Márton's writings

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Szabó Márton
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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 16 Oct 2012, 23:32

Day 120: the Weight of Money
How heavy money is? does it matter? does debt has a weight? such questions are only arise in children before they are brainwashed into the system. i asked these too when i was young and got not really much answer to it.

well, when i look at that money SHOULD represent some VALUE of a certain physical product, then obviusly all the money weights some. the problem is that today, loans or debts are not actually currently existing value of items, but future values or past values, which is really weird that in fact we sell time, and opportunities,not goods themselves.
for example the food-exchange market is based on predictions and buying grains or other food that are not yet actually harvested at all, but will be harvested. or we pay the price of a brand-the past of the company and it's efforts-added to the actual value of the item.

but still loans and debt does not fit this picture. giving a loan is like hoping and assuming for the other to pay in the future, so not just a time difference but also a probability, which may not come true. the real problem is that "because i made this available" i have to be payed for this "service" in the form of interest. because it is in my interest to give you the opportunity to maybe pay later.
and here comes the problem, that the current system CREATES MONEY out of thin air, meaning banks issue their debt towards federal banks, to customers (giving debt based on debt) and thus create money into fluctuation but the never create the interest they ask for.(that must come from another's loan) this way it is a controlled but steady LACK of money in the world.

this way paying back all the loans in the world-including state loans and such is just plain impossible, because they the money of interest does not exist in circulation. so debt's rise, and people go bankrupt(bank errupted(destroyed like earthquake) my value) and so the banks own more lands items and in the very end the one and only largest bank on the world will own all property on earth.

still people take loans and mortgages. why? first:not everyone is aware that the system works this way, second:the wanting to survive is soo allowed to overpower humans that they take the risk. third:it's the fast way out of trouble. and pretty easy too!

I also take student loans this semester, and probably the next one too...and i write why:i'm not learning where i live with my relatives therefore they cannot support me with food-clothing ect. and i have to take responsibility for myself and take care of my human physical body. without money noone can survive ALONE. so i take this to be able to pay my rent and feed myself, and to buy the really necessary equipment for studying. after school when i get a job i will be easy to repay it, and not takes me to a debt-crisis. i'm not spending money for nothing like i had-but even before this i had used the money to support another-out of love-and living in the capital takes a lot of money everywhere, and also supporting the family cost too.

having a debt always sticks in your mind..."oh i'm in debt of another" "i must do anything to equalise myself" " i need to work harder to even out" and such thoughts keeps one in a position of fear. and those who created this debt system of money were aware that this will feed fears and anxieties which kill people often thus the whole procedure of property gain for the bankers gets faster and smoother.
because all the thoughts and fears do is keep me in limits and keeps me occupied and support the mind systems. fear of death is the ultimate occupation of humans...fearing the inevitable...

so debt makes one FEEL as depressed and anxious and DOWN, while having plenty of money makes one ELEVATED, HAPPY, COMFORTABLE. so money has this weird "mental weight" where negative amounts pull you down, while positive amounts raise you up. so it has this imaginative weight that we feel 24/7 from the moment we get into contact with. while in fact it is weightless because now it only exists in the bits and bytes of the computer networks and hard drives...so it's just a magnetic force organised in a matrix that we assign meaning to.

SF next time



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 22 Oct 2012, 09:37

Day 121: Compulsory
It is an interesting "concept" we humans created, that the certain authority 'figures' allow themselves-and we to them-to make things compulsory to others.

yes i am aware of that laws are useful-at least some of em'- and that we need these compulsory things...well bullshit, when one is aware of one's enviroment and is living common sense and lives what is best for all, that being will definately not do the things that the current law's prohibit and will practice real-education, real advancing, real-reshearch and so on. in a system where the participants are self-honest and self-aware no such things as laws has to DICTATE what one must or mustn't do. it is common sense that i don't run around shooting people in the head just for fun, and that i work with others who can show me technologies and ways to do a certain "profession".

