Danielle's Writings

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Danielle
Posts: 211
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 27 Aug 2017, 09:20

DAY 60: Less Sleep More Time

I like to make the plan to sleep for 4 hours every night. The goal with sleeping less is to have more time to complete what I need to do during the day. A goal that I am not sticking to and/or being effective with. I'll repeatedly set my alarm, wake up in 4 hours and set my alarm for another four hours. By the time I do wake up, I am still tired, feel guilty for not getting up earlier, my plans get shifted and by the end of the day, I'm not satisfied because I didn't complete a project, task and/or job.

I get about of bed at 7:30. I feel tired when I wake up. It changes when I get out of bed and start moving about. If I follow the tiredness and avoid getting up into a standing position then I end up remaining in bed. So, I realise that all it takes is to get up, move myself into a standing up position, and starting my day. No matter how many hours I've slept for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into tiredness feeling by remaining in bed

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to move myself out of the tiredness by getting out of bed, standing up, and moving about my day for what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for the tiredness feeling to change into a motivated to start my day feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tired of a morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back on the decision to sleep for 4 hours

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in bed for longer than the 4 hours so that I can feel motivated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in bed to think myself into a state of ''being ready to wake up''.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on how I feel to start my day.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I do not need energy to move myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/ralise/understand that I can physically move myself out of the state of tiredness through breathing and movement of the bdoy.

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to stay/remain in bed after four hours - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I can move myself out of the physical state of tiredness by/through getting out of bed and starting my day.

I commit myself to get up out of bed every morning after 4 hours sleep.



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 28 Aug 2017, 11:40

DAY 61: Thoughts When Walking

Today I walked to work. It takes a fair while to reach the organisation. I walk down the busy roads with noisy traffic, through parks and then into the hospital. In the time that I walk, I'll various thoughts come up. I'll be swept up by thoughts about the past, future projections, money, how I look, my business, business ideas, and survival. I am rarely ever in the moment when I am walking. I do recognise it on and off. I'll recognise when I've gone into the mind participating in one thought. I'd place forgiveness statements on that one thought and carry on walking. I'll keep a consistency with the breath for some minutes, but then it happens again. I'll be swept up by thoughts. The times I am in the moment it is very comfortable. The worries go away, the stress goes away and there is a calm.

I do use my walks as a reflection of my life. What I do see/realise/understand that I need to set the scene for me to be able to reflect on my day. Doing it while I walk is keeping it all inside myself where it become recycled to generate energy and this leaves me uncomfortable. A time and a place would be when getting home to sit in front of my computer and becoming more effective with self-reflection with the use of writing. A way can be asking questions about my business, what directions I want it to go, how did my day go, what stood out, what do I need to take responsibility for, etc.. That way it is not kept in our minds where it will become forgotten or recycled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts when I walk to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recycle thoughts of my business, work life, family, my appearance, what needs to be done at home, and business ideas when I walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make walking uncomfortable by participating in thoughts and reflecting on my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate so many thoughts when I am walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use thoughts to distract from the noise of traffic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts to distract me from my surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed out about my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed out about my work load.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be/become more effective in self-reflection in writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reflecting on my day/life when walking is effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that bottling everything and reflecting on the go will assist/support me more so than sitting in front of the computer writing about my day/life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that there is a place and time for me to reflect on my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about my business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the costs of my business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the equipment that I'll need for my business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatient about the equipment arriving in a month

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with business ideas when I am walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into memories of the past when I am walking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that walking is about looking at my surrounds

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that walking is about moving from point a to b whilst focusing on the journey.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the best way to self-reflect is to put it all out into writings at home, or in a personal space where it is stable.

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts when I walk - I stop and I breathe - I realise that walking is about moving from point a to b whilst focusing on the moment.

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts when I walk - i stop and I breathe - I realise that the best time to reflect on my life is in a personal space, in my alone time, and in fornt of computer where I can type out everything & ask questions to assist/support myself.

I commit myself to reflect and plan when I am in the right setting with a computer in front of me.

I commit myself to remain in the moment when I am walking



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Danielle
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Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 29 Aug 2017, 08:51

DAY 62: Nervousness When The Boss Is Near

Today was my second day of my volunteer work at an organisation. I am working along side with the head of the Queensland state in a new approach that is being developed in my city. It is an approach that is being worked on throughout the whole of Queensland and my job is to help bring it all together. My title is Community Partnerships and Development Volunteer, Southern Queensland.

