Danielle's Writings

Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 25 Jul 2017, 06:06

DAY 38: Not Sticking To Challenges That I set For Myself

I made several challenges for myself a couple of months back. One of them was to give up on coffee for 21 days. It went well for about 17 day. My addiction started back up around the time of my placement. I'd get up 3 a.m. and walk an hour to the facility. I'd arrive at the facility an hour early where I could change my clothes, sit down, rest, and wait for the clock to hit 6. My belief was that I would not be able to last the full day without a stimulant. Having this belief, I had a cup of coffee every morning except for 4 days where I became sick of the taste, and wanted to let go of that belief. Because my body has endured long walks, and I decided to challenge it. I went a full day without caffeine/coffee and my body was still moving and still had enough movement to walk home. However, I still started to drink coffee at home, buy it from cafes, and fell back to that addiction.

Two days ago I set the challenge again, and I went back on it. What I seem to use it for now is a 'pick me up'. I want to feel good, I want more energy to work out, I want to be stimulated, I want more, and more. Without I feel low, I cannot last longer in workouts/exercise, etc.. etc.. The way to prove any belief to be an illusion is to simply test it. To challenge oneself to give up, push through it, and prove that one doesn't need to be stimulated to last longer in exercise, to be or express joy, to feel comfortable, to wake up of a morning and/or to feel move the physical body. So, beginning challenge of 21 days without coffee starting again tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body needs coffee to move in exercise/workout, and on long walks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body needs to have a cup of coffee to wake up of a morning.

I forgive myself for using coffee/caffeine as a pick me up when I feel depressed, lonely, and unmotivated.

I commit myself to give up coffee/caffeine for 21 days

I commit myself to follow through with the challenge to let go of the addiction to coffee/caffeine

Tomorrow I will write self-forgivness for not following through on challenges as a whole.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 27 Jul 2017, 12:08

DAY 38: Running From Problems


I am renting a room in an all female share house. It is a reasonably sized house. The owner takes good care of the property, it is comfortable and the neighbourhood is great. There is the every now and then loud music being played in the house. Other than that the rent is cheap, the area is nice, and people want to be here so we have to hear each other out.

We did have one problem with the WiFi that lasted four days. In those four days, I had to sit in the lounge room to connect the ethernet cord to my laptop. I did experience some reactions whilst having to do this. There were little moments of frustration, annoyance and some backchat about it.

The studying part in the lounge room is what I did not enjoy. Small noises coming from the kitchen would distract me. People bringing friends over for dinner and conversation would be very disruptive for studies. Being in the lounge room was not effective for studying.

I was becoming more annoyed about small things in the house. I made it bigger in my mind then what it was. I focused on the problem of loud music, the WiFi not working and those small noises to a point where I was considering to move out. I went online to check out some properties.

I wanted a property where I could live alone. Living alone on my income is possible, but it wouldn't be without its struggle. It depends on the rent. I came across two properties that I made arrangements to inspect on the same day. The first place was not to my liking and the second one would have cost me more for travel expenses. I went back home and had to take a self-honest look. Where I am at the moment is comfortable, I have a roof over my head, an alright amount of space, a cool location, the internet, and the rent is cheap. On my income, it is the best option for me to stay where I am.

What I did identify is this is a pattern. When problems occur with people and the house, I have a want to move out and leave it all behind. My psychologist and I used to call this one the 'The want to run from problems', 'to get-away from it all', and not look back. This pattern isn't at all beneficial.

The last time this pattern got in the way with close relationships that I had. I lived in a share house before moving into the one I am in now. Problems occurred, I didn't know how to handle them, I needed my own space, people didn't want me to go, but despite that, I wanted to go and things were said to me, and that was it. Plenty more aspects and dynamics at play in those situations/events but the core for me was that pattern of running from problems instead of facing them and coming to a best for all outcome.

