DAY 110: Thoughts Are Not Me
For at least 6 days I've been existing in a state/mode of completing assignments. If I am in this state/mode, it requires me to think, gather information, and process information. All of which I've used mental effort for. I then have classes two days a week which take up my focus on more learning. For the last 6 days, I've felt that I haven't been myself, and I feel absolutely trained, designed, and prepared in a workers mindset for the specific tasks I will be doing when I get out into the workforce.
I do feel like I've lost sight of myself with all of this information/knowledge. That may not make sense to some people, but it makes sense to me. I grateful that I am confident, ready, and prepared for working in the areas that I am now trained in. The reasons I've lost myself is because I've been so focused on the knowledge/information and learning so much without a focus on the breath. That is how I see it. I've been existing as mind for a long time.
I came notice the other night, that I can't keep existing unaware of breath. I do not feel myself when I am unaware of breath. When I realised that if I am going to be aware of breath, I have to realise that the thoughts, each one of them, is not to be listened to. meaning, I have to breathe through each thought and not participate in it. When I do that I feel more here, and like life is not just blur.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to breath when I am learning, participating in a task, and/or interacting with people.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that if I breathe past each thought, I can no longer participate init, or allow for it to be/become me in that moment.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow for various thoughts to direct me in behaving certain ways that could potentially be detrimental to myself and others.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I do have the power, with the use of the breath, to stop thoughts from being the directive principle of my actions, words and deeds.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so caught up with the process of being trained, and processing knowledge/information that I forget to be aware of breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for certain thoughts that come up in my mind when I am working on consistency with the breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become each thought that comes up in my mind.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that one of the ways to silence my mind is by using the breath as a tool to stop participation in thoughts.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand the importance of consistency when being aware of the breath.