The approach that is being developed is a place-based approach. Place-based approach all about strengthening communities. Instead of going into the community, sending out social workers, case workers, etc. We partner with the organisation that are already in the communities, or schools and find out what they need to improve on, what funding they will need to make those improvements, and fill in the gaps to strengthening that organisation, school, and so the community. Has all different aspects to it but mainly focused on strengthening the communities. the place-based approach can be used for Justice Reinvestment. Justice Reinvestment is about putting bringing the money that goes into the prison system back into the community where it can go towards preventing the causes of crime. Which is really cool. Anyways, my job is to research all of these different areas to help my organisation develop the approach for my community. So, ''what needs strengthening in my community?'', ''What needs strengthening in Southern Queensland?'' then in individual area ''Where are the gaps in Youth Justice?'' ''What are themes in Youth Justice?'' ''What are the data/statics''.. Etc.. etc.. Then I present this to the leader. Before I can present this to the leader, I have to educate myself, find the information, develop vocabulary, work out how to use the organisation computer system, research reports, find websites... so external and internal research. lol. Lots of study to do and self-development too. But pleased to have this title/role/position.



The point for today will be about how I feel when my boss is watching me work. I was given a set tasks to start me off with my research. I was to get used to using the internal data provided by the organisations' website, research justice reinvestment, reforms and youth detention. At first, I had to prepare my whole study structure. I like to use OneNote because it helps to be fast & effective when learning new information/knowledge. So, I'll prepare all the notebooks that I'll need, label them, label the tabs and then document every questions/research/search that I make and go through the information/knowledge that is provided by online resources to find the answer. it's all simple, structured, and I'm able to obtain the vocabulary necessary for me to understand the terms, and to become more effective at my work. Without my structure being fast & effective, I wouldn't be able to achieve what I want to achieve in the time that I want to achieve it in. So, I've very proud of my structure. Alright, but yeah, at first when I started to prepare everything, not having a full understanding of how to direct myself through the organisation's website, along with not understanding the terms, etc.. I felt a bit nervous. Whenever the boss would come near, I would feel a nervous energy and I felt like if I didn't look like I was working, then I'd be in trouble. Lol. I did within a matter of 20 minutes, thankfully with my strucutre, was able to find out everything that was asked of me to do, and was able to tell my boss when she did come ask ''How are you going?'' that I am up to this, and was able to present my understanding of what I learned. So, it was that doubt in myself to be able to accurately process information and live it out. It seemed that I already knew what to do -- I just had to do it. Even if it didn't seem like I knew what I had to do. If that makes sense. It's like Unconsciously I knew what to do. Now to forgive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous about my boss coming closer to me to find out where I am up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous about my boss asking me questions to find out where I am up to when I am researching new knowledge/information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervouse about what my boss may think when I reply to her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my boss thinking that I am incapable and unable to live up to the tasks that she asks me to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable to live up to what my boss asks of me

I forgive myslef that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my research capabilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to learn everything that I need to know for this position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pressure that this job/role/position holds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that this position/role/job/title will help me develop, the community to develop, and my work relationships to develop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feedback from my boss

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking my boss questions if I do not understand, in case she thinks that I am not up to the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my boss watching me work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable with my boss watching me work.

When and as I see myself feeling nervous when my boss is watching, or standing next to me - I stop and I breathe - I realise that my boss is someone who is there to assist/support when necessary.

When and as I see myself being afraid of my boss's feedback - I stop and I breathe - I realise that feedback can be a tool to assist/support me to better myself, the work I do, and the organisation itself.



