Mats writing myself to freedom

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Mats Bjornsti
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Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Mats Bjornsti » 09 Jan 2014, 23:47

LOL, I just wrote a shit load just to see how I jumped from point, to point, to point, to point. I kind of connected them all all together but I man. Sticking to one point at the time, much better...
Better because then I can really go into a point, bringing out all the dimensions to it within me and see it in a new light from that perspective. This is something I guess many will face that starts to write fresh
to desteni. So I wanna tell you readers, stick to one point and rather take notes of the other points to have a look at after finishing one point. Correct me if I'm wrong here guys, and/or share your experiences!



Marlen
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Marlen » 10 Jan 2014, 00:07

Hi Mats

Yes, the 'one point at a time' is a general suggestion when taking on a point/writing about something.

You can actually share what you wrote so that support can be provided about it, that way you can see for yourself when you jumped into other points and give yourself direction on it, how's that?



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Carrie
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Carrie » 10 Jan 2014, 03:24

Yep - I can relate. Lol.

What I have found works for me is to write out how I am living a point and from there write a self-forgiveness statement for each sentence - ONE self-forgiveness statement (two if it's a long sentence with two points).



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Anna
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Anna » 10 Jan 2014, 08:55

Yes I concur here lol.

It's definitely best to be as concrete as possible, focusing one one topic at a time.



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Mats Bjornsti
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Mats Bjornsti » 11 Jan 2014, 00:59

Cool and thanks for the response, I kind of had that knowing in the back of my head from a memory of Bernard talking about it that came up as I read it.. I could have shared it Marlen but I deleted it after I wrote it.

Anyway, a point of addiction I would like to share.
As I've stopped cold turkey with smoking weed, I'm going through a lot of physical consequences due to all the harm I put my body through, and this is of course in correlation to my DNA and my MCS at the moment. I became aware
of the possibility that maybe the aftermath/effects is due to how I'm in one moment making a decision to stop and then start walking it immediately no matter what. Coming this far now (2 weeks cleen) am of course not refereeing this to me allowing myself to smoke weed just a little bit again, NO WAY am doing that! But could it be that I within that decision shock my system to the point that it is tearing immensely on my physical body just by stopping totally? I mean all that comes with quitting addictions cold turkey like weed, in terms of all the thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions etc. together with how my body has constituted this addiction? I wanna mention that I've been going through many days after the decision with lack of sleep which has made me not heal effectively, my intake of food has dropped extensively from what it normally was, the food point actually started to become a fuck up when getting addicted to the hash though, I was mostly smoking hash if that makes any difference. but I can sit here now and say that it's getting better, slowly but surely. All though overall it's a harder lesson learned this time than when I stopped in the past.

Today I was visiting my doctor where I had taken a blood tests a week ago and I got the results. The blood was fine except my vitamin d level was expensively low, so now I am beginning to take vitamin d pills from my doctors prescription. I had a look at how I've stopped using milk in my diet for many years, how long I can't remember, but today I went got me a liter of the fattest milk, I know it has some vitamin d in it and fat that my body craves. I found out this morning that I've lost a total of 8.5 kilos since I last can remember stepping on the scale in summer of 2013. Also I'm gonna begin to take a spoon of cod-liver oil in the mornings. BTW I have weighing 70 kilo's before smoking, and this morning I was down to 61.5 kilograms. And I'm 1.85 m tall. If you where wondering lol.

But in regards to the vitamin D I have actuality not considered how my body has and is responding to the winter time here in Norway, with practically no sun exposure. This was an eye opener in it self. So, now am getting that imbalance corrected from now on. Then also, because of my sleeping problems I have been taking sleeping pills here and there, which I notice I have a fear of becoming addicted to them because I have experience of not getting sleep after having been on it for a while, actually I have a fear of not being able to sleep just in it self, because I have experiences since I was a young child, where we would be on school trips/social gatherings and I was the only one not getting sleep. My sister always told me when I was young, DO NOT THINK. I was like, that's fucking impossible lol cause I started thinking about not thinking lol. But anyway, I will sort this point out too. Then actually this ill health of mine these past times has supporting me immensely in cutting down smoking cigarets, today it's only been a couple of hits. I'm actuality seeing the light in the tunnel to get rid of this addiction too. Here though, I will cut down, slowly but surely and see how this works for me.

