Writings

WriteNow

Writings

Postby WriteNow » 16 Oct 2017, 02:53

DAY 1: Regret On The Choice To Rent My own Place

The money I receive from my job is decent money. How much I get paid depends on the shifts I work. I am usually working 24 hours, 12 hours, 2 hours and I am usually called into work for a shift every day that I have off. I've only ever declined one of those shifts due to transport problems on a public holiday. That is another point to write about. To sum up here, I make decent money doing what I do. I am working on not making my job all about the money. The starting point for my job being about money is a little out of balance at the moment because I need/want a car and my license so I can make my job easier, my life easier and so I can drive my clients around. Which means more money can come in and increased satisfaction for my clients. The money is a more prominent starting point and that is another point to write about too. But it doesn't impact on my work fully. There is still lots I have to change about myself to be the best I can be in my work.
As I have written above, the money is decent. But as I have done my calculations with the costs to keep my apartment, setting up with an internet service provider, paying electricity and then having enough for myself to survive, the money that would be left is not the type of figures I'd like to see. I want to have enough money to create me more. I do not want to spend my money paying bills and not getting to create myself with the money that I use to purchase tools that will help me become more effective in my work, in my life, with who/how I am as a person, with what I'd like to create, etc.

As I was at a client's home laying in bed, I had to reconsider my life choices again. At the moment, I have an apartment that I've only slept in for 4 nights in the 12 days that I've had it. I am either out in the community, running personal errands, doing my washing at the laundromat, out for a walk, sleeping and eating at my clients' house. I don't really have a lot of furniture and I don't seek to have much of it at all. I am a minimalist and I like being that way. I mean, I want a few musical instruments to improve myself there for my clients, I want to do my exercises to keep my body healthy, I want somewhere to lay my head that is comfortable at night, somewhere that has internet, somewhere I have access to internet and somewhere I don't have to pay rent or electricity.

With all of this in mind, I came to the decision to save for a specific van to live mobile. Living mobile in a van that I can use to also move my client's around would assist/support me to save a lot of money. I will not have to pay rent, I can park my van at university to use their super fast internet, I can have access to 24 hour gym to have a shower, workout, and prepare for the day, I can go travelling to help with my business, I am not that tall so I'll fit in the van, and if I make sure I get the right specific van, I can make sure it is not too high for my clients to get in. Weighing up the pros and cons to this decision, it was the pros that came out on top.

Now that I've been considering this decision and am eager to work towards it, I have been experiencing some regret about taking on the responsibility of the apartment. This is why it's not best to make rushed decisions, lol. We could come up with an even better alternative that can assist/support us more. But when we are faced with this type of point where we feel regret about our decisions, it's best to learn from it. Use it as a learning curve, see what becomes of it, use it to assist/support oneself to find a direction that one is happy with, and make sure to take time to plan out what we want to create for ourselves instead of making rushed decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reget the decision of taking on the apartment for one year

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the apartment as a burden

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about paying rent for a roof over my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about not having stayed where I was to save up enough money to be able to do up a van and live mobile

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that this is a way to teach not to make rushed decisions on matters that need/require more time to to consider

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret going into a lease agreement for 1 year

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry about having to pay rent to have a roof over my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed that human beings have to pay rent to have a roof over our heads

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that there are other alternatives out there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry about having to pay rent for a full year

I forgive mysefl that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to regret the decisions I've made on getting an apartment for one year

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushed decisions about where I am going to live

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand I can use the apartment for the one year and save up for the lifestyle that I'd like

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that when decising where to live, it is best to take all aspect of ones life into consideration even if it takes a little longer.

I forgive mysel that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an impatient decision-maker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decision on face value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushed decision without consideration all the other alternatives when it comes to where I'll live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can make an apartment home for a year whilst I save up for the lifestyle that I'd like.

When and as I see myself feeling regretful and angry about the decision to rent the apartment - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I have the apartment to have for one year. In that year, I can start creating the lifestyle that I do want, the van customization, focus on working, saving money and work towards being an effective human being.

I commit myself to save up for my van

I commit myself to save up for the lifestyle that I'd like to live that can save me money



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SunetteSpies
Posts: 661
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:10

Re: Writings

Postby SunetteSpies » 13 Nov 2017, 15:46

A dimension to share that opened up while reading your post / experience - to look at the point of money from the perspective of its accepted and allowed influence within you when it comes to not really working with the present / looking at "who and where you are at now, what are your short term, mind term and long term goals currently (must always be flexible as it can change / alter to some degree as time and life passes) and how can you make where you are at now work for you?"

Let me explain:
What I noticed in your decision is that it has been made predominantly with regards to "where you are headed" in your life / career when it comes to money. You didn't very much consider how you could change, life experience could change, meeting someone could change etc. See, being emotional, to a degree, about one thing / point such as money - cloud our "constructive reality judgment" when it comes to how things can change. For example a "pitfall" I saw in your decision and playing it out is - what if you / life experience change in some unexpected / unpredictable way where, you now regret making the decision to let go of the apartment 'cause it could have been beneficial. It's as though this is a point within you where you make a decision in emotion / desire / want for the FUTURE and live by regrets / should haves. This can happen where you "miss" yourself, your current / present circumstance and how creating yourself and life takes time.

So, I would suggest wait for a moment before letting go of the apartment and going radical in terms of living in a van.
- How about first looking at renting your apartment / sharing it with someone and/or renting / sharing with another person. Where it gives you more FLEXIBILITY for when / if change happens in your life.
- Then to also consider drawing out short, mid-term and long term goals in a practical and yet flexible way - where you use it as GUIDELINE for yourself and what you want to create and achieve but also leave room for change.
- Within this, to also consider - and MANY whose fallen into the trap of wanting to lay out their money-life in a red carpet and think it's going to go happen EXACTLY AS PLANNED AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO FALL INTO PLACE EXACTLY HOW THEY SAW IN THEIR MINDS lol will tell ya: "it seldom goes EXACTLY as planned / desired / wanted to". So, best to always be flexible and prepared for change YET remain on a set path / destination, which is cool.

So, I am not saying here to compromise your goals - however, to be more flexible in your life. Seems you tend to make extreme decisions when it comes to only considering your relationship and future with money and do not consider the little things (actually important things that matter) in between. Who you are as a person, MANY other viable options for the moment to alleviate some money issues, relationships, lifestyle changes when you suddenly become seriously ill / sick and OH MY GOODNESS so much more!!!

All in all - suggest to not be rash with decisions and only looking at it, emotionally, through the eyes of money, future and success. It creates veils into the present and short-term time-frame of yourself and life. Suggest including MORE to consider of yourself and life and general and how you can do this process in STEPS in reaching / attaining your goals / vision.



WriteNow

Re: Writings

Postby WriteNow » 13 Nov 2017, 22:07

Thank you. I will consider a friend that lives in her mother's garage to come live with me in the apartment. It may be fun having another person with commonalities around. She sees the same as Destonians. :D I'll consider it.



User avatar
kim amourette
Posts: 291
Joined: 13 Aug 2011, 12:53

Re: Writings

Postby kim amourette » 15 Nov 2017, 05:26

Awesome support here! Thank you WriteNow for sharing your writings and thanks SunetteDimensions for sharing the added perspective and consideration!



WriteNow

Re: Writings

Postby WriteNow » 23 Nov 2017, 03:13

DAY 98: Being Too Much Of A Listener

Throughout my mid teen years I was not a social person. I was afraid of people to the point of not communicating with anyone outside my family. I had a lot of fears and phobias due to years of abuse from family members so I looked at everyone being just like them. I thought everyone would be like them. So I didn't speak to people and was afraid to do so. Being assisted/supported out of that situation I had to open myself up to people who were new in my life. These people were case workers, social workers and support workers. They would always help and listen to whatever I had to say attentively. They helped me learn that not all people are bad or want to abuse me. I started coming out of my shell more. But I still was a bit antisocial and stayed with myself. Which was what I preferred most of the time. I gradually started to converse with people in courses that my support workers helped me get into. I made a few and joined karate. What I would do and learned from the support workers is how to listen attentively to what people were saying. I was never much a talker so I became a listener.

Nowadays I enjoy socialising with people. I have learned a great deal from listening to people talk about their experiences in life. Everyone contains the knowledge within then and it can be accessed with time and questions. I've learned a great deal. Now that I have people who are in my life as friends I am realising that I need a good balance of listening and talking. If I listen for too long it turns into a bit like a counselling session where the individual will pour out personal information about their lives and the whole entire conversation is about then and me listening with minimal encourages. Sometimes it is then a little uneven as I've sat there not talking much myself but just listening. It has given me insight into another's lifeand they face. But as I am having more people into my life especially where it is not one on one communication and where I have to help individuals see the type of person I am... I am needing a good balance so that it's a two way street. So I realise for people to get to know me and I them I will need a good balance of being a talker and the listener.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the listener all of the time in conversations where it requires a two way street

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be a listener in conversations with people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so focused on listening without considering to add my own input into conversations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people will think of me if I talk more about my everyday life experience, insights and perspectives and general chitchat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel afraid to talk about how I experience my life with Others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people don't want to hear what I have to say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I have to say about my every day living with people who share their every day living is pointless, not of worth, boring, and a waste of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of people and their words.

When and as I see myself remaining as the listen in conversations that are better two way - I stop and I breathe - I realise that for these people to get know me and I them it requires a two way street and if I feel comfortable to share/give then a healthy relationship can be created from both ends.

When and as I see myself being afraid of what people may think of me in all negative ways when I speak - I stop and I breathe - I realise that what people think is their own responsibility and all those negative thoughts are only going to impact on their bodies and their minds -- it does not effect me in any sort of way unless it is voiced and I react.. It is there then where I'll need to work on changing myself around that point of reaction in my personal time and space. So I realise this will be a good time to see what the mind will throw at me.



WriteNow

Re: Writings

Postby WriteNow » 24 Nov 2017, 08:54

DAY 100: I Will Know

I've decided to try out veganism for 21 days. So far there its been 6 and a bit days. I've felt more comfortable with veganism as it assist/supports me to choose the healthier food options. I've become more disciplined with what I will eat and what I won't eat. There are moments where I do crave to go back to the old way of eating.

I started to eat meat when I started working overnight shifts. Some clients that I work with have a meal allowance for staff. This mean we can have dinner, lunch and breakfast at our clients houses. I was a vegetarian before I came to my clients and couldn't help myself to the food made by other staff. What does come up within me when I do sleep overs now is the same craving for the meat. I have told people about me choosing veganism for 21 days and what comes up is the is the thoughts "nobody will know".. But I will know. I'll be giving up on my challenge, setting myself back and I'd be setting myself up to feel guilty for having eaten the meat. I realise that I'll always know when I have given up on a challenge regardless of if no one else knows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to give in and eat the meat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to give into the challenge of veganism for a piece of meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I'll know that I've given in regardless of other people knowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that what I know about myself and the things I do are way more important than what others see or know about me or don't know me.

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to give up on this challenge - I stop and I breathe - I realise that the long term health benefits from veganism will assist/support my body and the fitness levels I'd like to reach.

I commit myself to keep to the 21 veganism challenge.




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