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Danielle
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Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 30 Aug 2017, 12:52

DAY 67: Choosing Music Based On How It Makes Me Feel

I play soundtrack music at times when I am studying. The music distracts me from reading knowledge/information. I questioned why I listen to tracks and found out that it was for energy. The moment I select a track I shift into my solar plexus to see 'How I feel' about the sound of the music. If I don't like the feeling and/or if it does not give me the feeling I want, I'll find one that does. When I do get my buzz from the music, I'll feel on a high for the full track and I'll play it over and over so the high energy will last longer. At times, I notice it and turn the music off to disengage the feeling. I've never listened to music without an energetic reaction to the pieces of sounds that come from the instruments. I use it to spring my mind when I am slightly tired from studying too. how this impacts on my relationship to music is that it will turn a sound into an energy fix. I won't really enjoy the music or the sound, I end up being physically uncomfortable, I'll want get up and move about while I am studying, and I'll miss out on the words when reading. What I have not done before is simply sit down to hear a track without using it to stimulate me through my studies and/or to change from tiredness energy to high energy. We miss out on the enjoyment of music if we create a relationship that is built on energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shift to my solar plexus to decide what song I will listen to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shift to my solar plexus to let energy determine the selection of music that I listen to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let an energetic reaction determine the music I listen to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use music to shift out of mental tiredness

I forgive myself that I have accetpted and allowed myself to use music to distract me from my reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use music to keep me on a high

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play music over and over again to keep the high

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can have a relationship to music that is not one of energy and how I can sustain it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use music as a way to keep energy alive within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use music as a charger to ignite feelings in my solar plexus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for feelings in music

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to sounds that are played in music.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be present when listening to music

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let music control how I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out on the beauty of music by using it as a source of energy

When and as I see myself to shifting to my solar plexus to let energy decide the music/song that I listen to - I stop and I breathe - I realise that a decision determined by energy is one that will enslave an individual from having a relationship with music that is built on equality and oneness.

When and as I see myself Using music for an energetic reaction be it high or low - I stop and I breathe - I realise that music in equality and oneness is not a negative/positive roller coaster ride. But an enjoyment of the moment with the sounds that one hears.



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Danielle
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Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 31 Aug 2017, 11:41

DAY 68: Feeling Overwhelmed By Responsibility


On the second day of volunteering my boss sat with me for 1 hour to explain what she does more in-depth. The role she has was specifically designed with her in mind by the higher ups of the organization. She wrote down a diagram to help me understand all the programs that she is involved in, some of the partnerships with other organizations, and details of what these programs are for. I was interested in how she manages under all the pressure and all the responsibilities. lol. The answer she gave to me was the volunteers. lol. If it were not for the volunteers assisting/supporting her she would not be able to manage with all the work. Which makes perfect sense. lol. But it was not satisfied with that answer. I have minimal responsibilities and I still cannot manage to do everything that I set myself to do and/or plan for. No matter how structured I am. I'll still not have enough time in one day to complete everything. I wasn't satisfied because she still has time for her personal life, and in her role, I couldn't comprehend how she could manage to still have time for personal life. But I didn't continue to pick and probe at her personal life. She was telling me everything she does, where I'll be assisting/supporting her, I demonstrated that I was very keen and excited to begin. At the time, I thought ok, I'll get to work and I'll take on this responsibility, this role, and I'll do my best with it.

Two days have gone by since we last spoke. Over these two days, I've had more time to process everything that was said. I went to investigate the organization, I considered what I'll need to be researching, the vocabulary I'll be using, who/how I'll need to be, my responsibility in all of this, and I came to the realization that this position comes with a lot more responsibility than I originally thought. What it comes with is that I have a responsibility to research information/knowledge to disperse it to people who have the power and money to be able to make a difference in communities. When that realization came to me, I was a little overwhelmed. What contributed to the overwhelmed experience is that this was a career that I've always wanted. A career where I can use political vocabulary, law vocabulary, youth justice vocabulary, youth vocabulary, community vocabulary, community development vocabulary, education vocabulary, and pretty much all the vocabularies that I can make use & the skills that I'll need to develop for myself to be effective in this role. It is like my career was handed to me on a silver platter. lol. So, this morning I felt overwhelmed by it. I had a bit of laugh at the situation because a few days prior I was angry and unhappy with my life. Now, I am in a position that I wanted to be in which has changed my whole outlook and has given me an outline for who I can shape & mold myself into to go even further than this position. What I liked about the new outline is that it makes my business even more beneficial. I considered lots of stuff, and all it took was one opportunity that I went for. So, it's a cool opportunity to use. On another note, I'd like to correct that it is not the head of Queensland government. It is the head of the organization for Queensland who speaks to the higher ups. I made a mistake in two blogs ago. Now for forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the pressure of the responsibility that comes with this position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overwhelmed by all the work that I'll have to do on myself to be able to be the best I can be in this role and potentially take myself higher than the position I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overwhelmed by being able to have a say to people who have power and the money to make a positive impact and difference in communities on a large scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by all the opportunities that I have because of this position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed about all the skills & training that I'll be learning in this position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by how much I want to be the best I can be in this position and how far I want to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about what I'd do if I were in government.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am not up for this position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can shape & mold myself into being/becoming the best I can be in this position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed about my business being another tool to assist/support me to take it further than this position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having the responsibility that can have an impact on communities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes in this position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this position is too good to be true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not suitable for this position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I won't be able to manage with all the responsibility

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I know what to do to shape & mold myself into being/becoming the best I can be in this position, in my business, and even further.