But in all of this turmoil I've been writing like never before, and that in itself shows me just how I'm able to help myself when in need of help if that makes sense. Lucky for me I have a mother and father that cares for me and helps me with the small things like buying/making and eating food, my mom giving me massages and simply is being here for me. I'm I a lucky boy from that perspective. I do not have a big family. So, I'm continuing walking directive again now. I'm forgiving myself for the fact that I messed up the whole deal in regards to where I was positioned within the group, because I was not really taking responsibility for myself, directing myself in an effective way at all, meaning I could have done so much more. Which you guys are a GREAT example of in my life! It's bizarre how I through this kind of fucking up have given myself a new waking up call in regards to where I stand. I mean I have alot to deal with still, and that means alot of SF and CA ahead, but at least am getting into writing for real now. Like everyday which is new push/drive within me that was not there before I messed with weed again.



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Mats Bjornsti
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Mats Bjornsti » 11 Jan 2014, 05:19

Here I am on my phone in bed. I cant make peace with the day because I have not written self forgiveness today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do self forgiveness every singe day..

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to take on the things I have seen in the past is limiting me by writing it out, and applying SF and CA.

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to consider doing Sf here through my phone when I have a moment during the day where I can apply myself and is not near a computer..

I commit myself to write and share myself every single day from now on by taking at least one hour out of my day every single day to do SF and CA..



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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Mats Bjornsti » 11 Jan 2014, 21:41

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a quick fix to all the points I'm walking instead of slowing down, and taking one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior within judgments about my past in relation to the desteni group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as superior within my mind towards people that is outside of the desteni group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people based on self deception as the mind, instead of bringing every judgment that comes up within me about myself and others back to myself and stopping every judgment within me as it is all illusions with no roots in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to make decisions based in and as physical actions/movements through the statement/princple that equates to what is best for all.

I commit myself to slow myself down through deep breathing.

I commit myself to stop viewing myself as inferior in the mind by writing and forgiving the points that come up of how I limit myself through the belief/thought/image I have of accepted and allowed myself to be less than.

I commit myself to stop the superiority construct within myself directed and at people outside of the desteni group by not accepting and allowing any judgments towards myself and others.

I commit myself to stop judgements about myself and others through cross referencing/investigating everything I think/believe/assume to physical reality in self honesty of what is best for all.

I commit myself to work with physical/practical actions when dealing with the mind through pushing practical points such as addictions and things that I clearly see is rooted in abuse in this physical reality.



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Mats Bjornsti
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Mats Bjornsti » 12 Jan 2014, 04:13

Sleeping.... I'm having a moment right now, laying in the bed reading this article '' http://desteni.org/a/questions-and-pers ... s-required ''. It's a exactly what my question would be at this point regarding sleep. I'm seeing how I made this BIG fuzz within myself about sleeping. And how I go around with the belief that I need to sleep as long as possible. Then participating in all the fears and phobias I experienced around sleep. Having backchat like ''Oh nooo, am gonna age to fast and look old and ugly because of this'' ''This might cause a hearth attack''' and ''it's something wrong with me'' ''what if I cannot fix this'' lol all types of fear mongering. And thing is, I've only been sleeping like 4-6 hours these last couple of weeks. And because of that I went in to reactions like ''I'm tired'' and ''I gotta relax'' and ''I'm gonna need ALOOT of sleep tonight''... And all of that is really unnecessary, because it is all of these thoughts/ideas/believes around sleep that stress me out, causing anxiety and worries that equates to stress. Interesting how I just saw the word rest is stress just now.

And I see now that this is cool, it's cool that I don't sleep as much as I've done previously because it only support my MCS to regenerate. This opens up the point for me to become strict with sleeping/resting from now on, and making sure I do not overstep 4-6 hours. Up until now I've been like, OMG I gotta sleep as much as possible, which is not necessary.. Today have been yet another day where I only slept a few hours, like 3-4 hours I think. And thus I woke up with the belief that again my day is FUCKED. I had travel to do so I thought, I gotta try sleeping on the train. I tried but it was no way, then on the plane, trying to no use. Then I did not have anymore opportunities to sleep and I just had to deal with it!! But still in the back of my mind, the voice ''I'm tired'' and then when I finally got to a bed and where able to rest, I just simply lay'd down resting with my eye closed trying to sleep much and long until I just went searching for desteni articles about sleep where I found the article above. And now I have been actuality resting for 4-5 hours already without sleeping. Sad part is that it is 03.04 am now, but I mean I haven't slept yet, but I have rested. I'm writing now as self support because I see that it is no need for me to just lay in the bed resting more and more and more without sleeping. I'm gonna have breakfast 07.30am so I will rest/sleep after doing this writing. But either way there is in anyway no need for stressing, worrying, and overindulge the mind about relaxation/resting like I've done these last couple of weeks cause that is definitely not healthy..