How it goes

1. Enlarging of problems
2. Not wanting to solve them and would prefer to detach and leave it all behind

As you can see the pattern is not beneficial. If we want great relationships and changes made to the household we have to communicate and come up with a best for all outcome. Running from the problems creates more mess and even bigger problems.

As the quote goes ''Running from your problems is a race you'll never win''.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to run away from problems that arise in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to run from problems that can come up with people in the household.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to leave all the problems behind, run, and move to a new house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to leave houses because of who I can be/become

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that facing problems is a better way than running from them.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that communication is a key to solving problems in relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it would be a waste of time to communicate about problems in my household.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people in the household not wanting to come together to discuss problems or issues about the household.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the one that takes the steps to bringing us together and setting up rules that we can all live by that has values like consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the minor problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to take where I live for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that what I have here is stability, a roof over my head, space, security, and great location.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to make it harder on myself by not facing household problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enlarge household problems to the extent that I want to leave the house and the problems behind.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I am the solution to the problems that arise in my world.

I commit myself to face problems in my life no matter how big or small.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 28 Jul 2017, 13:41

DAY 39: A Starting Point for Consistency and Persistence

I am working on a couple of projects that are designed to educate on various topics. The starting points for the projects were to help me to educate myself/people. I've designed logos, websites, started up the social media sites and put out videos. What I did experience is an impatience with people getting on board. Getting on board (to me) means followers, views, an audience, supporters and so potential financial support to expand into its full potential. I see an expectation of financial support here too.

My starting point with all the projects that I have created were to educate myself. It was not to gain money from people. The main purpose was to educate, build a structure, and to be creative in how I practically apply it. In saying that, my projects/creations have the potential to earn financial support because it offers a service for people. But, I realise that the starting point has to be one that stands tall even if I do not gain financial support. If the starting point is all about earning financial support, it is likely that the creation/project isn't going to be enjoyable to work on. For me it would be stressful as I'd be focused on gaining views, followers, supporters, and it can make my content less effective. Overall, I wouldn't have all of me in my creations. Therefore, less likely to potentially make money, lol. So, I realise that it is beneficial to remember and make sure that my starting points for my creations are one's where I am able remain consistent and persistent even if I do not earn/gain money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with the number of views, supporters, followers, having an audience and so financial support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that if I have supporters, followers and an audience that I'll be earning money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect money from supporters, views, and followers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress over the pace of my project and creation expanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress over and about not have the desired amount of views, followers, and supports for my creations/projects.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that my creation/project was/is designed to assist/support me in to learn, build structures. be creative in how I apply, explore, and to be flexible in specific topics.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can have a balance between what people will enjoy and what I'll enjoy.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that my creations/projects have to be starting points where I know that I'll remain consistent and constant even without financial support by supporters, views, and/or followers.

When and as I see myself being impatient and stressing out about/with supporters, followers, and views - I stop and I breathe - I realise that the starting point for my creation/project is to educate myself/people, to build structures, to creatively apply, explore, and be flexible in specific areas.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 29 Jul 2017, 11:58

DAY 40: Replacing An Addiction With Another One


I've taken on the 21 days of no coffee challenge to give up my addiction to caffeine. I guess I am on day 4 (feels like day 54). My willingness to give up is strengthening each time I do not give in to the want/desire to have my fix. The challenging moments is when I want to drink something other than water.

I am not a big spender when it comes to drinks. I like the basics. It can be coconut water, plain water, juices and other healthy drinks. This week, I did not purchase any drinks other than water. When I have desire/want for a drink that has taste, my option was a hot chocolate mix. I've now had two drinks of cold chocolate mix. What is unusual is that I do not normally like chocolate. I do not eat chocolate cake, chocolate by itself, or chocolate anything. I will go for the chocolate when I think about making a coffee. So, I'm bringing it down to the replacement of an addiction with another addiction. I used this same pattern to give up smoking.

