forgiving myself

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Anna
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Anna » 08 Dec 2012, 18:52

Awesome support here Andrea. Thanks!



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Rebecca Dalmas
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Rebecca Dalmas » 08 Dec 2012, 20:04

I see you here alone, in aloneness, with the projected qualities, as relationships separate. Thus, movement of self is dependent, as belief, that one is alone, suffering a loss as unseen habit takes precedence. Giving up this habit means redefining self and letting go of ego and the voices in the head as the fear of loss of relationship, and the gain of ego in self justification as "aloneness".
With self forgiveness, as writing this out, this whole picture/belief/scenario will become smaller and then more detail will step forth.
It takes some time and effort and that is all, which is cool.



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Juan Pablo
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Juan Pablo » 09 Dec 2012, 21:37

Simply awesome Support Andrea.

Definitely we will be always looking for excuses to not Change, because, we don't want to change. So change is a decision, thus, the same with writing, you have to make the decision, rather, nothing and no one will do that for you.

Enjoy.



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Garbrielle
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Garbrielle » 10 Dec 2012, 03:26

Yes cool support here Andrea, thanks....also a point to add is the desire to escape the point one is facing, realizing though one can never escape the points that are causing the separation and consequence in one's world, but only delay it and as the delay is taking place the point is accumulating and accumulating within one's physical as the point is not being taken care of by self, so the mind is doing it for us, which cause the accumulation of consequence and separation. So it's here within this opportunity we have in writing and walking the correction within ourselves and our worlds were we can change ourselves for real, stop delaying, and simply get it done. It's not going to be easy as this has never been done before, so it's new programming so to speak we are writing for ourselves and ourselves as this world, that of creating ourselves within equality and what is best for all within our beingness, re-writing the scripts of ourselves as creators instead of being created by the mind through energy experiences such as desires and fears. This being the way to real self freedom because we have created our own freedom through the way we live and create ourselves, so a reminder to us all to keep pushing our application and as Andrea said as we apply the tools of writing and living change, we walk closer and closer to getting this done for a new world that is best for all. Thanks for sharing all, cool thread of support.



Eleonora
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Eleonora » 10 Dec 2012, 08:16

Hi Luc,
I have faced a long term addiction to Pot, long long, I knew I wanted to stop and I had tried everything else literally, short from jumping around with a tinfoil on my head.
I can share how I did it, first I started to write about it, why I smoked, what was my relationship to smoking, what I feared losing if I gave up, how I defined myself within smoking, why I liked it -by then this list was very short-, why I hated it, I wrote many many pages about it, until I cleared the point for myself so much that smoking made no sense anymore. If you are a long term smoker, and you have attempted to give up before you may have memories of physical discomfort, those are real, I know because I got them everytime I gave up EXCEPT once when I first changed my nutritional plan and then gave up and then I had no night sweats, no vivid dreams and the discomfort lasted 1 day vs the 3 customary ones. So you can read up on hypoglycemia as well because pot affects the way the sugar moves in the blood which is why many post smokers have a desire for sweets, and you can start yourself on a hypoglycemic diet, lots of fresh fruits and veggies and eating often small meals.
Hypoglycemia doesn't justify your pot use, it is a side effect of it in fact, then read around the Forum, quite many of us have gone through that particular point and you can read the self forgiveness of others out loud to start to unlock yourself.
One thing is that whatever you do it won't 'happen' by itself, you won't lose interest, you won't wake up one day and not want to light up, that comes after, the stopping must still be self directed, this is a point hat took me some time to work out as I hoped that due to how much I wrote about it and how much SF I applied, the stopping would happen to me, while I was the one that had to happen to stop.
I wrote a specific Blog on it in one of my assignment that I published, let me know if you would like the link to it, many points are similar in all addictions but ultimately nothing will replace your specific writing because only you know how you have created 'The Pothead Character' and only yo can dismantle it efficiently and in a way that stands time. I have now been pot free for over 1 year with no relapses, this is the longest I have ever gone in over 25 years and it almost never even comes to mind now. I know I will never go back to being a Pothead because that was a real waste of Life up in smoke. If I could do it, you can do it too. I am here if you need further info.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 10 Dec 2012, 18:28

Wow.

Andrea I understand.

everyonez thank you for sharing your individual experiences of self change. obviously the dicision is mine to make. We are all equal, so ya we all want to change, we all know what we do, with that we all KNOW what we have to do, it has nothing to do with "wanting" change, we MUST change! and we know it. all of us.



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 12 Dec 2012, 05:10

Weed, marijuana, haze, cronic, erb, trees, kush, pot, sess, hydro, and the list goes on I'm sure. My experience with weed is troubling, I justify using it because I don't have a drinking problem or Tracey drugs like crack and opiums. Although my patterns are no fucking different, I look forward to a joint even though I feel fine without it, far less emotional, and able to focus with much more clarity it what I'm taking in, wether speaking to someone or reading, my mental capacity increases undoubtedly, I knew this for awhile now but continued to use... when I was 12, I took a puff and felt nothing, but I remember the day, 7 of us behind a wooden shed, puffin on this pin sized joint, lol, it was curiosity, smoking tobacco was to impress, but I wanted to know what getting, " high" felt like. At 16 I got what I wanted and it was a horrible experience, I felt massive amounts of vibrations, and If I focused a hand wrapping around my entire body and pulling me off the ground, it was fucked! And I swore never to do it agian, lol I remember going to bed some nights when I first started PRAYING to God to take away the high, yet still got high the next week, and shown prayed to God to take away the high, I ala. remember masturbation being a big starting point to gettin high, it enhanced the feeling of my hand, but as always I prayed to God at the end.. fucking odd.. none the more, I am 29 and still smoke weed.... ill forgive myself for allowing curiosity to tempted me, yet why was I curious? Willing to do something parents and teachers have told me over and over agian. not to do? There were peers of mine that said no, why? How? I mean why me? Now I'm playing a victim? Or am I curious to find out why I started weed? Hmm... it been a day, I know ill have a hard time sleeping, there's fear, Aha, desperation! Maybe what I am writing is out of desperation and nothing comes out of desperation, of course. now am I encouraging myself to stop writing? To stop breaking down the patterns? Maybe ok so whoever mods this please forgive me, ok my entire day is based around weed, I think about going to the gym or making a bow, only if I have weed, if I do not have weed, I find anyway possible to smoke, I believe I need it, I mainly smoke it when I'm alone, actually I perfer the experience of weed alone, because I don't talk, I get so caught up in thoughts that I care end up not listening to what somone is saying to me, even what I'm reading because I attach all the emotional aspects of the words, when I'm speaking to someone I find I literally get foggy, and have to really focus to hear what is being said, I hate living like that, lol feeling bad, poor little luc, goo fucking whoo,



