Danielle's Writings

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Danielle
Posts: 199
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 08 Aug 2017, 04:56

DAY 47: It's Possible for an Educational Platform that Is Best For All


Reflecting on my life, I notice that I've never been out of a course. I left a bad situation when I was 18 years old. I was in a homeless organisation for 1 year and they introduced me to courses. I didn't know that universities existed or that courses really existed. I knew that schools existed but not higher education or training institutions. I knew about Desteni, which helped me out of the bad situation I was in. it saved my life.

The first course they introduced me to was a hospitality course. I did not have the normal social programming that you would expect a teenager to have. I could not relate to people my age. But I could relate to the older people and enjoyed speaking to them more. I did look down upon the people that were my age. Mainly because they did drugs and focused too much on relationships rather than helping themselves in life. Well, that's how I saw it. So, coming out of a bad situation with not much education, not knowing how the system worked, not having an extensive vocabulary and/or not knowing how to write that well, I was definitely a fake it till I make it type of person.
I spoke more in my body language, my movements, etc. I knew that spoke louder. It spoke louder, and I became the teacher's favourite. After I completed the hospitality course, I moved straight onto another course which was engineering. It was a free course and I decided to do. I completed that, and one of my job providers suggest university. I didn't know what that was. But I was extremely interested. Once I found out what it was, I went for a try out course. Unfortunately though, there was a fear of survival and I ended up going back to where my family lived. But, I did want to go to university. So, at 19 I enrolled into the preparation courses to university.
I got really good grades for someone who didn't have much of an education.
I think for my first essay I got 94/100. Everyone else got less and I regret having told them .. Because I gloated, and was unable to reach back to that level I was on for the next assignments. Don't know what happened there.

Then of course, that downfall hit, and that put a spinner in the works when it came to studies. I was that distraught, confused, etc.. That I could not finish my assignments as another problem was bothering me. I didn't give up on it though. I needed to time work on this situation that I wanted for myself, and so that it was necessary to focus on that. Well, I couldn't focus on anything else I was that confused and distraught about what was going on. So, for me even if I tried to focus I was just so upset that I couldn't even focus on anything else. Anyways, that lead to more downfalls, and I kept on trying to have an education while trying to solve the other problem in my life that was making me so unhappy. But it was very hard to focus on both. Mainly because of my circumstances at the time. I didn't know how the medical systems worked or the psychological services worked, I had not assistance/support, and accessing all of this on my own was a complicated process in the state/condition I was in. Everything seemed to have to be put on hold until I solved this problem. In that time, I was still accessing courses to try and repeat to go into university. But, more events were happening, and it made it more difficult to focus on studies. So, for a long time, I've never been out of a course. It's been a constant for me.

I wanted to know why this is. What I've identified about myself is that I find comfort in the course structure. It is a security blanket for me, makes me feel like I getting somewhere and I like the reactions that people have when I tell them 'I'm studying this or I'm studying that', the social sides to participating in a course, how people view a student and because there are potential benefits to completing a course. However, I do believe that people should not solely depend on a system education to achieve what they want for themselves in life.

A system education can be a narrow path of the same way of thinking. It can be costly where you're like to be increasing in debt as you go along, you're not guaranteed a job afterwards, and if you do get a job, I ask if the wage is even worth it? Maybe that is an 'Elite perspective', but I do believe that the human being's work and the movement is worth way more than 8hr, or 25hr. That's my viewpoint there. In saying that, movement should not cost a thing. What I do not like about the educational systems is that the assignments can often be limiting creative. Everyone has the ability to be creative in how they define that word and live out that word. I do believe that human effort is wasted on the same way of thinking, and doesn't give time for creativity. It is ashame/sham because people have a natural ability that is often lost through system education. I walk around the universities watching people sit for hours at a mathematical equation for an assessment and I wonder what they would do if they could be creativity in their assignments. You know… lol. Anyways, a system education should always be a plan B. That's my viewpoint. Plan A should be about creating what you want for the world, and only have a system education to fall back on. Some people may not have that opportunity… I get that… So I am probably speaking to the other elite of the world or speaking for the sake of getting whatever is inside of me out.