I started smoking when I was 13 years of age. All my family members smoked cigarettes except for one of my sisters. Finding Desteni, I realised that we can become slaves to our addictions. I managed to give up smoking around 16 - 17 years old. What I did use after that was iced coffee became my new addiction. This is where the pattern had begun.

By replacing the coffee addiction with a cold chocolate drink addiction is putting myself back in the same cycle of being addicted and that isn't where I want to be at. Going cold-turkey can be challenging, but it is the most effective and fewer chances of developing another addiction and/or habit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of a cold chocolate drink when I want/desire a cup of coffee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use chocolate mix to replace my coffee addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to replace an addiction with another addiction to keep the addictive personality alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a cycle of replacing an addiction with another one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used iced coffee to replace my cigarette addiction.

I commit myself to give up on coffee the cold-turkey way

I commit myself to not to develop another addiction and/or habit to replace my addictions.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 30 Jul 2017, 11:47

DAY 41: Embarrassed About Past Behaviours



I read a chat by a group of people. I enjoyed reading it and found it quite assistive/supportive. I then felt a reaction of embarrassment about my behaviours in the past and a few months ago. I knew that feeling embarrassed about my behaviours is not the way to go. Embarrassment is a limiting experiencing. It holds you back like any other emotion. Anxiety, frustration, anger, annoyance, fear, etc. I write this for lack of being detailed just in case. It is very difficult when people are treating you in certain ways that they know is not beneficial for you, but they keep doing it anyway. People can say 'not to react', and I know that it's best to not react, but it's very difficult when it's people who absolutely know what they're doing. It's very difficult. It's not a nice a feeling. My reactions were a result of how I was being treated. If I were not treated in these ways, then it would have been very different for me.

I read a blog post the other day about how no matter how bad the treatment is one must be stable. I understand that. But, in saying that, it is very difficult to do that in certain situations/events. I am not a reactive person to everyone just certain words that certain people say. If you've ever been in a real experience of, for example, a person coming at you full speed with a piece future ready to smash it right into your face, torse, and anything they can get at, and you're extremely stable without any reactions, then I take my hat off to you. If you've ever had a mental breakdown as a result of certain words being said, and you've believed other people, to a point where you distrust even you own mind, and you're in a state/condition where you're completely confused, paranoid, and feeling like there is two personalities inside your head fighting, causing havoc, and you have zero assitance/support, and you're stable, again I take my hat off to you. If people are treating you destructively, and continuing to put you into situations where you know is only wasting time, being moved over to one person, onto the next, and you constantly say that you don't need to go through this process, but people keep putting you through it, is a very draining process, and then being in a situation where another person does something and tries again to put you down in ways, where they didn't consider you, the situation or even look for another approach, it is very difficult to remain stable with all of the pressure.

I am not saying that it is not impossible, but it definitely would take someone who is prepared to put up with a lot of shit to remain stable under that amount of pressure consistently. So, feeling embarrassed about it isn't going to do any justice. I did react to a lot of what was being done and said to me. I am human, I am still learning, the fact I am still here writing, walking process as best I can, and still prepared to get to point where I do not react states a lot too. It will take time, it will take a process, I do have to educate myself more with information that is here, it will take trial and error, and it takes not giving up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about the behaviours that I displayed in front of a group of people in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about my display of behaviour a few months ago

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about how I acted in a state of a mental breakdown in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about me being vulnerable in/around people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of my past behaviours in states/conditions of instability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of my most recent behaviours after an event/situation had occurred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of not being stable when going through a process that I didn't agree with and wanted for a different solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of how I behaved in times that were seriously damaging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I am still learning as life goes on.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that to assist/support myself more I will have to listen to more interviews, write more, and be more disciplined with the breathe.

