Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 13 Sep 2012, 20:58

Day 142 Self-Change? What the fuck is that? (Part 3)

I commit myself to not allow my mind as thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings as inner energy experiences to tell me who I am.

I commit myself to not allow my mind as thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to tell me what my self-image and self-perception is to be.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show how I have been failing at most attempts to change myself, especially in terms of my self-image and self-perception as one of the primary points within me I find myself unable to stop and change, because I have been WAITING for my thoughts, my backchat and my inner emotional and feeling energy experiences in relation to the self-image and self-perception, and thus Waiting for my current self-image, self-perception and self-definition to change FIRST before ‘I’/Self/Me change and assert the self-change within my daily physical practical living and physical behavior within and as my human physical body, thus Before I/Self/Me directly and deliberately Change/Stop my self-image, self-perception and self-definition.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show how it is very much unlikely to change for real if I am waiting for my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change or transform first before I am changing myself within my daily physical practical living and physical behavior within and as my human physical body, because the likelihood of the thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences changing first is very slim and is a game of gambling; thus that I must change DIRECTLY and DELIBERATELY within my daily physical practical living and my behavior within and as my human physical body DESPITE of all the current/’old’ thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that might oppose this particular self-change.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that I cannot wait for my mind, as for my thoughts, my backchat, my inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change or transform first before I change myself and before I assert my ‘desired’ self-change because I do not know whether or not the mind, the thoughts, the backchat and the inner emotional and feeling energy experiences will change at all and that waiting for the mind as thoughts, backchat and the inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change first to only from there change myself, is in fact NO self-change but still asking for the mind for guidance and in this I remain a slave to the mind as I will only do, be and accept myself as what it tells me through my current thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences.

Thus, I commit myself to change my self-image and self-perception directly as and by mySELF and NOT wait for my mind, my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change first, to change from telling me that I am not good enough to telling me that I Am good enough to only then when my thoughts, my backchat and my inner emotional and feeling energy experiences tell me that I am good enough, only then also by mySELF see myself as good enough and no longer judge me as not good enough.

Thus, I commit myself to stop self-judgement DIRECTLY by and as me mySELF and NOT wait for my mind, my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to first change from being judgemental towards me to not being so, to only then when my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences stop judging me, only then also myself stop judging myself.

I commit myself to do this deliberate, direct self-change where I change myself directly and NOT wait for my mind as thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change first, by NOT participating, following, believing, reacting to, internalizing, personalizing and defining myself by, as and though the thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that emerge within my mind, but instead face and walk through them within and as breath, focusing on the physical and on the point of what I must change within and as my practical physical living and behavior within and as my human physical body and then do so, asserting my self-change DELIBERATELY, taking it ONE breath at a time, each breath asserting my self-change directly, deliberately even within the face/awareness/existence/presence/emergence of all the current/’old’ thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that are opposing this particular self-change; and so I do NOT use my mind as thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences or images, or imaginations etc. as a guideline for who I am, what I do, what I live and how and what my practical physical living and behavior within and as my human physical body is to be.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show how I am indeed able to change myself directly and assert my decisions within my daily practical physical living and behavior within and as my human physical body despite all the current/’old’ thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that are opposing/resisting this particular self-change, that I am able to do so when and as I stop waiting for my mind as my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change, transform or disappear FIRSTLY BEFORE I am ‘able’ to and Do change myself, like deliberately making the decision to NOT judge me if self-judgmental thoughts, backchat or emotions and feeling emerge within my mind, instead of continuing judging myself through participation, believe in and self-definition by, as and through the self-judgement thoughts, backchat and emotions and feelings emerging within my mind until the thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings change, transform or disappear FIRST, but to see, realize and understand that I can indeed DIRECTLY make the DECISION and LIVE/assert it, to for example NOT judge me, even though if I would have still self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings emerging within me, by NOT participating, not believing, not personalizing, not internalizing and not defining myself by, as and through these emerging self-judgemental thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experience manifestations within my mind.

I commit myself to show how we see, accept and define ourselves through, by and as that which our minds, as thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences tell us about us and that this must not be so and that we can make a direct, self-honest decision to stop doing so and then assist and support ourselves within practical physical living to change ourselves and no longer be subject to, see and define ourselves as, by and through what our minds as thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences judge, define and tell us who we apparently are in ‘it’s’ own ‘eyes’.

I commit myself to show that I do not have to see, accept and define myself as what my mind, my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences tell me, such as that I am not good enough, and that I can stop that by not participating, believing in, reacting, personalizing, internalizing, accepting and defining myself through, by and as the content of my own thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences, telling me for example that I am not good enough, and by assisting and supporting myself further with self-forgiveness, writing and breathing to walk through the emergence, presence and awareness of such thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to assert and facilitate my direct self-change within and as my practical physical living and behavior within and as my human physical body and not fall into and thus participate, believe in, personalize, internalize, accept and define myself by, through and as the content of my own thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences, telling me for example that I am not good enough.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that ‘I’/Self/Me is an ‘independent’, ‘separate’, ‘individual’, ‘singularity’ beingness within the context that I am Not my mind from the perspective that I do Not have to see, accept and define myself by, as and through what exist in my mind and what my mind tells me about me and what to do through thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences, but that ‘I’/Self/Me as beingness can in fact directly and deliberately live a decision practically to change myself without requiring the current/’old’ thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings to change, transform or disappear FIRST before I am able to change Me, before I am able to practically live the self-change, before I am able to change my daily practical physical reality living and participation and my physical behavior within and as my human physical body and that I can do so directly within and as the physical breath, one breath at a time, breath by breath, within each breath asserting deliberately the self-change, such as for example being able to DIRECTLY stop judging, seeing, accepting and defining myself as not good enough even though I have such thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings telling me this, and that I thus do not have to WAIT for such thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change ‘their’ perception and definition of ‘me’ FIRST in terms of changing to thoughts, backchat and emotions and feelings that praise and adore me and tell me how good, great, lovable, desirable and acceptable I am, to only then change MY perception, view, acceptance, definition and self-image of MYSELF once I have thoughts, backchat, emotions and feeling telling me this, and otherwise if I do not have such thoughts but thoughts that tell me that I am not good enough, inappropriate or whatever, I will remain in the self-acceptance, self-definition and self-perception by, as and through the content of such thoughts. Even though, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the absence of thoughts, backchat, emotions, feeling, memories, images, fantasies as individual components that constitute the entierety of a point, pattern, character or personality within me, is making the physical practical living application easier, but still, is NOT a Requirement to Be Able to Change myself, and assert and live that self-change within physical practical reality application, daily, breath by breath, so that I can do so indeed during and within the Presence, existence and Emergence of the thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, etc. if the would manifest and emerge wihtin my mind and oppose/defy the particular self-change being walked, it IS doable. Thus I change DIRECTLY, because WHO is the DIRECTIVE PRINCIPLE? ‘I’/Me/Self or someone/something else such as my mind or other human beings telling me who I am and what to do? I Decide who is MY directive principle ! It will be either ME or something or someone else, the decision is MINE.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 14 Sep 2012, 17:05

