forgiving myself

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Luc St-Amand
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 28 Nov 2012, 20:58

Loneliness when alone physically, missing something or somone, certain qualities or attributes around me that are no longer around me, to stimulate, engage, feel, which comes down to the individual, me, its faulse fulfillment, inadequate, hmm interesting. Why? Hmmm because evil, I know its all based in self interest and I would like to uphold that interest by allowing loneliness, I guess it confirms to my ego what it likes and dislike and gives it establishment, from that starting point I seek what I believe I lost or should possess, qualities or attribute, maybe I believe I myself incapable of possessing them through self, hmm loneliness sure is compliced

Nov, 28, 2012.

"Loneliness when physically alone"

I forgivemyself for allowing and accepting myself to use feelings and positive thinking within thoughts to induce negative emotions when alone, when I do this I fulfill polarity and become a battery for the system.

"Missing somone or something"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach value based in polarity on the people or things around me. The polarity is my preferences, what I attach value to, wether family, or material object's.

"Qualities or attributes"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my own delusions as real, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse others based on what they have, my entire experience within consciousness is based in self interest and it makes me sick.

"Giving ego establishment"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself a prison where I hide because of negative emotions that I power through positive feelings, I will no longer allow this! Because I see what I do, I know I will stop the mind within this physical body, because I have too, why does something so simple made complicated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting complication as an excuse to stop facing what I have become through what I allowed and accepted as my world within and without.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fear as being a nothing of no one compared to that standards of what family and society sets the bar, and because I am not up to the standards I allow loneliness








"Missing



Maya
Posts: 1267
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 21:56

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Maya » 29 Nov 2012, 12:51

"Loneliness when physically alone"

I forgivemyself for allowing and accepting myself to use feelings and positive thinking within thoughts to induce negative emotions when alone, when I do this I fulfill polarity and become a battery for the system.
Cool so here, you realized the Design of how you coped and dealt with a Negative Experience such as feeling alone, through talking yourself out of it, utilizing Positive Thinking.
Now, I suggest going one step further in looking at a practical assistance and support when facing such moments. Like for instance:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that positive thinking would assist and support me to deal with the Experience that I have faced instead of Investigating the Nature/Core/Origin of the Experience as Energy that I've created within and as myself, because I now realize that I was the one who decided to accept and allow myself to participate in a Negative Experience as Energy from the get go and accordingly, I take responsibility in assisting and supporting myself to get to the core/origin/source point and practically change that which I've accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself, in separation of and from myself.
"Missing somone or something"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach value based in polarity on the people or things around me. The polarity is my preferences, what I attach value to, wether family, or material object's.
Cool, I suggest investigating the word 'Preference' and within that, what we base our preferences on.
For assistance and support, please read :
The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 5) - Day 202
"Qualities or attributes"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my own delusions as real, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse others based on what they have, my entire experience within consciousness is based in self interest and it makes me sick.
Note here, that this statement is taint with self judgement and specifically the words: "And it makes me sick".
Also, within the context of 'Qualities or Attributes' in relationship to Missing someone and feeling alone, this statement isn't align and I suggest to revise it.
"Giving ego establishment"

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself a prison where I hide because of negative emotions that I power through positive feelings, I will no longer allow this! Because I see what I do, I know I will stop the mind within this physical body, because I have too, why does something so simple made complicated.
Why do you 'have to' stop the mind, what is your opinion and/or believe regarding stopping the mind? what is your starting point in the desire to stop the mind?



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Luc St-Amand
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 29 Nov 2012, 15:21

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel lonely when certain qualities or attributes are no longer available to my ego, my preferences.

Utilizing positive thoughts.. interesting.

To be a responsible person in everyway. To allow a world where all are treated equal, no more suffering, no more pain, just life and enjoyment of this physical. interesting, within me I was going to write, "but the world is full of pain and suffering, I am not a responsible human and I do enjoy the physical with Its stimulative qualities" its like giving up, I can see how I have givin up on myself, how I sabotage myself from ever changing. That is why I will stop my mind as polarity, because I am hurting myself and my world and that's not why I am here.



Maya
Posts: 1267
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 21:56

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Maya » 29 Nov 2012, 17:12

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel lonely when certain qualities or attributes are no longer available to my ego, my preferences.

Utilizing positive thoughts.. interesting.
Luc, i suggest going further within exploring and investigating these points.



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Luc St-Amand
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 29 Nov 2012, 23:11

Thank you.

ok, attributes with-in the contexts of characters/personalities. People have their own personalities/characters, l have my own perception/belief, of what their personality is, giving it life within my thoughts, what I do with what's presented to me as personality/characters matters I shape with thoughts a belief of why I want/need/desire them in my life.

