Raúl's writing

Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 13 May 2017, 16:14

Why not share my process? if i ever started my process it was because I received help, and this place looks a huge help for processes so... I don't know why i have this ressistance to share, i would say it's because I'm in a forum talking to extrangers... but i know i have always had this... disconnection to people? It wasn't just that I hided my true honesty to myself and to others, I was a very very honest person as a child, and the division i was forced to create felt like a trauma, I think it started with that... I always was weird at school, i was unknown for the rest of children, I answered differently to all of them, this difference in me created the division with myself and others, and eventually i started to maybe due to genetics, or intelligence, or divition, i don't know but i started to be a stammerer at a very young age, I have had periods of time where I wasn't aware of the stammering but I always have this... blocks of energy, of normal flow while in a conversation, so even if I did not go like absolutely stucked in a word (I normally did) I had a tension in my words, in my communication with others. It still happens to me today, and in the point of the process i'm walking through, I think it is due to I lose myself in communication, I give the other person the power to defind me, and It's a very strange state, because I have this stronge truth power inside myself when I'm alone and sometimes when I am around people i lose touch with that (I'm working on everything of this), so currently I'm trying to breath, keep calm, don't create a divition, but I still find while talking to others this tension beneath my words, even if I can say the words correctly, only a few times i get the absolute expresion of me I'm looking for.

I'd like to share my process, desteni seems the best community to do that, I'd like practical forgiveness sentences I can use when I feel this energy trapping me while having conversations, I have a bad feeling attached to the stummering... like blaming myself, it's not like i stummer and I'm fine with that, I normally blame myself because people notice it very fast. Thank you for the support!!! If anyone interested, the best information i've found about stammering was this woman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLAXnYLfsFc , but I want desteni opinion obviously.



Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 13 May 2017, 22:25

I think i don't need any support! I know the way so I just have to walk it, and remember I'm not my mind, thank you!! :lol: I will see how stucked I get in my old mind



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Maite
Posts: 572
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:08

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Maite » 14 May 2017, 10:32

hey Raul,

With stammering/stuttering I would look at fear and anxiety - you can find Self-Forgiveness examples on EQAFE:
https://eqafe.com/p/self-forgiveness-on ... ce-of-fear
https://eqafe.com/p/self-forgiveness-on ... of-anxiety

But you can also just start writing your own self-forgiveness here on the forum. You already mentioned particular experiences in relation to the stammering/stuttering, for instance: feeling disconnected to others, feeling tense, allowing others to define you, blaming/judging yourself, etc - so from those points alone you can start writing Self-Forgiveness. For instance:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an experience of being disconnected to others when I am around others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am somehow different/weird and that because of that, I am unable to connect with others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am different to others because I always felt different to others as a child and started to define myself as different, thinking and believing that there is just something about me and about who I am that is weird and not like the other children (you would be surprised how many people grow up with this experience!!)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that other people will realize how weird and different I am, and therefore become tense whenever I am around people and talk with people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and anxiety to overwhelm me each time I am around other people, to the point where I feel physically tense and have difficulty speaking and voicing myself comfortably.
... and so you continue

You will see that as you write self-forgiveness, you will start to see for yourself why and how the stuttering/stammering exists and how you created it in your life. So - just go for it and we're here to give additional suggestions or perspectives.



Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 14 May 2017, 18:55

Thanks for your time maite, i like your name. I'm very stable right now so I will wait until I find a barrier in my life and I will start writing on my own, for myself. Your sentences were highly appreciated!!



Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 26 Jun 2017, 15:01

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to let the mind work based on my past experiences
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that to stop my mind would be my death of me
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have some kind of addictive relationship with my mind based on past experiences even though I know it's mostly based on fear and poison
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe I'm anything different than fredom
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am special, that i need to be special, that being special is a good thing
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to deliberately believe lies
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need X, or thereforce I won't be happy
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to project imagines or situations into other situations so I can feel that I understand it
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that being honest isn't enough
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to maintain my addictive mind in it current state
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself that the more special and cool I am the more better I feel
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not iniciate a search, in which I can see how I created a certain necesity during my life
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe I need ego, because it gives my something, when in fact the absolute beauty is to be so honest with yourself that you no longer in any way desire to be special
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe I am more than other people, and that i am inferiour to others
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to perceive myself as if I had a lack of power to do what is needed to be done (this one really hurts)
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that hurt is not good for me

I will constantly be who I am, if I can, if I have the power, the view... I think sometimes I have lacks of inspiration, and in those moments it's very hard for me to find the light and say... I don't need this mind-consciousness system.
Everytime i create it, it's because of some kind of addiction, or lack of selflove through hurt acceptance

I am a bit lost at this point, I can only say I will do my best and see when finally I run out of power because even if I want to consider myself as absolutely powerfull because that will make me go deeper in my development I know based on my reality that eventually I will reach a point of lack of inspiration!!!! ugh.... it's very hard to have absolute power over myself
I will do my best, thank you to all the community and sunnete



Marlen
Posts: 4150
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
Contact:

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Marlen » 29 Jun 2017, 17:22

Hi Raul,

Something to consider is that stopping the mind does not mean you cannot 'at all' use your mind, in fact I'd say that the idea of 'stopping the mind' can sound very confusing because we are the mind, we are our body and we are our being - all that this process is about is related to standing as the directive principle in your mind and in your body, making decisions to live in a supportive way.

It is cool you are starting to self forgive some of your experiences, though based on you having an experience of 'not knowing where to go from here' I'd say that if you haven't yet walked through the DIP Lite course, you can consider doing so, because the structure there will assist you in understanding what it means to start walking through your mind with support for you in relation to getting to know how to live/apply the tools of self-support.