When and as I see myself feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility & pressure of this position - I stop and I breathe - I realise that with effective planning, time management, and structure, I'll be able to focus on shaping & molding myself into being able to handle the responsibilities and the pressure that come along with this position.

I commit myself to shape & mold myself into an individual who is able to be the best I can be in this position and further.



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Danielle
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Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 02 Sep 2017, 09:41

DAY 69: Giving Into Distractions

I have a structure that I create to assist/support me to focus on what needs to be done. What I like about having a prepared structure is that I can map out the entire day from scratch. Right down to my structure for breathing when I exercise to when I read. All of this helps me to be disciplined, in the moment, identifying what is coming up within me, being able to see thought as not me and to less preoccupied on what needs to b done. What I do find where I am lacking in discipline is when I focus on work that requires mental effort.. such as, reading data & statistics, knowledge/information about Youth Justice and Youth detention. Any mental effort (Outside of Desteni information) that requires me to research knowledge/information is where I'll these old memories will come up, and I'll feel uncomfortable than feel impatience for the hour to be over. The other distraction is when I follow with thoughts of check Instagram, facebook, or twitter while I am working on a researching. It interrupts my cause of action, and leave me feeling unsatisfied because I've then not lived out the word that was written in the structure for me to live out whilst doing this specific assignment, task, and/or project. So, that's what I want to work on changing about myself. Not giving up on assignments, tasks, or projects because of what the mind throws at me, and/or me giving into the distractive thoughts that are designed to lead me off of my structure & keep me the same or stagnate throughout the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the distracting thoughts to check social media in the middle of me completing an assignment, task, project, and/or job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about giving into the distractive thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with memories of the past that make me feel uncomfortable when in the process of completing tasks, assignments, jobs, and/or projects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back on the words that I've set for myself to live during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bored with the structure that I've created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value in my structure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like it is so hard to complete a task, project, assignment, and/or job for myself and my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like dead weight when I am working on researching knowledge/information about Youth Justice, Youth detention, and/or any other knowledge/information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and not want to complete anything i've set for myself throughout the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nothing will come out of the work that I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am not getting anywhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am not getting anywhere because I do not have instant results in my projects, assignments, task, skill development, and/or jobs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time avoiding the assignments, projects, assignments, and tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to feel good from what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid completing tasks, projects, and assignments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sluggish during the completion of tasks, assignments, and projects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be disciplined enough with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that to complete a task I need to put all the effort I have in it, and live the self-supportive words I've chosen to live out for the task, assignment, project, and/or job.

When and as I see myself - Distracting myself from the task, project, assignment, and/or job that I've set for myself - I stop and I breathe - I realise keeping to my structure will assist/support me to live the words I want to and achieve the desired outcome that I want.

I commit myself to keep to the structure that I've set out for the day

I commit myself to be more disciplined with the structure



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Danielle
Posts: 211
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 05 Sep 2017, 12:38

DAY 70: Lying To My Boss

On the beginning days of my volunteer work, I was given tasks to do. One of those tasks was to research Youth Justice. There is an extensive amount of knowledge/information online about YJ. The job is an easy one. However, I found it difficult because I didn't know exactly what my boss wanted and I kept postponing the completion of the task that she gave me. I knew that she wanted knowledge/information about YJ, but I didn't know exactly what topics she wanted from YJ. I started gathering up all the recent statistics and recreating them to limit the amount she has to read and still i didn't feel like this is what she wanted. So, I ended up postponing the tasks. I'd tell my boss that I'd have something done for her and I'll send it on the Saturday to her email. I postponed it and ran out of time. I didn't want to go back on my word and I didn't want to come to work with nothing to show. I told her that I wasn't feeling well and I won't be coming in on Monday. At the time, I wasn't feeling at my best. I felt a little sluggish, and for reasons I know of, I didn't feel that it was going to be suitable for me to work on the Monday. So, I was capable of working on the Monday but I did feel sluggish and not at my best, but I wouldn't been able to push through that, however, instead I said I was unwell to my boss and I knew that I was overdueing it, and the starting piont was to give myself more time to finish the job and have an excuse for not sending it the day I said I'd send it... Whcih the excuse was that ''I'm unwell it started at this time, etc''.. So I lied to my boss. I felt extremely bad about lying and I created consequences because of that.