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Andrea Rossouw
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Andrea Rossouw » 12 Dec 2012, 18:35

Ok, next step is to start working with your writings a bit more specifically. As you will notice if one simply rants about a point and specifically many times - it simply remains that another Mind-Energy experience of allowing oneself to speak of the point without going into it with Self Forgiveness.

In your writings you will notice you 'scrunched together' a few points that you can now focus on expanding on, through daily blogs/writing.

For example: Commitment to Self - what is my commitment and how do I walk this commitment.

Then next blogs you can start focussing on:

Weed - who am I on weed and off weed - and from there do a blog a day exploring these aspects of yourself.

So to start with - again I suggest take a step back and first work with looking at your starting point - look within that at exploring each aspect with self forgiveness for example:

First write the point about self-commitment - where do you compromise, sabotage yourself, why have you not stood as this point, and what patterns/habits, excuses do you use within your Life to avoid change. If you place the word self-commitment in the middle of a page and around that place all the words you associate yourself to that point - you will have lots of specificity to go into - because each aspect such as 'self-trust' will have thoughts, memories and patterns around that - to explore/reveal and deconstruct - until that point is clear and you have aligned yourself through self forgiveness and self corrective statements to the commitment as yourself to walk as self-trust. Then you look at the next word...

Only from there once you have established your starting point in walking this - do you start with 'Weed' and you will find that by that time, you will find stopping weed to be easier as you would have covered the 'hidden' aspects in relation to 'why you are addicted to weed' when you wrote about your starting point.



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Cathy
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Cathy » 12 Dec 2012, 20:34

Cool support here - Thanks everyone



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Luc St-Amand
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Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 18 Aug 2013, 17:49

I woke up today and choose to get upset when my mother asked me a favour, My initial justification was that i had just got up and wanted a smoke and coffee before being "bothered" with running erans. Selfish of me because she was just asking if I could make a quick run down the street somtime today, as she is working and is unable too. My mind was roaring with justifications.. like, "its sunday" everything is closed! "why bother me about a t.v. remote that needs fixing, when i do not watch t.v.?" all kinds of reasons why I am allowed to be upset and frustrated. I seen it loud and clear take place with-in me, and i am responsible to correct it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting frustration creating friction when asked to do something. I recognize that I was being selfish and not giving my mother the respect and honour she deserves from me.

Waking up and being moody... I have attached them. As a child if I awoke my mom or dad, I was quickly told not to and that it bothers people to be awoken without wanting to be. I remember being woken up by friends and litteraly saying to myself, "I have the right to get upset" and i would offten express my discomfort for being woken up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to adopt a pattern of believing being woken up is a negative thing, allowing what i initially noticed in my parents to exist in me. Seems like normal behaviour but I know better. WhenI was experiencing being woken up, I wasnt actually bothered by it, I would just remember the way my mom or dad would react and allowed myself to react the same way because well I trusted my mother/father. but that doesnt change the fact that I knew I myself was not bothered, instead allowed and accepted it because it allowed me to "feel" normal" like I was participating correctly within my existence. Its only till I found desteni that I realized I was right! that what i was feeling the whole time wasnt real and is only made real by me.

This morning, I went to use the bathroom and laid back down and closed my eyes, i attempted to fall back asleep. I could hear my mom walking around and it sounded as though she stopped right next to me. I didnt react physically at first. I thought to myself" what is she doing? I remembered times where she would rub oils on my forehead and pray to god for me while i slept. Inside I thought "is she waiting silently to see if I fall asleep so she could "anoint" me as she puts it. This was my initial thoughts waking up. I opened my eyes and there she was looking right at me! I allowed myself to place back chat! I allowed myself to wake up anticipating friction. Its no wonder I allowed myself to get upset when she asked me a favor! because my starting point to opening my eyes was based in confirming my back chat, confirming that she was infact doing something that bothers me. when she wasnt. she noticed her son wake up and looked at me, nothing more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse my mother with words intended to hurt her and cause her to get upset. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to run back chat scenarios of what she was doing when I heard her stop moving completely silenced. Trying to be quite so that I do not get disturb perhaps, whatever she was doing, I was resting and allowing myself to focus on what she was doing. Instead of applying breath and stopping the back chat, or instead open my eyes and see what she is doing, instead of running scenarios through my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my relationship with the physical to exist as back chat, Instead if my mind throws me a question, like, "what is she doing" I will physically respond by opening my eyes and seeing whats taking place, as appose to allowing my mind to create scenarios that would allow me to be woken up, bothered.

the fact is, I wanted to be bothered, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create situations where I get to slash out with frustration. putting my mother and I in an abusive state of mind.

I will breathe it through and realize that I am participating within abusive self interested back chat, and I will stop and breathe when and where I notice negative back chat towards my mother.




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