so now i'm not anymore in compulsory education, yet when one has got in, than they make the classes and practises compulsory and thus punish the participant on missing out. nothing is being considered only in special cases where one student is in a special mid-profession or does two at the same time and they can ask for custom arrangement of classes ect. but the normal student is told when where and how to be.

yet i'm here and it is clear that some of the classes are just plain repetition of a previous one i'm sitting on earlier week, it is exactly the same-word by word-so it is common sense that i don't have to go there again and sit through that 1.5 hour again. and this is what i've been doing is to breathe and consider the common sense regarding school time and sporting and general activity planning through the day. and it is really supprtive to do this every day, being aware that even the smallest detail can turn the whole "semi-plan" upside down and being prepared for it. so i'm not following aa strict timetable or plan...yet i am aware that i have responsibilities that i took and those have a certain time frame or date, so apart from these fixed appointments i am pushing through to use common sense in finding the best solution for every day.



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 22 Oct 2012, 09:38

Day 122: Staggering
Every now and then i go into staggering while doing certain things. I know this word has plenty of meaning, i'm talking about the activity staggering, where one hesitates and staggers about starting something.

So when this starts i see some thoughts coming up and backchat too, firstly about that i just plain shoudn't do this now and then comes all the "reasons" and justifications about it, then some way of imagineing myself while doing it then judgeing THAT imagined outcome and making assumptions and decisions based on THAT which is not real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Stagger before starting a new task.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect myself to a task i would do and create a relationship between myself and the action/activity/task.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from a future task/activity/action.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat an action/activity/task that i would do in the future as it has been already done.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to continuosly and constantly project myself into the future and beleieve/precieve actions/activities/tasks to be in the past.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to create and validate the existance of a future-point of view that is seperate from here and from me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to seperate myself from this future point of view.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a seperate point-of-view and believe it to be real.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself various thoughts regarding the imaginary scenario i have created in my mind.



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 22 Oct 2012, 09:39

Day 123: Courage to stand?
Part 1
I've been seeing this point around me regarding others to themselves, and while taking back the points, i realised i do also have this in/as me.

While i've been a child, my parents treated me according to their beliefes and knowledge about childcare and parenting, which consist of a "law" which no parent want to see/realise here:"I cannot directly control my child"(or any other being really)

and so this leads to the viewpoint of guideing the child on it's development by enforcing it to a particular set of "laws" to ensure that the outcome(the matured child) will be what the parent had IN MIND. because all parents have expectations and wishes for it's kids. because we allow the idea that the more succesful our kids are the more parents we have been, kinda forcing the sins of the fathers system to continue. of course through this never ever considering the child or the effect we cause onto it.
so two methods of guide-ing a child exists:
preventing things to happen, or making things to happen.
Prevention meaning for example grabbing the child and taking it away from the connector, or locking him/her in her room, or creating "if it does X, i allow Y" negative rules aka-punishment.
Making things happen meaning for example doing half the work with/for him/her and letting the child to finish, asking/telling/ordering the kid to do certain things, creating positive affirmative "if...then" rules aka-rewarding.
These can also be seen as Discourageing and Encourageing the child, really many terms are existing to write down the same thing.

courage-or lack of, is an interesting polarity because there exist no middle road AT ALL. it has levels like from the negative to positive: ----staying away,---not getting involved,--being interested,-investigating +seeking others who do it, ++trying to do it, +++scheduleing/regularly participating ++++enjoying/doing it for fun/thrill/showoff
but there's no middle piece because that is just a moment of reaction-not really a decision based on that it's systems we talk about.

of course when my parents "raised me" they always expected the two ends of the polarity to be true based on their value/judgement systems, thus for me to clone their values and oppinions and systems.
And this courage or lack of is connected to the activity itself based on memories and thoughts and feelings and experiances, so it's only changed (up or down) when actually participating in the activity-or discussing it(which kinda acts the same in the mind-it can't tell the difference between imagining and participating)

even more interesting that I have a courage-meter for all actions I have done in the past. and thus all the memories of change in the levels are connected and inter-connected for example choose an activity, and see that you can recall any and all points that other's mentioned you you thought regarding that point, all the manipulation-points which then ended up as an end score/result as the courage to do that thing.

for example here i take riding a bicycle:
before i started to learn on how to ride, i already saw my older brother doing it, and he seemed to enjoy it very much(+), also my father bought me a bike(+), he made time in his day to go down and train and guide me (+), i have seen my brother falling due to lack of balance (-), i have fallen in the first 3 trys (----), later i got more confidental in positioning my balance while walking and gym classes(++), i have made a decision to try X time later(+), i have sucessfully biked to school and back (++), we have gone for tours with my dad and bro (+++) and so on and so forth. now i have plenty of courage and actually enjoy riding a bike and experiencing with different advanced manouvers or positions or balance, yet not doing BMX tricks. i've just written the first couple of factors, i have been on both side of courage in this particular activity so i can see how the system works.

so it is not JUST the parent's making this score go higher or lower with encouragin or discouraging but also enviromental factors like seeing lot of it around, social standards, cultural enviroment ect.
A child is REALLY absorbant in the first years of it's life here, and all those small points adds up.

continued in next post...
(1...2...3...stand!,is the 123rd day's realisation)



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 22 Oct 2012, 09:40

Day 124: A brave start

In the last post (here) i've discussed the point of courage towards activities or ideas or really anything we can think of.

While looking around, this point is again in all our moves, or rather, before every move we take, and not so suprisingly none of us got education about how this works. we just use it as granted that we need to have or lack courage or bravery to do things or keep ourselves away, but as with fears, courage is REALLY useless and abusive because it is again just a shortcut from effect to conclusion without considering or investigating anything.

So don't DARE to start your process! investigate, and Direct yourself to start it for the benefit for all. having or lacking courage is really just a system that we limit ourselves to forever remain under control of our own minds.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to control another human being, based on the justification that the other "belong" to/with me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to beleive that i own another human being because i am responsible for the other.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see responsibility regarding other beings as a separation from the other being.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not consider FIRST taking self-responsibility for myself BEFORE considering taking responsibility for other beings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that if i take responsibility for another than i don't have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within the reaction system of courage.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to collect, categorize and store pictures/experiences as memories in the mind and base the courage system on it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only consider the PAST dimensions and information&knowledge regarding an activity and create a courage system of that particular activity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to jump to conclusions in creating a starting point for an activity from the courage system.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a starting point of courage for an activity i participate within.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within the polarity of courage.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect positive experiences/memories to positive courage and connect negative experiences/memories to negative courage, thus charge the courage polarity with feelings and emotions
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be effected by other's judgements of activities and add them to my system of courage by either increasing or decreasing it's polarity value.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to placeVALUE into and as courage
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give courage a higher value than life, thus accepting all of justifications where life is abused because of courage.
("why do you abuse life?"-"because i dare[can]!")

when and as i go into participating within and as courage, i stop and breathe.
I realise that courage is only a self-created system of limitation, thus i am not considering anything-not even myself-while participating within and as it.
I commit myself to STAND as one and equal to courage in showing that it does not matter how brave one is, because in REALITY what is best for all is ALWAYS what is best for all, and ABUSE is always ABUSE no matter how much one dares to participate or fears and stays away-which only creates a separation from self.
I commit myself to always FIRST consider any and all points regarding what i do/start and investigate the consequential outflows of that certain activity/participation, and direct myself according to these.
I commit myself to stop participating within encouraging or discouraging, and instead communicate about the investigation and realisations i am living regarding the point the other being faces.
when and as i go into wanting/desiring courage in myself or another, i stop and breathe.



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 22 Oct 2012, 21:25

Day 125: system of Money
this is a continuation of Day 120: the Weight of Money

The last two days i have been fiddleing with a program which is basically a database administrating one, that can store financial "accounts" and create statistics and plenty of other things. his name is quicken.

it has a function (default) to ask for the bank page and details and if the bank supports it, it can download all the transactions and payee and whatever, and even do checking and sending orders to the bank, so it's a money handleing offline-online program. of course i can't use the online features firstly because i have no such banks here and i RATHER favor putting entries in manually-while checking myself.

it has tons of features and great things, and it is useful to have a spending statistics and a budget set-up, adding remainders and many other things.
so i've been using it since i started this school, and it's pretty handy, yet it can't do everything for me.(not like any program could lol)

what i realised while using this is that from a perspective money is JUST a number, either positive or negative meaning we get or give it, and that's just it. while reality is that we value it over life, thus making this simple 1 byte number the GOD of human and animal and plant life. in this current system i cannot possibly decide ABOVE the amount of money i have, because this number strictly states what i can or can't do with it. like i can feed myself for 3 months but can't build a house with it (that needs wood and tools and time-not money lol)
and it is clearly seen that this is a very limited system, and because we are limited by it thus we limit ourselves as much.

and this is why we must change this system first before we can cause any other change in any system, like changing the education will not solve the monetary systems limits, neither healthcare, or lower tax rates, or better loan conditions, or lower prices of things, these will never solve any of the main issues of the system itself.
of course these are all used as reasons to elect some governors or politicans for the next who-knows-how-long.

Also getting rid of the money will also not solve anything, because that will really escalate the selfishness in the individuals and groups (as countries and "races") thus there would be a world rebellion and utter chaos and fighting over even the smallest of necessity.

This is why only the Equal Money System is the solution to this current situation, it is based on GIVING and the basis of abundance than the current TAKING and lack. and we already have the banking system that can manage the distribution and acces to money, why would we destroy that? we just have to use the tools we already have in a way that is best for all, and poof the world's main problem is solved within a year or two.
Do you want the more than 50% of the earth population to live in abuse? would you live in their shoes? of course not-so vote for the EqualMoneySystem and be part of the solution!(link on the top right)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give value to money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value money more than life itself in all it's forms
I forgive myself that i have ccepted and allowed myself to believe that money is a complex system which i cannot understand without learning in finance schools for years.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from the monetary system.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to beleive that i am not good enough to be able to understand the monetary system.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to beleive that i cannot handle my own financial life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from my "financial life"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect money to my physical well beingness.
I forgive ,yself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from money and from my physiical well beingness by connecting and defining my physical well beingness within and as money.



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 23 Oct 2012, 22:16

Day 126: Rate of Life
the Rate here means the event/timeframe meaning how frequent a thing is.

so i've realised today that I as a human always live according to time, yet time itself is not a material holdable touchable thing therefore we measure time based on certain repeating events and we have a base of time:

SI defines the second as 9,192,631,770 cycles of the radiation that corresponds to the transition between two electron spin energy levels of the ground state of the 133Cs atom.

so we have a "basic" thing that reoccurres in a constant interval (at least from a scientific perspective) and we given it a meaning and also made it a system where there are larger and smaller volumes of it is told like minutes hours days and so on.

while they studied the brain they also discovered a part in the frontal lobe that is, like a beat, for the body which gives signals in a certain interval which determins how fast some bodily functions and mostly the brains preception works. while studying it we also found out that certain enviromental conditions (like the experience of freefalling) can slow or haste this beat of our body.
also assumptions are made that because it determines how fast we precieve our reality, it is key to understanding life on earth. because we also found out that the smaller a human or animal is the faster this beat goes and vice versa.

what i have discovered in myself is that i desire/want a faster paced anything. I've discovered this while watching videos and listening to songs, the faster the speech is the more i like it...of course this is not just this simple.