They're not big consequences. What has been affected is who/how I am around my boss because of that lie. Today at work, I was reserved aounrd her, unconfident around her, I felt guilty, and all of this impacts on who/how I am in the work environment.

The relationships we have with people do determine who/how we are to/towards them. It goes the same for the environment that one is in. Who/how we are in the environment we work in will determine our comfort levels and our relationships. It determines the whole experience based on who/how we are and how we experience ourselves. If we lie, then we are building relationships that start with lies. We can get away with lies but a relationship that has lies in it is not satisfying. Liar is not a word that I want to live by/as. It's not that I'm going to tell my boss that I wasn't feeling as unwell as I had indicated or made out. No. It's just that now I am going to make sure that I'm honest as I can be with my boss because it builds a better relationship and I can be satisfied with myself when I am living the word honest. If we start living words that we are satisfied with then we can be satisfied with ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to my boss to have more time to finish the task she gave me and so I do not look like a bad person who doesn't stick to their words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with lies instead of being honest with Person C

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that being honest can allow for communication and bring forth understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the opportunity to create understanding and a point of honesty with Person C

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequence in my body and the mind by coming up with lies instead of living honesty and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for lying to Person C.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fucked up situation that caused me more stress then if I had of been honest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C seeing me as someone who isn't even bothering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C knowing that I had postponed the task that she asked for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being honest with Person C

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C and I having open communication about the way I work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C being strict on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie in fear of losing my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that lying is easy then telling the truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences of not sticking to my words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C not being able to count on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C seeing me as unreliable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking Person C questions so that I can be able to complete the tasks that she asks me to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time by not asking questions

I commit myself to be honest with Person C so that we can have a cool working relationship

I commit myself to build relationships around the words that I am satisfied with in self-honesty.



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Danielle
Posts: 211
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 06 Sep 2017, 10:38

DAY 71: My Second Interview

An organisation called my phone on Monday. I answered the call on the second time they rang. To my surprise, it was a worker for an organisation that provides in-home care support. They asked me if I was available for a job interview today at 2:30. I was very pleased and I said of course. About 1 hour later they call back to reschedule from 2:30 to 10:30. Because I was so excited, I said that is perfect. I didn't really consider the preparation process for interviews and how much information/knowledge I'd need to know. I ended up volunteering yesterday. After that, I went shopping for an outfit, I arrived home around 5 p.m., I went food shopping, and by time I sat down to gather all the information/knowledge, it was 10'oclock at night. I wanted some time to sleep so I went to bed.

I had a rough idea of what I needed knowledge/information I needed to gather for the interivew. Fortunately, at v-work they were interviewing people for a position with their organisation. So, I had a chance to interact with the woman who was the interviewer and she was very knowledgeable about interviews. So, she told me all of the needed/necessary information for the position that I'd be going for. So, I had a lot to work with. But only a small amount of time. So, this morning I caught the bus, went into town to print out all of this knowledge/information and walk to the organisation. I sat a near by coffee filling my head with all of this information/knowledge. I repeated it over and over again. I watched interview videos, and answer my own questions. Looked up the relevant legislation, workplace boundaries for support workers, how to resolve conflict in the workplace and types of disabilities, etc. When I arrived at the organisation, I realised that it was very laid back. I was dressed professionally and here you have people in casual wear, and clients coming in and out. I like how they were laid back and I liked my professionalism because it showed that I want the job.

I had to complete a basic mathematics test & fill out an application form. Thankfully, I had my calculator because I'd have been much longer trying to figure out the answers. Google and the calculator did a fantastic job. As I was filling the forms out, I heard a voice that I recognized. I look up, and it was one of the woman that I knew from another organization that I volunteered for. She would bring her clients to the locations we'd go to and have something to eat. We would converse back and forth about her work, the clients lives and that built a good rapport with her and the clients. She gave me lots of support there in front of the reception staff so that might help. So, they already knew that I had a rapport with some of the clients already. Which was cool.