If you are not comfortable taking the course in English, just write in Spanish and someone will assist you in Spanish as well. That way you learn to take the steps to develop self-writing, identifying which points to self forgive and eventually get to see which way to correct them, all of this based on your day to day experience. So, check it out if you haven't yet!

Enjoy



Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 30 Jun 2017, 22:13

Hi Raul,

Something to consider is that stopping the mind does not mean you cannot 'at all' use your mind, in fact I'd say that the idea of 'stopping the mind' can sound very confusing because we are the mind, we are our body and we are our being - all that this process is about is related to standing as the directive principle in your mind and in your body, making decisions to live in a supportive way.

It is cool you are starting to self forgive some of your experiences, though based on you having an experience of 'not knowing where to go from here' I'd say that if you haven't yet walked through the DIP Lite course, you can consider doing so, because the structure there will assist you in understanding what it means to start walking through your mind with support for you in relation to getting to know how to live/apply the tools of self-support.

If you are not comfortable taking the course in English, just write in Spanish and someone will assist you in Spanish as well. That way you learn to take the steps to develop self-writing, identifying which points to self forgive and eventually get to see which way to correct them, all of this based on your day to day experience. So, check it out if you haven't yet!

Enjoy

That thing of feeling lost was only in the moment I was applying self forgiveness, because it felt like a destruction of myself and that can be perceived as pain that is something I prefer not to go through, but after that in fact everything as being going very well, I'm doing nice, it's hard to take responsability for every moment, but I am doing my best

And I don't feel like taking DIP lite course, I think it's enough with the forum, with sunnette, with myself, I really have a nice guide inside of me, and anyway DIP lite course won't do the work I have to do for me, I know what is responsability, I know the direction I have to go, it's up to me, I need to realize who I really am, I'm discovering myself every day every moment, but anyway a whole life of being the mind... it's in my body, it's difficult, but I know the right path!! I know what it means, I just have to wake up to the present! thank you



Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 18 Jul 2017, 21:02

I am currently learning about body language, because I have noticed how sometimes in my mind I am not in the "mind" when in fact I am, I ABSOLUTELY am, and in those moments when I think I am doing my best to be me, I notice my body language is being submissive, it's being the one of an insecure person, and this part of the programing that I have in my body, and this specially happens to me in days that I feel I don't have life force, inspiration, I just tend to fuck up every communication I have or whatever.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe I am not the mind
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be insecure
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to deny that I can get what I want
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have fear
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that things matter more than me, when oness and equality it's what matters
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forget for some period of time what oness and equality is
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to allow the same pattern, the same reaction, the same fear, the same poison, the same mind, the same frustration, the same anxiety, the same feeling of being powerless, to controll me
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to trust my mind

I want to try again, I know who I am, I can do this, without fear, without insecurities
I will take responsability for myself, for what the world around me has done to me since I was born, and for what I myself have allowed myself to become, I know full responsability is one me, but I also know how certain people in my life have played a very very important role in making my mind in a certain way, I will be who I deserve to be, creating the path, with breath



Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 18 Jul 2017, 23:02

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel lost in the darkness
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forget what is being borned in the darkess
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have a limited vision when I am in the darkness of my being
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forget that I have to allow certain situations, so I can heal from them



Raúl
Posts: 175
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Raúl's writing

Postby Raúl » 20 Jul 2017, 12:27

Today I had I dream in which I reacted emotionally to my mother. I was living in a house alone and she came screaming at me for no reason, blaming me, sharing toxic emotions, I could see in her eyes the base divition of her being that makes her out of reallity. And my response to that, was to start insulting her, the words didn't really matter, because it was just me taking an emotion and saying the words that I invent in the moment that adapt to the feeling, but it's just an emotional fuel that is the reality of my communication, just like my mother did in the dream in fact. So i started to insult her saying you are a crazy piece of shit and things like that, and then I woke up in a particular triggered emotional state.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to my mother.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to act based on emotions and not on myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forget who I really am.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not understand what is the real creation I have to manifest when I find a being that I have had a conection with being absolutely out of reality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to try to damage another person, and myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe I don't have all the power.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to let other human being define who I am.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not really in fact in physical reality iniciate the love I have always deserved towards my mother and my relationship to her.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forget the love that is hidden inside of me behind the bad memories I have with my mother.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to blame myself and blame her.

I have a barrier towards my mother, I am not able to go there and give her a kiss, I just hate her, she is crazy, even if I make real all this self forgiveness I find in myself a love growing about myself that makes me a free person, and that if I am in front of her I would have to show because it's my nature, and I have another part that feels how she would see my love and say yes you are giving this love in this moment to me, because I deserve it, because I am a good mother, because I am not crazy, and I feel unable to show her the love I have, she would go into that state of you are happy? then I am happy too, nothing happened between us, I always was good and I have a good relationship now with you because I deserve it and I earnt that you show love to me. And seeing this, I have the reaction of IN NO WAY I can show you what is inside of me, I really prefer to call you crazy bitch and tell you the truth. I covered all this with an spiritual ego, of saying I don't love you, I don't hate you, you deserve the truth so everytime I see you I will tell you, I don't have anything against you because that would mean I am reactive to a wrong person, and I am unable to love you because of the reality of what you have been to me. And this was a make up, for the true feeling that was behind that, that I hate her for who she is, that I want to insult her like I did in my dream, that when I see her with that ego of I am perfect and untouchable and I deserve everything I want to insult her and destroy her. But I can only see my true feelins in my reactive moments, if I am not in those moments I can just cover it up with my spiritual ego and say I don't hate you I don't love you, this situation is too low for me, I understand it too much to let it touch me.

Wow, I said it everything. Now if anyone reads this, please guide me a bit. I found the reaction, but it's there waiting to be shown where to go. I don't want to cover again what I feel.




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