So another point that is cool to learn about while at this point in my life/process. So here goes some SF around the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress,worry, and panic about not sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must sleep as long as possible all the time or else I'm gonna fuck up my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't fully rest unless I sleep as long as possible.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to consider the times during my life I've during the day lay'd down on the couch only to sleep for 20-180 minutes waking up totally rested feeling like I've slept a whole night.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is the mind that screams for sleep, and only through the mind do I feel tired.

When and as I see myself stressing, worrying, and panicking about not sleeping I stop the mind and breath through the anxiety and remind myself that I am definitely not resting if I go into a mind-rush. In this I commit myself to stabilize my resting process by listening to my body as to when it requires rest.

I commit myself to stop believing I must sleep as long as possible all the time by proving through myself practically that I will not fuck up my day unless I give into the mind as tiredness. In this I commit myself to stop giving into the mind as tiredness through releasing the tension that comes from the mind through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application.

I commit myself to stop believing I must sleep as long as possible to become fully rested. In this I commit myself to rest when and as the physical requires rest.

I commit myself to develop a self honest relationship to sleeping/resting and relaxing so that I can function effectively within everything I do, in terms of the mental aspect and time wise. Within this I commit myself to share my own experiences and ask other people how they manage their life according to sleeping and resting.

Thus anyone reading this have any points I should consider or tips regarding sleeping/resting?



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Mats Bjornsti
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Mats Bjornsti » 12 Jan 2014, 20:32

As I'm facing this point of sleeping I found this link with SF http://desteni.org/a/jack-self-forgiveness-sleeping
Cool support, also http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... erapy.html and https://eqafe.com/p/mind-asleep-mind-aw ... al-history I haven't listened to the eqafe interview though.



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Mats Bjornsti
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Re: Mats writing myself to freedom

Postby Mats Bjornsti » 23 Jan 2018, 20:15

https://iwillindeed.wordpress.com/2018/ ... -support/

Osho card reading self support
JANUARY 23, 2018
Using; The Diamond layout

1. The Issue : THE MASTER
2. Internal influence that you are unable to see : THE MISER
3. External influence of which you are aware : SORROW
4. What is needed for a resolution : FIGHTING
5. Resolution / The understanding : UNDERSTANDING

Here I’ll describe how I reflected the osho cards back to myself.

Nr 1 = As it says in the card description. <<And the Mind, the servent is playing the role of the Master. And the servent is not even your servent; the servent is created by the outside world, it follows the outside world and it’s laws.>>

Nr 2 = Me clinging to the past as a state of possession. And within that not sharing to expand myself as I’ve decided to do here now. It also says to remember that whatever you’re holding onto, you can not take with you…ˆˆˆ

Nr 3 = Yes, this represent the people that have meant a lot to me in my life, that have really made an impact in my life. Some are gone, many are still here, all though that’s not the point. It’s the sorrow and pain I have in relation to the past and have carried as a burden into the presence of me here, without getting down to the nitty gritty resolution points for myself, as in where to go from here. Wherein I transform the sorrow and pain into an alertness of myself and awareness of who and what I am allowing to define me. So I can take self responabilty to change myself in practical ways that reflect a dept of self intimacy I see as a potential within to create.

Nr 4 = The card depicts a man in full armor, and describes a man battling in his mind for the castle. I see myself inflicting self harm and covering the wounds by supressing it, and in that preventing the injuries from getting healed. It says to start by forgiving self, and as seen up above, this is the point of ”What is needed for resolution”. Which hit’s home for me. To rather open myself up, instead of supressing myself. I’m at this point in my life where I cannot turn the other way. There is so much I see myself able to do once I open up to myself first and foremost, and within that to others as well. There is tremendous guilt and shame I carry, due to my shortcomings to face and change myself. Not having stood up for myself earlier. And I have no one to blame but myself.

Nr 5 = Coming to the understanding… Which is interestingly the understanding card. I want to share what it all says on this card before I share my take on it as how it pertains to myself right here and now. << The bird pictured on this card is looking out from what seems to be a cage. There is no door, and actually the bars are disappearing. The bars were an illusion, and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading it’s wings, ready to take flight for the very first time. The dawn of a new understanding – that the cage has always been open, and the sky has always been there for us to explore – can make us feel a little shaky at first. It’s fine, and natural to be shaky, but don’t let it overshaddow the opportunity to experience the light-heartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakyness. Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread your wings and be free. You are now out of jail, out of the cage; you can open your wings and the whole sky is yours. All the stars and the moon and the sun belong to you. You can disappear into the blueness of the beyond…. Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours. Open your wings and fly across the sun like an eagle. In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value – everything else is secondary, even blissfullness, ecstacy. There are thougsands of flowers, uncountable, but they all become possible in the climate of freedom.>>

These words speak to me on many levels at this moment in my life. I see myself in a mental cage, stuck in the confines of the mind. So much so that I forget that the door is either open or closed depending on me in relation to my mind. I have to realize that I am my own captive just as much as I’m my own prison guard, and I can step out and free myself… Plus, I see my people is already there, waiting for me. Like where the fuck have you been!? ”I had some mechanical problems opening up the lock, and I couldn’t find the key, not realizing I am the key”, lol. I know what this entails for me, I have to bust the door open, tear down the walls, burn down the fortress where I’ve stayed in captivity. And allow myself to fully become the change I want for myself and others. I could not realize before now, to which extent these cards can make a huge difference as a tool to face myself in self reflection. I bought these osho cards back in 2011, thanks to my destonian comrades who showed me, and shared with me that these are a cool tool to utilize in the process of walking points for myself. And I was reminded when I saw that another did the same recently.

Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so rigid and hard on myself within the mind that I have completely discouraged and disminished myself to a point of not doing what is required of me to stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to dwelve deeper and deeper into the problem as myself instead of the solution as myself that is me here every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind become my master in deciding what I can and cannot do within constructs of self judgments, as polarity of right and wrong and good and bad equations, that does not make any sense as to walk my process along with others that do the same, changing self to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the past, and allowing the self judgement to override the experience of me to change myself here, by investigating what I have allowed through writing, and self forgive the points to walk practical solutions to not repeat and trap myself into the same deceptions over and over again, as repetative cycles of self abuse that only lead to disempowerment, self limitation and self diminishment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that whatever I’ve hold on to within my mind in relation to my self limitations. As self judgments connected to excuses and justifications I’ve allowed to direct me, through thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotions I cannot claim eternal because they are not real in fact. I am subjected to this physcial reality wherein the objectiveness that is here is what counts, is what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the sorrow and pain I have experienced drag me into a state of despair and helplessness. Wherein I allow myself to let the past be a burden, instead of a lesson that I can expand myself within, and grow in a tangible way.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I have convicted myself to the sentence of my sentences in thought, words and deed. I am also the only one able to free myself from these convictions, and to in that walk myself free from whatever thoughts, words, ideas, feelings, emotions, as energetic experiences that I held myself captive within.

Self Commitment

When and as I see myself becoming so rigid and hard on myself in the mind that I completely discourage and disminish myself, I commit myself to stop, breathe, and remind myself that I’m not applying self honesty in stopping myself from participating in the mind energy experiences. Thus I commit myself to utilize the osho cards as a means to support myself within writing, self forgiveness and practical application.

When and as I see myself let the mind become my master in deciding what I can and cannot do within constructs of self judgments, within polarity of right and wrong and good and bad equations. I commit myself to stop, breathe, remind myself that it’s about self changing self to live in a way that’s best for all. Which obviously is to stop the mind as it exists within polarity to enslave man not to see, realize and understand that I am equal to everything that is here in fact, in and as the physical. Hence only the mind can believe itself inferior or superior, less or more than what is here.

Thus I commit myself to investigate those points within me to which I’m not clear about, where I still go into contructs of polarity, allowing myself to look, think, react, and act in terms of right/wrong, good/bad, love/hate, positive/negative. Instead of embracing what is here as myself, standing equal to what I’ve allowed as an energetic experience of myself, and changing myself within and from these experiences according to the principle of what is best for all. Through writing myself out, forgiving myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed within self interest as ego, creating self commitments accordingly to walk myself as the practical application I see required for me to live the solution one equal to my words.

When and as I see myself facing consequence in how I participate in ego, I commit myself to utilize the osho cards to self reflect what it is I face within myself for points that need resolution. So that I am able to stop, breathe and commit myself to walk the corrective application in a practical way that solve the pices to the puzzle that I misplaced within thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, beliefs, judments, and backchat as self deception in separation of what is here.




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