but this generally wanting a faster paced life comes from...of course my childhood. Having the situation with my parents unable to communicate and be with me a lot while creating my separation issues and beliefs and systems, i also throguh this had to pretty early think about taking care of my mental well being.not physical, because i had food and activities from them-i was supported in that area-but not socially or mentally or assit vise. and with this came my eagerness of acquring information and knowledge because i knew i need it to satisfy my aloneness and anti-social attitude and not get depressed but have something to "chew on". this also resulted in me being impatient, not letting other's finish their sentence but finishing it for them-mostly not what they wanted to end with, rushing to assumptions and plenty of other points.
As i've grown up this just got escalated and i also wanted to play through games quick, hear fast music and watch action driven movies. there were a slight adrenaline addiction too.

Later on in highschool i have met guys who listened to rap music which i enjoyed, it was hungarian underground rap(not anymore underground) and i was amazed that the rapper could speak whole words and understandable sentences 2-3times as fast as normal people speak. and because i was a fast-comprehending robot, i looked at it as cool "at last someone speak at a decent speed and i don't have to waaaaaiiiiiit for them to say something". of course even the lyrics themselves were cool because of the topics that generally noone dared to speak/sing about. so i started to listen to those...

In that time i already knew english medicore and was kinda bored with the usual lesson speech speed so i shearched on the internet and asked around friends if they know english rappers. and lol i found them...not so many but enough for that time. and i mostly wanted to listen to it to test myself if i'm able to comprehend what they are talking about, and after a week or so i was pretty much able to understand 95% of their lyrics, even had fun with the little fame where my classmates who also listened to them asked "and now...what does he said?" "what is the meaning of the lyrics?". i liked it, then i started to listen to any english music to test myself if i can understand and comprehend their message, at that time i only went for message, so most of "pop new" music i missed out because even in 2003-2007 there were A LOT of crap nonsensical lyriced music like Gaga and such.
and i started to look for even faster and faster music. but anywhere i shearched i could even comprehend the fastest speech so this given me a really huge confidance boost regarding english language. of course it was all a good practice and this is why i can speak fluently and in wide-variety. all those words and viewpoints i met adds up to the use of language like reading does-but much faster way of doing so.

from there on i mostly liked the ones talking fast in english and it seems that it got to being a general rule in america that people talk fast. yes life got faster i know-we made it go faster.



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 27 Oct 2012, 23:05

Day 127: the Bystander Effect
While "living life" it is so easy to do the things I'm programmed to, it feels like i would just don't do anything, yet then i always do what i'm designed for: abuse.

so kinda when i'm not all about process, or full with excitement of working and realising new points, and "let myself steam off" is where i see that by accepting this kind of "let go of myself" is where i just suddenly fall back onto being a mind-slave.

It is soo easy to just stand back, turn away, and not look at myself and let me "rot" and not take any responsibility for myself in some points, maybe just some i encounter-i mean i do not let go all of them because then i would like spend all my money on alcohol or such things-which would make my life seriously off-course, just not working out what i find and letting myself stagnate for a while.
Reality is:there is no such thing as stagnation when comes to mind-shitting, i'm either allow and accept the bullshit i have and produce more, or i don't and work on the points and have less of them day by day. so this kind of working then not for a while is actually really sabotageing myself, because i'm picking up points on my "rest days".

Where does this want to be a bystander of my own self-abuse comes from? it's because i am still separating myself from mySelf. and i accept and allow myself to be able to stand out of my shoes somwhere outside and just let me beat on myself while i'm looking away, having peace and time for doing NOTHING.
it's easier and it generates nice feelings, yet these are all only masking the pain and consequence i create with it.

i will not write from the starting point of the past...it has passed, nor will i write from the starting point of "i want to repair myself" that would be again self-abuse as separation, i only write because here is no other thing to do, and i get to this realisation over and over and over till i get it and stop such behaviour and running away. so yes plenty of points arisen on these days, and i will write about them when i get to them and thats it.

so today i had a walk with myself where i stood for myself and spoken many self-forgiveness and corrective and directive statements, and actually i am really for walking here, in breath, and these outtakes i make are here to show and support me in process.

so i wil walk points that are the most prominent in the following posts, yet as i learn more and more and have more tools and as i expand within this it's changeing day by day i'm changing myself little by little and i am committed to do this.

not standing up for ourselves is never a solution to anything, you can also start your process here by registering and enrolling for the FREE online education: Desteni"I"Process Lite and start understanding yourself and the world within and without, while having unconditional support in the form of a Buddy who will always be here to guide and assist where you need the most.
Let's walk together and end all the suffering and misery we cause to ourselves and the world.



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 28 Oct 2012, 23:31

Day 128: Abusing self for others
I've had many thoughts and points come up where i seen myself to hold back myself from doing something.

not from the point of "what they will think of me" but rather "what will they react to that" meaning i feared other's actions and reaction to my certain specific behaviour/actions.

I have gone far with placing myself into other's shoes and forgot to consider my own standing within the equasions. i feared and assumed what the others would do and forgot about my standing regarding the thing i would do. in this case, processing myself here, in writing.
Nor did i consider the fact that they can't even understand english this much to be able to comprehend what i do or what i speak aloud.

So yes my abuse of myself originates from fear. fear of myself. fear of getting into a worse position/situation than i am currently. beliefs, assumptions, thoughts, personalities, characters, all because i accept and allow them, because i do not take responsibility for all what i am and what i have accepted nad allowed myself to be and become.

Yet here i am, this is what i am currently:fears, judgements, beliefs and lies.for more than 20 years i have lived in and as these, it's not one day to solve them.

I forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed myself to participate in the system design of respect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respect another's state of being, based on that i want to be respected in that same state of beingness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to respect another's relaxation based on that i want other's to respect me when i relax.
i forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to want and desire silence when i'm relaxing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to project my want and desire of silence onto others and assume they would want and desire the same.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to decide and act based on assumptions instead of common sense.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect silence with relaxation.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to define relaxation within and as silence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from relaxation and silence by defining relaxation within and as silence

i continue in the next post...



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Re: Márton's writings

Postby Szabó Márton » 01 Nov 2012, 23:22

Day 129: Acceptence?

I ended with preferring relaxation with silence but more importantly that i project my desires onto others and believe that they want the same thing too, and justifying my actions with this logic.

what is more interesting is that this is also about acceptence, others accepting me, because when i act as they like they will accept that action and so they accept me...reptilian logic it is, funny because there is no connection between these whatsoever!
only I'm the one who created such connections and relationships about these, and this goes back to when i was a child, all i learned at home and at school more, is that i HAVE to be accepted by others or i will get punished, hurt, abused so often that i cannot live at all. and this created a dependency of acceptedness, and thus pleasing others based on such fears.

but when i look at it in common sense, others also do such acts out of fear of not being accepted, so if two beings co-operate from this same starting point of fear then all they do is fuck both of them up twofold, and it leads to abuse because of the fears.
Of course the underlying fear is "being alone" "being the only one last being in existance". which originates from believing the thoughts: "i can't be alone in all of the universe!" "THERE must be something ELSE!"

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act based on fear of not being accepted by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my day-to-day actions/activities within and as what i have to do in order to please others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to please others based on the that i want to be done the same onto me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act based only on self-interest of what i want to be done onto me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider all the participants and all the starting points of actions and activities.
I forgive myself for not accepting and alloiwng myself to take responsibility for my starting points in actions, and hide behind fears and justifications.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am seperate from existance.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think "i can't be alone in all of the universe"
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from existance itself based on thoughts.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in and as existance.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am inferior to existance itself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see understand and realise that i fear to see and understand existance as it is Real because i limit myself and my preception of existance.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a superiority/inferiority construct and connect myself to existance as a whole with it, and thus accept and allow myself to abuse myself.




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