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Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 12 Sep 2017, 10:46
by Danielle
DAY 74: What Stopped Me From Getting A Job

When I finished my placement at an age care facility, I was very keen to look for work. For two weeks I handed out my resume to businesses in my city. The businesses that I visited was not aligned to the certificate I obtained from my studies and placement. My certificate was focused around being a support worker in community care or a personal care worker in aged care facilities. My experience in the aged care facility and the feedback I heard from friends on their placements, helped me to make the decision that I did not want to be a personal care worker in an age care facility. I did want to work in community care. But, what stopped me from applying for support worker jobs is that I do not have my full license or a vehicle yet. The job advertisements specified that they wanted someone who has a license and a vehicle. Those jobs I didn't bother to apply for and/or I didn't consider handing out my resume to the community care businesses because of that reason too. What I did not consider is that some of these companies and business take on people who want to do afternoon & overnight shifts. My sister did make mention of this. But I still focused on the not having a license or a vehicle to be the major set back from me securing a job.

I did not put myself out there enough to because I focused on the what I don't have & the set backs. But even without a vehicle or work history (a part from volunteer work & placement) I still managed to secure a job. Other factors that played a role was I assumed that I knew what all businesses, companies, and/or organizations would be looking for. Most people will go with you just based on how you present yourself in your communication skills, and/or how you interact with them. The last factor was stress levels when looking for work. Looking for work was a stressful experience as I was impatient, very eager and simply wanted to be out in my cities communities working and interacting with people. In the state of stress, It was very uncomfortable, I didn't want to give up or take a break from checking websites and the determination was very hard to break away from. It's like a ''I will find a job''. It wasn't a very enjoyable experience so I parted my ways and went for volunteer work. Which satisfied that eagerness, determination, and want/desire for work & social interaction. After going for my second job interview and getting the job, I realised that when it comes to a securing employment to assist/support ourselves we have to not let what we don't have or the assumptions of what we think businesses may want get in the way of taking the opportunity to give it a go and see how it goes.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on my setbacks or what I don't have when it comes to looking for work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my setbacks as excuses to stop me from securing a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that all businesses, companies, and/or organizations will not want me as an employee because of my things I don't have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus so much on what I didn't have and let that stop me from putting myself out there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on my weaknesses instead of identifying my strengthens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stressed out when I could not find a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a state of stress and anxiety when looking for work.

When and as I see myself paying so much attention to setbacks or weaknesses - I stop and I breathe - I realise that if my strengthens out weigh my weaknesses & the setbacks, then there is no excuse too great or too small that can hold me back from assisting/supporting myself.

When and as I see myself creating a stress and anxiety state whilst looking for work - I stop and I breathe - I realise that with the way the system is at the moment, it won't always be an easy task to find a work. What can be done in the meantime, is take breaks, slow down, and set times to look for work.

I commit myself to focus on my strengthens and correct my weaknesses when I can.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 13 Sep 2017, 08:09
by Danielle
DAY 75: Fantasies About Decorating My Own Place

Now that I have a job, I am able to afford a place of my own. I've looked up the available units in my city. I found one unit that is I prefer over the rest and I scheduled an inspection of the place for tomorrow. What has been coming up since I was asked to come in for the job interview is fantasies of how I will decorate the unit. I'd fantasize about how I'd position the furniture, where I'd go to buy it, what I'd do for yard care, and who I'd bring over for company. lol. I've jumped way ahead of myself with this one. The reality is, I have not applied of the unit, I haven't got my first paycheck, and I haven't talked to my landlord about moving out. The thoughts I am generating... I may not even get to live out. When we jump ahead of ourselves like this in our minds ... we are simply creating more consequences for ourselves. What it will require for me to be the successful applicant will take practical application. Talking to the realestate, making sure I am at the inspection on time, gathering up my references, talking to my landlord, saving money for cleaners, etc. So, I realise that participation in fantasies that have no relation to reality are a pure waste of life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about how i would decorate the unit when looking at the pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about who i'd bring over for dinner, lunch, and/or just for company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about what furniture that I'd buy for th unit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about what my sister's reactions would be if I invited her over for coffee & chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about having get-gethers with friends at the place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started calling the unit 'my place' when I haven't even applied, or spoken to the realestate about bringing this all together.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have future projections about what it will be like when i meet the realestate agent tomorrow at inspection

I commit myself to focus on the action that needs to be taken to be the successful applicant for the unit before I consider or picture what how I can decorate the place.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 14 Sep 2017, 00:27
by Danielle
DAY 76: My History of Stealing and How It Affects Me Now

I grew up in a family that did not have a whole lot of money. We were a house of six children with two parents. My family shifted/moved to new towns and cities when I was very young. One place they did stay for many years in was Tamworth, NSW. We grew up in a neighbourhood that did have its ups and downs. Despite the downs, we had neighbours who we would play with and were close too. There was domestic violence quite a bit at our place between my parents, and between my siblings. What comes to mind now is a traumatic memory of my father one night. Anyhow, that's just one memory. As a kid, I enjoyed going to school because I had two best male friends & a girlfriend that I loved to play with. In the school environment at that age it was very enjoyable. It is in this environment where I unleashed a habit of mine.

What I did develop in my childhood is a habit of stealing. The habit of stealing was something I enjoyed on a thrill level and the fact I'd have what I wanted/desired. I'd steal money from my neighbours, toys from my neighbours, steal toys in the store room at school and I'd steal from shops. The habit grew to the point where I'd plan about coming in at lunch into the storeroom to take toys, I'd look to see if anyone is looking, I'd come up with excuses if someone was to come in and see me, and I'd always feel that thrill of the risks involved when taking something that was not mine. I remember on one occassion where I went into the classroom while everyone was out at lunch to take the cars that I saw my teacher take from a boy in my grade. I happen to at the time, left up my teachers bag and see a $20 note. I knew that it would be more of a risk to take it and I weighed it up in my mind, and decided that it was too risky. I was in year 2 at that stage. Another one was when I wanted a jacket that a boy was wearing and it didn't take much long till it was in my possession. The aim for stealing was to never get caught.

The one time that I did get in trouble was because I brought my friend with me to take lunches. We received detention and had to buy the girl we took from lunch. The second time that I was caught was later on in life when my brother told on me when he saw what I was doing. Later in life, I focused on stealing from school and shopping centres. I'd steal to a point where I knew how to walk out of a shop without the beeper going off, without being seen by the cameras and without raising suspicion. At the age of 8, to impress my sister's boyfriends, I'd steal car speakers from a shop in 1 minute for them, and drive off. I did have a sense of pride in my stealing techniques and would boast about only ever being caught twice. It was pretty heavy.

When I stopped stealing, I was 13 years old. I was getting older, my mother met a sensible man and the risks for being caught increased significantly in comparison to being a kid.

Why I bring all of this is because yesterday at V-work, my co-workers were telling me one of the people in the accommodation units has had her rings stolen from the room. As she said this, I expressed my surprise and then said it's just the volunteers and the cleaners that go into the rooms. At that point, I felt a fear of other volunteers thinking that I stole or took the rings. It was like I hoped that people didn't think it was me. For a while, I felt like I had to prove that I didn't take it by and through my facial expressions, and the words I speak to give off a sense of.... yeah, basically that I didn't take it. Because of my stealing history, I feel a sense of paranoia at times. Going into shops is another time where I'd fear that people are thinking that I am stealing and/or that I am on watch. It is the same feeling that I experienced when I was stealing from shops in the past. I'd treat the situation as if I was being watched and that I'd have to sneak around the eyes of people. I guess that is one contributing factor to being fearful of people thinking that I am stealing or have stolen something as if they know about my past with stealing and/or that all the consequence of stealing is going to catch up on me. What I notice is that it is a paranoia and I realised that if I've got nothing to hide then I have nothing to be concerned about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel paranoid about people thinking that I am stealing or have stolen from V-work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people thinking that I've stolen or am stealing from V-work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that people think that I've stolen or am stealing from V-work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk into shopping centres feeling like I am being watched

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel paranoid about being watched in the shopping centre.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to worry about people thinking that I am stealing or have stolen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like all the consequence of stealing is going to come back to bite me in the ass

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the stealing habit that I had as a kid by having the backchat ''I was a nasty kid to take from others''.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backcaht ''I was a nasty kid to take from others''.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have to prove that I did not take or steal the rings by using facial expressions and certain voice tones to convince co-workers when if asked, I can simply be honest and say that I didn't take the rings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk into a store and feel like all the workers have their eyes on me.