I commit myself to listen to an interview each day

I commit myself to keep at writing, forgiving, and being/becoming consistent with the breath.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 01 Aug 2017, 00:04

DAY 42: Keeping To My Challenges


About 4 - 5 years ago I did not have the habits I do now. I was a listener of the Eqafe interviews so I and walking my DIP lite course. I knew that it was better to not have any type of habits or addictions. I did not drink tea, coffee, I didn't have any real physical habits, I was preparing for university, and I had a real focus, and discipline with making sure that I didn't create a habit or addiction. I lived with family members who did have addictions and I still managed to make sure that I did not succumb to any of them. But, certain thing were said to me which made a simple point worse, I had a mental breakdown, with no assistance/support and following other people, I made a decision, but it was a decision that I didn't want to live out, and I went homeless. In that period of time when I was homeless, I developed some habits. The stress built, seeing psychologists to go back into my courses, mentioning desteni was like an instant diagnosis, and by me repeating what people said, it was like I was attacking my sexuality constantly. It was a really difficult experience that I had to go through as a result of listening to people. So, mentally and physically, it was very harmful. In many ways. So, habits of drinking coffee, and tea, a long with replying back to thoughts, the costs of psychologists, physical habits, etc. It developed over time, so even today, it is still there. I am working on stopping these physical habits that developed so I can live that discipline I had in the past. It is a challenging one because I've become used to living out these habits. The aim (for me) increase self-worth and self-respect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on the challenges that are set for giving up on habits and/or addictions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on discipline because of the stress and pressure I was facing back then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into habits and addiction when I face tough times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on being the person I know I can be if I let go of addictions and habits

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can increase the self-worth and self-respect to the levels I did have in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is too hard to give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that part of self worth and self-respect is making sure one is not lead by addictions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of sticking to the challenges set.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very hard on me when falling into habits

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very hard on myself at times

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can achieve the self-worth, and self-respect that I am aiming for.

I commit myself to not give up on challenges that are designed for me to achieve self-worth, self-respect and to make life easier.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 02 Aug 2017, 05:11

DAY 43: Create A Fulfilling Life


I live a life that is not fulfilling. My day-to-day experiences these 3 - 4 weeks are to remain in my comfort-zone. The comfort-zone I live in is to study in my room and live out the structure I have. The structure involves exercise, study, work on projects/creations, etc. It is cool, but it not fulfilling. I do not like being in my room for too long, I like being out and about, social, chit-chatty, and working. All of that involves the physical movement and its own expressions. It's awesome. Whereas my structure is about filling my self with knowledge/information, and not getting to apply it. The impacts on me here is that I will fall back into a depressive state where I'll go back into memories, wish that I was back there again, or the person I used to be, etc. All of that becomes useless in itself because it's only feeds the depression. It comes from not having a monitor on my life, plans, goals, and what I want to do written in my computer and stored. A physical piece of information/knowledge to assist/support me. Well, I can say that I did learn from this little depression state.

I learned that I am not utilizing my environment effectively, not mapping out my life effectively, and not considering all aspects of having a fulfilling life. I want the fulfilling life to manifest in my lap without stepping out of my comfort-zone and creating it myself. lol. It will never happen that way. I have to create it.

My assignments for my counselling diploma requires me to do counselling simulations. To complete these simulations I need people. I have friends to contact and arrange times with, but I like working on people that I do not have a personal relationship with. I live right across from the University. Here is where I am not utilizing my environment effectively. The university environment is packed with people who I can practice my counselling skills on to be effective, it is a place where I can get myself out of my comfort zone to speak with people, and because I am studying, know all the little office spots that I can create a little counselling room, then I can sit there and I'll simply complete an assignment in a days work.

The part about using the physical. I have been approved to v-work at the Crisis Accommodation where I'll have my training in a matter of weeks. I'll be doing that two days a week which will satisfy that want to work, move my body, participate in programs, etc. For my longer-term goal, I intend on travelling. My longer-term goal is preferred to be lived rather than talked about. But, yeah. It is a matter of stepping out of the comfort-zone, going out there to create a fulfilling life, not to fear, or to be afraid, simply creative, live, express, and experience. Along with utilizing eqafe, Desteni, etc. As it helps to learn how to work on points, and how to direct them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect the life I want to come to me without putting effort, working for it, or stepping out of my comfort-zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a depressive state of mind by dwelling on the past, who I used to be, how I used to be and what I went through as consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not used my environment to the best of my abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping out of my comfort-zone when speaking to people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting myself into a situation I've never been in before.

