Self Forgiveness on Self Forgiveness

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jonathan solorio
Posts: 38
Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

day 20

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:58

Day 20

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not see, read, hear, and pay attention to every single word in my self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to ignore my experiences in relationship to the beginning of each statement of self forgiveness as the "I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to", as this is the beginning of the statement, and the starting point I am working with is in this one consistent point as the structuring of my sentence, so who am I within these words and do I really know or am I just slapping it in front of my words?

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not investigate and grasp the difference in this application of the words, "for accepting and allowing my self to", within the following statement, "I forgive my self", because the easiest way everyone's mind tends to go if you were to ask them how they would go about applying forgiveness to themselves... is simply in the statement "I forgive my self." or "I forgive my self for _____" and herein I see it is quite a simple yet profound consideration to add "for accepting and allowing" to the structural application of a statement of forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to prefer saying "I forgive my self." or "I forgive my self for ____" instead of adding the "for accepting and allowing my self to" because I don't know what "accepting" and "allowing" mean to me in this context and I never used these words before but i'm trying them out since this is what is suggested.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to blow through these words, "I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to", herein an indication of something not quite correct is already present and therefore attention is required.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to forgo looking into what I have accepted and allowed within the words, "accept" and "allow", that I use to forgive my self with.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to forgive my self within ignorance to the foundation of the structured which I use to preface my forgiveness of my self.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to not know what it means to forgive my self within what I have accepted and allowed for what I have accepted and allowed, thinking that using words I have not personally sat down with and explored with my self is enough when I know that it isn't enough for me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel stupid for what I accept and allow my self to forgive my self for because it's repetitive, it's simple, it's obvious, it's regular, and or it's something I think and believe I should understand already.

I commit my self to sit down and write out questions and answers related to each part in the sentence structure, "I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to", and to forgive my self for reactions, compromises, emotions and feelings, judgments, perceptions, as I explore each word and also the total structure of the application statement.

I commit my self to leave no stone unturned in my investigation of self within self forgiveness, here within what I wrote this means to work thoroughly through my starting point to establish my self, and to not just believe what I have had shared with me at any point in time.

I commit my self to apply all that I see, feel, understand, experience, or otherwise find to be outside of forgiveness within my self forgiveness, so for instance if I am judging it, complaining within my self that it is missing something... that I cannot find what i'm looking for with it.. I bring that to this process.. I give my self whatever I can within self forgiveness that I need and want so that it "fits" into my life, that I no longer outcast my self in feeling like "it's not enough" which indirectly says i'm not enough in my forgiveness.

User avatar
jonathan solorio
Posts: 38
Joined: 10 Apr 2016, 19:33

Day 21 - completed

Postby jonathan solorio » 18 Jan 2017, 04:59

Day 21

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel I have not found my self in self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to resist embracing self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear adjusting my self with self forgiveness, in self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to fear seeing I am out of alignment with self forgiveness and my statements in self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to have looked at forgiveness in separation of my self, in fear, in doubt, in frustration, and through my mind.. always complicating it with my reactions and self judgment till it became nearly impossible to apply as I would choke up or come to a dead stop with no will to try again until it somehow magically made sense to me.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to wait to forgive my self, to wait for some perfect moment I would finally go "aha! now I can do this!" when I have always basically been able to do it... I just did not want to do the work to sort out what was getting in my way as the pile of shit in my head always seemed unconquerable.

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel, think and believe that one sentence of self forgiveness applied is "not enough".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel, think and believe that even when I do tons of self forgiveness that "it is not enough".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to feel, think and believe that even within eternity in front of me and endless amounts of self forgiveness that "it is not enough" and "it won't work".

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing my self to judge my self as "not good enough" within my self forgiveness, that I am lacking in some way when and as I forgive my self.

When and as I see my self having all sorts of mental shit come up within me, fighting self forgiveness in one way or another, and judging my self within self forgiveness, I stop and I breathe.

I commit my self to stop my mind and delete my conflict within self forgiveness, to open up about the battle within me for my self in self forgiveness and slowly but surely deconstruct this negative, self-sabotaging, self-hating relationship with self forgiveness.

I commit my self to see that this madness, this violence, is deceiving me and making some sort of enemy out of self forgiveness - and that it is not who I am - that who I am has no problem with self forgiveness, that self forgiveness is what is best for all and whatever I have against it or feel is against me within it is nonsense and separating me from a life lived in/as what's best for all.

I commit my self to applying self forgiveness deliberately in spite of this madness within me where I try to convince my self otherwise about the benefits or validity of self forgiveness and to also use this madness to help me understand my self within self forgiveness where I apply the gifts it reveals to me as all my complaints, negativity, criticism, judgment, hate, weakness, and many other points like this show me big and small points of honesty all alike... so in this way there is nothing I cannot find that cannot support me in spite of what may first appear to be a dead end to my application of my self.

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So, I did my first 21 days all the way through. That was unexpected but how cool! Does something count if we aren't counting? lol.. I am proud of my self for getting here and enjoyed my commitment to this point in particular because it felt like knowing a piece of land was good for something but the land was full of weeds and trash and as I have started to clear my lands of self forgiveness - I can see more that is possible in the land I have allowed so muchwaste to.


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