My Diploma of Counselling is plan B. A fall back in case plan A does not go well. I've had to refocus Plan A. I need money to put plan A together. To get the money, I have to take a part of creation and make use of it. My creation takes hold of people's interests. In the world, you need to meet the interests of people if you want to make some money. The part I've chosen to start with for my creation is an interest that I know I'll make money from. It is an interest that I let consume me in the past. It was not an interest that I wanted to invest time into. But it being part of my creation, and because I need the money, it is an interest that I'll start with as I know the demand is great/high. I'll step into the interests of people, and I'll use that to assist/support me and so give them what they want. But with a best for all flavour too it. Of course, I have to put some money into to make this happen. We've all got to take shots/chances in our lives to go for what we want.. Even if it does not work out. We need to at attempt/try, and if we succeed, run all the way with it. It is not like we have much to lose sometimes. Well, if you're in a position I am, what would you have to lose? But everything to gain.. Just wanted to speak out what I had on my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to solely depend on a system education/structure to bring in the money that I'd like to earn/make in this life-time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping back into an interest that consumed me in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used the interest that I had in a way that did not support or benefit me/my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump into courses to feel secure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in course structures to hide and distract myself from the problems in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the educational system as my main source of 'getting me somewhere'.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that a system education what gets me somewhere because I am the work, the effort, and the person who turns that education into what it will become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump into courses to impress people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let that student identity define be all that I show to people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect people to hold me in high regard in the system because I am a person who studies a course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the university education isn't in the best interests for all because it puts people through stress, forces the body to sit for long hours, has deadlines, tells people how to write, doesn't allow for common sense at times and repeats the same way of thinking to continue a system that isn't best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that it is possible to have a system education that assist/supports all life equally.

I commit myself to explore more on education and the university environment to work on ways where I can create an education platform that does assist/support all life equally.

I commit myself to work on plan B


I commit myself to work on Plan A.



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Danielle
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Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 10 Aug 2017, 10:20

Today I made the decision to exit out of my Diploma to focus on parts of my own creation. The diploma studies took up a large chunk of my time. I felt that I was losing money by focusing on the diploma, losing time to focus on my creation, losing time to focus on other studies, and I was not passionate about being a counsellor. I did learn some cool techniques and skills as I did study, but it wasn't what I wanted to spend my life doing, and could potentially make more working on building up what I want to create.

I had 8 days left before I could not exit the course without being billed for the units. I was relieved when I let go. The skills I did learn can be put to use in my creation. I'm wondering if I feel like a failure, or if I made a bad decision. The answer to these is no. I do not feel that way. I didn't like being put into the deadlines, I wanted to be more creative with my assignments, and I could see that it was costing me more money. Money I didn't have. I am experiencing some doubt about leaving now. What if I didn't set deadlines, what if I had the freedom to take my time with it? These questions are coming up. But the one question was 'Did I want to be a counsellor?'. Truth is, no I did not want to be counsellor.

I do know what I want to do and how I want to live my life. But it is not in a room as a counsellor. All of me wasn't in the course. What is a definite now is that I have to be creative with my creation and make some money. Lol. See what happens in it all. I do have plans for where I want to take it, how I was to direct it, how far I want to go with it, etc. It's all about living it out. Being willing to go out there and do it. Now that it will be a full-time focus, I can get stuff done and focus a whole lot more on my Desteni studies too. In the time of participating in system education, that took up a large chunk of my time. So, now it is my creation and Desteni studies. Which is perfect for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not participating in a system education at this time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the plans I have for my own creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I've got have a higher education to create a fulfilling life for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot educate myself without a higher education structure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not succeeding in my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not making money from my creation.