I forgive myself for not planning my life effectively.

I forgive myself for not monitoring my life effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to perpetuate cycles of ups and downs to come to solutions of how to live a fulfilling life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand with effective monitoring of my life in writing can help me to consider all aspects of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on who I used to be before I experienced tough times of homelessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on who I used to be before I experienced tough times with my mental state/condition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on how my life is without coming up with a solution to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to keep myself in a structure that is not working out for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that growth can happen by stepping out of the comfort-zone.

I commit myself to monitor my life to ensure that I am fulfilling all aspects of needs.

I commit myself to map out my life effective

I commit myself to investigate more life points.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 03 Aug 2017, 16:57

DAY 44: First Day In A New Structure


Today I spent my time in the university environment as part of changing how I live my life. It is better being in a social environment because more points come up. If points come up, I document them in my notepad for later investigation. I have access to everything at this university, but I do study a degree or diploma there. I studied there in the past and my student card doesn't expire until 2020. When I am at the university, I have an interest to find out how it works. It's systems, the environment structure, the online structures, etc. While I am at the university I intend on observing everything about it. It's art shows, drama clubs, social life, etc. I want to see it's weakness, and where I can improve it. My main reason to doing this is because I intend on expanding my own creation. A replica, but not exactly like university. Different. That way I can mold, and plan for my own creation. It is a plus to being in this environment. Spending my days here when I am not working is going to be a cool learning experience.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 04 Aug 2017, 12:37

DAY 45: Here For As Long As The Physical Is Here


I chose to sit in a training room to study for the day. It's a quiet room but it doesn’t have a door. It is attached to the rooms next to it and when someone comes in they can be a bit disruptive at times. I managed to work more on my first assessment for my counselling studies. I like it because I have to write role play scripts. I get to create the whole scenario, the problem/issue, where the conversation is going to go, what will help the client, etc. It is a fair amount of work. But writing role play scripts is a cool skill to have. What I like about counselling is that you're not there to fix the client, give advice, and/or solve for them. Well, depending on the approach. In counselling the client has all the answers to their problems. Lol. I am still sceptical about it though. If everyone knew about Desteni they may not need/require counselling. I mean, yeah, it can give you a comfortable space to open up about a point with someone who is listening to you and looking at your own inner-world with fresh eyes, but it is really up to the person to discover themselves, and solve for who what they face. Well, my favourite is the person-centred approach. You simply listen to them, be honest in the moment, be aware of the moment, be aware of what the client is experiencing, paraphrase what they say, give them time to declutter their thoughts or whatever is lurking in there. I am at odds with whether counselling is necessary. Me knowing about Desteni, I find it a unnecessary process. Why I say this is because if people knew how to work with themselves, their minds, and/or how to direct points they face, then counselling may not be a necessary tool. The only beneficial factor I see is that you have the person who is going to listen to you, and may paraphrase or ask questions, make you feel understood, make you feel encouraged, point aspects of you that you don't see, gives you that reflection of yourself that you may not notice, and/or with a fresh pair of eyes, zoom out, and look at what would be the best ways to face a particular point. For example, career counselling, etc. I do like counselling and am glad that I chose it.

