Gregor's Writings

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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 05 Mar 2017, 18:49

Great Gian



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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 07 Mar 2017, 00:14

Day 13: Speaking with energy.

A tendency that I have that I see I haven't fully taken responsibility for yet is reacting negatively when someone speaks to me with an energy in their voice. This I have seen recently in an incident with my mother where I asked her about something and she spoke in a very irritated and annoyed manner back to me and judged me because of my question and I then responded equally toward her and got annoyed and frustrated myself and I for a while created an emotional energetic state within myself where I didn't even want to look at my mother or talk to her anymore because of the intensity of my reaction. The same I found also in relation when someone speaks with positive energy within their voice. I remember my mother saying something to me in a very positive manner and I reacted with annoyance within me because I felt like I now have an obligation to her to respond in an equally positive manner. Sometimes though I react but then rather take a few breaths and ground myself before responding or saying something because I know that one can create lot of consequence when speaking out of reaction with an emotionally charged voice like I have seen quite a few times in the past and it is really not an experience I would like or prefer to have both for me or for others.

So I will do some forgiveness and correction on the points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react toward others when they speak toward me with energy in their voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively and in a similar type of manner to someone like they did to me when they speak to me with an negative or emotional energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to most of the time fail to keep my cool when someone is speaking with emotional energy to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to most of the time not consider the consequences of responding toward others when I am in a negative emotional state and allow myself to give in to the energy and be directed by it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to a lot of times not realize that if I react emotionally to someones reaction to me that that only adds fuel to the fire which is not supportive for no one involved and to not apply what I know would be the best in such a situation which is to breathe, self forgive and let go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attacked when someone speaks in an emotional way to me and feel like I have to defend myself by responding in the same emotional way as the other person despite seeing time after time that that only leads to the situation getting worse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not always see or apply the supportive tool of breathing and self forgiveness when I see that there is an emotional reaction within me to someones words and to not use it as often as I could to prevent further consequence and the potential worsening and souring of my relationship with the other people involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance when someone speaks in a positive energy within their voice because I then feel obliged and pressures to respond in the same manner to not upset or be disliked by the other person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to show my real inner experience when someone speaks to me in a positive charge in their voice because I don't want to be seen as rude but rather want to keep face

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this experience of annoyance toward others and realize that it is not supporting me and let go of it and just respond in a stable manner to the person in a way that I see is proper for the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seemingly be more prone to respond in a negative way toward someone that is more close to me than people with which I haven't created such a good relationship with, when they speak speaks with an energetically charged voice

when and as I see that I react in an energetic way when someone speaks with an energy in their voice and I start to fell an energy rising up within me and I want to react to them, is top and I breathe. I realize that responding and speaking out of an energetic state results only in the situation getting worse as I am only adding fuel to the fire and so:

I commit myself to whenever I feel an energy rising up within me and I want to act it out on the others to rather take a few breaths and do some self forgiveness in that moment and defuse the inner reactive sate as I see that it contributes to nothing good or supportive for no one involved

I commit myself to realize and remind myself of the realization that acting based on an energetic experience is never supportive especially when it is directed against other people as that only damages and sours the relationship with others and inevitably creates regret in myself

I commit myself to remind myself when I want to react to someones negative reaction toward me that it was never worth it and that I in the end regretted it and use that realization to prevent this type of consequence in the future

I commit myself to breath and self forgiveness whenever facing a reaction toward someone in whatever context as no reaction is really acceptable as it is not contributing to my life or the life of others



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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 13 Mar 2017, 22:01

Day 14: One week retrospect

So yes, its already been one week since my last sharing here and I noticed a few old patterns kicking back in again. One of them being postponing sharing when I find something to share to another day and the other being that the day I decide to share something, postponing writing what I want to share till later in the day, which is what happened today.

For most of the past week I have been quite stable and clear within myself and didn't really struggle with anything within me and so didn't have much that I could share. Then on Friday night a couple of hours before I went to sleep I finally found a point I could correct and share about it which was a point that was right before my eyes all the time but I didn't notice it, but I said to myself that I will do it the next day. Then the next day I wasn't home from 10am till 7pm, which I didn't expect, and I got home in a mind possession because I was working for about 7 hours straight and till the end of what we were working on, reactions bottled up in me because of me feeling physically uncomfortable and strained and that also triggering mental unsettledness and in the end I got possessed but my possession ended in about forty minutes after getting home and taking my sedatives which slowed me down mentally and so the possession stopped. So that day I also didn't correct the point in writing and so didn't share it. Then the next day I also wasn't home for a big part of the day and when I came back home I looked at sharing the point but then the old pattern kicked back in that I repeated over past days of ill do it tomorrow and so I didn't do it on that day either.

And so I am here, today, sharing this, which is not what I wanted to share since Friday, that I'll share probably next time, for today I decided to rather share this. The point that I became aware on Friday was my resistance to reading, be it blogs or books or even articles someone posts on facebook which I see having this resistance is not something that is supportive in any way. I have made a commitment in the past to read at least five blogs a day and listen to at least an hour of desteni material. The listening of one hour of desteni material I mostly kept, sometimes also almost doubling it, but the reading of five blogs I think I fulfilled only twice.

So yes, the resistance to reading I see that I really need to correct as it is clearly something that limits me, but I wanted to instead share about what I did today, because I see that I can learn from the happenings in my life this past week.

The first thing that I learned is that even when I'm stable and clear and there is not much happening within me that I would feel that I must take a closer look at and write or share about, that there are still smaller points that occur within me that if I would investigate them I might find that they might be part of bigger patterns and so I see that it would be worth investigating and writing out even the smallest thought or reaction that occurs within me and make doing this part of my daily routine.

In terms of the one mind possession I had, I didn't learn much new, I just got reminded that if I do something that causes reactions within me and I cannot resolve them immediately that I should stop doing that and take a break and get away from that and just for a while breathe and do some self forgiveness on the points that emerge, because if enough energy builds up within me and the thoughts start running, there is often little that I can do to get out of that.

The next thing that I learned, which I have already seen and learned in the past, is that the more you do/don't do things the better you become in doing/ not doing it, as I have seen when I postponed writing out something, either because I didn't find something to write about or it was already late in the day or because it got to the point of I didn't do it for many days now and so I can wait another day, I have seen that the easier it was to not do it the next time which is not really something I want to keep continuing doing as it is not in any way supportive.

So yes, I will take with me what I learned so far and optimally, if I can, I will share something here every second day as I have seen that being the most practical way of sharing things as that leaves enough time for someone to read what I share and also perhaps leave a comment or share some support for the points that I face and share about.

So, that is it for now/today.

Thanks for reading and until next time.



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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 17 Mar 2017, 21:05

Day 15: Resistance to reading

Resistance to reading is something that I have been noticing within me for quite a while now and it is something that I clearly see I need to correct, as it is something that limits me and doesn't serve or support me in any way to grow and expand and is something that I have been allowing to limit me for far too long. This resistance mostly comes through in terms of reading blogs and books and also articles. So this is a point I want to correct to prevent myself from continuing to limit myself in my life and my process any further.

So, here it goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist reading because I don't enjoy it as much as other forms of taking in supportive material

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy listening to interviews more that reading blogs or books or articles because I experience it to be easier and more convenient as I can do it on my phone rather than being in front of a computer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone reading blogs that people post because I allow my resistance to read to kick in and to so prevent myself to support myself because of giving in to that resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about the many times where reading blogs helped me with points that I was struggling with within my life and my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the supportive nature of reading what someone is sharing about their life and process and also the solutions they found for the problems they faced and to not realize what of a great supportive value reading blogs and other written material has for me to grow as a person and support myself to walk my process more effectively and in a better way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist reading blogs that are very long and also books and articles for the same reason, without considering and realizing how many times reading longer blogs and also reading books and articles has supported me to learn and expand in a great way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace reading longer blogs or reading books and articles despite the realization of me gaining a lot of support and insight from them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect nurturing myself and my potential with written material even though I see the supportive nature of it and allow myself to give into a resistance because I have allowed to strengthen over time and so made it harder for me to push through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow to strengthen the resistance to read, rather to when I see that it is not something that is supporting me, doing the thing that would support me the most, which in this case would be pushing through the resistance and commit myself to read on a regular basis as I see that it is something that has a great supportive value for me to be able to walk my process in a better and more effective way

when and as I notice the resistance to read something that would potentially support me in my process or gain a better understanding of something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that giving in to that resistance only makes it stronger and limits me more and therefore:

I commit myself to push through that resistance when it emerges within me and push myself to establish a point or reading regularly as I see that that has and will support me greatly

I commit myself to realize that resistance is newer something that is supportive and to therefore investigate and correct it whenever it emerges toward a specific point

I commit myself to embrace the things that I see are supportive for me and my walking of my process and to push through any resistance that may come up within me toward such points



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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 22 Mar 2017, 14:23

Day 16: Fear of deception

Lately I got reminded of a point toward which I still partially have a reaction of fear. That point is the evening news show(s), or any television or radio news show for that matter. That fear though is substantially less than in the past. I remember that in the past I couldn't even hear the intro music for the news without a reaction of fear and I also reacted when I heard the news reporters speak because of the voice tonality and the general way of speaking they have, which I understand is done very deliberately in that way. There were also instances where if the sound of the television was turned to loud and I could hear the the news all the way to my room (my room is on the opposite end of where the living room with the television is in our apartment) I would put my pillow over my ears and stay there for quite a while sometimes because of the experience that the news or anything related to it would trigger in me. But like I said that is now mostly a thing of the past but there is still a fragment of that experience left in me which I want to correct here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the news shows because I judge them as deceptive and fear the potential impact of that deception, that I see in news shows, on the population of the world that watches/listens to and believes them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences that I see in the world, that I connect to people being misinformed, because causes are being supported and not questioned that are destructive and not what is best, like wars and the other consequential and abusive agendas that are being pushed by most of the mainstream media

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned because of the general ignorance that I see in people, like the people in my life, that take what they see on television as the truth without ever really questioning it or in many cases not even caring or being concerned about what is really happening in the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the world that we have and are creating together as humans, because this world being abusive and destructive and that in essence means that we as humans are abusive and destructive as the world is a reflection of who we are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to essentially fear ignorance because of it being a major contributing factor to abuse in this world, where many turn a blind eye on the state of the world and the plight of others and are not really care about that as long they still have a decent life in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see willful ignorance of people bring one of the main reason for the world being screwed up to the degree that it is and therefore blaming other people for the state of the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am also part of this world and am also contributing to the consequences that we face in this world and that I am still far away from being perfect and so see that I must support myself and support others to become better till we are the best that we can be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing that blaming someone or something implies separation and within this not realizing that if I am separate from something, I cannot direct or change it and therefore I should rather stick to the motto I created for myself, which is: “embrace, understand and support, rather than react, judge and blame” because this I see is the way to create real change in this world because if I judge something I am already admitting that I don't really understand it because if I understood it there would be no need for judgment and I would have been able to support and assist to bring about change that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no matter of who others are or in what state the world is I always have myself and the principles of what is best for all, that I chose to live by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that no one and nothing can have power over me and my self experience unless I allow it and therefore I see I should be sticking to breath and self forgiveness and continue to use and integrate the equality equation within my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to me still to a degree being stuck in problems and not fully living the common sense of always looking for solutions rather than being stuck in problems

When and as I see that I react in fear to the news on the television or on radio, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I should rather face that fear and forgive myself for it whenever it comes up again and so remove the last bits of it as I have realized that it is pointless to fear anything and so:

I commit myself to face my fears and create an understanding to why I fear the things that I fear and free myself form that fear with self forgiveness so that I am no longer controlled or influenced by fear

I commit myself to let go of any blame that might come up toward anything or anyone in this world and to rather embrace everything and get to know it so that I can understand it and with this understanding be able to support and create real change

I commit myself to remind myself of the responsibility I have toward myself and toward all life and to work toward creating what's best for all by aligning my living to the equality equation, more and more with every breath



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Gregor Podgorelec
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Re: Gregor's Writings

Postby Gregor Podgorelec » 03 Apr 2017, 16:50

Day 17: Falling back into resistance

So, a pattern recurred within me. This pattern being postponing writing because of resistance toward it, which I gave into, and not living according to the common sense that if I continue giving into resistance, the resistance wont disappear but will only get stronger and I will make my process of breaking through it more difficult. I think I waited and postponed long enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistance to write and so because of that postpone writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I give into resistance it will only get stronger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the common sense of breaking any kind of resistance as soon as possible and so not allowing it to grow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow to break my commitment to write when I see I have something to write about, because of giving into resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop when I saw that me saying “oh I can do it tomorrow” repeated for many days and by giving into this justification making breaking the resistance more difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I saw that “what you nurture will grow” to still nurture and not stop doing the things that are of no real service or benefit for me and that do not support me to reach my utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I neglect myself I neglect everyone and everything else, because if I am a better and more supportive person in my life and in the way I live, others will also benefit from that, as I have seen in the way I benefited from others by them walking and sharing their process with me and every one else which has supported me to grow greatly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself and live according to the realization that everything is interconnected and so we all have an impact on each other and to with this realization nurture my best potential and with living according to this have a supportive influence on others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also for a couple of days postpone writing because of me not feeling fully stable and remembering that oftentimes when I write I have judgments toward my writings which creates an emotional state within me which has also a few times led me to a mind possession which is newer something pleasant but something that I rather try to avoid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes judge myself and dislike my writings and believe that they are not good enough and that others might judge me in the same way and with this allow myself to create emotional turmoil within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give so much value to how others see me even though realizing that it newer really defines me

When and as I see that I have something to write and a resistance comes up within me and I consider giving into it and going into postponement, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the resistance is never worth nurturing as it doesn't support me in any way and that it will only grow if I give into it and so:

I commit myself to when I see a resistance to write emerging within me to just take a breath, forgive myself for it and put my fingers on the keyboard and just type as that is all it really takes

When and as I see that I start to judge what I write and a fear emerges within me of others judging me the same way, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am just projecting my own judgments into others and that even if others judge me I realize that it doesn't really define me in any way and so:

I commit myself to let go of my self judgments and just write as best as I can and let go of the worries and fears is they appear within me and forgive myself for them

I commit myself to not neglect myself and to walk my process as well as I can and so support myself to reach my utmost potential as best as I can




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