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Danielle
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Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 11 Aug 2017, 04:56

DAY 49: Fear Of Being Honest and Upfront

I've been speaking with a girl for some time now. We met up at a cafe weeks ago to meet face-to-face. It was a time to have a general view of who we are as a person. We spoke about what we wanted, talked about Desteni, our family and checked if our physical bodies were in good health. We made an agreement. The agreement was never lived out because I was busy. I wasn't going to speak with this person again and did have potential options. But, I didn't want to go through the meet-up stage again. Not yet anyways. Because of that resistance, I went backwards. We are speaking again now.

What does come up now that we are speaking is a fear of it leading where I do not want it to lead. The potentials of a relationship. A relationship right now, is like a murderous act to me. A way to glue myself down, clipping my wings and taking my freedom away. Lol. Well, maybe that is because it is not someone I want to be in a committed relationship with. No judgment. Oh, maybe because it's because she is not a Destonian. If she was a Destonian, that would be different. Well, no... What I want to do in my life means that I'd be spending time away from my city. Whether they're destonain or not doesn't make a difference. Besides, the focus is on myself even when in a relationship. It's because I do not want a relationship/partnership at this time. So, being direct and honest with the person even if they do take it personally would be the best option/approach.

We sometimes want to hide what we want from people or believe we must play a game to get what we want. Then we lead ourselves where we don't necessarily want to be because we were not direct and honest from the get-go. Being clear-cut, but not harsh, just a direction back on what this is all about would be beneficial for both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a relationship/partnership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leading the person and myself in a situation I do not want to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a relationship/partnership with a person who is not a Destonian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being clear-cut, honest, and direct with what the I am looking for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a person not speaking to me for being clear-cut, direct, and honest about what I am looking for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a person taking what I want from them personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people thinking that I am arrogant, or ignorant, distasteful, and too open for speaking what I want/desire and being open with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying what I think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for speaking to this person again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resistant to meeting up with individuals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse ''it's too much effort''.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view relationships as ''clipping my wings''.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view relationships as ''A lose of my freedom''.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that a partnership/relationship is an agreement of two individuals who want to be together to assist/support one another, making joint decisions, and becoming one.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realises/understand that who I choose to have a partner is an important decision and one that I must take seriously.

I commit myself to be clear-cut, open and honest about what I am looking for so not to lead people on.

I commit myself to take the decision of who I am to be with as a partner seriously.



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Danielle
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Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 12 Aug 2017, 00:29

DAY 50: Feeling Sorry for English as a Second Language Students

I come to the university every morning to work on my business. I like a specific room that is on the second floor. It is a quiet computer room and is rarely populated. The most people I've seen in this room at the one time is 2. I went into the room yesterday.

I did not know if the students in the room booked it so I asked if it was cool if I sat in here. The girl, who was reading her material aloud, said it was fine, but she just has to read out loud. Lol. I related to that, and said ''That's ok, I do that too''. lol. I didn't come there to read any material. If I did, us both speaking at out loud at once would have been hilariously disruptive. As I sat preparing my own work station, I listened to her read out loud. In the way she was speaking, I could tell that she struggles a bit with English. I felt sorry for her and considered that being of assistance/support with her studies. I had to shift that away because I have to help myself. As I listened more, and then heard her speak in a phone call about her studies, I felt sorry for her even more sorry for her. I again considered where I could be of assistance/support in it all. I shifted that away, and spoke SF on the feeling sorry for someone. If we feel sorry for someone we are not being ourselves with them. We are being that ''Feel sorry'' type of character and that's not comfortable for me. I do not even like others feeling sorry for me. When closing time came, we had a little back and forth moment of asking each other if we will see each other again, and I said yeah, I'll be here tomorrow. Well, I see this person again this morning. When I look at the person I feel I've seen her face somewhere else, but I can't put my finger on it. Not just yesterday. Somewhere else. Like I've spoken to her in the past. Anyways, I cool way to assist/support is to be someone's friend.

What i am looking for is socialisation when I am not working. The assist/support is then dual beneficial. Where I am assisting/supporting myself and so that individual through communication as conversation over a coffee or something like that. That is often the best way to help. By being an ear, and speaking to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for english as a second language speakers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for people who have difficulty with studies because of the language.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for people who don't speak english that well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for students who are under stress, pressure, challenges, deadlines, and language barriers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angered by the stress, strain, pain, difficulty, and challenges that the universities of the world put people under all because they want to create/make, and/or have a better life for themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hatred towards the universities and the educational systems/structures for the expectations it has of people/students.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can be of assistance/support for someone by being an ear, someone to listen, and so, communicate/converse to let them know that I am here in that way.



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Danielle
Posts: 199
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 13 Aug 2017, 01:47

DAY 51: Fear About Not Earning More & Being Successful

My decision to focus on my own creation has brought up some fears. One of the fears is that I will not succeed or make money from it. The rest of the fears are not owning a house, a car and live out a more than comfortable life. The impacts of these fears are stress & anxiety. I've imagined the worse case scenarios to dim down the stress & anxiety. It has helped to do that and I do feel comfortable. Not so fearful of the worse case scenarios. If I didn't think that my business has potential I wouldn't put the time or the effort into it. The worry & stress is what makes the process shaky and leads me to think solely about money.

The shift of focus from the system courses onto my creation & Desteni has made me physically feel comfortable in myself. I have time for myself & what I want to do, who I want to be, what I want to create and realising that Desteni takes more effort than expected. The shift has been cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my creation not being successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not owning that ideal/dreamy house that I've want to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not owning the ideal car

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living the lifestyle that I'd live if I made lots of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed thinking about if I will make money or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety when thinking about earning/making money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that money can be made depending on the efforts that I put into my creation.



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Danielle
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Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 15 Aug 2017, 12:22

DAY 52: Sharp Shock

Now that I do not participate in a system educational structure, I do have a tone of time on my hands to discover more about myself. I'll share here that it is wonderful to have time for yourself and not have to study or be in class. What I have discovered is some new interests of mine. I thoroughly enjoy making websites, messing about with logos, being creative with business names, graphic design, photography, video editing, etc. Everything that creates an online environment.
These interests are areas that I am looking to develop my skills in for my own creations.

Part of building a website is to have a domain name. I have several websites that I want to create. The websites will have their own purpose. To buy a domain name we have to look it up then it will show if it is taken or not and price of the domain. Most of the domains I want are not taken. However, a fair few of them are premium domains. The premium domains are more expensive. I do have a reaction when I see an expensive domain name.

The reaction is a sharp shock of anxiety or fear. I do have considerations come up about buying the domain name. They're not out of my price range. I could come up with the money in a few months and purchase the domain. But because they're on auction I have limited amount of days to pay before the auction ends. For example, 16 days on a domain that I wanted. Every premium domain that I want in the auction section it is the same reaction to the price and the time. The other factor is that when I want something I'll be very determined to have it. I'll consider how I'll manage to pay it all, and there are times where I can make decisions that do not take practical and/or common-sensical considerations. In this case, buying the domain instead of putting the money towards proper amount of foods, self care products, etc. I'll be determined and focused on what it is that I want. But this time that did not happen. Which is good. Bringing back to the point, I want to change my reactions to the price of domains as I explore more of the online world and how to build my creations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own determination when I want something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about the basic necessities and purchase high-priced items that leave me short for several days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that basic necessities are more important than purchasing items or things that I want to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a drop in my stomach when I see the prices of domains.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed out about the costs of the premium domains.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with owning the domains that I want for my creations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the available domains that relate to the word/name of my creations.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a sharp shock of anxiety when I see the high-price of domains.



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 17 Aug 2017, 11:08

I was exposed to all genres of music in my childhood. My family had different tastes in music. My sisters liked rap, pop, hip hop, bands, and rock, my mother liked opera, old classical, country music, and my father liked country music, and old songs. I liked all of the music that was played in the house and I did not have an attachment to any genre.

I was exposed to rap music more heavily when my sisters' boyfriends entered the picture. They were interested in one specific genre. The genres were rap music and old school hip hop. I became interested in it and so did my brother. The interest grew in my pre-teen years.