When and as I see myself feeling like I am being watched when in a store - I stop and I breathe - I realise that if I have nothing to hide, then I have nothing to be concerned about.

When and as I see myself assuming that people think I've stolen or am stealing - I stop and I breathe - I realise that if I have nothing to hide then I have nothing to be concerned about.

I commit myself to be honest in my reply if I am approached about the missing rings.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 16 Sep 2017, 04:40
by Danielle
DAY 77: Distance From Relationships

Around the time that my dog died, I made the decision to not speak with any of my friends. It was a time where I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I finished my placement, did not have job, the hardship of everyday hurdles and dealing with past memories. All of which comes into survival.
I needed to invest time to work on all of these points. What this involved, was to cut off communication with friends and rebuild me. If I was to continue the communication with friends while working on all of these point, I'd be very exhausted, under pressure and all of it could be damaging for the relationships.Considering that some friends have problems and issues of their own that they like to speak about with me. If I am not stable myself, then I cannot not be of assistance/support for them. Who/how I am with my friends is defined as upbeat, motivated, energetic, enthusiastic, kind, caring, considerate and the leader type, always says the necessary words in that one specific moment that leaves perfect seeds for growth. I'd not want them to see me in any other light than that. If they're points that I need to change about myself.. problems and issues.. then I won't dish it out to my friends as I know that I need to assist/support myself with the point that I can manage on my own.

The time to focus on all the points was necessary. I did all that was necessary for me to focus on these points. I left counselling, I started volunteering, I stopped remaining at home all the time, I worked on building websites for my businesses, I exercised more, ate more, walked more, visited family more and got out some anger that I had for the way people treated me over the years, and I got a job. I've rebuilt myself to a level of stability that I am happy with and the extra opportunities that are there for future reference. What I did not do in that time let my friends know before I decided to stop talking to them. I just kind of disappeared and didn't let them know what happened. Once I started talking to them again, I feel a distance because of that. We have to maintain our relationships because IT IS IMPORTANT TO HAVE GREAT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES. It is very important to watch our steps with friends and to let them know when we need time to ourselves. Basically, being honest and upfront. Keeps them in our lives. So, I realised that if I need time to focus on rebuilding my life than to let friends know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be so energetically happy consistently when with my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cut off communication with friends without letting them know why

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not let my friends know why I wont be in communication with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ignored phone calls from friends so I do not have to reschedule or meet up with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to believe that I have to be upbeat, motivated, energetic and full of positivity with my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can be comfortable, calm, and relaxed with friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/relaise/understand that relationships need to be maintained so that they can continue to grow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have caused worry among my friends from my disappearance by/through not telling them why I wouldn't be in communication with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that giving what I'd like to receive to my friends is a sure way to assist/support the relationships to grow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that regular communication is important in maintaining the relationships that we have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my friends seeing all the sides to me that I do not want them to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes in front of my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking about problems and issues that may occur or that I may have with my friends

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can share these sides in a way where it is beneficial for the relationships and to assist/support myself with the point by using words and different approaches.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that unleashing all emotions onto friends is a way to help the relationships grow or be maintained for future.

I commit myself to let my friends know when I need to work on and rebuild myself.

I commit myself to let my friends know when I need alone time.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 18 Sep 2017, 11:18
by Danielle
DAY 78: Nervousness And Fear For First Work Shift

As a personal support worker I'll be assisting/supporting a variety of individuals. The main people that I'll be supporting will be people who require/need assistance/support with daily living. They could have a mental health condition, a physical disability, psychotic disorder, PSTD and/or down syndrome, etc. I've have had formal training in assisting/support people with a mental health condition or a disability. The experience I have working with people is from personal, work placement and volunteer experience. Although I have experience, I have felt some nervousness come up about how I will go without any employee training me to work with particular clients. On the other hand, I do have confidence in what I've learned, been told and training from induction. It's just that first jump into it, getting myself conditioned, learning how the clients likes things, their capabilities, their likes and dislikes, their triggers and working on from there to assist/support them and myself in the work I do. If anything, I am eager and excited to dive into my work and begin. I have a lot to learn and that is the best part about it all. If I need or run into problems I can call the office, and/or for petty things, I can call my sister or text her to give me some advice, etc. There is a plethora of knowledge/information out there to assist/support me to be the best I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the first 24 hour shift that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the client not liking the way I look, how speak and/or how I work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear abusive from the clients.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear verbal abuse from the clients.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake on the first shift.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I am going to go doing a 24 hour shift.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes with medications

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to take on a greater responsibility if the client is in a physical state/condition that is fragile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to apply first-aid in an emergency situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear emergency situations/events occurring while I am on shift.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what my first shift with my client will be like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown of my first shift.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to my client not liking me as company.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to use my time to research all the knowledge/information that is out there to assist/support the work I'll be doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous about meeting my first client.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous about my first shift

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous about making mistakes

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I'll learn as I have first-hand experience.

When and as I see myself feeling fearful or nervous about my first shift - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I have all the assistance/support necessary to be effective at my job and it is my responsibility to make use of it all when in need and when the time comes.

I commit myself to use what is out there to assist/support me to be the best I can be in my work.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 19 Sep 2017, 13:11
by Danielle
Day 79: Rush, Rush and More Rush

Today was a very busy day for me. I had set plans to fill in forms for a inner city unit that is centralised to everything. I was expecting my benefits to come through and when didn't I did, as an instant reaction, feel slightly annoyed with myself. In Australia, if you're receiving benefits it's a requirement that you report that you're not/have not received payment from anywhere else. For example, a job or any other source. If you do not report on the day prior to receiving benefits, you don't get paid. You have to wait the next day once you have reported. All of which can be a real pain in the butt at times because if someone has forgotten and they have set plans.. Then it sits everyone back. I am grateful that we receive benefits for our basics until we have a job..but sometimes they can make hard sometimes by the way they design their systems. Everyone should have their basic needs met regardless of having a job or other sources of income.

Once I took that breath in and out.. I realised I'd just have to make do with what I have and live the plans I have set. I did have to drop some plans because they required the money. But the rest was just a matter of making use of tools and using my physical body more. Today one of the plans was to fill in an application for the unit. To do this, I needed to run back and forth from the school, court house, housing department, then to the realisation agent, from there to the unit, and then back and forth phone calls. They're atleast a 13 minute walk from each other. It all paid off in the end as my application for the unit was processed and approved. Now all that is left is packing, cleaning and moving.

By the time I make it home, I am questioning when life is going to be less of hardship. Lol. Then I realised that I am responsible for the hardship because of the decisions I make. I chose to rush into getting a place, I chose to get a job, I chose to send in that application, and I am choosing to move. This hardship is all of my choice and by rushing and rushing is how I create the type of hardship I am speaking of. So, when we think that 'things are being done to us' or "it's the systems fault" remember to ask oneself where I am responsible for this. One will find that it is I'm our decision-making and choices. Depending on what position you're in. Some people have very little choices in life. So, mainly for elites if the world. We are the decides to how we love our lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complaint about the hardship that I experience from the decisions and choices I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system for the pace of me moving into a place of my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain about the rush decisions and choices I make

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was a victim of the way the system is designed today when I was making the decisions and choices to rush into getting a place of my own

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself from the responsibility I have of my own life through the choices and decisions I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about having to rush back and forth to different locations to finalise processes with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long for a life that is without challenges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on my physical by/through not slowing down and wanting to rush in decisions that are really suppose to take some time to finalise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the day I've had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushed decisions to get things that I want/desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inconsiderate to how my rushed decisions and determination can affect the physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not prepared for the moving unit process and made a quick decision where I now have to do everything in a few days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about getting the place I wanted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about me forgetting to report for the benefits payment.

When and as I see myself making rushed and impulsive decisions on things that I want - I stop and I breathe - I weigh up the pros and cons, if necessary, and I make a decision that will take consideration of where I am at in my life now, the processes and the money involved so that I do not compromise the physical body.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 24 Sep 2017, 04:46
by Danielle
DAY 80: Feeling Sorry for People with a Physical Condition, Mental illness and/or Disability.

In my work, I care for individuals who need assistance/support with their daily living. I am just looking at the word 'work'. I could hardly call my job work. I play games, watch tv, do puzzles, go out to concerts, sing and dance with my client. The part I'd call work is where I cannot focus on me/myself. The focus remains on the client. What they're doing, finishing documentation, keeping their house clean, letting the pets out, making sure they've eaten, learning how they communicate, how they're feeling and what is their next move. But in all that I am still aware of myself. I question whether it is work because I get to plan the entire day out for my client. We could go out for lunch, go to a different town to visit, go to museums, art galleries, arts & crafts, concerts and/or stay at home. To me, that is not work.. that is fun.

There was one point in my first shift where I did feel sorry for an individual. Because of privacy & confidentiality reasons, I cannot give the details. I am having to learn how to be broad without being detailed. Rather hard for me. But has to be done. I've had this experience in the past. I'd feel sorry for my brother because he has down syndrome, if I saw a disabled person who couldn't walk, I'd feel sorry for them, a girl who has cancer and even dementia residents in aged care facilities. I'd have an instant 'I feel sorry for you' feeling that would come up. This feeling sorry experiences wears me down, limits the fun I have with the person and wastes time looking at the problem rather than solutions.

It all leads into pitty and then we don't see individuals whom have disabilities, physical conditions, impairments, mental illness, etc.. For their capabilities, strengths, the fact that they're people too, they have needs, want/desires, they're active members of the community, they enjoy life, they want to be cared for, loved, have potential, and have talents. If we focus on feeling sorry for people who have a disability, mental health problem and a physical condition then that will limit us from being able to assist/support them to make it so that they lead fulfilling lives like anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity my brother because he has down syndrome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity people who I work with

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for dementia residents/clients because dementia cannot be cured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity dementia residents/clients

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for the individuals that I work with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swim in the pity experience where there is a focus mainly on the problem

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear myself down with the pity experience when working with clients

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the pity experience is a waste of time and space as it does not solve anything nor does it assist/support anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can identify the problem without reacting to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I cannot work at my best if I am pitying the person I work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that people with a disability, mental health problem or physical condition all have a right to be treated with dignity & respect like everyone else.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand what will help my work is if I focus on the solutions once I have identified the problems instead of remaining in the pity & feeling sorry about the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pitying an individual will help solve anything.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that people who have a disability that limits their mental function are capable of having a fulfilling life with the utmost assistance/support from specialised tools, funding from government and the helping hands of individuals who are their to assist with daily living.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that a disability, mental illness and/or a physical condition doesn't have to be seen as a limitation if their are solutions out their, tools, and great support/assistance for the individuals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a person with a disability, mental illness, and/or physical condition by that one weakness instead of seeing the whole of who they're as the strengthens & potential that they have to live a fulfilling & dignified life be it with assist/support of tools and/or people or simply as independent as can be.

When and as I see myself pitying individual with a mental health condition, physical condition and/or disability - I stop and I breathe - I realise that being the host of an internal pity party will not assist/support the individual. A way to assist/support is to identify the problem without reacting, then shift into looking at solutions to assist/support an individual to live a fulfilling & dignified life.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 26 Sep 2017, 05:01
by Danielle
DAY 81: Blaming The Environment For Who I Am.

I've lived in a share-houses for approximately 3 - 4 years now. The decision for loving in share houses was due to my financial situation. I had to go with houses that were affordable and the ones on my budget were share-houses. In the share houses I don't have much of a choice to what goes into it or where the furniture is positioned. I like furniture to be a placed in a certain theme that suits the type of activities I'll be doing in the room. For example, if I am working with knowledge/information then I'll like to have a room set up with office furniture, paperwork, a whiteboard, computer attaches to TV and the TV positioned on the other side of the room so the eye sight is not affected. That's what I'd like for an office area. In a share house, an office and a bedroom are to be combined. The room is quite small so it doesn't allow for much furniture. With the lounge room, it ok distance but I am unable to have the furniture the way I want it. I've let this become an excuse for me not studying.