I finished the forms. To my surprise, they took me out the back. The young lady that interviewed me was very laid back. In her body language there was no professionalism, and in her words there was no real effort in comparison to what I expected and prepared for. I saw shyness in her movements, no effort in choice of words, and that was kind of unhelpful and helpful at the same time. But, that didn't stop me from living the word formal, professional, etc. Even know she was living certain words, I wanted to make sure that I was living the words I want to. It was a very interesting experience in the fact I surprised her, and I surprised myself. What happened was I was laying out all the organisations I've volunteered for, and a lot of the experience I had, I got to tap into smaller parts of myself, and what I've learned from all of those experiences. By the time we were done she found me intriguing, and I she asked if there was any questions about her, or the organisation. I wanted to clarify if I could ask question of her, and she said, ''Yeah, I'm not as intriguing as you''. But go for it. I had already researched the organisation. So the only question I had was ''what makes her think that she is not intriguing''... She started to explain herself, and I went into my listening behaviour to encourage more communication, and she started to tell me lots about herself, and I found that intriguing. Her life was intriguing... She was intriguing, and then she didn't see it as intriguing, and so I pin-pointed what I found intriguing. What I found to be intriguing was when people start to take off their layers in fornt of you. It was a very cool experience and if I do not get the job... Overall, I enjoyed meeting the people. It's not so much the work that I enjoy about working... It is the relationships with people.. Relationships are the real deal. As well as the work, but the relationships that we have with people are very important. It's fun.



User avatar
Danielle
Posts: 211
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 09 Sep 2017, 10:19

DAY 72: Job Opportunities

Since my job interview last Wednesday, I've been very eager to hear back from the company. I was supposed to hear back from them on Wednesday afternoon. Waiting for the call to hear back from them was challenging because I was very tired and needed sleep. When I didn't hear back from them, I called to check to find out why and they let me know that the interviewer went home sick. I was kind of disappointed about that because I wanted to know that very day if I had been the one they chose for the position. At the same time, it is unfortunate that she felt sick. I wanted to call back on the Thursday and Friday, but they're probably interviewing other people and with suggestions from others, I decided to give it a week.

Before receiving the call to come in for an interview, I was not planning of having a job. I was focused on building my business, remaining where I am, and riding it out on what I receive in benefits. But, when I saw/see how eager, happy, and the improvement that money could make in my life, and my business I have no choice but to go out and look for work. One opportunity that I've not gone for yet is the company that my sister works for.

My sister works as a support worker for a community care company. She has worked extremely hard to get where she is now. Her work relationships, the work she does, training new employees and the extra work she does has all paid off into be/becoming in a very close relationship with her boss, all the staff, and so -- Securing her long-term employment. My sister has given me directions for what I'll need to do to possibly get a job there, and she said she would put a good word in at the office for me. But -- What has stopped me doing that is if I make a mistake, which is likely to happen, then it might affect my sister's name or her good words. So, I feel added pressure on myself. However, with a recent discussion with my sister, she had brought up stories about other staff making so many mistakes and still working there. lol. Even when she says ''I don't know how they're still working there''. lol. So, in any case, people will make mistakes. I don't see that it would impact greatly on my sister's words. If I am willing to correct my mistakes, take responsibility for them, learn more, and build myself up then I don't see there to be a problem.

If there are potential opportunities in our lives and we know that they're able to benefit then we should do well to assist/support ourselves by making use of those opportunities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mistakes impacting on how people see my sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I work impacting on my sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making use of all potential opportunities for employment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like my sister's responsibility if she was to put in a good word for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I'll be responsible for my own mistakes in the workplace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let a potential opportunity go to waste

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to receive assistance/support from my sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my sister's good words as a way to take my independence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'll be in debt to my sister if she was to help me secure a job in her company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'll have to repay my sister for her good words in helping me secure a job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'd have to do more work for my sister if I do get the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that my sister's words may assist/support, to a certain degree, but what it comes down to is my skills, experience, education, and how I apply myself in the work I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient when waiting to hear back from organisations, companies, and businesses about the results of interviews.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about not hearing back on the same day that I went for the interview.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fantasies about everything that I'd buy when I receive my first paycheck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that benefits will be able to support my business.

When and as I see myself being impatient when waiting to hear back from job interviews - I stop and I breathe - I realise that the company, organisation, and/or business may be in the middle of deciding on potential employees, trying to catch on work, and/or employees may be off sick. What is best is to give it a way, and check in to see how the process is going.

I commit myself to make use of the employment opportunities that are available to me.



User avatar
Danielle
Posts: 211
Joined: 13 Nov 2011, 23:27

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 10 Sep 2017, 08:42

DAY 73: One BIg Solution

One job that I have at V-work is to research Justice Reinvestment. The purpose of this job is to pick a part all the knolwedge/information that I can find on Justice Reinvestment to present it to individuals who don't have a great deal of time to research it themselves. I do enjoy the process of taking consideration of my community, understanding everything that is going on in the criminal justice system in the state of Queenslands, what services and organisations are available, and what will be needed to invest in to prevent the causes of crime. However, it does take up a large chunk of my time sifting through all of the PDF's that are available online, snipping all the knowledge/information, and compartmentalizing everything. Because of my postponing pattern, I've had to use up the weekend to complete the job that Person c gave to me. Part of the postponement was the anxiety or fear of the unknown. I didn't know where to begin or start. What I realised though is that I needed to start for there to be an end or a completion.

I needed to push myself to start the research process to advance in learning all the searches to expand the research process. I started with Youth Justice where I was able to obtain online resources. The online resources consisted of websites, vocabulary, organisations, associations, societies, names and terms. I then had to structure all of this to filter it all down to the need/want that Person C has. What is cool is that I am allowed to add what I think would be necessary for an understanding, and what would assist/support my community. What all this helped with is I eventually got to the point of consideration & questioning what I believe would benefit communities. What I tend to experience when I do read about these problems and solutions is a feeling that I am wasting my time, some backchat that ''You're not focused on the answer'', and then I feel quite irritated about them not looking at the solution that I have or it not focused on what I think would be the overall solution that would help prevent crime, help communities, and offer educational opportunities. You see, without givning too much away, how I see it is that we should create something big that centers around offering all of the services in one. I say that from my own personal experience with all types of organisations in my community and in other communities. We still have all of these separate organisations. Each organisation operates in a different way, clients don't trust this organisation, but they may trust that organisation, one might be religious, and the other may operate on different principles, and/or have a different colour, one might focus solely on mental health, the other feeding the homeless. We need these services & organisations because of the problems that exists. However, it would be far greater if they could all come together into one, and in that one, build a giant rapport for the individuals who can access these services. So, I do enjoy it but at the same time, I can see I feel slightly frustrated when people are not looking at the way I look at it and their way of looking at it is cool. But, theres flaws that I see and it's still not good enough for the type of change that could help individuals live to their utmost potential. It's a cool process overall. However, the reactions, backchat and experiences can cause discomfort and resistances. So, I realise that even know people do not see as I do, this is beneficial to reserach the problems and the solutions so that we can consider and weigh up all the options we have available

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with Australia's criminal justice system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated about governments not investing in the causes of crime but the continuance of it.

I forgive myself tha tI have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated about the lack of consideration for creating one big solution to all the problems that exist in the communities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated about people not looking at it from my lense.

I forgive myself tha tI have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated about the way the system is designed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel appauled when I hear about the problems that exist in the criminal justice system of Australia

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel appauled about all the processes that we have to go through to have policies, legislations, and laws chagned so that funding can be put towards the causes of crime instead of being invested into the criminal justice system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel appauled by the governements laws to continue the perpetuation of crime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge humanity as being so stupid to have allowed our system to continue to operate the way it does.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that there are people out there willing to stand up for solutions, take action, and do what needs to be done to assist/support change for this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the beginning of the unknown

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing where to start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel worried about not knowing where to start when beginning to learn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ot feel nervous about starting in an area that I know nothing about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel to backchat about the current system and the way it is whilst I reseraching about it.

When and as I see myself being afraid to start on a job when I do not know where to start - I stop and I breathe - I realise that to finish a job I have to start somewhere.

When and as I see myself feeling frustrated & angered by the way the system is designed - I stop and I breathe - I realise that on a personal level I can help change the system by/through not feeding what recycles the system, and/or what continues to fuel it.




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