Marlen amazing support undeniably relivent to what i wrote previously. Thank you for providing such an insight as i was infact turning negatibe into positive. I will expand on the points you have provided.
So undoubtly i precieved my childhood as a negative, in regards to my upbringing by my parents. I remember times at school where i would purposely create a situation that would earn a call to my mom, I remember spicificly when she arrived at my school how good it felt to see her, and when she asked my questions, i felt a lot better. So i offten created the situation purposely for the effect.
I had a teacher named miss black, she was pretty and i was attracted to her. She took a likeing or interest in me because during lunch hour she would somtimes bring me to her car and speak to me about stuff, anything i wanted to talk about. I remember she brought me to micdonalds a lot too, and i remember her saying to keep it a secret and i did, because i did not want to lose what we shared.
Anyways back on track here. Being here in this moment i see that i turned it into a positive through adopting a belief that my life was less complicated by parental quidance. Maybe this is true to some extent because my mom was not affective within bringing me up as a responsible affective human being that can lead an effective life of self support. So i was indeed angery with my mother and my father for not being able to work out their diffrence and put aaide their selfishness, at least to listen and hear what I had to say somtimes.
Ok so i turned the negative into a positive which is infact a negative. If i utilize a stable position of what is really going on within me, well im finding myself, i have never been so clear in my stand for self amd life, so this is all so new to me and i appreciate the support shown to me and will apply myself as i am told if required because as is i can not do it by myself and the support is sooo apprciated, thanks again everyone.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to turn what i previously defined as negative upbringing into a positive.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within bi polar behaviours instead of remaining stable and clear within directing myself here as breath to find the answerers that lie within which must be besr for all and not defined by limitation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in a negative way to what i presume would be a complication by turning into a positive.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to grow within stability finding only solutions to what i believe a parent should be to their child
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame my mother for not providing the tools required to become an effective human being in this world.
I KNOW who I am within this struggle to self and I KNOW the stand of desteni is the finish line. I made it! Now i am to take it easy and breathe through any and all reactions knowing i am here, and am here within what is best and it will take time to blossum but i will remain patient with myself as this growth we will have have to face one day.
I commit myself to not turn any experiance into a positive or negative amd instead realize what i had soo long ago, that the most effect stand i can make it here within this breath, not just observing the internal movements but manifesting them to the group that i am proud to be apart of.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to manifest myself in self honesty to myself and the desteni group.
I commit myself to realize that we took a stand again bi polar reaction in life to instead adopt a commen sense starting point within every single human expeiance and i commit myself to apply this common sense with in ALL of my own experiances.
Im 10 days old today
(pats himself on the back)