins and relations do for theirs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self anguish at not ‘standing up’ to the level of money and prestige they have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having position, status, or reputation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect position, status, and reputation to fear, so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear, seeing, realising, and understanding that my fear of having actual real standing in the world is my fear of taking full responsibility. And furthermore that this fear is not real in any sense other than a mind sense. And even further more that my fear of taking responsibility rests on my fear of failing.

Thus when and as I see myself as refusing responsibility out of a fear that ‘I will not be able to do it, I will fail somehow, I am not good/worthy enough’ I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see how this self talk is inhibiting me from achieving my utmost potential, because if I do not step up to things in my life, if I do not ‘step up to the plate’ and instead allow fear of failure to guide me out of doing something that would have otherwise expanded me, then I have lost an opportunity for self growth. And this I will not accept or allow.

I will myself to fully see, realise, and understand that the image I hold of my other affluent family members is not truly an image of who and what they are, I see them as successful, having money, having ease of life - not actually seeing that these are all my projections - and that they cannot not match up to how they are actually experiencing themselves - because I cannot truly tell. Thus I cannot compare myself with them in anyway because I do not actually know what they are going through themselves. I will myself to see that the thought ‘because they have money they must be happy’ is not to be trusted and that this comparison serves no purpose other than to limit me.



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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 24 Apr 2016, 20:44

Day 9 - Grounded

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a judgement of myself as being ‘not grounded’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that I have not yet defined what grounded means to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in daydreams because I wish for my daydreams to mimic my reality, I wish that everything that happened in my head actually happened in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from the realisation that reality is of a different quality to my dreams, in that it is real and can be worked with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being in a space of non groundedness is easier than actually being Here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise,and understand that being in a non-grounded state means not being Here, and if I am not Here, then I am not really Doing anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being grounded means being boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being grounded means not being excited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life according to the belief that it ‘must be exciting’ and that I must ‘always be on a high’, not seeing, realising, or understanding that excitement is energy that I have created around something, and thus a way that I use to avoid what is actually really here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that the word grounded means ‘well balanced and sensible’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that grounded means being rooted, boring, and avoiding excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am already well balanced and sensible in my life - not seeing, realising, or understanding that this is simply how I would like to be perceived in my reality - that I have not actually lived these words into existence as myself yet.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear that I am incapable of being well-balanced and sensible, not seeing, realising, nor understanding fully that I have the support tools of writing and self forgiveness that has and will allow me to continue to open up a space within myself from which I can move in a grounded way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that ‘I do not need to be grounded’ for the things I do in my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being grounded is unnecessary. Not actually seeing or realising what the full implications of this actually means for myself. I will myself to see and realise and understand that moving from a place of ungroundedness means that I am not actually here while I am moving, and thus my movement can be called into question - am I really moving at all? Or am I just surfing energy waves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I can get through life simply by surfing the energy waves that I have created for myself, not really seeing or realising that these energy waves eventually dissipate, such is their nature, and then there will be nobody and nothing left to move me.

When and as I see myself as having allowed myself to wander in my mind into some daydream/fantasy whereby I become excited and charged - I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see, realise, and understand that I have created this energy and that I am, looking for an experience because I am used to this energy addiction, I am used to getting an energy fix. Thus I will myself to see, realise, and understand that I can use these moments of daydreaming as a route by which to go into myself in a constructive way - through writing and self forgiveness, each ‘dream’ leading me to an opportunity to become more within myself and my life. Thus I will myself to look at my mind.

When and as I see myself participating in the belief that I ‘can get through life’ by ‘riding the energy waves of my mind’, believing that I do not need to be grounded when I am riding these waves of energy, that I will be placing myself at a disadvantage is I do not speak and move from a point of energy, I stop and I breathe, and I will myself to see, realise, and understand that everything that goes up, comes down, that my energetic thrill seeking is bound to dissipate and disappear once the energy runs out, and that I will be left in opposite end of the spectrum, living the belief that because I have run out of energy, I will not be able to speak and do the things I do in the apparently ‘efficient’ manner in which I did them. I will myself to see, realise and understand that I can move from a different source, a different starting point - one that does not rely on energy and thus can be called upon in all moments of life, the starting point of breath and self honesty. Thus then no matter what situation I am faced with, I can always revert back to breath as my starting point.