Day 143 Self-Change? What the fuck is that? (Part 4)

Continuing with the self-corrective statements for Day 139 Self-Change? What the fuck is that? (Part 1): WAITING for the Mind to change FIRST:

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that self-change is IMMEDIATE; immediate from the perspective that I practically live the change immediately, apply the self-corrective applications immediately and do not wait and postpone it; and an act of DELIBERATENESS, asserted within EACH breath, breath by breath, DAILY even within the experience/face/awareness/existence/emergence of ‘old’ thoughts, backchat, images, memories, fantasies and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that are opposing/resisting/defying this self-change and that it CAN be done by remaining aware of and present within and as the physical breath, slowing myself down to the pace of the physical breath to so remain HERE in and as physicality, my environment and the practical physical tasks that are to be done within the moment, to in so doing remain HERE self-living practically physically instead of participating in, believing in, internalizing, personalizing, seeing, accepting and defining myself as the thoughts, backchat, images, fantasies, memories and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences coming up within my mind.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing to find out what it practically means to really self-live.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing to find out what it really means and implies to change myself practically regarding each individual point of self-change walked.

I commit myself to show that I can NOT WAIT for my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change first before ‘I’ change or I might never really truly change, because who knows whether or not the thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences will change at all ever?

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that it’s not about CAHNGIN my thoughts, or changing my backchat, or changing my images, or changing my fantasies, or changing my emotions and feelings; like for example trying to change my thoughts from telling me that I am not good enough to thoughts that start telling me that I Am good enough, thoughts that tell me how adorable, good, gorgeous I am, and whatever positive feedback it might be, so that I only through my thoughts no more judging me stop judging my-SELF; but that it’s about STOPPING the thoughts, the backchat, the emotions and feelings, by NOT participating in them, by NOT believing them to be true, real and me, by NOT internalizing them, by NOT personalizing them, by NOT seeing myself AS and/or THROUGH them, by NOT accepting myself AS them, by NOT defining myself through and AS them/their content and by investigating the point of self-acceptance and self-allowance implied within the very thought, the backchat and the emotions and feelings through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application and in that STOP/CHANGE that ‘nature’ of mine through practical self-corrective application/living, breath by breath, DAILY, throughout physical Time and Space, asserting my SELF-Change till it manifest/substantiates ‘itself’ in fact as me.

I commit myself to NOT allow myself to use my thoughts, my backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences as a Guideline for self-change, as a guideline for who to be, how to see myself, how to ‘feel’ about myself, how to define myself and/or what and how to live and behave within my human physical body; like for example: Having thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences consisting of the words/nature that I am ugly, that I am not good enough, that this and that is flawed, judging this and that of me and my physical body, where these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings are used as a Guideline by myself in terms of how to see, define and accept myself as, where I internalize and personalize these thoughts/their content and shape and mold my self-definition, self-perception and self-image through what these thoughts consist of, and that I will always remain ‘stuck’ with this one self-definition, self-perception and self-image as long as the SAME thoughts of same or similar nature exist and keep recurring and emerging within my mind, where I will only stop my current self-image, self-definition, self-acceptance and self-perception of/as not being good enough, being ugly, or whatever it is at a moment, only if my thoughts telling me that I am not good enough, that I am ugly, that I am inappropriate, judging this and that part of me and my body, or whatever else, Stop and Change to other thoughts, other backchat and other emotions and feelings, like thoughts and backchat that consist of the words that I am great, that I am beautiful, that I am gorgeous, that I am magnificent, that I am good enough, that there’s actually nothing wrong with me and my body, and have no more thoughts and backchat that judge parts of me and my body and have feelings/emotions where I feel beautiful, where I feel appreciated, where I feel loved, where I feel desired, where I feel gorgeous etc., that I will only change my self-image, self-perception and self-acceptance if I have such thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings and no more the ‘old’ one’s that judge me and create negativity within me such as depression, feeling ugly, feeling unlovable and so on; but to instead be my OWN Guideline of and for self-change, which practically would mean, in terms of the above example, to: Stop judging my-Self, where ‘I’/Me/Self makes the Decision to Stop judging me despite all the thoughts, backchat and emotional and feeling energy experiences that might come up opposing/resisting/defying this self-change of ‘not judging me’, where such thoughts, backchat, emotions and feeling keep on judging me as, for example, being ugly and not good enough, and the emotions and feelings making me ‘feel ugly’ and ‘feel unlovable’, as examples — and to thus WALK through such thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that oppose/resist/defy the particular self-change being walked without falling back and being directed by these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings and in that assert the self-change of ‘not judging myself’, doing this practically by: If ever thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings come up that are of opposing/resisting/defying ‘nature’ towards the particular self-change being walked, to NOT participate in them, to NOT follow them, to NOT internalize them, to NOT personalize them/to NOT take them personal, to NOT see, accept and define myself by, through and as them/their content, but instead breathe comfortably, remaining here within my human physical body and focusing my attention on the physical practical work to be done within a moment.

Taking the example of self-judgement of not being good enough, being ugly, being inappropriate and feeling ugly, feeling inappropriate, feeling unlovable:

I see, realize and understand that if I allow any of my inner experiences, such as thoughts, backchat, images, memories and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to sway/influence me and in that determine what I do in a moment, that within that very moment I am making the statement as self-acceptance that I see and accept the inner experiences and their content to be true, real and to be me and that I thus have no self-will, not ability of self-direction and am not the authority of me and that my inner energy experiences are my master, are my god, my directive principle and that I am less then/inferior to these inner energy experiences and in that totally abdicate myself; like for example if I would have thoughts and backchat consisting of the words/nature of telling me that I am ugly, that I am inappropriate, that I am not good enough and have feelings/emotions that make me feel ugly, feel inappropriate, feel unlovable, feel undesirable where I would allow these inner energy experiences and internal conversations to influence, sway and determine what I will do within a moment, like I have to do my self-forgiveness and I have such thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings come up in my mind right before the moment of having to apply self-forgiveness, triggered by whatever, if I would take the step and action of Not applying self-forgiveness because I ‘feel ugly’, ‘feel unlovable’, or because I have self-judgemental thoughts and conversations within my mind that judge this and that part of me and my body, that if I would take the step and action of Not applying the self-forgiveness just BECAUSE of such internal energy experiences and conversations, I would within that very moment of Not applying self-forgiveness make the statement that the inner energy experiences and conversations and their content is REAL and that I accept it as real and that I define, see and accept myself as it, such as in this example, making the statement that my thoughts and backchat judging me as for example ‘ugly’ and ‘unlovable’ is real and that the emotions/feelings where I ‘feel unlovable’ and ‘feel ugly’ are real and that I actually accept, see and define myself as what my mind as thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings tell me, because I allowed myself to be swayed/influenced in MY living/behavior through such inner energy experiences and conversations as voices in my head.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 14 Sep 2012, 19:33

Day 144 The ability to change direction in one moment — Self-Change? What the fuck is that (Part 5)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand my ability to change direction in one singular breath, every breath, and within that the invalidation of all and any excuses my mind might throw at me through thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings as inner energy experiences that I might use in the attempt to justify an apparent inability to do what I have to do, such as my self-responsibilities, such as self-forgiveness, writing, self-corrective application and whatever other task is relevant to the process’ purpose at any given moment in time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand my ability to change direction immediately if I find myself participating and ‘lost’ within a thought, backchat, emotion or feeling or any other inner experience of the mind, and that this ability invalidates any and all excuses, reasons and attempts of justifying the further continued participation and remainder within such a pattern, thought, backchat, emotion, feeling or any other inner energy experience processes of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the importance breath plays within the ability to change direction in one singular moment, that it is important to slow myself down to the pace of physical breath and being aware of my breaths, because it is within the breath that I have the ability in each moment to immediately change direction, no matter what happens within me internally, no matter if I have been participating in a thought, pattern, backchat, emotion, feeling or personality for a prolonged time already, that I have the ability in one singular moment to change my direction and so step out of the pattern, stop participation in the thought, backchat, emotion, feeling and personality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that for example, when I blush, where within blushing I will react emotionally in anxiety and feeling self conscious and self judgement for blushing, that I within one singular moment have the ability to change my direction, meaning that I within one singular moment can change my decision from participating in the reactive emotional response of anxiety and self judgement, as examples, towards the physical point of blushing, to NOT participating, NOT believing in, NOT internalizing, NOT personalizing and NOT defining myself by, through and as the physical point of blushing; thus that I within one singular moment have the ability to stop my participation, acceptance and self definition by, through and as my internal and external reality experiences, events and happenings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I do NOT have to remain ‘stuck’ within an inner experience, within the participation of a thought, backchat, emotion, feeling or personality just because I am already in it and have been in it for quite some time already, but that I can within ONE singular moment, within ONE singular breath, the current breath and ALL following breaths, change my direction, meaning: Make the DECISION to STOP, STEP OUT and CORRECT myself through whatever method necessary in the moment according to the point of change, be it self-forgiveness, writing, self-corrective application, just breathing or all together combined.

Thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within this ability to change direction within one singular moment, within the current and all following breaths, that when I for example blush and react towards the blushing, beginning to suppress myself in fear and anxiety of others judgement and because of allowing me to feel/be self conscious about the blushing, that I do NOT have to comply, submit and within that remain within my reaction and experience of my inner energy experiences, such as self judgement, fear, anxiety, self consciousness or whatever the inner energy experience is in a moment, but that I can STOP and NOT participate in it but stick to my practical physical self corrective application living within and as my human physical body.

I forgive myself within that, that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I for example experience inner resistance towards applying self forgiveness, or don’t feel like doing something, that I do NOT have to comply, submit and remain within the inner energy experience, belief, acceptance and self-definition by, through and as the inner energy experience just because I am already within it, or just because I have already taken the step of believing in it, accepting it, submitting to it, complying to it and/or defining myself by, through and as it; but that I can STOP and STEP OUT of it within one singular moment, having the ability to CHANGE direction, to CHANGE my decision within one singular moment, within one singular breath, within every breath, with the current breath and within all following breaths, and that this ability invalidates all excuses, reasons and attempts of justifying further continued participation and remainder within self-existing within the ‘state’ one is existing within in a moment, such as for example the ‘state’ of ‘not feeling like applying self-forgiveness because of this and that’; all excuses, reasons and justifications are invalidated automatically and immediately within self having the ability to change direction, change decision who to be and what to do, either continuing within the current experience or stopping and stepping out of it, the ability is here in each breath, each breath brings this window of opportunity anew, and within that each continued participation and remainder within self-dishonesty and an inner experience that is used as justification for not living and doing one’s self responsibilities, such as self forgiveness, is in fact DELIBERATE.

And within that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I do not have to and that it’s in fact irrelevant to wait for my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change or disappear first, before I can change MYSELF, because of having the ability to change MY direction and decision in every new breath of who to be and what to do and live physically practically within the physical world and my physical behavior within and as my human physical body, thus that ‘I’/Self/Me decide if it’s ME/SELF/I who decides who I am and what/how I live and do and behave within and as my human physical body or deciding that another, someone or something else, such as other human beings or my own mind decides who I am and defines who I am and what and how I live and behave within and as my human physical body and physical practical living.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 17 Sep 2012, 18:56

Day 145 Self-Change? What the fuck is that? (Part 6)

Continuing with the self-corrective statements for Day 139 Self-Change? What the fuck is that? (Part 1): WAITING for the Mind to change FIRST:

I commit myself to when and as I see and find a point within me that requires self-change and thus a point I am walking the self-change of, to:

Realize, see and understand that I must live the self-change practically physically, breath by breath, daily, even within the very emerge/re-emergence, face, experience, awareness of the ‘old’ thoughts, backchat, memories, images, fantasies and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences;

Realize, see and understand that the thoughts, backchat, images, fantasies/imaginations and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that comprise the totality of a point or pattern that I decided to change and am walking the self-change of, will likely recur and re-emerge within my mind, and that within that it means, that: I must face and walk through such re-emergence of these thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences and stick to my physical practical reality living within and as my human physical body to so live the self-corrective application for the point I am walking into self-change within Each breath, daily, and thus to not allow me to participate, follow, believe, internalize, personalize, accept and define myself by, through and as these re-emerging thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences;

To take it one breath at a time, realizing, seeing and understanding that I must assert my self-change deliberately within EACH breath and that DAILY, which means I must NOT wait for the ‘old’ thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that comprise the totality of the point, pattern, character or personality I am walking into self change, to change or disappear first BEFORE I change myself within my practical physical reality living within and as my human physical body, and thus BEFORE I practically live the self-corrective application for/of this point, pattern, character and/or personality;

To in that also realize that I CAN change myself even with thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that might still exist that are of a nature that oppose/resist/defy the self-change being walked;

To when the ‘old’ thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that oppose/resist/defy the self-change re-emerge within my mind, to NOT believe them to be me, and thus not internalize and personalize them and thus Not participate in them, because I see, realize and understand that ‘I’ as the ‘Self’, the ‘Me’ ‘part’ made/makes the decision to change and live that change and assert that change even within the re-emergence and existence and face and experience and awareness of these ‘old’ thoughts, backchat, feelings and emotions and thus that it is ‘Me’ as the ‘I’ as the ‘Self’ that LIVES and decided who to be and what to LIVE, and to in that NOT wait for and see, realize and understand that I do NOT have or require to WAIT for these ‘old’ thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences to change or disappear FIRST BEFORE ‘I’/Self/Me as the Beingness can CHANGE;

And to thus, breathe comfortably and assert my decision/self-corrective application of changing myself breath by breath, DAILY, till it manifest/substantiates as me, and so NOT wait or believe that my thoughts, backchat, emotions and feeling must change or stop first before I can assert and live my self-change practically.

For example:

I decide to no longer judge myself. Now currently I have a constant repetition of thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experiences that are of the nature of self-judgement, like ‘I am ugly’, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am inappropriate’, ‘I am unlovable’ and ‘feeling ugly’, ‘feeling not being good enough’, ‘feeling unlovable’, just as examples.

So, what I have up to now done in my attempt to change myself from judging myself is:

Apply the self-forgiveness, do my writing on these self-judgements and reasons why I judge me.

But despite of so many self-forgiveness and writings applied I have always kept judging myself, because I still had self-judgemental THOUGHTS, BACKCHAT and EMOTIONS and FEELINGS occur/come up within my mind and whenever I would become aware of such self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings it would be the TRIGGER to judge MYSELF automatically immediately, because I was existing in the idea “If it comes up in me it must be true, it must be me”. And within that I have never been able to stop myself from judging myself because I defined myself AS the self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings, believing them to be me and in that belief I have been WAITING and attempting to CHANGE, or TRANSFORM them into other thoughts that would start saying to me how great, adorable, lovable and good enough I am. Thus essentially waiting and trying to change or transform my thoughts and backchat from judging me to thoughts and backchat that praise me. And because my thoughts, backchat, emotions and feeling never really changed and self-judgemental ones kept recurring within my mind, I was over and over judging myself, always anew with each time I became aware of such self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings coming up within my mind.

What I have thus NEVER done is to ASSERT my self corrective application even within the re-emergence of the ‘old’/current self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings. To not participate in, to not believe myself to be, to thus not internalize and personalize these self-judgemental THOUGHTS, BACKCHAT, EMOTIONS and FEELINGS if they re-emerge/come up within my mind. But to instead when they come up, simply breathe, remain physically here and see, realize, understand and remind myself of that ‘I’ as the ‘Self’, the ‘Me’ ‘part’ as the ‘Beingness’ made the decision to stop self-judgement, and since ‘I’ stopped, the recurring, re-emerging self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings is NOT ‘me’ and I just have to breathe through them without participating in them and live my self-corrective application physically practically within and as my human physical body.

Now, I see, realize and understand that, with this example of stopping self-judgement, that my self-judgemental THOUGHTS, BACKCHAT, EMOTIONS and FEELINGS coming up in my mind, exist as a TRIGGER point where I immediately automatically participate in them, internalize, personalize the self-judgement and then accept, see and define myself through, by and as that self-judgement of my own thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings.

Now, I commit myself to change my approach/response to this trigger point of/as when thoughts, backchat, emotions and feeling emerge/come up in my mind that judge me, where I immediately internalize, personalize, believe, define and judge myself by, through and as these self-judgements of my thoughts and backchat, to:

When and as I find, see and become aware of self-judgemental thoughts, backchat or even emotions and feelings within me, to:

Breathe and NOT automatically, immediately Participate: believe, accept, internalize, personalize, define and judge myself JUST BECAUSE such self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, images, emotions and feeling came up within my mind;

To instead, pause for a moment and look inside me and re-evaluate the thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings and/as their content and ask myself the question if what exist as the content in my thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that came up in a moment, such as for example self-judgement, judging myself as not good enough, is really how I would see, accept and define myself and what I would like and want to exist as — and to respectively make the decision.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 17 Sep 2012, 19:55

Day 145 Invalidated Change – Desperate Self: Self-Change? What the fuck is that? (Part 7)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I fall back into a pattern, such as laziness or procrastination, without immediately standing up but remaining further in this pattern, that with every breath I have taken without having made the decision to stand as the self directive principle and thus have not stood up and within that have abdicated my directive power and authority, that I become weaker and weaker each passing breath because the breaths within which I abdicate my self directive power but allow my mind or something else to direct me accumulates and with that self-trust and self-will ‘decreases’ simultaneously with the accumulation of breaths/moments in which I did not stand as the self directive principle and carry out my self-will.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that with each breath in which I did not stand as the self directive principle and did not carry out my self will, that it will become more and more difficult to stand up and step out of the pattern because while the breaths in which I did not stand as the self directive principle and did not carry out my will accumulate, so equally does my self will and self trust ‘decrease’, yet it is still possible to stand up and step out of the pattern within one singular breath, with each breath as each breath I see, is a new window of opportunity to ‘reclaim’ my self directive principle and carry out my will if I but so DECIDE, yet will as long as I remain within the mind seem impossible and seem like I require a process over space and time to stand up and step out of such a pattern, while it does not and is only one deliberate decision of MINE away and available within each new breath I take.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is MY decision whether or not I will waste breaths and whether I will within my breaths abdicate or stand as and carry out my self directive principle and self will, after all I see, realize and understand that I am the One that decide.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that with every other breath within which I do not step out of a pattern or point within which I am either ‘stuck’ from the ‘beginning’ or within which I have fallen back, that it will be more and more difficult to stop and step out because with each breath within which I do not assert my self directive principle and carry out my self will, I further, more and more invalidate all my already done self forgiveness, writings and self corrective applications, and within this invalidation my self trust and self will ‘decreases’ equally and simultaneously with each moment I do not stand as the self directive principle and carry out my self will.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 17 Sep 2012, 20:58

Day 146 Making my self-dishonesties ‘okay’ so I can repeat them (Part 1)

Self-Change? What the fuck is that? — continued

The “Back to the Past: Fuck process I Give Up” pattern — continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat to spend more time outside with my friend today, when I was outside with him, because before that backchat I had the thought that showed a picture of a desk and the tasks that are awaiting me, like self forgiveness, DIP, AGR, reading blogs etc. if I were to go home, and because I didn’t want to do these self-responsibility tasks I suggested to my friend to spend some more time outside in the hope that he will agree, so that I could postpone my self responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my attempt at postponing my self responsibilities like self forgiveness, writing, DIP, AGR, reading blogs etc., through stating that the weather is beautiful and we should make use of it as long as we can because who knows when it will be so beautiful again because summer is over and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually make myself believe in this statement and actually believed that my postponement and resistance towards my self-responsibilities, like self-forgiveness, was validated, while it was not and while I in fact was aware of the process of trying really hard within me to find a valid excuse and reason that would sound ‘right’ to use as a justification for why I am postponing my self-responsibilities, like self-forgiveness, so that I would not feel angry and guilty because of acting deliberately against my own self-honesty understanding and self-awareness.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my friend disagreed and wanted to go home, within my mind plan what I could do alone or where I could go alone, so that I do not have to go home or at least not stay very long there to have ‘enough time’ for my self-responsibilities, like self-forgiveness, but instead go somewhere where I practically cannot do my self-responsibilities, at least most of them, like outside, taking a walk, just so I do not have to face myself within self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself within that, that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to avoid/bypass the application of self-forgiveness on my accepted and allowed action of postponing my self-responsibilities, like self-forgiveness, so I do not have to face myself within my relationship to this particular pattern of postponement and ‘attempt at ‘giving up’’ within certain timeframes within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after my gym session, go to the park where my friends were playing soccer, and waited there more then an hour, just sitting, and preferred the sitting as I did not want to go home, because I didn’t want to apply self-forgiveness, because I knew that at home self-forgiveness and the rest of my self responsibilities, like my AGR and DIP course assignments, were awaiting me, and because I didn’t want to walk/do them, I took the physical measure/action of remaining sitting there, doing nothing practical with the intent to deliberately waste time, so that I have less left within my day for my self-responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘blank’ in terms of investigating my today’s acceptance and allowance of postponing my self responsibilities deliberately within self-awareness because I do not want to look at the point, while I make myself believe that I do not know what to apply self-forgiveness on and that I feel ‘blank’ in relation to it, while the truth is that I do not want to look at it, because I feel depressed and powerless because of again having actually acted on my thoughts and backchat that told me to postpone instead of having taken a breath and directed myself within and as breath comfortably to do my self-responsibilities out of understanding, taking it one breath at a time, facing and walking through the thoughts and backchat as resistance and do things just one breath at a time, like I already scripted this self-corrective process within and through my self-corrective statements, but instead again gave into the thoughts and backchat, within that very act upon those thoughts invalidated my previous self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements and actions, and within that created a depression and powerlessness because I was once again ‘unable’ to be stable within my self-corrective application of self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to do this self-forgiveness as quick as possible and get it done with and move onto the next thing, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have to investigate this pattern/point thoroughly because I physically acted upon my thoughts and backchat and actually postponed my self-responsibilities in spite of my self-honesty understanding and awareness of the self-corrective application to deal with such thoughts and backchat and remain self-directive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel blank.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel blank because I do not want to face what I have done today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse, resist and fear to face and investigate what I have done today with regards to my postponement of my self-responsibilities, because I try so hard to make it sound and look okay and no big deal and just brush it aside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to make it sound and seem okay and just brush it aside that I have physically acted upon thoughts and backchat telling me to postpone and then actually physically took measures to postpone my self-responsibilities by avoiding home and walking around in the city, just to waste time, so I do not have to go home to do my self-forgiveness and other self-responsibility tasks, trying to make it sound okay and just brush it aside as if it’s nothing, no big deal and okay because I actually want to repeat it and do it again.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 18 Sep 2012, 16:45

Day 147 When it gets uncomfortable inside me, I throw in the towel

Self-Change? What the fuck is that? — continued

The “Back to the Past: Fuck process I Give Up” pattern — continued

“It’s just to much/overwhelming” Character

Continuing with my last blog, with investigating the pattern behind yesterday’s postponement.

It started Friday and because I didn’t dealt with it but just suppressed it, it spread slowly but surely all the way till yesterday.

So, what was it on Friday?

On Friday after I went to the gym, I did my self-forgiveness immediately, no resistance, but then after the self-forgiveness, when I saw that I had DIP and AGR assignments, thus more self-forgiveness, to do, I felt a resistance towards it, I felt tired and I gave into the tiredness and ended up 4 to 5 hours watching YouTube videos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after I did my self-forgiveness, thought how tedious it is when I saw that I still had to do my DIP and AGR assignments, and thus when I saw that I still had around two hours of self-forgiveness left, and within accepting and allowing myself to give into and participate in that thought and accept and allow it within me, I acted upon it because I also felt ‘tired’ and reasoned that the tiredness was because of the gym, and so it is cool to just rest, just to validate my resistance and me not doing anything about it but participating within it, yet continued with my absence from my self-responsibilities even after the tiredness experience was gone, which indicates that ‘I’ actually did not WANT to do my self-responsibilities and used an energy experience to manipulate myself, while I see clearly that I could have remained self-directive and actually done/walked my self-responsibilities if I would have decided so within that moment, but I decided otherwise: I decided to participate in the thoughts and manipulate myself deliberately through emotional and feeling energy experiences of ‘tiredness’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I actually did not want to apply self-forgiveness and not that I was really physically tired from the gym, because I did my self-forgiveness without resistance right after the gym, but when I finished the self-forgiveness and saw that I still had 2 more hours of it left, one hour for each of my AGR and DIP course assignments, I had a THOUGHT how tedious it would be and that it would be much more comfortable and thus feel much more comfortable to not do it but watch TV, listen to music or any other entertainment activities and used my self-generated emotional and feeling energy experiences, such as ‘tiredness’, to manipulate myself with to submit to my pleading to pursue my self-interest because I did not want to continue facing myself through further self-forgiveness.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen and participate in my thoughts that came up when I saw that I still had 2 more hours to do my self-forgiveness, and then THOUGHT how tedious it is and that I do not want to do it because I’d prefer more just ‘relaxing’, such as watching TV, because it would feel so much more COMFORTABLE then having to self-direct myself to actually dig within myself in terms of the points I am taking on and walking within and through my writings, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, instead of having breathed comfortably and faced, walked and breathed through the energy experiences, the thoughts and the backchat, not participating in them, and within the very self-act of NOT-participating in these thoughts, backchat and emotional and feeling energy experiences of the resistance, I would have made the statement that I do not accept and allow me to resist my self-responsibilities, and I did not do this because I accepted and allowed myself to believe in the thoughts and backchat saying that it is too much and because I believed the feeling energy experience of it being overwhelming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after I finished my first self-responsibility of the day, which was self-forgiveness, and then when I looked at the next task and saw that I still had 2 more hours for self-forgiveness, in terms of my AGR and DIP assignments and when I looked even further at my day and saw what else work/labor/self-responsibilities was awaiting me, I had a thought telling me that it is too much and within that felt overwhelmed and because I believed my thoughts, backchat and feeling of being overwhelmed, I physically acted upon them and postponed them, in the attempt to avoid UNCOMFORTABLE things, such as self-forgiveness, and do things where I’d FEEL more COMFORTABLE, such as entertainment, like TV or music.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am addicted to seek comfortableness immediately when things in my eyes and EXPERIENCE gets too uncomfortable and unpleasant to continue, such as self-forgiveness, and immediately seek some relief from it by avoiding it by all and any means possible to create some more COMFORT within my life, where this COMFORT only manifests when I AVOID the UNCOMFORTABLE, whereby the UNCOMFORTABLE is FACING myself and DEALING with my inner self, like through self-forgiveness, avoiding the Uncomfortable to substitute such EXPERIENCE by for example entertainment, such as TV and music or doing any other activity that will place me in a position absent/away from facing myself and working on my inner-self, such as staying all day outside with friends.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that with this point of addiction to Comfortableness and Fear of Uncomfortableness, and within this my automatic search for Comfort within my Life when I would feel Uncomfortable, whereby this uncomfortableness would manifest always only when I am directly faced with my inner-self and the Comfort would be when I would avoid having to face myself and work with and on my inner-self, such as through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application, which is also the reason why I so much resist this process, because I have to FACE myself actually, I am left ALONE with my inner-self and that leaves me most of the time very uncomfortable because I have to do the labor on my inner-self myself and I am just not used to self-labor because for most of my life, within this consumerist world, I have had a quite comfortable life by avoiding facing myself and if I would feel really shit within myself I’d just buy stuff or participate in for me already done entertainment that would boost my happiness and let me forget about my inner emotional pain whenever I’d experience it, but now I cannot do that because I know it’s no solution and is not self-honest, and thus to see, realize and understand that with this pattern as ‘Comfortableness’ and ‘Uncomfortableness’ opened up here, I am back to the point/pattern of ‘giving up’ or at least my very hard attempt and trial to ‘give up’ on myself/process as the pattern opened up, discussed and already walked to certain extents within posts about the “Back to the Past”-Pattern.

So, the point of “Comfort” and “Discomfort”:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because I was emotionally energetically feeling uncomfortable within everyday having to apply self-forgiveness, writing and doing my self-responsibilities, because I was left alone with myself to face my inner-self and change my inner-self, and because it didn’t always work and I was unable to change certain points of my inner-self after a long period of trial and error, I felt overwhelmed by all my emotional energy experiences of depression, anger, frustration, desperation, hopelessness and powerlessness because I ‘couldn’t’ succeed with changing my inner-self as I wanted to, despite all the self-forgiveness and writing and speaking and intention and attempts and trial after trial, each day anew, and because I accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by my inner energy experiences and discouraged by my multiple failures at the attempt to change my inner-self, I, within my own eyes and experience felt to uncomfortable and it felt too much to me to continue, and so I seeked immediate comfort by avoiding further attempts to change my-inner self, thus avoiding to face my inner-self any further, thus avoiding self-forgiveness and writing, and postponed it all so that I could re-experience some comfort again within my life, doing this by avoiding process, avoiding to face myself and participate in activities that would put me into a position absent/away from having to face and deal with my inner-self, such as entertainment, like TV and music or spending all day outside with friends or with wandering around the city aimlessly alone, just so I am in a position where I do not have to face myself face-to-face directly.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate my relationship to the experience of ‘comfort’ and ‘discomfort’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid uncomfortable things within my life, and even if I decide to not avoid them, I will only do them for a certain time, doing them in the hope that the experience might go away and when/if it does not go away within the believed time or if it even gets worse, I will then avoid it and seek the comfort within my life again.

To continue.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 18 Sep 2012, 18:07

Day 148 Changing Self within being confronted with the ‘old’/same thoughts/components of a point, pattern, character or personality

Self-Change? What the fuck is that? — continued

Continuing with self-corrective statements for Day 141 Self-Change? What the fuck is that? (Part 2): Physical Behavior/Living Change is a key:

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to find out what self-change really practically implies and to thus not allow me to try to change myself based on an Idea I have created about what self-change is and how it functions.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that in the moment a thought, backchat, memory, fantasy, picture, emotion or feeling as energy experience emerge within my mind, I actually have a moment there within which I decide my further direction, thus where I decide whether I will take that thought, backchat, memory, image, emotion or feeling or whatever it is that emerge within my mind, and participate in it, believe it, internalize, personalize it and see, accept, judge and define myself by, through and as it — or if I will decide to not do so, but instead breathe and within breath face and walk through the thoughts, backchat, memories, picture, emotions or feelings that emerged within my mind, not allowing ‘them’ to direct me, but direct myself directly to the desired outcome.

I commit myself to not allow myself to wait for my thoughts, backchat and inner emotional and feeling energy experience to stop or change first to from there move myself to the desired outcome, but to direct myself deliberately and directly to the desired outcome of the self-change, like for example the desired outcome being to no longer judge myself as ugly/inappropriate, to now not wait for the self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings to stop or change from judgement to adoring me, to only when within my mind I have thoughts and conversations/voices within which I adore me, within which I feel how great, beautiful and good enough I am, to only then ‘achieve’ the desired outcome of ‘not judging me as ugly/inappropriate’; but to instead SELF-DIRECT myself to this desired outcome of ‘not judging myself as ugly/inappropriate’ even if I still have the same self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings coming up in my mind, which I’d do by: When I made the decision as my-Self to not judge me as ugly/inappropriate, and the ‘old’/same thoughts like before come up within which words of judgement were spoken towards myself, to then not ‘fall back’ into these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings and judge myself through them/just because they emerged within my mind, but to instead breathe and within comfortable breathing NOT participate, follow, BELIEVE, internalize, personalize and see, accept and define myself by, through and as these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings but Live-Myself as My-Decision I made to ‘not judge me as ugly/inappropriate’ and within that deliberate decision to NOT participate in my thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that, for example, consist of the nature of self-judgement, and thus instead assert my self-corrective application, that I am within that moment of Not participating in them, changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, such as accepted and allowed myself to judge, see and define myself as ugly and not good enough.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that by making the decision to not participate within my thoughts, backchat, emotions and feeling, I am changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that I must deliberately change my practical physical living and my physical behavior within and as my human physical body in order to change myself for real, and not wait for my old/current/momentary thoughts/patterns to stop or change first before I change within my physical practical Daily breath by breath living and behavior within and as my human physical body but to do it deliberately in spite of the current/old/momentary thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that oppose/defy the particular self-change being walked, thus to NOT participate, believe, internalize, personalize, become, accept, see and define myself by, through and as the old/current/momentary thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that are of the pattern/point I intend to change, but to assert myself within living my self-corrective application regarding this point I am walking the self-change for/of, because I see, realize and understand that in these moments where these old/current/momentary thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that are components of the pattern/point I am wanting to change, come up, and I make the decision to NOT participate in it but live the self-corrective application of it instead, that I am within that very decision changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become and thus the thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings will disappear IN TIME as I assert my self-corrective application of the self-change for a particular point and make the decision to NOT participate in the old/current/momentary thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that are components of a particular pattern/point that I am walking the self-change of.

Thus, I commit myself to NOT wait for the current/momentary/’old’ thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that are components of the particular pattern/point I am wanting to change, to stop, disappear or change first, because I see, realize and understand that they will never change, stop or disappear by themselves because I am within every moment where these ‘old’/same/current thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that are components of the particular point/pattern/character/personality I am wanting to change, come up, and I make the decision to PARTICIPATE in them, BELIEVE them, internalize, personalize them and accept, see, judge, and define myself by, through and as them and their content and thus actually physically live them out, that I within that decision initiate another life-cycle for these thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings that are components of a particular point/pattern/character/personality I am wanting to change, and within that initiating another life-cycle for the very point/pattern/character/personality itself, maintaining it’s existence and emergence within me and this is exactly what I will get and what will happen: These thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings and the point/pattern/character/personality itself that these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings are part of, will remain existent within and as me and thus that with making the decision in the moment such ‘old’/same/current thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings of a particular point/pattern/character/personality come up again within my mind, to NOT PARTCIPATE in them but live the self-corrective application of it instead, I am changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. Thus by for example self-judgemental thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that are components of the self-judgement point/pattern/character/personality coming up within my mind, by making the decision to NOT participate in them but live the self-corrective applicdation of it, I change what I have accepted and allowed my self-image and self-perception to be and become, I am changing my very self-accepted, allowed an self-defined self-image and self-perception, the ‘how I see myself’, ‘what I see myself to be’.

I commit myself to not allow the current/’old’/same thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, pictures, imaginations etc. that are components of the particular point/pattern/character/personality that I am walking the self-change of, to ‘drag’ me ‘back’ into living-out the pattern/point/character/personality just because these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings of it emerged again within my mind, but to in the moment these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings come up, take a deep breath, slow myself down to the pace of physical breath and make the decision to NOT PARTICIPATE in them, NOT BELIEVE them, NOT internalize and personalize them and NOT accept, see, judge and define myself by, through and as these and the content of these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings and thus NOT SELF-BECOME these thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings and their content because I see, realize and understand that by making this decision to NOT PARTICIPATE in the thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings but instead live/apply the self-corrective application(s) of it, I am changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I commit myself to for each point/pattern/character/personality that I am walking within and through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to change myself within and as such point, to within both my self-forgiveness and self-corrective-statements investigate what it would practically imply to change this point, what is it exactly that I must change within and as my daily breath by breath physical practical living within this physical reality and my physical behavior within and as my human physical body to the absolute minutest detail and all the seemingly menial things of it, to through finding out this point, be able to write down PRACTICAL self-corrective statements and self-forgiveness statements and within this assist and support myself with scripting a PRACTICAL self-change solution as self-corrective application to apply regarding the point/pattern/character/personality that I am walking within a moment.

To continue with the points mentioned below:

"Sunette, what’s up with these thoughts and backchat ‘telling me’ that I am ugly and not good enough, criticizing/judging my body. They are not stopping. Any further perspectives on this other then the ‘being’/’feeling’ self-conscious part/point I am walking?"

"Aldin, it’s interesting cause you’re speaking about your thoughts like they’re a separate entity – THEY are not stopping, which mean you’re blaming your thoughts, which mean separating yourself from your thoughts instead of realising that they’re coming up in you as part of you and you’re in the moment of the thought actually becoming the thought instead of realising that when you make the decision to stop participating in thoughts it’s you changing what you’ve accepted and allowed yourself to be/become, so – I’d investigate more corrective statements and applications, stop fighting with your mind as though it’s separate and realise it is you and it represent you and so you’re in the process of changing you as the mind"

— from a chat



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 19 Sep 2012, 17:09

Day 150 My Relationship with My Own Mind (Part 2)

Self-Change? What the fuck is that? — continued

The “Back to the Past: Fuck process I Give Up” pattern — continued

This is a continuation of Day 149 My Relationship with My Own Mind (Part 1):

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective application assist and support myself stop and to find practical solutions and applications to stop fighting with my mind, with my own thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies and all other components that constitute the entirety of the mind.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that fighting the mind, fighting my own thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, and everything that comes up within my mind, is Not the solution and that self-change within that becomes quite impossible, because I am within the very ‘attitude’ of being hostile towards and within that fighting my mind, thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies, etc., separating myself from the mind, within that implying that I am giving it the permission to be more then me and that I can not direct myself within the awareness, presence and experience of any of such thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings that come up within my mind.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that within the moment of thoughts emerging within my mind, and this includes all other components of the mind, such as backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, imagination etc., that I have ONE moment within which I can make ONE decision: To Participate in it or to Not-Participate in it, thus I am in absolute directive principle of my self, how I experience myself and what I live, both within the presence AND absence of thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings, I decide in all instances who I am within a moment.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that when I make the decision to Participate, and this means if I follow, believe, internalize, personalize, live, judge and define myself by, through and as the content of the thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. that come up within my mind in a moment, that I am within that BECOMING the thought.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that I have two options within every moment a thought, backchat, emotion or feeling energy experience manifest within my mind, either to TAKE it or LEAVE it, where ‘Taking’ the thought would mean that I participate in it, that I believe it and it’s content to be real, true, me/self; that I personalize, internalize it and accept, see, define, judge and align myself within my expression, living and behavior by, through and as the content of such thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings within a moment, thus that I am solidifying and maintaining that part/point of self-acceptance that the thought, backchat, emotion and feeling is mirroring, showing, indicating, reflecting of myself, of my beingness ‘nature’; and the ‘Leaving’ of the though would mean to NOT participate in it, to Not believe in it, to Not define, see, accept and judge myself by, through and as it and it’s content, and that I am within that decision to Not-Participate in it, changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become where this point of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become is mirrored, reflected, indicated and contained within the very manifestation of the individual thought, backchat, emotion and feeling that manifested within my mind in a moment.