In my pre-teen years I started to develop a like for a mainstream rapper. I'd idolize this individual. I wanted to be like him, rap like him, write like him and dress like him. Lol. I'd stand in front of the mirror with my hat on backwards, baggy jacket and rap his lyrics to the beat. I created rap music of my own and took an interest in poetry. I changed my mind about rap when I started to listen to the lyrics and their meanings.

I was 15 - 16 years of age when I stopped investing time into rap music. My interest shifted to finding out the meaning of life. I switched to investigating spirituality and that lead me to Desteni. So, that in itself is a big change.

My relationship to rap now. I listen to rap once in a blue moon. If it is a rap song that tells a story about homelessness, poverty, education, and/or is best for all, then I'll give it a listen. I do not become attached like I used to in my younger years. My reactions to rap music that is not best for all is rather heavy.

I live in a household with people who like listening to rap music. It has brought up some heavy reactions. They're annoyance, frustration, disgust, dislike and blame. What I dislike about the song is the lyrics that the rapper chooses. They will speak about body parts of women, getting money, short phrases, and all over, they don't tell story. I start to miss the days where rap was about telling stories, real expression, talent, poetry, art and when I hear their songs, I start to doubt that we will ever see rap be/become beneficial.

I'd wonder why anyone would want to create a song that has those lyrics in it then present it to the world. I've had those reactions and backchat come up as a pattern each time I hear their music. IT is a combination of factors. Judgments towards my housemates and judgments about/towards the rapper.

Answering my question, I'd come up with that people are still not hearing the lyrics or are not able to see what the song is trying to insert on deeper levels. The rapper, I didn't have any type of excuse or explanation. A rich person, has the opportunity to educate themselves and be a role model in standing up for what is best for all. I had not explanation that was set in stone till I watched a documentary that spoke about one well-known mainstream rapper. The documentary spoke about who he was before the riches and fame. It helped me to look at this individual and so all rappers differently. Like real people.

The documentary spoke about his childhood. It had his family members speaking init. They spoke about what he went through, what type of child he was, his struggles with finding work, trying to pay the bills and how his dedication to change his life. The way out was to develop his interest in rap to propel him out of the situations he was in. In a system that is built on inequality, people will use what is available to them to assist/support themselves to have more than enough to change their lives. With that in mind, I looked at more documentaries about rappers. The majority of the mainstream rappers have come from poverty stricken environments. They've changed the direction of their life through/by developing that interest. So, I stopped judging rappers at with that new view. However, they're still are responsible for what type of image and lyrics they put out into the world. They could change their lyrics into ones that are best for all and make a change. Turn an interest into an art piece that is best for all would be cool. In saying that, it's the audiences responsibility because we start to idolize, buy albums, buy the tracks and demand concerts from the rappers. So there is a joint responsibility that we all have when it comes to the way mainstream rap music is. It works the same for all mainstream music.

The reactions are a futile. An energetic reaction is the sole reason why people become addicted to rap music in the first place. People become addicted to how they feel about the rapper, the words that are said, the mentality of the words, the addiction to the 'rap game' the ego, money, sex, etc. The feelings/emotions and so that which leads the same perpetual cycles. Reactions to rap music are futile and will continue to keep alive the old instead of creating the new. So we forgive.

I realise that rap can be used as a tool to assist/support in a form of self-expression that is best for all.

I realise that the way to change mainstream rap music is to change ourselves

I realise that a way to change who runs the rap industry is to stop feeding our addiction to feelings/emotions and to hear the lyrics and look at the person for what they're presenting/putting out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disgusted when I hear mainstream rappers talking about female private body parts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed when I hear mainstream rappers talking about how much money they make and/or arguing with different rappers from the same industry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about what mainstream rappers speak/say in their songs that will be inserted into the minds of young people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated about my housemate playing music that is speaking one or two words on track to a beat.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to protect myself from rap music by going into a defensive mode to/towards it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for what the rappers put out in their music

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my housemate to be dumb/stupid for choosing to like/listen to rap music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for my housemates listening to music that inserts a certain meaning without them knowing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for my housemate for liking music that is degrading women, uses limited vocabulary, and is aggressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the mainstream rappers for what they're demonstrating to young minds and the general public.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have idolized rappers when growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be like mainstream rappers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the bigger picture reveals that we are all responsible for the rappers being in the positions that they are because we demand for what makes us react in feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the rappers for the idolization that people have for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put rappers on a petal stool in my mind to aspire to be them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that without an audience the person could not be standing where they are today.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that rap can be used in a self-expressive and best for all way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat about rap music being played in the household.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter a state of dread when I hear mainstream rap music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rap music can control me and/or turn me into someone I do not want to be/become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rap music can dumb me down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rap music entering my mind and killing any form of intelligence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rap music can kill any form of intelligence that a person may have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to assist/support someone who has talent for singing and rapping in case it perpetuates the cycle of mainstream rap instead of change.


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can create a best for all version of rap music by cooperating with another to assist/support them and start the change.



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 19 Aug 2017, 01:03

DAY 54: Keeping My Word

I left a course to pursue what I would like to do for myself as well as humanity. The course I chose was a diploma of counselling. My normal pattern was to enter into a course, complete it (if I can) and move into another one when I left or completed the first. It was a consistent pattern that I lived out for the duration of my early 20's.

A part of my plans was to volunteer in the time I was studying the Diploma. I contacted the organisation who was looking for people to work. I went to the interviews, had a tour, filled out the forms and was approved to work at one of the facilities in my city.

There were complications with the creation of my online volunteer account. I could not access my account to complete the training material and if I did complete that, then I would not be able to work at the facility. I contacted the relevant people about the problem. In the time of all this happening I came to the realisation that I do not want to study in a system education course.

I changed my directions. I created a path where I can focus on that which I want to create. Once I did that, I did not see the plans that I had before the change, to be necessary. I did not persist in fixing the online problem and weeks went by. I received an email from the head of the organisation to come in to volunteer. I didn't want to pursue the volunteer work. But I didn't want to go back on my word.

I've gone back on my word in the past. I was living in a house with friends (almost like family) a couple of year back. They were very encouraging of any goal that I had, they supported me, I supported them and it was cool because (me knowing about Desteni and living the knowledge/information out) I had such a positive impact on these individuals and they helped me to build my trust with myself and so other people again. Anyways, in that time I was a volunteer tutor for Indigenous Australians/life/humans/people/individuals and I volunteerd in the kitchens preparing meals for the elderly and being a dish washer. I took the kitchen job for granted.

I worked in the kitchen for about 3 weeks. Coming into the 4th week, I stopped coming in. I did not answer phone calls, I slept in when I was suppose to get up and they did stop contacting me eventually. About 7 months down the track, I wanted to volunteer there again. Of course, they did not accept me. Which is fair enough. You don't come into the job, answer phone calls, then you're fired. That's how it goes.

Learning from that experience I want to keep to my word. I have decided that I'd like to volunteer here. I do not want to have wasted my time, the staff's time and/or go back on my word. It is a year commitment. I won't be paid for the work. But I am sure that it will assist/support me in other ways and teach me to keep to my word/follow through with my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider going back on my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to take people, the organisation, my words and my actions for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that two days of my time a week is too precious to invest in being in the community, helping the community and learning more about myself in a work environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to solely focus on what it is I want to do when I can create balance of a work life and the path of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not answered phone calls from the kitchen staff

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at work as a burden rather than of assistance/support to me in learning, movement, and structure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I cannot be bothered to get up in the morning to arrive at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slack in my work

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand the power of words.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that who/how I am in my community will contribute to my reputation and the way people see/view me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that who/how I am will determine the opportunities that I create for myself in the community.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand the importance of keeping to my words when I can.

When and as I see myself wanting to go back on my words/plan I've made with people out of - I stop and I breathe - I reassess my situation, I consider what I had said to the person, I take any emotions/feelings out of the picture, look at the situation and If I am able to keep my words/follow with them/follow through with plans then I do so.

I commit myself to follow through with my words if I am able and capable to do so.



User avatar
Danielle
Posts: 199
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 21 Aug 2017, 14:11

DAY 56: Most Effective Way to Be the Most Effective In Jobs, Projects, and/or Tasks

My structure is designed in a very strategic way to help me focus on what needs to be done. I'll have set hours for how long I will focus on the project or task at hand. When the hour is up, I'll shift onto the next project, task or job. Sometimes when I do work on specific jobs, tasks, and/or projects, I have some thoughts, backchats and memories come up that are completely unrelated to what I am trying/attempting to focus on.

I enjoy the shift when moving to focus on something entirely different. It is like cutting off from what you're focusing on and letting go of all of it then moving into 'ok, I am focusing on this now, and everything else needs to be gone. That's what I want to perfect. Where I can physically be here and focus on that which I am doing without being in thought, backchat, memories, or future projections. All of which is unrelated to what I am doing in the present moment. When I am not focused on the task at hand, I lose all the moments where I can be the most effective at the task. So, living the words focused, breathe, here, disciplined, and perfecting the shift, letting go, and focusing on what I am doing in the present moment.

I realise that to be the most effective at any job, task, and/or project, I am to be in the moment with it - Here and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in thought when working on a task

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in future projections while working on particular task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have all sorts of backchat/internal conversations when I am working on a task, project and/or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that to be the most effective at a task, project and/or job, I require to be focused and present in the moment with the project, task and/or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto task, projects, and/or jobs that I've worked on previously, by thinking about them, having future projections, and ideas whilst I am working on a different project, task and/or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scattered

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that focusing on one task, project, and/or job at one time allows me to move quicker into completion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mentally try focus on everything at once.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that submersing myself into that which I am focused on in the moment will be more enjoyable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back into memories of the past when I am busy working on a task, project, and/or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed out about all the projects, task, and jobs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract with thoughts, backchats/internal conversations and memories when I am in the process of working on a project, task or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the mind when working on projects, task, and jobs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts, backchat/internal conversation, and memories when I am working on a task, project, or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the thoughts, backchats/internal conversations, and memories when I am working on a project, task or job.

When and as I see myself using thoughts, memories, backchats/internal conversations to distract me being present when working on a task, project and/or job - I stop and I breathe - I realise that to put my all into the task, project, and/or job, as a submersion, I'll need to be present with it -- Here and equal with focus.

I commit myself to practice the shift


I commit myself to practice being physically present with the job, task, and/or project that I am working on in the moment.



User avatar
Danielle
Posts: 199
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 25 Aug 2017, 01:30

DAY 59: If She Doesn't Like Me The Same, Don't Bother.

I've identified a pattern that keeps me limited in the social sides to life.
I'd consider talking to a girl that I have an interest in. What would stop me is the thoughts ''what if she is not interested in girls?''... Because of the question and the unknown of if this individual would prefer girls as partners is what stops me from starting up a conversation. I will not attempt/try, I wouldn't go up to her and/or consider friendship. The way I see it is if they do not like the same-sex intimately or sexually.. then why bother.. Here is the limitation. I stop myself from potentially making a new friend and/or creating the opportunity for change if the person would consider doing so.

The fears that we have of speaking to people limit us from having potential relationships in our lives. What I've lived by in my life is ''atleast I went for it''. I've done that in the past with people that I've liked, and I have no regrets about it. That's how it should be for everyone. To not live with regrets of not going for what we want and/or creating the doors of opportunity. It's not to say that we will always get what we want.. But it's about living life without the regret of not pushing past limitations and fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a conversation with a women/girl in case she does not like females the way that I do.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can have a conversation with females without it extending to relationships and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to keep my starting point for communication with women to be that of extending to sex and relationships instead of getting to know who they are and potentially creating an opportunity if both are interested.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that we all have it within us to create opportunities for a relationship to begin/start and for where it will lead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat ''If they don't like women, Don't bother''.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having communication that does not of the interest of sex and/or relationship with a girls that I am interested in.

When and as I see myself holding myself back from speaking to a female in-case they're not interested in girls - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I can simply converse with her to find out who she is and go from there.




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