How I've let this become an excuse is that I will say "I'll wait till I have a proper setting where it is suitable for study", "I'll wait till I am in my own place", etc. What this does is postpone my desteni studies. I do plan for the studies but it hasn't been followed through lately because of the excuse that the setting isn't right.

If we wait for the settings to be right qe are missing put on the time we could be spending on assisting/supporting ourselves with what we know is beneficial. The environment is not responsible for who we choose to be. We don't have to let where we love or what we have determine who we are. The environment and what is init doesn't define who we are. Our choices, words, deeds and actions do.

I realise that the environment is not to blame for the choices I make

I realise that the settings, positioning of the furniture is not to blame for what pattern I live out or what I choose to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my environment for why I haven't studied lately

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my environment as an excuse for why I do not complete my studies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the setting for my choice to not study and wait till I am in my own place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed use the excuse "I'll wait until I am in my own place" when I've planned time for desteni studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to study only if the setting and environment is right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the environment is the decider of whether I study or do not study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about the environment and setting not being positioned how I'd like it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse I do not have the proper furniture to study

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can study desteni and tools anywhere and anytime doesn't matter where I am or the surrounding so long as I have a device or material as knowledge/information or even just what I have from what I have as the spoken words of sfs.


When and as I see myself using my environment for an excuse to postpone listening to interviews, reading blogs, watching Soul and writing - I stop and I breathe - I realise that no matter where I am or what my surroundings I can make use of what is available to me to assist/support myself I'm this process.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 27 Sep 2017, 09:51
by Danielle
DAY 82: The Want/Desire To Relax & Indulge in Entertainment

I work long hours. By the time I arrive home, I have about 14 hours (depending on shifts) then I am off to work again. The time that I have at home I want to sleep, eat, relax and stare at the TV screen to watch YouTube documentaries. It is cool to let my body relax for a couple of hours. But there is to still work to be done at home.

I want to work on what assists/support me long-term with the time that I have at home. My excuse to not participate in working on my business and studying is that I do not have the energy, I'll do it later and then a resistance to the effort it involves. Although I do work random long shifts, I still have a heap of physical energy when I get home to make some progress with studies & the business. The studies are personal development and the business is fun because if I can get a start on it, not waste time and start earning money, then I can sit the lifestyle that I want to live up. Which is one where I do not have to work my ass off for a company that isn't my own for the rest of my life, one where I can travel, educate people, rebuild myself, learn, be creative and set myself up with enough money. All this is created through effort & pushing ourselves to move past resistances, money wasting and time wasting excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to waste all the hours I have at home on staring at the screen watching documentaries

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to postpone working on my business to participate in documentaries.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist my Desteni studies because of the effort it involves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat ''I've got no energy'' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the energy to work on my business or complete the dedicated hours for study

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to use hours for watching documentaries instead of progressing and involving myslef in all the potential that can assist/support me to change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only dream about the lifestyle I want/desire instead of making movements to creating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect some form of motivating energy to spark me into getting a move on.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that energy is not necessary to create the life that I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on positive/negative energy to drive me to get a move on with creating the life that I'd like to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people just become successful without any type of work involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse ''I have time'' and postpone spending time working on the business or studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not in a fortunate position to be able to create my business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want/desire to push myself too hard.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that time is money.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to waste time and lose potential money that could be made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time not assisting/supporting myself with the material that is available for me to become effective in the tools of sfs, scs and common sensical insights & perspectives so that I have some foundations for when I identify points in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to distract myself with entertaining stuff of YouTube that excite & motivate me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be motivated to to reach small moments of head way with my business & studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be a highly energized type of person to make head way.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that motivated can be lived be applied by making head way with my business & studies.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that real motivation is that which is lived & is not of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that energy will not save me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to depend on energy to do what needs to be done when I have the time to do it.

When and as I see myself resisting & making excuses not to work on studies & my business - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I can create the life I want by making head way in working on myself and my life.

I commit myself to prioritize set hours for what I will do for the hours I have at home & live them out.

I commit myself to make the small progressional steps with my business & on myself that will determine the sucess that I've achieved.

Re: Danielle's Writings

Posted: 28 Sep 2017, 13:30
by Danielle
DAY 82: Giving Way To The Accumulated Mind Babble

About two weeks ago I sent some messages to someone I was working with. I didn't receive a reply from them in that time. I did not know why the person was not replying to my emails. Nobody told me where the person was, I didn't know if I was ever going to hear from this person, I went into all the memories/moments I had in conversation with her, I picked out moments where conflict or misinterpretation may have occurred, I went into blaming myself, judgments about the way I work, that I wasn't good enough, that she is ignoring me and hoping that I go away, that the person may think that I am overdoing my work, that they may think I am trying/attempting to be intimate with them on levels of romance or something of that nature. I created all of these assumptions about the person and judgements about myself to the point where I eventually gave way to it all then sent a message saying that my personal circumstances have changed. I can no longer give my assistance/support. A week has gone by and I receive an email from the person saying that she has been away sick and that she is sad about me not being able to be of assistance/support.

Although my personal circumstances have changed, I still really want/wanted to work with this person. I did not want to end the assistance/support, it was just that I couldn't handle the thoughts, waiting for a reply, wondering what has happened, the assumptions, the judgements and to end it all, I finalized my words to a 'letting go' email. I saw that as my only escape from the thoughts, judgments, assumptions and worries that were coming up inside myself. It never crossed my mind that this person could have a caught a bug, the flu, or stressed from work. A cool way to avoiding it all is to take responsibility for everything that comes up in our minds. Be it judgments, assumptions, fantasies, thoughts, imaginations, ideas, the lot.. forgive it. So long as we forgive the thought then we are telling ourselves that is it not ok to do it and it helps to identify that is a thought and doesn't need to be followed, believed, or held onto as fact. The other solution is to be patient with people's replies. Consider that they may be unwell, they are caught up and busy, they may need time for themselves and will get back to you eventually. So, considering all the life possibilities that are likely to happen if someone doesn't reply so that one can be patient. Not to worry yourself to death to a point where you give up on the person. But simply be patient and consider all things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that Person C was ignoring my emails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that Person C thought that I was trying/attempting to have an intimate partnership that extended beyond a working relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about Person C not contacting me in less than a week.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that people do get caught up in life situations/events and circumstances that can take more time to solve or work on.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to blame my eagerness to assist/support for why Person C didn't reply to my emails in less than 2 -3 weeks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back through memories of the interactions and communications with Person C and fill them with my own interpretation that involves my own assumptions so I can make it seem that my assumptions were real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I wasn't doing a good job when working with Person C.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that Person C was trying/attempting to get rid of me by not replying to my emails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the research I have done for Person C as not good enough because I didn't receive an email that contains feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for giving into all the judgements, assumptions, misinterpretations to the point where I let it all determine my decisions and so my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to the first assumption that someone is ignoring me as the reason to why I haven't heard from them or received email.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be patient with people sending replies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to receive emails when best suits me, my life circumstances, my life situation/events when everyone has a different life to live and all sorts of stuff to deal with that can take time to solve or work on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be first priority of everyone's list when I send them emails that require/need a reply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C thinking that I am wanting/desiring an intimate romantic relationship with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misinterpret Person C's words when she compliments me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Person C taking my openness & friendliness as a form of wanting/desiring her to be an intimate romantic partner of mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind babble of assumptions, judgments, fears, deception and misinterpretation determine the decisions I make in relationships.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that speaking forgiveness inside myself or out loud on the mind babble will help me to realise that it is not ok for me to have this thought and also help with recognizing that it is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the mind babble when physical reality is far greater and has lots more to consider.

WHen and as I see myself having all this mind babble emerging about why I haven't heard from someone - I stop and I breathe - I realise that like myself, people are facing life situations/events and circumstances which require attention, focus, more time to solve and work on.

When and as I see myself assuming that someone is ignoring my messages - I stop and I breathe - I realise that life is filled with lots of possibilities to why this person is not answering me at this time. Therefore, best to be patient and go about my own life.