DAY 1: Regret On The Choice To Rent My own Place
The money I receive from my job is decent money. How much I get paid depends on the shifts I work. I am usually working 24 hours, 12 hours, 2 hours and I am usually called into work for a shift every day that I have off. I've only ever declined one of those shifts due to transport problems on a public holiday. That is another point to write about. To sum up here, I make decent money doing what I do. I am working on not making my job all about the money. The starting point for my job being about money is a little out of balance at the moment because I need/want a car and my license so I can make my job easier, my life easier and so I can drive my clients around. Which means more money can come in and increased satisfaction for my clients. The money is a more prominent starting point and that is another point to write about too. But it doesn't impact on my work fully. There is still lots I have to change about myself to be the best I can be in my work.
As I have written above, the money is decent. But as I have done my calculations with the costs to keep my apartment, setting up with an internet service provider, paying electricity and then having enough for myself to survive, the money that would be left is not the type of figures I'd like to see. I want to have enough money to create me more. I do not want to spend my money paying bills and not getting to create myself with the money that I use to purchase tools that will help me become more effective in my work, in my life, with who/how I am as a person, with what I'd like to create, etc.
As I was at a client's home laying in bed, I had to reconsider my life choices again. At the moment, I have an apartment that I've only slept in for 4 nights in the 12 days that I've had it. I am either out in the community, running personal errands, doing my washing at the laundromat, out for a walk, sleeping and eating at my clients' house. I don't really have a lot of furniture and I don't seek to have much of it at all. I am a minimalist and I like being that way. I mean, I want a few musical instruments to improve myself there for my clients, I want to do my exercises to keep my body healthy, I want somewhere to lay my head that is comfortable at night, somewhere that has internet, somewhere I have access to internet and somewhere I don't have to pay rent or electricity.
With all of this in mind, I came to the decision to save for a specific van to live mobile. Living mobile in a van that I can use to also move my client's around would assist/support me to save a lot of money. I will not have to pay rent, I can park my van at university to use their super fast internet, I can have access to 24 hour gym to have a shower, workout, and prepare for the day, I can go travelling to help with my business, I am not that tall so I'll fit in the van, and if I make sure I get the right specific van, I can make sure it is not too high for my clients to get in. Weighing up the pros and cons to this decision, it was the pros that came out on top.
Now that I've been considering this decision and am eager to work towards it, I have been experiencing some regret about taking on the responsibility of the apartment. This is why it's not best to make rushed decisions, lol. We could come up with an even better alternative that can assist/support us more. But when we are faced with this type of point where we feel regret about our decisions, it's best to learn from it. Use it as a learning curve, see what becomes of it, use it to assist/support oneself to find a direction that one is happy with, and make sure to take time to plan out what we want to create for ourselves instead of making rushed decisions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reget the decision of taking on the apartment for one year
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the apartment as a burden
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about paying rent for a roof over my head
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about not having stayed where I was to save up enough money to be able to do up a van and live mobile
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that this is a way to teach not to make rushed decisions on matters that need/require more time to to consider
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret going into a lease agreement for 1 year
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry about having to pay rent to have a roof over my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed that human beings have to pay rent to have a roof over our heads
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that there are other alternatives out there
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry about having to pay rent for a full year
I forgive mysefl that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to regret the decisions I've made on getting an apartment for one year
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushed decisions about where I am going to live
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand I can use the apartment for the one year and save up for the lifestyle that I'd like
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that when decising where to live, it is best to take all aspect of ones life into consideration even if it takes a little longer.
I forgive mysel that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an impatient decision-maker.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decision on face value
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushed decision without consideration all the other alternatives when it comes to where I'll live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can make an apartment home for a year whilst I save up for the lifestyle that I'd like.
When and as I see myself feeling regretful and angry about the decision to rent the apartment - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I have the apartment to have for one year. In that year, I can start creating the lifestyle that I do want, the van customization, focus on working, saving money and work towards being an effective human being.
I commit myself to save up for my van
I commit myself to save up for the lifestyle that I'd like to live that can save me money