I commit myself to when and as I find myself failing multiple times within the attempt to change myself, stop, take a breath and pause for a moment and investigate and re-evaluate my practical approach and method I use for self-change to through this re-evaluation make sure that I am indeed self-honest and practical within my ‘method’ and ‘application’ I apply in-order to ‘accomplish’ self-change, such as for example where my ‘application’ and ‘method’ through which I tried to change myself was ‘fighting/resisting’ the mind, the thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings coming up within my mind, which did not work, but I still continued without question in the hope and belief that I might just have to stick to it some longer and it will work out; to thus stop and better re-evaluate my approach, understanding and relationship with/towards self-change, how I change myself, what ‘application’ and ‘methods’ I use and apply through which I attempt to change myself and from the re-evaluation make sure whether or not my current methods and applications are indeed self-honest and practical and if Not then assist and support myself through further writing and self-forgiveness to find out what self-change really is and how it works and what I must do practically to ‘accomplish’ real self-change, in other words, ‘what’ I must do practically, ‘how’ I must do it practically and ‘when’ I must do it practically in-order to change for real. Taking self-judgement as an example: The ‘what’ would be in this case to Stop judging myself. The ‘how’ would be, to when I find that I have self-judgemental thoughts and backchat, to take a breath, breathe comfortably, become comfortable within my human physical body, do Not fight/resist the thought and it’s content, and simply do Not allow myself to Participate in it, meaning that I do not allow myself to follow it, I do Not believe it to be ‘me’, I do not personalize and internalize it and so I do not judge and define myself through it and I do not allow the thoughts and it’s content to change how I see myself because when such self-judgemental thought comes up, I pause for a moment, and do Not go into automatic and immediate acceptance of that thought where I immediately automatically at the moment of the thoughts manifestation within my mind, use that thought manifestation as a trigger, to automatically and immediately participate in it, follow it, engage in the conversations, go deeper and deeper into it, believe it to be ‘me’ and in that belief judge and define myself through it and it’s content, but instead I use that same trigger, which is me becoming aware of the very thought, to re-evaluate that thought and it’s content and ask myself the question if this is really how I want to see myself as and if this is really what I want to accept myself as and live for the rest of my life, and accordingly decide, such as for example having a thought that contains self-judgement, judging myself as not good enough, to when I become aware of such thought manifesting within my mind, stop, breathe comfortably and do Not automatically participate in it and accept myself as it, but ask myself the question if the judgement of not being good enough is really what I/Self/Me want to see me as, want to accept me as and want to live with such experience for the rest of my life and then simply do Not participate in it, but remain practical, breathing comfortably, in that facing and walking through the thought, through the judgement, and within that Non-Participation in it when it emerges, I am changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I commit myself to Not allow myself to fight my own mind, my thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, pictures, fantasies etc. that emerge and manifest within my mind and I commit myself to when and as I see and find myself to react in self-defense and hostility towards my mind, towards thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies, energies, etc. that manifest within my mind within a moment, to immediately stop, take a breath and let-go of the self-defense and breathe comfortably, not allowing myself to fear not-fighting, not-opposing and not-defending myself against the mind, the thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. that manifest and come up within my mind within a moment, and to thus face and walk through the energy experiences of fear and anxiety of being ‘vulnerable’ and ‘open’ by not fighting, opposing and ‘defending’ myself against my mind, thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. that manifest and come up within my mind, because I see, realize and understand that it’s but Only a Energy Experience existent within the Mind itself, Not real and that if I would allow myself to Do Participate in it, I am making the statement that I accept myself as the thought and it’s content and in that solidify and maintain that thought further and within that solidify and maintain what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become where the knowledge and information part of this point of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become is shown, reflected and contained within the very individual thought, backchat, emotion, feeling, memory, image, fantasie etc. itself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself with and through comfortable breathing and remaining here within my human physical body, to Not oppose, fight and try to ‘defend’ myself against my own mind, against my own thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. that manifest and come up within my mind within a moment, but to in the moment such thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc., manifest and come up within my mind, make the decision to Not Participate in them because I see, realize and understand that by making this decision I am changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and that if I would make the decision to Do Participate within these thoughts, I am in that further solidifying and maintaining what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become because I see, realize and understand that the individual thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. that manifest and come up within my mind contain, reflect, mirror, show what I as ‘beingness’ have accepted and allowed myself to be and become at some point within my life.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that the thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. that keep manifesting and occurring within my mind, act as a REMINDER of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become at some point within my life, where the knowledge and information part of this self-acceptance is contained, shown, mirrored and reflected within the very individual thought, backchat, emotion, feeling, memory, character, personality, pattern, image, fantasy etc. that exist, manifest and come up within my mind and is looping there, always coming up anew. And I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I always have the same thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, images, memories, fantasies etc. that exist, manifest and come up within my mind, is one: That I am always Participating in them when they manifest and come up once again within my mind, because I see, realize and understand that within the moment such thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. manifest and come up within my mind, if I make the decision to participate in them, I am within that making the statement and taking the action of believing them to be real, true and to be ‘me’/self and that I ‘have’ to accept myself as them and their content and physically live-out them and their content, and within that I am further solidifying, maintaining and confirming, approving that this thought and it’s content, which reflect, mirror, show and contain what I as ‘beingess’ have accepted and allowed myself to be and become at some point within my life, is what ‘I’ want to remain existing as, is what I will continue seeing, accepting and defining myself as and is what I will continue living as myself, and in that I am thus further solidifying, maintaining and confirming, approving and acknowledging what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, thus I will not change and the same thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. will continue existing, manifesting and coming up within my mind to REMIND me of my decisions of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and exist as; whereby if I make the decision to Not Participate within the thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, images, memories, fantasies, characters, patterns, personalities etc. that exist, manifest and come up within my mind and instead live the self-corrective appliction for it, I am changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, because I am within the decision to Not Participate in them and instead living the self-corrective application part for it making the statement and taking the action that I no longer accept and allow myself to be, exist as and and continue being and existing as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and exist as as shown, reflected, mirrored and contained within the individual thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies, characters, patterns, personalities etc. that exist, manifest and come up within my mind.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that within every moment a thought manifest and come up within my mind, I and the One to make the decision to either participate, thus accept myself as and live-out what the thought consist of, or Not to Participate, thus Not accept myself as the thought and it’s content and Not let it dictate, decide and determine how I see myself, what I live and how I interact with reality and how I deal with a moment, but that I as Self as Beingness do so, taking the self-directive principle and standing as self-authority.



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SunetteSpies
Posts: 656
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:10

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby SunetteSpies » 19 Sep 2012, 19:15

Very cool understandings coming through Aldin, regarding the Mind as the mirror of self, which within your commitment statements is coming through as a stability in terms of this realisation - yes, within the actual physical practicality thereof, it will initially be 'bumpy' in terms of really bringing through this awareness/realisation of the mind as a mirror of self into a 'living stability' where one no more react to the Mind/self - but really stand rooted in and as the physical and realise that it's really just a mirror and within that self's ability/courage to LOOK into and as that mirror, SEE it as it is and to so effectively CHANGE self as one walk one's writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application.




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