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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 02 May 2016, 09:41

Day 10 - Stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a judgement of myself as not being stable enough in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unstable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am unstable because I have too many thoughts moving through my head, not seeing, realising, or understanding that I am the mover of my thoughts. Furthermore not seeing, realising, and understanding that I am not yet aware of how or why I move into particular thought patterns and that self honest investigation is required to understand the root and beginnings of each thought that I have allowed to pass through me, and that through understanding by writing and forgiveness I can begin my process of stopping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am a stable human being, when in reality I can see that I am cycling between ups and downs as feelings and emotions, not seeing, realising, or understanding how I am peddling the gears of my mind within my imagination to fool myself into going into feeling or emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that it is other things outside of myself that make me unstable, believing that situations and peoples in my life are the causes of what makes me angry or upset. Pinning the blame on other things and people for how I am within myself. Not being able to see that I am the root cause of my reactions towards these points in my world. and so I react when these points in my world do not go the way I had wished them to go - then throwing myself into turmoil, believing that I have no choice in the matter but to feel a certain way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise, and understand that I am in fact living the consequences of my past decisions to act/not act, seeing now that I can actually begin to stop living these consequences through simply moving myself to do what is necessary in the moment, before the situations becomes unstable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I need to hold some kind of ‘special energy reserve‘ to get through emotional turbulences in my life, and that I must call on this reserve whenever things are not going as planned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being stable means not being affected by things, not seeing, realising, nor understanding that being unaffected does not give me a pass to ignore the situation and allow it to get worse.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that being stable is staying able, and that staying able entails being aware of the situation and working With it so as to allow it to blossom into a solution that is best.

When and as I see myself as assigning blame for something that I am experiencing within myself, to someone else - I stop and I breathe - and I will myself to see, realise, and understand the madness of what I am saying to myself as the belief that another person/thing/situation can be responsible for the way I am experiencing myself Within Myself. I will myself investigate and release the points through writing and self forgiveness so that I can come to a point of clarity and understanding on the situation, so that I stop blaming others for my instability and start taking authority of myself through taking authorship over each and every aspect of myself as my mind.

Thus doing simple things like preparing the groundwork for projects instead of waiting for the last minute to get things done, and then allowing myself to experience the trials and tribulations that come with not having fulfilled responsibilities, thereby removing any causes for discomfort later on down the road, knowing that I have taken all the necessary steps I have needed too.

Thus I will myself to see, realise, and understand that the first step is to be Truly unmoved by things that are happening around me, being the definition of stable as the words ‘firmly established’ within myself through the process of writing and self forgiveness - but to then see that there is another step that needs to be taken which is to work With the situation - to make it the Best that it can be, to not allow it to fester into some greater problem but to rather see and then take the steps that need to be taken to remediate the situation.

I will myself to see that in all instances of life prevention is the best cure and that this principle can be lived by just seeing what needs to be done Before it needs to be done, not waiting for situations to develop and ambush me, but rather taking active steps to prevent and remedy problems before and as they arise.



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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 23 May 2016, 19:13

Day 10 - DIrective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being directive means being in charge of things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I must be in charge of things because it shows I have power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that I am defining myself as somebody who does not have any power as this is revealed to me in my need to show people that I have power. Hence showing myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as powerless.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly wish that I was a leader.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the fantasy that I am a leader of people, not fully seeing, realising, or understanding that this only exists within my mind as fantasies and imaginations, where I take real life situations out of context and make them more than they actually are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that being directive means telling people what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that telling people what to do means showing power, not seeing, realising, or understanding that real power is something which I have not fully grasped yet, which I have not yet defined for myself. So I see that I must base my power on self honesty and living words that I have ‘formatted’ and redefined for myself in a way that supports All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that telling people what to do and how to do it makes me a better person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as this belief that being a better person must come from outside of me and must be exhibited in my actions of being able to effectively lead and shepherd people, not seeing, realising, and understanding that what I really want for myself is to be an upstanding human being whose living is based on principles that benefit, whose existence adds instead of takes away.


Therefore I will myself to let go of the notion that being this ideal human being, this ideal version of myself must come from outside of myself, willing myself to see, realise, and understand that this potential principled living of me can only come from within myself as how I choose to breathe, think, and act in the world, and whether or not this is based upon self honesty.

I will myself to see, realise, and understand that real power, real authority comes from a self stability that itself comes from getting to know oneself, through the tools of writing and self forgiveness I direct myself to become this power within myself and my life and to apply these tools everyday for myself.

When and as I see myself going into a fantasy of being a leader of people, or having control and/or authority I stop and I breathe - and I will myself to see where this fantasy is coming from, and in seeing where it has come from to stop and release myself through self forgiveness and breath, and to come back down to reality where the real work of self improvement happens. Because self improvement does not come to me from my mind’s projections and hallucinations but rather it comes about through dedicated self investigation in self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on fantasy to placate any real world desire to self expansion.



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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 29 May 2016, 21:03

Day 12 - Positive Energy

Throughout my day I see myself accessing positive energy, believing that I need it to be able to be able to get by in the world in an effective way. To get by the day in a ‘charmed’ way so to speak. It will even come to a point where I do not wish to carry out tasks or responsibilities unless I first can see that I have the energy bank filled - or I will wait for it to be filled before I fulfil a particular task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I need energy to move through the world in a way in which I am happy with myself, where I can show the best side of myself through showing that I have lots of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I need energy to live my utmost potential in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am not able to be at my best without having high energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the belief that I must always show a positivity in what I think, say, and do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I must be in a state of high energy to be able to fulfil all of my responsibilities as well as participate in extracurricular activities, that without having a surplus of energy - I will not be able to do the things that I need and want to do in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by energy, not seeing, realising, or understanding that the energy I refer to is a mental energy, and that this mental energy throughout my life has always dissipated and ‘run out’. Thus if I am allowing myself to only move from a point of mental energy then when I do not have this mental energy I will not do the things that need to be done because I will believe that I have run out of steam.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that there is mental energy, and physical energy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a seeking out of positive energy so that I can get a ‘fix’ because I secretly love positive energy and the feelings it gives me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that it is ‘okay’ to participate in positive energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only ‘feel better’ in any moment dependant upon whether I have positive energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use positive energies as little rays of sunshine within myself and my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto positive energy within the belief that within positive energy life has meaning, not seeing, realising, or understanding that how I feel does not have to be based on positive energy mind experiences, but that I have a choice to be stable in who I am.

When and as I see myself seeking out a positive energy experience, I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see that this positive energy is a self creation and that I cannot use it as a solution towards the ‘problems’ and responsibilities I have in my life - as by its very nature it will dissipate and return to nothing, and then after the high I will be left feeling low.

Thus I will myself to let go of these positive energy moments through speaking the forgiveness statement ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access the energy of positivity in this moment - believing that I need to be positive to function effectively in this moment - not seeing, realising, and understanding that all I Have to do is breathe and direct myself within common sense, within self honesty, and through this discover, what is the movement, action, or words that I can speak that will be aligned to what is best for all?



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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 05 Jun 2016, 23:24

Day 13 - OCD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of not having locked the doors properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect not locking the doors properly to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate i the belief that I have not locked something properly if I have not checked it a dozen times over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I am checking because ‘something may have happened between my last check, and this very moment - something may have changed, the lock may have broken and become unfunctional - hence I must check it again’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly participate in the thought that something could have changed within the locking mechanism since the last moment I checked it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that ‘I have a responsibility to check these doors and locks, for if I do not check them properly something bad may happen, and then I will be responsible for it’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of not having locked my bicycle properly, not seeing, realising, or understanding that within all of these situations I can and have seen that the door, window, padlock, lock, has all be locked effectively and properly, hence there is no need to check it, but I allow myself to participate in the niggling thought ‘perhaps I didn’t do it right this time?’

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a second guessing of myself when it comes to locking up a place or a thing in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of the front door not being locked properly, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the front door not being locked properly to fear, and thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of the key being left in the door and someone taking and copying it, and then later breaking into my house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the key being left in the door to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief locks need to be checked a lot of times before I can deem them safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of being held responsible for something that I am ‘in charge’ of locking up, fearing that I will be seen as someone who is not able to take responsibility for things effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a fear of losing my job if I do not lock up properly.

When and as I see myself participating in the act of checking a door, window, lock, or padlock more than 3 times because I fear that it is not closed properly - I stop and I breathe. I will myself to slow down at what i have physically done, and to then stop and move on to the next thing that needs to be locked. I will myself to stop second guessing myself through seeing, realising, and understanding that I have done what I was supposed to do - that there is nothing else that can be done, and that hanging around and constantly checking is not going to change the fact that the door, window, lock, or padlock is Locked.

When and as I see myself participating in the thought ‘but what if I have not done it right this time?’ - I stop and I breathe. I will myself to see, realise, and understand that this fear is all me, and within this to realise that there is no use second guessing myself if I have already checked the thing a few times, it does not need to be checked again five more times, this is only showing me that I have become possessed with fear.



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Zakaria Husain
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Joined: 12 Jul 2011, 05:24

Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 06 Jun 2016, 18:46

Day 14 - I am afraid that I will change

I am afraid of taking that quantum leap into total self-forgiveness, total self- commitment. Total devotion to myself. I have been afraid of ‘making too much of a change’...that ‘this will be traumatic if I change too quickly’...’better to do it slowly than rush into it’...’I am afraid of changing’...that ‘I will piss people off around me too much if I change too suddenly’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not doing self forgiveness on my ‘designated self-forgiveness day’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not doing self forgiveness’ to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone that has a designated ‘self-forgiveness day’, not seeing, realising, or understanding how I am limiting myself absolutely by choosing to only do self-forgiveness on the day that i talk with my buddy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the belief that if I do a few self forgiveness statements, then I can go and watch and/or eat something as a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I must reward myself for doing self-forgiveness or anything process related. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘process’ to reward, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reward my own reward. I see that the reward at the beginning and the end are both not real, my desire for it is not real, and it is not real when I am apparently rewarding myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that i can reward myself for things that I have done, not fully seeing, realising, or understanding that I am in fact justifying another moment when I am not here fully with breath, breathing in and out with awareness of who I am as my ideal self. Bullshitting myself into a corner/box so that I can go into my mind further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a total self commitment to myself because I believe that it will be hard. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that this process will be hard for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear process, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘ process’ to fear, forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that these words that I say to myself like ‘better not move too quickly, no need to rush, you don’t want to change too quickly’ are all part of my own mind delusion, my mind shackling that seeks to keep me within my current patterns and structures.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realise, and understand that these excuses, this unwillingness to change, is all me. And within this I have separated myself from myself, creating almost a different entity within myself that gives me an excuse to not change who I am. Thus through understanding that this is all coming from me, I can now stop and direct these moments, because I am seeing that it is just me trying to hang onto myself, to hang onto my identity that I have built for myself.

What am I really afraid of losing here? I will myself to see, realise, and understand that I have everything to gain from jumping right into my process and indeed I have nothing to lose except my fear that I have of reality and my thoughts and beliefs that hold me back from achieving my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a belief that this will just happen one day, and that I will not have to work to change who I am and live the ideal version of myself.

I will myself to write everyday, this is my commitment to myself, because I see that when I do not/am not writing, shit just accumulates to the point where I really don’t want to face it, hence no reason to carry on accumulating, I can just chip away at myself every day, until I start falling away, until there is nothing left.

I will myself to see that this fear of causing reactions within people is just another excuse that I use to hang on, to not live, to not have to do anything with myself.

I will myself to see, realise, and understand how there is a delight that comes from getting to know myself, from releasing myself from me and from the constraints I have put on me, that I do not need to just ride the highs between writing, feeling still when I have written, and slowly coming back down to my mind level, and then writing again, like going up and down all the time. I will myself to see that I can reach a point of consistency within myself all the time, and that i do not need to just give myself ‘booster shots’ of writing, I thus will myself to investigate myself through writing, forgive myself, correct myself, and begin the process of living the correction in each moment of my existence..



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Zakaria Husain
Posts: 493
Joined: 12 Jul 2011, 05:24

Re: Zakaria's Blog

Postby Zakaria Husain » 13 Jun 2016, 18:56

Day 15 - Comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a judgement of my position at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that there are those that are better than me because they are in a higher position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in offence when somebody says to me ‘you’re not even my teacher, you are just an assistant’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a covering up of my emotional reactions with the words ‘I do not care what you say’, when really I do deeply care what they say because this is evident in my initial reaction.

Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger at hearing somebody say I am just an assistant, not seeing, realising, or understanding that my anger comes from my own self acceptance of a judgement that I hold about myself which is that ‘I am in a low position, and hence I am inferior’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that I have somewhat secretly been judging myself for my position in life, thinking and believing that ‘I have not made it as I imagined I would’ and that I ‘am not as successful as I wanted to be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a comparing of myself to others in my family and my life where I have seen and assumed that other people are living a better quality of life than me, that they have more than me, more education, more money, more status, more everything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that I have defined myself according to materialism without even realising that I have done so, believing myself to be past ‘all of that’, believing that ‘things’ do not define who I am, when in actuality when I see someone with more I feel angry and jealous, and from this first moment I start down the road of comparing until I have forgotten about them or they are not in my life anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by money, not even seeing, realising, or understanding that I have done this, or how I have done this.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realise and understand that it is by my very acceptance and allowance of money as the most important point of life that I have created it as an entity outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise, and understand that I have developed myself and understand that I have devalued myself as life by placing my self worth outside of myself in other constructs and other people, not realising that every time I do and did this I am in fact creating a fissure within myself whereby I am stating to myself that I am not worthy, that I am not life, completely disregarding the fact that life is given equally to all, that we are essentially the same, that all notions of higher and lower begin and end with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a reaction towards people who name me as being lower, who ‘call out my position’ in a derogatory way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in that moment perceive myself as being compared to those around me, by those around me, not seeing, realising, nor understanding that I have created this drama in my head, and that actual real life does not live up to these delusions of inferiority.

When and as I see myself as looking at somebody from the perspective of judging their qualities and then from here going into self comparison and self judgement I stop and I breathe. And I will myself to compare the two scenarios of when I am in comparison and when I am not, to see, realise, and understand that living a life without comparison is not only more preferable but also more practical - as there is no enslavement to anger, jealousy, and inferiority, thus freeing myself into a whole new world beyond that of this extremely limiting and self defeating design that I choose to participate in. I will myself to expose the points in writing that I still hold onto and to then to release myself through self forgiveness of the points that I see.

I will myself to see, realise, and understand how comparison begins and ends with me.




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