forgiving myself

User avatar
Jeanne
Posts: 288
Joined: 15 Jun 2011, 22:39
Location: New York

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Jeanne » 10 Jan 2015, 04:07

Hi Luc,

Thanks for sharing the point of stubborness.
Here's an interesting post from Adam that includes some observations on stubborness and in relation to his family.

http://desteni.org/profile/75/post/7596

and this post from Sunette on "hardening" and it's relation to stubborness
http://desteni.org/a/sunette-the-hardening-system

Jeanne



User avatar
Alex27
Posts: 29
Joined: 29 Jan 2015, 07:28

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Alex27 » 30 Jan 2015, 08:41

I agree with them.
You've just got many support here. People here are really amazing.



User avatar
Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 28 Feb 2015, 00:19

About a year ago I was reading about two destonians in a laundry room taking up their daily chores. One destonian was removing clothes from a dryer and had dropped a piece of clothing on the ground. The other destonian was harsh and quick to ask the other destonian "are you that spiteful towards life?" For about a year this lingerd in my thoughts. I remember doing laundry and when it came time to empty the dryer i had thought about not dropping anything to the floor, but other then getting this potential clean cloth on a dirty floor, i did not understand how spite was existant. This afternoon i woke up from a nap and a sudden realization came to me like a blink of an eye. I realized that I was not here within breath directing my physical movements affectively, meaning each breath is moved with the physical in reaching, grabing, and removing each piece of clothing affectively. Instead thinking about whatever else had happened through my day and BANG! A sock hit the ground. Because i was not here with what ever i was doing. That goes for everyrthing from spilling a class of liquid to tripping over my own feet. I mean it is MY physical dwelling - certianly I should have full control of its movements.



User avatar
Kim S
Posts: 286
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 10:18
Location: United Kingdom

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Kim S » 02 Mar 2015, 13:15

Cool realisation, And yes there is more than one dimension here. Where I see the spite existent within the dropping of the item of clothes, is that one would then maybe simply pick it up and put it in with the clean clothes and not utter a word about it or take care to clean it again. So if one can be spiteful and just simply hide the dirty washing, what else are we hiding and not taking care of as life.



User avatar
Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 02 Mar 2015, 14:48

Cool thanks kim. I was listening to an audio interview of sunnette and she was talking about human beings remaining here with the physical consistantly. She used the example of watching a flower blossum and that no one human being has the patience to stand with the blossuming flower, to see it grow. This impatience can be spiteful as it pulls one into the mind of impatiece and causes one to dwell in thought, which to the human is more meaningful then the beauty of a flower blossuming.



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Contact:

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Anna » 02 Mar 2015, 14:52

Very cool Luc.



User avatar
Kim S
Posts: 286
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 10:18
Location: United Kingdom

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Kim S » 03 Mar 2015, 11:33

Definitely very cool Luc...thanks for sharing this



User avatar
Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 03 Mar 2015, 14:57

It has been a long but very cool process getting here, to a place unfamiliar to me tbh but this is it, the final destination hehe

It has been a week since i decided to take an actual stand in stopping what I knew I had too, I thank you all for your unconditional support and assistance, even when it was undeserving and offten fell on deff ears.

I am here, I am stable, watch out systems, a beast has been born rraaahh hehe

I forgive myself for accepting to allow myself to abuse my physical when I decided to use mind altering substances

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting substance abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse destonians through my substance abuse, more spicificly and self responsible, i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse destonians.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse Bernard

I forgive myself for allowi g and accepting myself to abuse adrian

I forgive myself for allowng and accepting myself to abuse cerise

I forgive myself for allowing amd accepting myself to abuse anna

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse sunnett

I forgive myself for allowng and accepting myself to abuse ryan

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse bella

I forgive myself for allowng and accepting myself to get abuse viktor

I forgive myself for alling and accepting myself to abuse leon

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse myself with self judgement towards my forgiveness statement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to forget those I have abused and will accordingly apply self forgiveness statments as they come up

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be abusive towards my supports and I was not willing to be supported

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to fully induldge in desteni as supporter and supported

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a believe that I was special there for seperate, unable to hear or remain here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get upset upon noticing somone reading my note book while writing myself forgiveness statements. I commit myself to open up my self forgiveness statements to whomever is interested in them, destonian or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse the forums here at desteni

Spicificly I forgive myself for allowing and accepting seperation for the desteni forum because of an unstable starting point based in self interest

I commit myself to remain stable within the desteni forums as support and supported

I forgive myself for allowng and accepting myself to abuse hilda

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse andrea

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse myself

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse the forums at desteni

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse non destonians people in my direct life that are within their own process and deserve the chance i was soo unconditionaly given

I commit myself to stand stable within my process and not allow and accept myself to participate in abuse thoughts towards others, destonian or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wait so long to begin my process of purafication.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with mind reactions to external movements

Spicificly i forgive myself for allowng and accepting myself to abuse other through my participation of my mind

I forgive myself for not allowng and accepting myself to support bernard

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to support andrea

I forgive myself for not allowong and accepting myself to support anna

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to support leon

I forgive myself for not allowng and accepting myself to support adrian

I forgive myself for not allowng and accepting myself to support ryan

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to support mike

I forgive myself for not allowng and accepting myself to support desteni

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get upset for missing my bus, i need to pay more attention lol

I commit myself to pay more attention to the arrival of my bus

I foegive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to support chris

I forgive myself for not allowng and accepting self empowerment

I commit myself to utilize self empowerment

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to support people directly in my life where I could see support would be needed

Although I admitidly was not in a mental positiom to attempt to support anyone as i was not even willing to support myself

I commit myself to unconditionaly support myself so i can unconditional support other as i have been

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to utilize negativity as addiction in my life

I commit myself to no longer participate with negativity

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wait soo long to willfuly begin my process

I commit myself to unconitionaly accept process in all its form, wether trying, difficult, hard whatever the fuck my mind tells me I will see through it untill it is done

I commit myself to utilize breath whenever i as mind attempt to self sabatoge my process

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to particiate with the word hard or difficult in an attempt to self sabatoge myself

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myaelf to sabatoge my process

I commit myself to walk this process with breath and the understanding/realization that I do not have a choice :)

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to utilize positivity to mask negativity

I commit myself to establish positivity in my life to support and assist me in my process but not as a mask to hide what i truely experiance

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a mind consiousness system based in self interest

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create the MCS from it very foundation

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as risitance to writing self forgiveness statments

I commit myself to establish self forgiveness statements daily in my routine.

Time to get to work.

I foegive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my self negativly about my past relations with desteni

I commit myself to take only what is relivent in my process and unconditionaly suport myself with the support shown to me.

I forgive myself for allowong fear of what others may think

I commit muself to realize that other have no dwelling within my physical experiance, and i am the only one reaponsible for whatever reactions i have

I commit myself to breathe through whatever reaction come up within me, as me, and to establish change throuhg self forgiveness and self commitment statements.



User avatar
Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 04 Mar 2015, 02:21

Today at work i got frustrated and decided to write oit the experiance and apply forgiveness and corrective statements inorder to be the changes id like to see in my life.

I work outside and it's winter, so slippery conditions make for a lot of slips and falls. I was nailing a starter piece, when all of a sudden my right leg sank deep into the snow breaking through the crust of ice. Now, a sudden suprise to say the least but i was not frustrated by that, when I manged to get my footing and attempted to nail the starter again my leg slip completey out from under me and my butt hit the ground lol i laugh now but i was not laughing when it happened. I became overwhelmed by anger and started smashing the ice to avoid it from happening again. The back chat went like this, "cheese and rice" "if ice had a face I punch it!" Lol ok i laugh now but as im saying it, i mean it, my body become hot and prickley and i know i need to relax and breathe through situations like that because they happen and all i can do is take great care in where i place myself while working on the ground.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get frustrated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to threaten ice very seriously as i smash it with my hammer.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the creation of frustration.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting frustration to exist within me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate with frustration as a legit reaction to what was happening to me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the illusion of frustration

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breathe through the initial reactions with frustration

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself become frustration

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to express frustration

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the emotion of frustration

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe in frustration

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself utilize frustration when my physical body is moved by uncontrolable forces lol

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the illusion of control by smashing ice as frustration

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to utilize positive reaction, such as talking to the ice about how slippery its manifestation is, and to understand that it too was out of the ices control

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to let go of the frustration the instant I noticed it within me, thats when it became me, and i smashed away.

I commit myself to take better care of my footing while working on snow and ice, realizing that the possiblity of slipping on my ass as very real, therefor be careful and breathe myself into place, slowy allowing myself to get into position assured that I will not slip.

I commit myself to realize that breath is the best reaction to slipping on ice, underatanding that my body was shocked and suprised there for to regard my physical body by breathing and making sure no harm came to it upon impact.

I commit myself to realize that speaking self forgiveness and breathing myself out of the experiance of frustratiom is the best possible solution to the problem.

Of course breaking the ice was somthing i should have done before hand but i commit myself to understand that i can not 100% assure that i wont slip all i can do is remain here with breath.



User avatar
Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: forgiving myself

Postby Luc St-Amand » 04 Mar 2015, 03:32

Reading over my previous posts and replys id like to extend my appreciation to maya, thank you maya for your support. It's detailed and very spicific, I admit Maya, i was not willing to take your support, untill now.

Ok, my use of weed was to suppress the very things desteni stands for, so I knew inorder to actualy support life/myself, I had to stop. I did. And it's an incredible experiance, like being locked in a cell for 13 years and finally being released. I choose to exit my cell, i was not forced by gards like my previous attempts to quit. It's all soo new to me, the experiance i have of myself. Exciting to see soo many dimensions open up within me. I have taken a likeing to reading, i read 2 novels in 7 days :) (luc pats his back) one thing i have noticed drasticly is my apprciation towards food and water. I have thanked my food and water for years but somthing is diffrent now, i sence the life giving properties and i enjoy it. Meaning i will thank my water and upon consumming it my eyes close and i am inthrawled by the taist and feel. Yesterday i made myself beef, potatoes, and green peas, as usual i thanked my food, and upon consuming it, instead of gulping it down, i wanted to keep it in my mouth a while longer because of the emense joy and comfort i experianced while eating it lol im a baby now and every day is a new day to experiance my self. To utilize forgiveness and correction because well simply because i want to. Because life deserves better from me. Life has gifted me with unique stregths to help support it into a better world. Thanks again maya.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse maya.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to utilize mayas support

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to support maya

I commit myself to recieve destonian support with open arms and careful consideration, espechally where I see it relivent in my process.

I commit myself to accept the consequences of my actions and to walk them out, even if it takes a life time! A billion self forgiveness stands! I will not stop correcting amd growing within what i know is best, within what I know I must do.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting this pricess earlier, by allowng and accepting deciet amd lies! All in an attempt to make me feel better about distroying myself, obviously to no avail because i kept coming back for more, more abuse, more of making me feel better, how dare I! Forgive me destonians, forgive me life, forgive me unthanked food, forgive me unthanked water, forgive me for sucking energy with no consideration. Forgive me life.




Return to “Sharing Self Forgiveness”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron