Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 19 Sep 2012, 20:38

Very cool understandings coming through Aldin, regarding the Mind as the mirror of self, which within your commitment statements is coming through as a stability in terms of this realisation - yes, within the actual physical practicality thereof, it will initially be 'bumpy' in terms of really bringing through this awareness/realisation of the mind as a mirror of self into a 'living stability' where one no more react to the Mind/self - but really stand rooted in and as the physical and realise that it's really just a mirror and within that self's ability/courage to LOOK into and as that mirror, SEE it as it is and to so effectively CHANGE self as one walk one's writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application.
Thanks Sunette !!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 20 Sep 2012, 19:54

Day 151 My Relationship with My Own Mind (Part 3)

Self-Change? What the fuck is that? — continued

The “Back to the Past: Fuck process I Give Up” pattern — continued

This is a continuation of Day 149 My Relationship with My Own Mind (Part 1), continuing with the self-corrective statements of Day 150 My Relationship with My Own Mind (Part 2):

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that I do NOT have to accept myself as what exist in my mind, such as for example the thoughts, backchat, emotions and feelings, such as for example having thoughts of self-judgement, judging me as ugly and not good enough, that I do NOT have to judge myself through this thought consisting of the self-judgement words of, for example, that I am ugly and not good enough, that I do NOT have to Become my thoughts and their content, just because these thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies, characters, personalities, patterns, points etc. currently exist, manifest and come up within my mind, I do NOT have to accept myself as these and I commit myself to see, realize, understand and show that I CAN make the decision to Not-Participate in these thoughts, that I CAN self-direct myself if they were to ever manifest and come up within my mind, I do NOT have to participate in them, I do NOT have to believe them, I do NOT have to internalize and personalize them, I do NOT have to judge, see and define myself through them, I CAN make the Decision to Not-Participate, thus to NOT believe them, to Not internalize and personalize them, to Not judge, see and define myself through them, but to instead breathe comfortably, and in that Face, Walk and Direct Myself through and within the thought, backchat, emotions, feelings as energies without Participating in, complying, agreeing and submiting to them and/but instead applying the self-corrective application for them, and I see, realize and understand that by making the decision to Not-Participate in them when they come up and instead apply/live the self-corrective application for the specific thought, backchat, pattern, personality, charatcer etc. I am changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

And within that, I commit myself to Stop fighting/resisting my mind, such as fighting/resisting my thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies, energies when they manifest and come up within my mind, just because I believe and convinced myself of that belief that just because thoughts etc. manifest and come up within my mind, that it means that I HAVE TO participate in them, that I Have To believe them, that I Have To internalize and personalize them and that I Have to accept and Become them, because I now see, realize and understand that just because something exist, manifest and come up within me, within my mind, that it does NOT mean or in any way imply that I HAVE TO, that I am OBLIGED to Accept it As-Myself, that I Have To Become it literally, like for example that I Have To judge myself as ugly and not good enough and experience myself appropriately to that, just because I had such self-judgement Thoughts and Feeling/Emotion Energy Experiences manifest and come up within my mind, because I see, realize and understand that within the moment such thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, energies, memories, images, fantasies etc. manifest and come up within my mind, that there is a moment where ‘I’ am the ‘One’ to Decide whether I will Participate in it or Not-Participate in it, thus whether or Not I will Accept and Become the thought, backchat, emotion, feeling etc. and it’s content as My-Self or if I will not and instead breathe and live/apply the self-corrective application for it; I am the One that Decide, and that Decision I Have in every Moment/Breath, even within the moment of the thought etc. manifesting and coming up within my mind. And so, I commit myself to stop fighting/resisting my mind, the thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, energies, memories, images, imaginations etc. that manifest and come up within my mind, but to breathe comfortably, take it one breath at a time, and comfortably as breath assert myself as the self-directive principle to Not participate in them but instead apply/live the self-corrective application for them, deciding in each breath who I am in that breath and what I do and live in that breath, and do so within the next breath also and the next and the next.

Within the next posts, to continue with how I actually experience this resistance/fight with my mind, such as when thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, memories, images, fantasies etc. would manifest and come up within my mind where I experience it like me pushing the though away from me, but the more I push the more it pushes back, and I push it away because I fear it becoming and influencing ‘me’/self if I do not push it away.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 21 Sep 2012, 13:13

Day 152 “TRYING to communicate with girls” character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to communicate with other people I do not know, because within my mind a lot of thoughts, imaginations, backchat goes on, planning and adjusting and aligning myself according to a personality that I will access and become within that moment, through which I use a energy feeling I have in the moment as a reference to how effective I would be within becoming that particular personality in a moment, in terms of how effective I’ll be in impressing the other which I do not yet know very well or don’t know at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I must act and speak and behave in a certain way, like always smiling and being nice, within that not realizing that within most moments I am being totally unnatural in my expression because I am smiling and behaving nice due to FEAR that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always smile when someone talks to me because I don’t know what else to do because this is how I have always responded to others, always with a smile or laughter.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that most of my smiles and laughter are fake and done due to Fear of not being accepted, and within the smiling and laughter I try to avoid the fear of being judged or disliked and victimized by the other.

Thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am within and through my smiling and laughing trying to impress others and convince them to like and accept me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always have this image of myself and my body on my mind, no matter where I go and what I do, and when I for example communicate with others and for example laugh, immediately have this image of my body pop up within my mind, where I see myself and my behavior, my body and the way it all looks in detail, exaggerated with all the details/points I feel self-conscious about and fear being judged for.

When I communicate with others, or am just in others surroundings, I experience a numbness and heaviness within my face, my jaw tenses and it feels like my face is sagging, like stretching down to the earth, a downward pressure and I feel like lifeless. And when I communicate with others, especially girls/females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to and as what goes on within my mind in a moment, like for example a feeling, thought, backchat, image, fantasy etc. that I have within a moment, immediately and automatically accepting it as myself, instead of remaining here breathing, seeing, realizing and understand that I do not know what it really is, where it comes from and how I created it in the first place in Detail, and before I understand these points, I cannot blindly believe it and accept myself as it.

I’m going nowhere with this self-forgiveness, it’s scattered all over the place. Let me instead have a look at the main character that is behind this, to walk the entire point more structurally and specifically.

According to todays events the one character that I immediately see is: “TRYING to communicate with girls” character.

So, let’s investigate this character:

“TRYING to communicate with girls” character

Note: The emphasis here is on the word “TRYING” instead of just DOING it like I do it with guys/males.

CHARACTER DIMENSIONS:
Thoughts:

A picture of me in front of the girl, but I am like a statue, can’t find anything to talk about with her.

A picture of me in an environment and the background is greyed out and I am in color, like time stands still and I am feeling pressured to find something appropriate to talk about with the girl but can’t find it. Like time is running out and I have to find something before it runs out.

A picture of me starting to communicate with the girl but begin to stutter and make a fool out of myself. Like in the picture really seeing myself in this clown costume, to be a clown spotlighted when I stutter or make anything ‘wrong’ in my eyes during the communication with the girl.

Backchat:

“It feels unreal to ask her this”

“I feel so unreal communicating with her”

“Oh god, did I say something wrong, she didn’t smile or laugh, I knew it, it felt unreal in the first place”

“What can I ask her? Why can’t I think of something good to ask her!?”

“I can’t ask her what she did yesterday, that’s nothing special, I must think of something better”

“If I ask her this or say this to her, I think I will appeal to her”

“Oh god, I was wrong, she didn’t react the way I expected and wanted her to react in order to feel secure about myself, now I feel insecure about any further communication, I might just make it even worse. Let’s just put on a serious expression and walk away before I make things even worse and make myself unpopular”

“I don’t Feel like asking this question or saying this to her is right, I must find something to ask her or say to her where I Feel that it is the Right thing to ask or say”

“I must choose my words carefully so that she doesn’t think that I am weird for asking a particular question or saying a particular thing”

“I must not fuck up my impression on her through saying the wrong things, so I must choose my words and questions carefully”

“I’m so afraid to ask her this or say this to her, should I do it or not..?.. I don’t Feel like it will make her smile or laugh [appeal to her]”

“If she smiles or laughs it means I said something good and appealed to her and if she doesn’t it means I said something wrong and inappropriate”

“I hope I make her smile or laugh when I say this to her or ask her this question, if she doesn’t I’m screwed”

Additional note:

I see that I feel self conscious about the words I speak. I feel self conscious about asking questions and giving answers, sharing my view of reality or something.

Lol, more dimensions now opened up of the self-consciousness point. I thought self-consciousness only to be related to my physical-appearance, now I see and understand that it is much more then just that. It is all encompassing. Appearance, Communication, Movement, Behavior, Laughter, The words I speak, The questions I ask, Making mistakes, Stuttering, Talking to slow or talking to fast, The way I move, the clothes I wear, how how I feel shows within my face, my body and behavior, like for example, being self-conscious that if I am anxious or sad it shows in my physical body, like in my face and in my behavior, and so on and so on, it’s quite All encompassing and not just limited to physical appearance like I believed and defined it t be. (note: like I really feel like spotlighted when I ask questions and speak. Having the Thought/Image in my mind being in the spotlight and all my mistakes, like stuttering or something, being spotlightet immediately. Lol.)

Feelings and Emotions:

Fear

Anxiety

Expectation

Hope

Self-Judgement

Self-Criticism

Physical Experiences:

Tense jaw

Tense face

My face feels like pulling down, a downward pressure. Feels like my eyes are sucked into themselves.

In my mouth corners it feel like a downward pressure.

Feels like my heart stops

Constricted chest

Difficulty breathing/Shallow breaths

Memory:

[To Do]

Fear:

[To Do]

Consequences:

[To Do]

Self-Forgiveness:

[To Do]

Self-Corrective statements:

[To Do]



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 21 Sep 2012, 19:20

Day 154 “Pre-planed self-dishonesty” Character (Part 2)

My Relationship with My Own Mind — continued

Self-Change? What the fuck is that? — continued

The “Back to the Past: Fuck process I Give Up” pattern — continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character within and as which I pre-plan my self-dishonesties for a specified timeframe, like for example the current day or the following week, so that I can within the plan I make of all the activities and things that I will do, occupy all practical physical time for these activities and tings so that I really use all physical time available for those activities and so practically have no time left to be alone, with my attention and awareness ‘returning’ back to my inner-self where I’d have to deal with this inner-self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as this character before hand plan to watch TV, to watch specific series and movies which I have watched in the past, because I first had thoughts and backchat within which I talked myself into self-defeat because of non-understanding of my inner-experiences or because I keep falling on the same inner-self points, like for example being self-conscious, and then from that thought and backchat experienced depression and overwhelmingness from where I then looked for an escape from my inner-self, which lead to other thoughts and backchat looking for things I can do to practically avoid having to continue facing and dealing with such inner-self points I keep falling on and the inner-experiences like depression and desperation I experience because of failing over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have and to participate within the thoughts and backchat within which I defeated and victimized myself because I do not understand certain inner-experiences I have and/or because I keep failing at the point of transcendence of these inner-experiences or inner-self points, like for example being self-conscious, and because I accepted and allowed myself to participate within such thoughts, backchat, inner energy experiences and physical experiences and believed them to be true and to be ‘me’, I was searching for thoughts that would give me a clue to what I could do for the day so that I can feel somewhat better about myself and about life, and so come up with thoughts, such as to watch specific things on TV, because I remembered/found a memory within which I watched the same thing on TV and that I have felt really good and happy doing so.

Looking for things (activities such as watching TV) to make my life easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by my inner-experiences which I cannot place into words and understand within current moments and because I accept and allow myself to participate in and believe the energy experience of overwhelmingness, look for ways to make my life easier and in this search have thoughts that suggest to me things to do that will ease my inner-experience, because my thoughts used memories of past moments in my life where I did the same things and my inner-experience of feeling well while doing these things back then, as a reference for suggesting me this certain thing or activity to do now so that I feel well again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for ways to ease my inner-experience because I have thoughts and backchat saying that I cannot handle my inner-experiences I have in a moment, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I indeed CAN handle them, one breath at a time, and that the reason why I perceive myself as being unable to handle them is because I am not Here physically moving at the pace of physical breath, one breath at a time, but rushing within my mind looking for a quick fix and quick understanding and sudden realization of my inner-experiences and thus for a quick and sudden transcendence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a quick fix and sudden understanding and self-realization of my inner-experiences and thus to look for a quick and sudden transcendence of my inner-experiences, and within existing within and as this search for quick fixes, quick and sudden self-realizations and self-transcendence, go into my mind and look for thoughts that could give me this quick and sudden understanding and self-realization so that I can quickly and suddenly transcend my inner-experiences/inner-self because I have created myself as a being that always wants quick and sudden fixes because I do not want to walk the extended and extensive process within physical TIME and SPACE to only accumulate the understanding and self-realization to only be able to transcend an inner-experience or inner-self point later in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as beingness to exist within and as the nature of always looking for quick and sudden fixes because I do not want to walk the extended and extensive process through physical Time and Space to only accumulate the understanding and self-realization Bit by Bit and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that no matter how much I resist and don’t like it, there is NO magical, quick and sudden fix, self-realization and self-transcendence and that I HAVE TO walk the extended and extensive process in physical Time and Space and Accumulate the understanding and self-realization Bit by Bit, Breath by Breath, One Breath at a Time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the longer I postpone to face the inner-experiences and inner-self points that I do Not understand at the moment and that I keep failing in the transcendence thereof, and the longer I avoid to investigate these through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application that the longer it will take me before I finally do understand and transcend them, because I see, realize and understand that the understanding and self-realization will NOT fall into my lap one day with me just having to wait for it, I see, realize and understand that it does Not work this way, because I see, realize understand that ‘I’ have to do the labor myself to Make-Myself understand and that the understanding will thus Not come by itself to me.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a quick fix and sudden self-realization and transcendence of for example my self-consciousness, and when I fail at this understanding, self-realization and transcendence thereof, go into depression and desperation and manipulate myself through these inner energy experiences to give up, because I cannot find a quick fix for it but I want to find and have one, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that each point, such as for example self-consciousness, is multi-dimensional, is LAYERED and thus that I will need to investigate and forgive All dimensions, all the Layers the particular individual point, such as self-consciousness, exist in and as, and that it is common sense in that that there is NO quick fix, no sudden self-realization and transcendence of self, such as for example self-consciousness, because I have created the point I am dealing with, such as for example self-consciousness, over Space and Time, adding layer upon layer of it and that it will thus EQUALLY take a Process of, within and as physical Space and Time to transcend layer by layer of this one point, before I transcend the point itself in it’s totality and that it will take TIME because I am in a physical reality and within this I can only do my investigations through for example self-forgiveness, or writing, one sentence/point at a time, but I see, realize and understand that I have to transcend first layer by layer, till I have transcended all layers and in this will have transcended the point itself in it’s totality.

And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because I am unsuccessful to find a quick fix and have a sudden self-realization and transcendence of the inner-self points I am walking and dealing with in a moment, feel overwhelmed by these inner-experiences and experience it just as too much, because I cannot find this desired quick fix and have this sudden self-realization and self-transcendence, and because I do Not want to continue further investigating the point I don’t understand or keep failing at transcending, through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application, instead look for ways and methods to ease my life by easing my inner-experiences, like through watching TV to feel good and happy while doing so, because distraction and ignorance of the ‘problem’ is my primary method that I have developed through which I deal with my inner-experience of ‘feeling stuck’ and overwhelmed, or any other inner-experience I do not want to face and deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting ‘stuck’ with an inner experience, such as not understanding an inner-experience or failing at it’s transcendence, that when I do feel stuck slightly, immediately distract myself from the point I am experiencing myself as being ‘Stuck’ within and ignore it through doing something else, like watching TV, or any other activity or things that will allow me to avoid dealing with this point I am feeling ‘stuck’ with any further.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by distracting myself from and ignore the problem, such as a point I feel stuck within, such as distracting myself from this problem through watching TV, will not make the problem disappear, will not make myself suddenly understand, realize and transcend the point I feel stuck within one ‘beautiful’ day, but that I will eventually and inevitable have to return to the point and return to face and deal with this point I currently feel stuck within, and do the further investigation of this point through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application Till I understand and get the point, till I self-realize and till I transcend eventually, and that this will be a Process walked in Space and Time, within which I accumulate the understanding, self-realization and transcendence Bit by Bit, Breath by Breath Till it’s Done, so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that any postponement of the process of investigating, facing and dealing with the points I feel stuck with in a moment, will Not lead to sudden, miraculous, out of the blue understanding, self-realization and transcendence of it, or that I will suddenly not feel/be ‘stuck’ within it and thus is just a waste of breaths/time that I can never get back, because I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that all understanding, self-realization and transcendence has to be SELF-Accomplished.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 22 Oct 2012, 18:51

(Note: Writings from Day 155 till Day 181 will be posted to the forums later. For now can read them on my blog.)

Day 182 My Inner-Self is the Only Dominion I have Control over

Within this writing I am continuing with the character I started in Day 172 Comforting my hell through consumption.

Here I am walking the the self-corrective statements for Day 181:

I commit myself to Not Allow Myself to have and hold onto the Desire, Want and ‘Need’ to have absolute and total Control of Every aspect of Life and My Process, due to Fear of something happening or manifesting within my Life that I would not like to happen or manifest, because I see, realize and understand that I cannot Control Life or External Forces, such as Nature, Events or the External Universe and that all I can Control is My Own Inner-Self, my Inner-Reality, My-Self as that is the Dominion in which I am the One that has Direct and Full Directive Principle and Authority if I but Decide to take it. Further—

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I can only Walk My Practical Process in the Physical and Walk it in Patience and Trust Myself to Deal and Direct Whatever happens within My Reality and My Inner Self, and that Trying or Fighting for Control in the Desire for Control is, in the end, futile, because I see, realize and understand that I Do Not have Control of External Forces but Only Over and Of My Own Inner Self.

I commit myself to Not allow myself to Fear something Unexpected happening within my reality, world or inner self, for I see, realize and understand that Fear will Not give me the practical support on how to deal with it and is in that more destructive than supportive in such instances — but instead Breathe and Trust Myself to Direct Myself through whatever happens and manifests within my world, reality and inner-self, as I see, realize and understand that the Only dominion I have Control as Directive Principle over and of is My Own Self as My Own Inner Reality of Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts, Backchat, Memories, Energies, Images, Fantasies, Imaginations etc. and that I do Not have Control Over External Forces.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that within the Context of My Own Definition of ‘Control’, it is Not about Control within My Own Life or Process, but about being the Self-Directive Principle and Trusting Myself as Breath to Direct Myself in and as Any and All Moments, whatever the moment might consist of.

Before I continue with the self-corrective statements, I will firstly have a closer look at my own definition of ‘control’:

Control:

making things be the way I want them to be

avoid my fears from manifesting

ensure and guarantee that my desires, wants and needs do physically manifest and materialize

the ability to shape every detail of my life in such a way that I can make my dream life physically manifest and materialize

having peace of mind and a silent conscience due to knowing exactly in detail what my life/future will be like and that I will not face anything that I do not want to face and deal with

the ability to see and know what is ahead; what will happen, in detail

(I will continue with self-forgiveness on my relationship to the point of ‘Control’ within posts to come.)

But for now, continue with the self-corrective statements I started with in this post:

So, I commit myself to when, as and If I see and find myself to have the Desire for absolute control of process and life itself, to Then immediately stop, take a breath and move myself within myself to the point of Letting this Desire, Want and ‘Need’ of Mine Go, Unconditionally, and instead see, realize, understand and remind myself that for one: I cannot control life and external forces, and that the Only dominion I have Control as Directive Principle over and of is My Own Self as My Own Inner Reality of Thoughts, Feelings, Emotions, Backchat, Memories, Images, Fantasies, Imaginations etc. as All and Everything happening and moving and manifesting Inside ME, and secondly: That it’s Not about Control within the context of My Own Definition of ‘Control’, but about being the Self-Directive Principle and Authority of My Own Self and Trusting Myself to Self-Direct Myself in and as Self-Honesty throughout Any and All moments that manifest, whatever the content of the moment might be. So, it’s a: Breathe and Trust Myself that I will Direct Myself and make informative Decisions based in Self-Honesty with the Intent/Outcome of the Decision being What is Best for All Life as Equals — whatever the moment might bring and consist of, I Will Remain My Own Self-Directive Principle and Authority and the One that Moves Me — and so I let the Desire, Want and ‘Need’ for absolute and total Control of Life and Process Go If I find and see myself to have and experience it, for I see, realize and understand that ‘I’ am the One that must Directly Let-Go of this Desire, Want and ‘Need’ for it is My Own Desire, Want and ‘Need’ and will in that Not let-go of itself, by itself, on it’s own, But that ‘I’ am the One that Must Move Myself Physically Within Myself to the Point of Making the Decision and Taking the Action of Letting it Go and Applying/Living my self-corrective application for it.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to establish/Accumulate Trust within myself so that I can Trust Myself to Always be My Own Self-Directive Principle and make informative Decisions based in Self-Honesty with the Intent/Outcome of What is Best for All Life as Equals — through walking my practical process of self-forgiveness, writing, self-corrective statements and self-corrective application in real-time walked in and as my Journey to Life on a consistent Daily basis.

Within the next post I’ll continue with the self-corrective statements walked in this Day.

Thanks for reading!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 23 Oct 2012, 16:50

(Note: Writings from Day 155 till Day 181 will be posted to the forums later. For now can read them on my blog.)

Day 183 Should I panic when something unexpected happens?

Within this writing I am continuing with the character I started in Day 172 Comforting my hell through consumption.

Here I am walking the self-corrective statements for the self-forgiveness done in Day 182:

I commit myself to not allow myself to fear Not-Knowing what to do in moments that I have not been prepared for, as I see, realize and understand that reacting in fear and holding onto that fear; with the action of holding-onto the fear being equal to the action of accepting myself As fear and allowing myself to exist in and as fear; is Not practical and will Not give be any self-honest practical methods and application or solutions to deal with the current moment — and that the solution is instead to be self-aware of each breath I take and walk in self-trust that no matter the content of a moment, I will self-direct myself in self-honesty and make informative decisions based in self-honesty with the intent and outcome of what is best for all life as equals. And so—

I commit myself to when, as and If I see and find that I am going into the reaction and experience of Fear or Anxiety when I face a moment that I am not ‘prepared’ for, Then Stop and Let Go of the Fear and/or Anxiety Unconditionally, and instead Take a Breath and Take/Remain the Self-Directive Principle and Authority and Decision-Maker of Me Myself and Review/Assess the moment in Self-Honesty and accordingly make an informative Decision based in Self-Honesty with the Intent/Outcome of what is Best for All Life as Equals. As I see, realize and understand that ‘I’ am the One that Must Actively and Deliberately Move Myself Physically Within Myself to Let Go of that Fear and Not Participate in it because I see, realize and understand that ‘I’ am the One Experiencing the Fear, so the Fear exist inside Me and with that ‘I’ am also the One that Must Let it Go and Stop My Participation in it, for it is My Participation in the Fear and within that ‘I’ am the One that is Participating in My Own Fears, Yet understand that My Participation in My Own Fear has become Automated, but that still ‘I’ am the One that Must Stop My Own Participation in My Own Automation/Automated Pattern of Fear and that this Action of Not Participating Must Now Be made/taken Actively and Deliberate, Stepping Beyond the Automated Participation in My Own Fear, Meaning: That ‘I’ am the One that Must Actively and Deliberately Move Myself Physically Within Myself to Not Participate Automatically in My Own Automation/Automated Patterns/Fears if they come up inside me, and if I do already participate in them, that ‘I’ am the One that Must Actively and Deliberately Move Myself Physically Within Myself to Stop My Own Participation in My Own Fear and Instead apply my Self-Corrective Application for it.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that there is No practical point/solution in Fearing the Unknown, in Fearing to Face something I have not been ‘prepared’ for and that instead of wasting time/breaths by Allowing Myself to Participate in Fear, I should spend that time/breaths on Finding Practical Solutions as Self-Corrective Applications. And so—

I commit myself to when, as and If I see and find that I am going into and/or remaining in Fear and not stepping out due to facing a moment I am not prepared for, to Then Stop and Take a Breath, see, realize and understand that Fear is Not Practical and is Not a Solution and in that Immediately Move Myself Within Myself towards Taking the Action of Stepping Out of My Fear and Not Participate in it any further and so No Longer accept and allow myself to waste time/breaths in Praticipating in Fear and instead Use my time/breaths Practically in using it to find solutions and self-corrective applications for the ‘unexpected’ moment that manifested within me and my world/reality, doing this Practically through Doing My Self-Forgiveness, Writing, Self-Corrective Statements, Self-Corrective Application and/or Breathing in that Moment to in that be able to make an informative Decision based in Self-Honesty with the Intent/Outcome of what is Best for All Life as Equals, instead of Reacting to the ‘unexpected’ moment with emotions and feelings, such as for example Fear.

Okay. I will continue within my next post.

Thanks for reading.



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 24 Oct 2012, 18:08

(Note: Writings from Day 155 till Day 181 will be posted to the forums later. For now can read them on my blog.)

Day 184 Trusting Myself instead of Fearing the Future

Within this writing I am continuing with the character I started in Day 172 Comforting my hell through consumption.

Here I am continuing with the self-corrective statements for Day 182:

I commit myself to Not allow myself to Fear falling or failing in my process or whatever I am doing, such as learning a new skill, and/or anything else I am doing within my life, and so—

I commit myself to let go of the desire, want and ‘needs’ to know my future before-hand to see whether or not I will be successful with what I am doing, such as if I will be successful with my process or not, for I see, realize and understand that this desire, want and ‘need’ creates the very fear of falling and failing, and so—


I commit myself to instead of desiring, wanting and ‘needing’ to know my future in detail and instead of fearing to fail or fall in my process or whatever I am doing within my life, such as learning a new skill — Breathe and Trust Myself to Always Direct Myself in Self-Honesty and Make Decision Based in Self-Honesty in All moments, no matter what the content of the moment is and ‘just’ Walk the Practical Process for getting something done, like with process for example where the practical process to walk to get this process done is to Do and stick to Do my self-forgiveness, writing, self-corrective statements and self-corrective application on a consistent daily basis; or with for example learning a new skill, where the Practical Process for mastering the new skill would be to Do and to Stick to Do My Research and Practice it on a consistent basis Till I have mastered it, and see, realize and understand that it Will Take Time because I am in a physical space time reality, and it will thus Not happen overnight, such as that I will Not ‘get process done’ overnight, or learn a new skill overnight.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I do Not need or require to know my future in detail to in that be able to have a backup, a guarantee that I will be successful within my life, such as that I will be ‘successful’ within my process or learning a new skill or whatever I am doing within my life, and that the fear itself implies a major lack of self-trust which means that I do not trust myself that I will Do my absolute best in every moment to get things done and be ‘successful’ such as with process or learning a new skill or whatever I am doing within my life and that I will remain the self-directive principle in every moment, no matter what the content of the moment may be, but that I am instead Accepting and Allowing myself to be directed by External Separate-From-Me Forces, such as Events or Inner Experiences — which I further see, realize and understand implies, shows and proves that I am still Accepting and Allowing Myself to Abdicate My Own Self-Directive Principle, Authority and Decision-Making Power/Ability to Someone or Something Separate-From-Me such as My Mind as Emotions and Feelings and Thoughts and Backchat and Memories etc. or Events or Consequences. And so—

I commit myself to take Full Self-Responsibility, take Absolute Self-Directive Principle, Authority and be My Own Decision-Maker in Every Single Minutest Detail, Aspect and Part of My Own Inner Self and My Own Reality/World. In that—

I commit myself to assist and support myself with and through the process of daily consistent application of self-forgiveness, writing, self-corrective statements, self-corrective application and breathing to find and remove any and all Parts, Aspects and Details within My Self where I am Abdicating Absolute and Full Self-Responsibility, Self-Directive Principle, Authority and Decision-Making, but still Accept and Allow/Make the Decision to Allow Something or Someone Separate-From-Me to Decide For-Me and Direct Me For-Me — to so in that Process of Finding and Stopping All such Instances, Parts, Aspects and Details within My Self where I am Not Taking FULL and ABSOLUTE Self-Responsibility, Self-Directive Principle, Authority and Decision-Making — Reclaim this Absoluteness of Being My Own Self-Directive Principle, Authority and Decision Maker, so that I from there on Live in Full Self-Awareness as a Self-Aware Physical Living Being and Not as a being that Lives Through and is Directed By a Automated-System as the Mind that up to now has Directed Me For-Me and Took Authority over Me For-Me and Made Decisions For-Me, with All of My Living being fully Automated. So that in re-establishing My Own Self-Responsibility, Self-Directive Principle, Authority and Decision-Making Fully — I can Finally Live-Me in Self-Awareness Absolutely and Fully in Every Moment and Decide Who I am in relationship to Myself, My Own Body and Everyone and Everything Else within this Existence By Myself On My Own, Fully and Absolutely, In Every Single Minutest Detail of this relationship I have with and to My Own Self, My Own Body and Everything and Everybody Else within Existence — and have this No Longer be Automatically Done and Decided and Determined For-Me by and through a Automated System-Representation of My-Self, such as the Mind being this System-Representation of My-Self/Beingness/Nature/What I am Accepting and Allowing My-Self to be and become.

I commit myself to Not allow myself to believe and participate in My Own thoughts, imaginations, backchat and reactions of emotions and feelings of the nature of Fear, that come up when I am walking My Process and/or Learning a New Skill or whatever else I am doing within my own life, as a Fear of Not being ‘successful’ with it/not getting it — as I see, realize and understand that such thoughts, imaginations, backchat and reactions of emotions and feelings are counterproductive and only lead to self-diminishment and self-defeat and lead me to the decision to give-up. And so—

I commit myself to Question and Challenge such thoughts, imaginations, backchat and reactions of emotions and feelings that come up as the nature of Fear and Self-Diminshment and Self-Defeat and are Counterproductive, and Not Accept and Allow Myself to/Make the Decision to Not Participate, Believe, Internalize and Define Myself Through and As these thoughts, imaginations, backchat and reactions of emotions and feelings, as I live the Questions “Why would I deliberately diminish, defeat, victimize and make myself feel shit and in that lead myself deliberately to the point of giving up????” and “Why would I be counterproductive towards myself????”, and in Living these Questions — Stop, Take a Breath, Calm Myself Down to the pace of Physical Breath and Make the Decision to Not Participate in these thoughts, imaginations, backchat and reaction of emotions and feelings, But Instead Be Aware of Myself as the Moment in Totality and Make a Self-Honest and Informative Decision of Who I am/want to be and live in that moment, and so Act and Apply this Decision accordingly, instead of Accepting and Allowing Myself/Making the Decision to Follow My Pre-Programming/What I have Accepted and Allowed Myself to Be and Become in the Past, which comes through/is mirrored/reflected within My Own thoughts, imaginations, backchat, memories, reactions of emotions and feelings etc., Automatically.

In Day 186, I will continue with self-forgiveness for the self-interest dimension of the character identified in Day 173 Comforting my hell through consumption.

Thanks for reading!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Postby Dilan » 25 Oct 2012, 20:49

(Note: Writings from Day 155 till Day 181 will be posted to the forums later. For now can read them on my blog.)

Day 185 Where does the idea come from that Process/Life should be easy at this stage?

Within this writing I am continuing with the character I started in Day 172 Comforting my hell through consumption.

I am in this writing here continuing with the self-forgiveness for the rest of the self-interest of the character identified in Day 172.

Self-Forgiveness for self-interest:

(The desire to have my process/life be extraordinary easy and smooth running with no obstacles whatsoever on the journey.):

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and within my mind hold onto the desire, want and ‘need’ for my process, or whatever I am doing within my life, such as learning new things, to be extraordinary easy and smooth running with no obstacles on the journey, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is wishful thinking about life and the physical in terms of how things work in reality. So—

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within wishful thinking about process and life and the physical in terms of it’s mechanics as how it works and functions, and not realize, see and understand that this wishful thinking is originating from the consumerist lifestyle I have been living for most of my life where I have done nothing that required actual real effort from my side, but have always spend most of my days sitting on the couch and snacking while watching TV, with having everything served to me by my parent, where thus money was not an issue and such a comfortable life was not an issue at all. In that—

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that from this lifestyle I have lived for most of my life, from childhood till adulthood, I have created an false idea about life and the physical world and reality itself in terms of it’s mechanics and how it works and functions, thinking and believing that life is easy and things fall into place at the right time without me having to do any effort myself, because that is what has happened for most of my life: Things have fallen into place themselves, problems have ‘solved themselves’ and I had nothing to do and I could just sit on a couch and snack my favourite foods while entertaining myself through various media formats, ranging from movies and series to video games and pornography, BUT have in this all NEVER questioned and investigated why the things have fallen so easily into place in my life and in that have Not seen that my life was so comfortable and ‘easy’ because I had MONEY and others that brought me that MONEY and Supported Me to have such an Easy Life and solved the problems for me, which where My Parents. Where—

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I could always get most things I wanted as a child, whatever money could buy, and had my parents work for me for the money and in that enable a life for me where I could just sit on my couch and snack my favorite food and participate in various forms of entertainment, and never had to really do anything for myself by myself, such as go on errands, cooking food, work for money, or dealing with financial stuff or problems — create the false idea that life is easy and effortless and that ‘I’ do Not have to bring about any Effort from My side and that ‘I’ don’t have to move myself to get things done or create what I want, and that things will just fall into place and work themselves out, just like they did throughout my entire childhood up to adulthood, still today, because I still am financially supported by my parents and my parents go on errands and my mom makes food for me, so I don’t have to do anything myself. In that—

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an false image and idea and in that definition of life, reality, the physical in terms of it’s mechanics as how it works and functions, where I now believe that life is easy and effortless, where I can pursue my own interest and desires, wants and ‘needs’ and sit on a couch and snack my favorite food while entertaining myself through various formats, just because this is what I was able to do throughout my entire life, from childhood till adulthood, and still able to do today, But missing what it is that enable me to have such a life in the first place, which was and still Are my parents/others that work or earn money and support me with that money They earn and Solve financial problems Themselves without Me having to Deal with it in Any way whatsoever — and Now through that lifestyle that I was Enabled to have through Having My Parents/Others bring Money to Me and Do things For Me and Deal with All Problems that would manifest For-Me — believe that this is the Same for the rest of my life and in that also superimpose that Definition and Idea of Mine about Life, Living, the Physical and Reality onto Process itself, where I think and believe that Walking Process as Doing Self-Forgiveness, Writing, Self-Corrective Statements and Self-Corrective Application and Self-Change itself is easy and effortless, in terms of that ‘I’ am the One that Do Not have to bring any effort by Myself as Myself, that ‘I’ am the One that Do Not have to ‘Move’ Me Myself, or do anything else, and that the self-change will come by itself, the decisions will make themselves and the necessary actions for self-change will take themselves by themselves on their own. But—

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I take My Parents Away from the Equation, that My Life would fall into pieces and I Myself would Probably End Up on the Streets, or would only for a limited amount of time be able to survive, due to the Money Saved where the Money Saved is Still the Money My Parent Earned Themselves and Gave Me — and that with taking My Parents Away from the Equation of My Life, I would in an instant No Longer have Access to a Life of Comfort like I had throughout my entire life up to now, from childhood to adulthood and still to this very day here. And so—

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that My Idea, Belief and in that also Definition of/about life, living, the physical and reality of itself being easy and effortless, in terms of that ‘I’ am the One that Do Not have to do Anything Myself, that ‘I’ am the One that do Not have to bring any Effort from My Side to get Something Done, and that it will all fall into place by itself on it’s own someday in the future and that I just have to wait for it, because ‘it’ always did within my life — that My Own Idea, Belief and Definition of life, living, the physical and reality in terms of it’s mechanics as how it works and functions, is All False and Wishful Thinking and a Fairytale that was Enabled to Me to be lived in, because I now see, realize and understand that I could live such a fairytale life because it was Enabled to me through my parents/others that had worked for me and earned money that they supported Me with and Never asked of Me or told Me that I have to work for My Own Money and Buy My Own food or Do my Own errands or Deal Alone with All My Own Problems I had, like in School or wherever else, But They did All For Me, Allowing Me to Relax and sit on the couch that They Bought through the Money They earned, and snack my favorite food that They Bought with the Money They earned, while participating in various forms of entertainment, like watching TV, to series, to playing video games that They Bought with the Money They earned, and Have Me Not worry about any Problems or Doing Things Myself that require Much Effort, because They Would Do it For Me, still Today. So, in that—

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never really grow up but always, still up to this day here, remain existing as a Spoiled Brat, that believes that life is easy and effortless in terms of that ‘I’ am the One that Do Not have to bring any Effort by Myself to get something done within My Life and that Everything will fall into place on it’s Own, just because I was ENABLED to have such a life through my parents/others that Worked and Earned Money For Me and Supported Me With It, not asking of Me to ever Work for My Own Money or Deal with My Own Problems By Myself Alone, but They would Always do it For Me. And so—