Studying it I did experience some doubt that I would not make a good counsellor because of my past. But anyone can be an effective counsellor through living words. Words like dedication, consistency, patience, willingness, structure, etc. All the words needed to make an effective counsellor can be done by living words. What bothers me is the time involved. I am 24 years of age. I do have a tendency to dwell on the age factor. 24 years of age to me is like 44 going on 45. It what my psychologist had to make a joke out of because I would pin-point the fact that I am 24 years old. The way I said it made it out to be the 'end of the world' moments. She used to say ''Well, I must be ancient in your eyes''. Because she was a lot older than I. I found that to be very funny. I am still young, and do have a lot of years left. Besides, it is not about the years but the body. If the body is in good health and I don't run into any serious accidents, or situations that is likely to cause harm, then my body could kick-on for as long as it needs. Not that I am dedicating my life to being a counsellor. No. It is simply to learn a new skill, pay the bills and assist/support where I can. Everyone has to have hobbies. I couldn't see myself purely existing and researching one thing. Besides, everything is interconnected. No matter if it is separated by words. It's all connected. Anyways, I'll move to self-forgiveness now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not make an effective counsellor.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that being effective in a particular skill is all about living words to achieve what we want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that age/numbers/years will determine how effective I will be/become in a particular skill.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I'm here in the physical for as long as the physical is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I'd make an effective counsellor because of my own past experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress out about how old I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about how old I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I had not of experienced what I did in the past that made it difficult for me to pursue studies for a potential career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about people being disruptive in the training/studying rooms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people who designed the training/studying rooms as stupid and not good at their jobs.

When and as I see myself stressing out about my age - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I can take it day-by-day and moment-by-moment because I am here for as long as the physical is here.

When and as I see myself doubting that I'd make an effective counsellor - I stop and I breathe - I realise that being effective is a process of living self-support words and applying them in a way that is going to help one achieve goals or strengthen parts of themselves that they would like to.

I commit myself to take it day-by-day and moment-by-moment with my hobbies and development of skills.



Danielle

Re: Danielle's Writings

Postby Danielle » 06 Aug 2017, 12:58

In the mornings I wake up to go over to the university environment. What I look for when I arrive is a good spot to study. If I am late, I'd have to wait for a while to sit at the spot that I want. When I do sit at one of these good spots, people come into the rooms and I experience some discomfort with their presence. I like studying in my own company because I read out loud instead of in my mind. When people come in, I have to resort back to reading in my mind. I do not find that comfortable. But, it is part of what I have to do to be considerate. Another part of the discomfort is sitting in the same room with someone I do not know and being quiet. Lol. The first person that came in I broke the ice with and talked about the weather. She was a very cultured lady and offered me a snickers bar. Lol I don't eat chocolate and politely said ''no, thanks''.

The second person I didn't feel comfortable with. I was not as friendly as I was with the first person. I really wanted the room all to myself and did not expect anyone to come in. When someone did come in, I felt that discomfort and look at them as an inconvenience. Once he left, he said 'goodbye'. I then felt the guilt come up within me because I didn't bother to even say hello, or to break the ice. I miss chances and opportunities to make times/experiences comfortable with people. I am looking to make myself comfortable in this environment and to achieve that comfort I have to create it for myself. So, the aim here is to change who I am when people are in my presence and sharing a room with me. What is cool is to break the ice, talk about small talk, ask them what they're studying, and how it is all going… etc.. Easiest way to make myself and the other person comfortable.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable studying in a small room with a person that I do not know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed when sharing a small room with someone who I do not know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the university environment is for students to come and study anytime they like.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that the rooms are for people to study in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at people as an inconvenience when they come into a room that I want to be alone in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately move desks and put things on them so that people think that another person is using it, and leave to find somewhere else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be greedy with the desks and rooms.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that a way to make it comfortable would be to ask the individual how they are, talk about the weather, ask them what they're studying, so that both are comfortable.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that to be comfortable in an environment is to give what I'd like to receive to those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss opportunities to speak, talk and find out a little about people in the university environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessive about the rooms

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to claim the room all to myself so that I can be as loud as I please when I study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about reading inside my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat when a person enters the room to study.

I commit myself to be friendly with people who enter the room so that both can feel comfortable.




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