Maya, I'm going through a consequence That I have allowed and accepted, its... difficult because of a whole bunch of ego shit, which is what but a pile of shit? Then what? I mean look at our earth look at what I have allowed. so I must walk this, alone literally, I have done this, all of it, its me. I am in the descend lite course, I will keep up with that till I am clear, then I will write here, thanks Maya, Anna, everyone walking their process.



Maya
Posts: 1267
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 21:56

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Maya » 06 Dec 2012, 13:57

Thank you.

ok, attributes with-in the contexts of characters/personalities. People have their own personalities/characters, l have my own perception/belief, of what their personality is, giving it life within my thoughts, what I do with what's presented to me as personality/characters matters I shape with thoughts a belief of why I want/need/desire them in my life.

Maya, I'm going through a consequence That I have allowed and accepted, its... difficult because of a whole bunch of ego shit, which is what but a pile of shit? Then what? I mean look at our earth look at what I have allowed. so I must walk this, alone literally, I have done this, all of it, its me. I am in the descend lite course, I will keep up with that till I am clear, then I will write here, thanks Maya, Anna, everyone walking their process.
Luc, how is your progress with this point? do you require any additional support?



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Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 07 Dec 2012, 01:46

I need to stop smoking weed.



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Andrea Rossouw
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 11:41

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Andrea Rossouw » 07 Dec 2012, 15:57

Luc,

On the Demonology forum, we discussed the point of Weed and the supportive tools to support yourself in deconstructing your weed pattern. Since then - have you written about the weed point - and if so where are you within identifying and stopping the pattern - please share.



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Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 08 Dec 2012, 03:43

I stopped when I was living with my father. honestly I did not touch a joint for 3 weeks. When I began smoking, I was deceiving you. See If I have a physical God, its weed.. well sex too, but weed is different because it fucks with mind and I've allowed it for so long... I know I have the will.to.stop but I can't find a way that's comfortable... and there it is... that self intrest.
I'm it. its me. This is an excuse but I can't see the practicality of writing when what I do is so.clear to me, why? Because I fucking do it. I allow the thoughts, I grew them and eat from them, Haas it tba s all, I know it starts at the roots, and weeds I have waters. Fuck



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Andrea Rossouw
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 11:41

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Andrea Rossouw » 08 Dec 2012, 18:47

Hi Luc,

for everyone this point of coming face to face with ones patterns is always the same, the discomfort and the desire to get away from the discomfort. What I suggest you take into consideration is that as you are now faced with the consequences of what you have accepted and allowed, and which all of us have had to realize at some point, is that it will not magically fix itself and it will not just 'get better'. You have seen for yourself from existing within and compounding this pattern through guilt and attempting to avoid the subject - is that it mostly consumes one and often 'gets worse' as you 'time loop' back to the same point.

Where you are now - realize that you have two choices essentially, the one is to change, no matter what is required, where one walk the steps necessary to assist oneself to stop the pattern. The other choice is to remain the same and to continue as you have which is to keep smoking weed, giving into addictions and fighting with yourself while on weed and while not on weed lol.

As I pointed out to you on the Demonology forum - talking about how bad one 'feels' about the pattern, is not enough. A decision has to be made, as who you are - meaning you have to take a good look at yourself, and the patterns and characters you are stuck in and ask yourself if you are willing to continue this way. What you have noticed from desperation literally comes nothing - the forums and the people on it are not going to do the work for you - and simplistically 'being on the forums' is not going to change anything - unless - you utilise the tools as everyone else has to the fullest, consistently.

So the first step is to sit with yourself and look at whether you are ready to stop. Stopping - means, applying the tools of self forgiveness, self corrective statements and self- correction until you have cleared the pattern. If any other reason/justification/excuse still exists within you, then first sort that out before you even start writing about anything else. From there we will start with writing about you, your experiences and specifically these patterns - therefore once you have made this commitment - I suggest read through some of the other people's journey to life blogs - to (if you haven't already) 'familiarise' yourself with the structure and especially with getting to grips with the consistency and dedication -where one writes daily or as often as you are able to as a dedication to self - and you will find that each blog as you simply pick m point and write about it - is you getting one step closer to seeing the patterns, seeing how you created them, seeing the aspects to forgive and most importantly through writing one aligns oneself within the writing, to forgiveness of self, as one writes the words and comprehends why one is letting go of this pattern and giving Self back to Self.

So, lots said here - but firstly I suggest self introspection - to make the first decision. From there once you have made that commitment to self, I wil support you with the next step within writing.

* Also something to consider - in your post above you use the justification and reasoning of 'I can't see the practicality of writing when what I do is so.clear to me' - take a moment and observe for yourself how you use this to basically say 'no' - as this is how the mind gives reasons that sound valid to you through thinking (internal conversations) because you have convinced yourself that writing does nothing. therefore you get to 'remain the same' and battling it out between blame and the addictions.




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