Day 14: One week retrospect
So yes, its already been one week since my last sharing here and I noticed a few old patterns kicking back in again. One of them being postponing sharing when I find something to share to another day and the other being that the day I decide to share something, postponing writing what I want to share till later in the day, which is what happened today.
For most of the past week I have been quite stable and clear within myself and didn't really struggle with anything within me and so didn't have much that I could share. Then on Friday night a couple of hours before I went to sleep I finally found a point I could correct and share about it which was a point that was right before my eyes all the time but I didn't notice it, but I said to myself that I will do it the next day. Then the next day I wasn't home from 10am till 7pm, which I didn't expect, and I got home in a mind possession because I was working for about 7 hours straight and till the end of what we were working on, reactions bottled up in me because of me feeling physically uncomfortable and strained and that also triggering mental unsettledness and in the end I got possessed but my possession ended in about forty minutes after getting home and taking my sedatives which slowed me down mentally and so the possession stopped. So that day I also didn't correct the point in writing and so didn't share it. Then the next day I also wasn't home for a big part of the day and when I came back home I looked at sharing the point but then the old pattern kicked back in that I repeated over past days of ill do it tomorrow and so I didn't do it on that day either.
And so I am here, today, sharing this, which is not what I wanted to share since Friday, that I'll share probably next time, for today I decided to rather share this. The point that I became aware on Friday was my resistance to reading, be it blogs or books or even articles someone posts on facebook which I see having this resistance is not something that is supportive in any way. I have made a commitment in the past to read at least five blogs a day and listen to at least an hour of desteni material. The listening of one hour of desteni material I mostly kept, sometimes also almost doubling it, but the reading of five blogs I think I fulfilled only twice.
So yes, the resistance to reading I see that I really need to correct as it is clearly something that limits me, but I wanted to instead share about what I did today, because I see that I can learn from the happenings in my life this past week.
The first thing that I learned is that even when I'm stable and clear and there is not much happening within me that I would feel that I must take a closer look at and write or share about, that there are still smaller points that occur within me that if I would investigate them I might find that they might be part of bigger patterns and so I see that it would be worth investigating and writing out even the smallest thought or reaction that occurs within me and make doing this part of my daily routine.
In terms of the one mind possession I had, I didn't learn much new, I just got reminded that if I do something that causes reactions within me and I cannot resolve them immediately that I should stop doing that and take a break and get away from that and just for a while breathe and do some self forgiveness on the points that emerge, because if enough energy builds up within me and the thoughts start running, there is often little that I can do to get out of that.
The next thing that I learned, which I have already seen and learned in the past, is that the more you do/don't do things the better you become in doing/ not doing it, as I have seen when I postponed writing out something, either because I didn't find something to write about or it was already late in the day or because it got to the point of I didn't do it for many days now and so I can wait another day, I have seen that the easier it was to not do it the next time which is not really something I want to keep continuing doing as it is not in any way supportive.
So yes, I will take with me what I learned so far and optimally, if I can, I will share something here every second day as I have seen that being the most practical way of sharing things as that leaves enough time for someone to read what I share and also perhaps leave a comment or share some support for the points that I face and share about.
So, that is it for now/today.
Thanks for reading and until next time.