Danielle's Writings

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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 27 Mar 2017, 10:20

DAY 88: A Career That Suits Me


When I took on a certificate 3 in Individual Support (ageing) it was from the starting point of securing a job and because it was the quickest course available. I didn't go based on it being something I want to do, or a preference of mine, I jumped into it because I needed a job. What I've come to notice is that there are more benefits in this course than I knew about.

The course that I am participating in is a course that opens more opportunities in different roles. The course will allow for me to work in a disability organisation, age care facilities, and working as a support worker for people who have a mental illness, disability, physical injury, etc. Now, my original career goal was to be a psychologist, or a counsellor because I liked the process of assisting/supporting with the mind, and emotional issues. But mainly because I like/enjoy assessing people, analysing, observing, and behaviour. Though, what I did see is that, most psychologist roles are either in a room, in a place in an organisation or something like that.. It's not really from the point of being natural with someone in their own environment or going on outings. That's where you get the real stuff & observations of people... Where we learn the real stuff. This stuff can only be obtained by working one-on-one with the individual in their personal environment/space for a long period of time.

What I came to realise is that I am in the right course that will lead me to be able to do that type of work. I would usually listen to my sister who works as a support worker about the duties, experiences and joys that she has doing the exact same thing. I'd listen to her talk about how close that she would get to the clients, and their family members. How they would adore her, and the connection she builds with these people. Well, now I understand it all. The work she does, and the skills that are required to do the job. I think it is pretty fascinating to be a support worker.

You go into another person's environment/space to help with their needs. Their needs could be, someone to cook & prepare meals for them, to assist with showering, to clean the house, to connect them with outside services, health professional, take them appointments, be an ear for them, take them on social outings, etc. Like, the skills and what someone learns not just about the person but about themselves. It's pretty cool in my eyes. I know for sure that it will come with its challenges but that's where I learn. So, for me, I do think I've found what I want to do. I'm really happy that I took this course on.

I did not see it as something that I'd like/enjoy because I saw caring for someone to be a shitting/lousy job. I spent about from age 14 - 18 basically caring for my disabled brother. At that stage in my life, I didn't enjoy it at all, and saw it as shitty. Well, I had reason to given that I didn't have a life of my own. But, I did develop skills in that time when caring. I learned a lot of about my brother, and because he couldn't express himself much, I did learn his way of expression, and taking care of him when having to shower etc, that was what put me off caring, but we all shit, some people just need help sometimes. That's how it is.

Anyways, I guess it takes time to really find what you want to do in your life. Maybe it isn't always in the direction that we want as our preferences. It may just take some time to find the right one or a direction that we don't really want to go in, but find that it was a good choice to make/take that will open up more opportunities for self-growth, development, can assist/support with other creations and build on new careers. Possibiities are endless... in a fortunate country, and fortunate position.



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 30 Mar 2017, 04:15

DAY 89: Room For Growth

My group and I have started to practice for our presentation. We've had a few people from our group away so we've only practised once. Our first practise time revealed some difficulties that I and the rest of the group are to work on. There are only 2 Australians in the group. That is me and another friend. The rest of the group (3) are of a non-English speaking background. As we were practising I was noticing how difficult it is for them to read, and pronounce English words. In my social interactions with these individuals, it never occurred to me that they would have difficulties with English on this scale. I was quite concerned at that point on how they're even managing with their assignments.

The individuals look to me when they read out words to check if they've pronounced it right and to help them read out the words. In those moments, I do assist/support by confirming the word or/and helping with pronunciation. At that point, I noticed that it was going to be a bit of an English learning class, and rehearsal for presentation. Which means, it may take a bit longer for us to get to a point where we are ready to present.

I did in that time of assisting/supporting, have a want/desire to separate from the group to present it all myself. We are allowed to do that, but if I separated from the group, these individuals will have to manage on their own, and I want to experience the enjoyment of being part of a group presentation, lol. So, I knew I wasn't going to act out on that want/desire. Also, that would definitely be a type of 'deserting' when times get tough, and that isn't what I want as a mark on myself. These people show a want to learn & do this the best they can. I tried to pronounce their language, and I struggle so bad to get the tongue roll for the pronunciation. It is not so easy, so I know how it feels. lol.

What I am seeing about myself is I have big expectations for how this presentation was to be. I went to the extremes of envisioning of how creativity & entertaining it was going to be. When I do something I want to go all out, and be the best I can be. So, in my visions there was no difficulties. But,, I can float far from reality sometimes. Now, I just want to see myself and my group do the best we can for ourselves.. in that I'll be happy & I get to experience teaching English which is another skill I want to enhance. So I'm content.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to leave the group because of who/how I'll need to be for them which requires a bit more work then I originally assumed/thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to desert my group because of their difficulties with reading and pronouncing English.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my group to present all the information/knowledge at a level where they do not need/require to hold a piece of paper in front ofthem, and make no eye contact with the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that when it comes to my group presentation, what it will be about is doing our best that we can.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that in the position I am in, I get to have that experience of working with individuals who do not come from an English-speaking background

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view my group as worthless and too much work

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to view this experience as a form of self-growth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be egotistical about the difficulties that people have with pronunciation of English

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to exclude myself from individuals who want to learn & present the presentation to the best of their abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have visioned perfection that is far from reality when in reality, all people can do is their best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed about people who come from different countries & do not know how to read English.

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to separate from my group because they are not so good with theie English - I stop and I breathe - I realize that I can be of assistance/support for these individuals to help them improve their english (where necessary) and to enhance my English teaching skills for future projects--- which in turn, assists/supports me to improve my own English skills.



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Kristina
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Kristina » 30 Mar 2017, 07:54

Nice writings, Danielle.

Remember to assist yourself with the end of the corrective/commitment statements with the line, "I commit myself to...." and how you can support yourself to change the pattern/point you applied self-forgiveness for in the future, when/if it comes up again.

Great to see you!

And cool you put yourself in their shoes, in seeing how difficult it is to learn and speak a new language. I can relate quite a bit as I also am learning a new language, and am working with many from parts of the world where english in not their native language, and it's amazing to see the courage it takes, and the commitment to learn such a thing.

It can be a mutual supportive relationship with your group, so enjoy!



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 02 Apr 2017, 13:22

Thanks, Kristina! :)



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 02 Apr 2017, 13:25

DAY 89: Structure & Organisation


It is now the Easter break for TAFE. I have not had classes for 5 days. In those five days I've not done any assignment work or study related to the course. I've found this quite relaxing and very comfortable. I've invested time into my interests.

I am discovering that I am interested in learning lots of stuff. There is no limit to my interests when I can look at things from my own perspective. One of my favourite interest and one that I want to invest more time into.. is exercise.

I have had no real difficulties with my body. What I do believe has helped me remain fit throughout my life experiences is the fact that I do not touch unhealthy foods. I have not drunk alcohol or soda/soft drink since I was 17, I do not like cake, chocolate, and if I can, I'll stay away from foods that do contain large amounts of sugar. I had also quit smoking when I was 17... That was the time I found Desteni. So, that has helped a great deal for my body.

When it comes to exercise, I would invest half an hour after 2 hours and/or 1 hour when I am studying. I do a lot of walking, and can withstand long duration of walking for long periods of time. Sometimes, when I can't get to sleep, I'll go for 2 laps around the oval across the street to tire myself out. With that, I have no real struggles with. So, I'd like to increase & challenge myself more in exercise/movement as it quite amazing what the body can do. Lol. Especially when I didn't realize I could do it.

So, for the five days I've been learning lots more about the physical body & exercise. The problem I am having is that I think that when I am participating in my interests, that I do not need a structure. I only believe that I need structure when I am focusing on priorities. But, that is not the case. One moment I'll be investing my time into learning about yoga, and the next I'll be in an entirely different area like, learning about the muscular system. When this happens, my learning is not at its best. Everything becomes unorganized & cluttered.

When I am unstructured & unorganized, I follow the mind more.

I did realise that even when investing time in my interests I need structure & to work with time. Otherwise I am all over the place and unorganised. Being on break doesn't mean I am to be without structure or organisation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that learning new interests are a lot like studying when it comes to how I can challenge myself, and improve the skills.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to treat my interests with another dedication as I do when I am studying/participating in a course

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my interests do not need as much time & effort as I put into studies.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that to be challenge myself in someting, I'll need to become clever, and push myself to be better at it, which requires the words dedication, organised, and effort.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that if I worked as hard in my interests as I do when participating in studies for courses, I'd be a master at my interests and that which I want to learn, and improve in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I do need to use the words structured, organised, dedicated, effort, consistency with exercise, and other interests

I commit myself to use structure & organisation for my interests

I commit myself to use the words dedication, consistency, and effort for my interests.



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 03 Apr 2017, 15:24

DAY 90: Make the Time and Push Past Resistance


When I was taken out of Desteni years ago I distanced myself from the information that is available to help one understand so much more. Since then I have read some blogs & listened to a few vlogs here and there.

I have not really put time into investigating more all of the material and being consistent with it. What I have been iworking with is the knowledge/information that I learned from the DIP lite course, a few blogs that I have read, and interviews that I can remember from the past.

The main factor that was stopping me was time. I've had to focus on other life related issues & problems that required my attention. Other factors are the excuse that 'I don't have enough time', and a resistance to learning more knowledge/information & positioning it all with effort.

The truth is, that I do have the time to investigate more knowledge/information about Desteni. I do realise that most of the knowledge/information is there to assist/support me for my daily living and my process overall. It is worthwhile me investigating it, positioning it all, and looking at where I can apply it in my life. I can no longer use the excuse that I do no have time --- I can make the time. All it takes to make time is to prioritise it effectively. That way, my process can improve too. So, it will be cool to see what I do with it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I already know everything that there is to know about process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to knowledge/information but not bother to read it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know enough about desteni.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that there is lots more to desteni than I know about

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by working with the knowledge/information and applying it that it will help me to improve in my process.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I do have the time to invest in learning more about Desteni & working with the knowledge/information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resistant to the knowledge/information because of what happened in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I require to learn more knowledge/information about the process to help me become effective in my everyday living etc..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distance myself from the desteni material

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't have time for Desteni studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in process by not investing time into learning more to help me identify points within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that investing the time into the desteni knowledge/information, and interviews will assist/support me so much more.

When and as I see myself having a resistance to learning more about Desteni & listening to interviews - I stop and I breathe - I relaize that I want to become more effective in my life & so process which means that I will require the knowledge/information that Desteni & eqafe have to offer.

I commit myself to make the time for Desteni knowledge/information to assist/support myself

I commit myself to invest more time in Desteni knowledge/information

I commit myself to work with the Desteni knowledge/information

I commit myself to work with the Eqafe knowledge/information.

I commit myself to read blogs & listen to vlogs



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 05 Apr 2017, 17:49

DAY 91: Coffee Addiction


I've wanted to give up coffee for many months. I've used coffee for a variety of reasons. I've used coffee as a way to meet new people, to keep me up for studies, to keep me stimulated when exercising, as a stress reliever, to make me feel upbeat, and keep me on high throughout the day. For me, coffee ihas been a big part of my life. Even to the point of choosing to buy a coffee with little money that I have rather than food. So, coffee, even when saying it brings out a kind of like a joyous experience.. that high, and all the feel good feelings.

With highs there are lows. What I am going to write is from my own personal experience. People may see coffee differently & how their body's take coffee is likely to be different. I personally do not think that coffee is beneficial for my body. I've been aware of the affects that coffee has on me for some time.

The physical affects I am starting to not like. Once I have my first cappaccino for the day I am very stimulated. I only have a small body so the caffeine hits me fast. I often feel the acceleration of my heart, if I am talking to people my speech with accelerate, I become like jitterbug, and everything is fast. So, I really get that acceleration in my whole entire body. I also have been using coffee to stimulate more of my thinking process.

When I've had my first cappuccino, I feel like my thought process is very heightened. I find it way more difficult for me to be here, and slow down with the breathe. I'd be too heightened to slow myself down after I've had a hit of caffeine. The other physical point here is that I find it hard to sleep at night depending on the amount of caffeine that I've had. It will lead me to have to accelerate my body more by going for a jog to really tire myself out physical or to ware it off. Which means, I am accelerating more of my heart. That's what I've been wary of is that constant acceleration of my heart, and not being able to slow down.. and the last would be the clear fact that I say I don't have enough money, but when it comes to coffee... I'm rich... So, for me and helping myself slow down, I'd like to let go of coffee, and be without --- as I see that it is an addiction and it has not really been beneficial for me. Coffee isn't a bad thing, just with the relationship that I've had with coffee and the affects it has on my body, I'd like to let this stimulant go so that I can become less dependent on it, and to slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepte and allowed myself to become addicted to the acceleration that coffee gives me, especially on a busy day when I am needing/requiring to get things down and move fast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink coffee for the purpose of accelerating my thought processes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need/require a coffee to wake me up of a morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend the little money that I have to buy a cappacuino

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that with the amount of money that I am spending on coffee, I could be using it to put towards the basic necessities that are more of a requirement/need for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say that I do not have enough to purchase clothing or this and that but when it comes to coffee --- I have the money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use coffee as a way to relieve my stress when facing stressful/events situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coffee will take away my stress when that can only be done through self-forgiveness and working on the problem/issue that arise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to coffee to solve my problems and make me feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly drink coffee for acceleration of the body to keep/maintain the fast pace & speedy thought process throughout my day.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed mysefl to see/realize/understand that caffeine affects people differently.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that coffee is not bad -- it is merely a stimulant, and depending on the way we use it, and what it becomes as the relationship we have with it, will depend on its affects that it has on us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about giving up on something that I've had for so long in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a sense of loss now deciding to give it up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that it would be cool for me to slow myself down and see who I am without coffee.

I commit myself to take on 21 days without coffee

I commit myself to see who I am without coffee

I commit myself to slow myself down



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Kristina
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Kristina » 06 Apr 2017, 07:26

Hey Danielle - cool point you are taking on. I actually am on Day 4 of no Coffee because I could see for myself, just like you, there was a dependency relationship attached to it, and it was time for me to take on the challenge of seeing who I am without it.

A really important point you made here is,
Coffee isn't a bad thing, just with the relationship that I've had with coffee and the affects it has on my body,
this is crucial in realizing whatever we see we are addicted to, or have created a dependency toward - that it's not actually about that 'thing' we are using - whether coffee, food, drugs... it absolutely is the relationship we've created towards it, so awesome you can see this for yourself.

Your starting point seems to be clear on wanting to stop for 21 days, so I say go for it. I can share that the first three days I did exerience some physical symptoms of what I would consider withdrawal, but I in a way also anticipated that because of the amount I drank of coffee, and the fact that yes, it is a stimulus, I prepared myself for perhaps some uncomfortable experience. But what I actually found more prominent than anything else was the emotional attachment I created towards coffee, and that was creating most of the discomfort. I found for me coffee was comfort, and I placed self-comfort in coffee, and so an obvious point of self-separation here... though also cool to see because in that, I see now I can start redefining self-comfort and practicing living comfort of an expression of myself, and not found in something outside of me, such as coffee.

I also thought day 1, oh my - what have I done... why would i do this to myself. Though I realize there are many ways we can manipulate ourselves to stay the same, and not step out of our routines, or comfort zones... so yes, while you may face points of emotional reactions, and discomforts, and even appealing thoughts the justify not doing the 21 days, you can still remain within your decision, and commit to the 21 days. you have the tools. I find also writing about my experience daily in relation to the letting coffee go supports to remain within that direction/decision.

I look forward to reading more about it! Have fun!



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 09 Apr 2017, 04:47

Hey Kristina,

That is very insightful. I do relate to all the symptoms you have written.
I am going well with not giving into the want/desire for coffee. My biggest want/desire for coffee is when I am stressed out about various life situations/events or mind related points. That is when the want/desire for coffee comes in... Where I could live the statement ''Everything will be ok, I have coffee''... lol. That is where I almost gave in. But, I am very strong when I want to be, and I've given up a lot of habits + addictions recently, and I've found that I never really needed that which I was addicted to. So, yeah. It's been good so far.



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 09 Apr 2017, 05:37

DAY 93: Thoughts About Commitment/Partnership

Recently these thoughts about having a partnership/commitment have been coming up. These thoughts I've participated in for a while. I've participated in them by asking the question ''who would I go with'', ''what person do I like'', ''what about this person or that person''.. And checking out option, etc. I came to a point where I noticed that I do not even know who I am enough to make these type of decisions. What had lead me to realize this is going back through some of my history, and within that, getting to see that my self-commitment is not so strong as I'd like it to be.

I am not sure if I have spoken about my past before in a blog. Anyways, I'm going to speak about the parts of my life where I feel I've lost that development, and the stage where individuals are starting to discover themselves when it comes to a relationship, etc. So, from the ages 14 - 18 my life was about caring for someone. In that time, I did not have a life of my own. I did not have friends, I had a lot of fears & phobias of people which stopped me from also being social, and I was subjected to a lot of emotional//psycholoical abuse in that period too. So, I didn't really get to develop through-out my teenage years where I was able to discover more about myself, have friends, and be a teenager. That developmental stage is very crucial in one's life.

Then in my early 20's there was other events/situations that had occurred that really took away my early 20's developmental stage. The impact of those events/situations had lead to other problems in my life. Now, that a problem that has been in my life since my early 20's is no more a problem, I've been able to be very stable within myself, and focus much more on working with myself. That which I have in my life is very important to helping me in my process, and so -- what should come first is building, developing, and focusing on what I want to create for myself. -- In that, even if I do not have a partnership (When I see that I've worked on myself long enough) then at least I spent myself working on changing, perfecting, and developing myself into an effective human being.

Upon reflecting on this,

I realise that I am not ready for a partnership/commitment with anyone.

I realised that I need to get to know myself a lot more through exploration, having friends, and getting to know my likes/dislikes and interests.

I realised that my focus should be on bettering, perfecting, and developing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire a partnership/commitment to be able to focus less on myself and more on the person I go with in partnership/agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel exceptionally sad upon seeing how much development that I've lost in my life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am still here, I have the time, and I can dedicated that time to myself/my development.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to have someone else in my life so that I can focus on bettering then rather than having that focus on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot develop being single.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my process will be terrible if I do not have a partnership in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in my life and walking this process alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed about the life that I've lived so far.

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to feel depressed about all the lost development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed about the lost progression as a result of past events/situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angered about not getting the start - out in life that most fortunate individuals get to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angered about not having a life that normal teenagers have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angered about the events/situations that occurred in my early 20's that caused me to lose so much progression in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going into a partnership/commitment with another will take away and fill this void where I no longer have to focus on myself or what I've experienced, but what another goes through and their life experiences.

I commit myself to go out to socialise with different groups in my community, get to know who I am, and form friendships.

I commit myself to build a much stronger self-commitment before enterting a partnership/commitment

I commit myself to focus on my development, perfecting myself, and working on what I want to create for myself & others.




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