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to finally grow up and see, realize and understand that Life is Not ‘easy’ and ‘effortless’ in terms of that ‘I’ do Not have to Do Anything Myself but that it will all work itself out and fall into place by itself on it’s own, and see, realize and understand that ‘I’ am indeed the One that Must and Have to bring My Own Effort and Move My Own Self and Do Things By Myself Directly if I want something, such as if I want to get this process done, if I want to understand Myself as the Mind, then ‘I’ am the One that Must in Fact, in Detail, Absolutely and Fully in All Ways Move Myself and bring My Own Effort Required to reach my objectives, such as understanding myself as my mind, getting process done, learning something new, earning money etc.; Where for example the Required Action and Effort that ‘I’ am the One that has to Do By Myself On My Own Directly and Deliberately is to Do My Self-Forgiveness, Writing, Self-Corrective Statements and Self-Corrective Application on a Consistant Daily Basis, or with for example earning Money, that the required Action and Effort that ‘I’ am the One that has to Do By Myself On My Own Directly and Deliberately is To Find a Job and Work —— as I now see, realize and understand that Nothing Will Move or Fall into Place by itself in My Life or My Own Process for that matter, if ‘I’ am the One that do Not Move Myself Directly and Deliberately, and that Things will only ‘fall into place’ by itself if there is someone Else who Does it For Me, like Work and Earn Money For Me, in terms of that they Support Me equally and fully with the Money They Earn, such as My Parents of Loved Ones, and that when These Die or Move Away or Lose Their Job, I will be back at Square One: Having to Now do Shit By Myself On My Own Directly — And that this is Especially True within My Process Now, because there is No-One Else that Can walk My Own Process For Me, such as My Parents earning Money For Me, this Shit does Not exist in Process, and so I am left All Alone to Do the required effort and Actions necessary in this process by Myself On My Own Directly All Alone, such as Self-Forgiveness, Writing, Self-Corrective Statements and Self-Corrective Application and in that Have to bring My Own Effort and Actions Necessary to Change Myself, as No One Can do it For Me — And so I Resist Doing Everything on My Own because I am Not used to it for I was for Most of My Life enabled to live a Fairytale Life of Ease and Effortlessness from My Side.

Within Day 186 I will be walking the self-corrective statements for the self-forgiveness walked in this post, and will in Day 187 continue with further self-forgiveness on the last self-forgiveness statement walked in this post.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned!!!



Dilan
Posts: 650
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Day 570 Self-Forgiveness is hard to do – Character

Postby Dilan » 27 Sep 2014, 20:35

Day 570 Self-Forgiveness is hard to do – Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and exist as the “Self-Forgiveness is hard to do”-Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the “Self-Forgiveness is hard to do”-Character instead of directing myself as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that applying/doing self-forgiveness is hard and difficult to apply because I always experience a lot of resistance towards it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just because I always experience resistance and sometimes lots of it when it comes to doing my writing or self-forgiveness – to think and believe that it’s hard and difficult and impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that doing my writing and self-forgiveness is hard and difficult and impossible.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect writing and self-forgiveness to the word hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect writing and self-forgiveness to the word difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect writing and self-forgiveness to the word impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘experiencing resistance towards writing’ to ‘I cannot do my writing and self-forgiveness’ – thinking and believing that just because I am experiencing resistance to writing and self-forgiveness that automatically I cannot do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that despite experiencing resistance to writing and self-forgiveness I can still do my writing and self-forgiveness – which is proven right now by me writing this and doing this very self-forgiveness session here while I experience resistance to it, and while I have been experiencing resistance to it before I started.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have been experiencing resistance/a lot of resistance BEFORE I started this very self-forgvieness session that I am doing right now, but that I have been able to start it and be right here doing it simply by making that DECISION and APPLYING it/PUSHING myself to LIVE it – and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I CAN do that always; whenever I am experiencing resistance to it.

So, within that: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and udnerstand that the belief and statement that I make wihtin my mind that I cannot do writing and self-forgiveness – is simply a lie; an invalid statement that is NOT truth – for I see, realize and understand that with this very moment here and the time that has passed since the very first word I wrote in startng this very self-forgiveness session here and still writing – is my proof that I still CAN do my writing and self-forgiveness despite having and experiencing resistance/resistance-energy to it before starting it or while being in the middle of it.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can never again re-start my blogging / daily writing / consistant writing – just because I haven’t been able to do so up to now with all the resistance I have been experiencing and falling at / not ‘being able’ to move through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I CAN re-start my consistent blogging / writing / self-application in my process once more – and that the point of ‘not being able’ to move through my resistances so far to get back to that point of consistent self-application / writing/self-forgiveness in my process – has been because of me not pushing myself to do so, out of holding-myself -back in nothing more but MY OWN MIND – out of believing that I need my mind for it to first be willing to do the writing/self-forgiveness/self-application or that my MIND needs to be in the MOOD for writing/self-forgiveness/self-application INSTEAD of seeing, realizing and understanding that I do NOT need the mind‘s permission or MOOD for that –– That it is the PHYSICAL BODY that does the speaking or writing or application – NOT the MIND – and so the MIND can NOT hold one/me back from writing/self-forgiveness/self-application – for it is the BODY who does the writing with the PHYSICAL HANDS, or it is the BODY who does the SPEAKING with the MOUTH/THROAT/VOICE-BOX/VOCAL-CORDS and NOT the MIND, or it is the BODY who does the Self-Application/Behavior Correction/Movements of Self-Corrective Application – and NOT the MIND = So – The MIND can NOT hold one/me/self/the body back – only if ALLOWED by one’s SELF – thus by SELF-DECISION.





Return to “Sharing Self Forgiveness”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron