Keyondria's Self Forgiveness

Keyondria
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Joined: 28 Jul 2013, 06:29

Keyondria's Self Forgiveness

Postby Keyondria » 12 Aug 2013, 08:15

I am not completely sure on how to write myself to self forgiveness. There are many things but I believe I could try to start. I forgive myself for blaming rape on myself, I was only a child. I forgive myself for letting myself be so cowardly and afraid of judgement that I let my rapist continue for so many years. I forgive myself for playing the victim. I've felt so pathetic that I would talk to someone and every time it was of those times, I'd cry and let myself completely blame him for everything or curse at the world for letting it happen. I was petty in not forgiving what's happened and blaming him for actions I regret doing. I had a choice in letting this become who I am, just a victim, or getting over it and becoming better mentally and emotionally. I hated myself for so long for "letting" him take what I held dear and abuse physically and emotionally, but there must have been something that happened in his life for him to be able to do this to someone he's blood related to. Me not forgiving him was selfish and I forgive myself for that. I have been egotistical and completely emotional about almost everything. I have not completely forgiven myself for that yet, but I believe that with time it'll come. I've forgiven myself for mutilating my body...my wrists, my arms, my legs, my stomach...it's something I have to live with and I accept that. I tried for so long to hide everything that when it all came out, I either lied or used it to my advantage...let people pity me so that they'd say nice things about me because I wouldn't allow myself to be at peace. I've blamed so much and I still have not fully understood the things that I've done in the past. I've let males just use me like a doll, I've let "friends" just walk all over me, I've completely lied to myself, and then blamed the world for problems that I had created. I do not yet understand myself, who I truly am, why I've let my emotional and ego take over, or why it is that I break down so often. I admit that I am still suicidal, I am not nearly as bad as I used to be, but it's something that I've got to face. Since I've started to write, my emotions haven't been able to overcome my rational thinking. I now stop and just breathe and take in the moment, it may sound cliche but I feel that with time I'll overcome all of this and deal with things better and be glad I'm alive anyway and not take for granted that I'm breathing. There's a reason for that, I'm not saying I have some special reason to being alive...that is highly unlikely, but I do believe that I need to get over a lot of things and enjoy the moment and stop being such an egotistical prick, but instead have better understanding and no matter the outcome to not blow it out of proportion. I'm not sure if that was the best way to write myself to self forgiveness but I think it's a step I needed to take.



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Leila
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Re: Keyondria's Self Forgiveness

Postby Leila » 12 Aug 2013, 11:09

Hey Keyondria,

In terms of 'learning' how to apply Self Forgiveness, I suggest you sign up for the Desteni I Process Lite (which is completely free). Within walking the DIP Lite, you will be guided step by step through the 'ins and outs' of Self Forgiveness (and the Desteni Material/Message in general) where you can practice through daily writing and be supported by a Buddy who will give you feedback when required.

If you like, you can also check out the Destonian Wiki page on Self-Forgiveness, though this is a lot of material to read through -- the DIP Lite would be a more direct approach to take.
I also suggest you read other people's Self Forgiveness as everyone has their own 'unique' approach that you can learn from. By reading others' Self Forgiveness you will also be able to familiarize yourself with how to structure and specify your Self Forgiveness. In my own process I found that the more I would read others Self Forgiveness as examples for myself, the more I was able to expand and specify my own Self Forgiveness -- which in the end comes out as a 'natural process' as you read and learn from others. For this, you can check out some of the blogs Destonians have been writing within the 7 Year Journey to Life project.



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Kristina
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Re: Keyondria's Self Forgiveness

Postby Kristina » 12 Aug 2013, 12:11

Hi Keyondra **I was writing this post and finished after Leila has made a reply - so some of the points here are also mentioned by Leila - so a bit of a repeat/confirmation lol

I wanted to first share this video with you of a recording that I know has supported me in moments where I find it difficult to embrace me, as who I have allowed myself to be and who I am currently - 2011: Embracing Self by Bernard Poolman

Another supportive video interview for starting self forgiveness is here: 2011: Where do I start with Self Forgiveness

Also, I'm not sure if you have yet started or checked out the Desteni I Process lite course - but it is an awesome free course that one can walk through daily in learning the basics of the tools we walk with here - writing, self honesty, self forgiveness, etc. So if you have not yet looked at this, consider checking it out and walking the process as it's very simply structured for anyone not yet comfortable with self forgiveness or the 'how to' write/walk the self forgiveness process.

There is also many Journey to Life blogs that people are walking that are great examples of how to walk one through self forgiveness for specific points/experiences within self. You can check out the various blogs here: Journey to Life Facebook Group

The point of self forgiveness is not only for forgiving ourselves for what we see we accept and allow and live in our daily life that is not reflective of what is best for all or ourselves, it's also a means to let go of the past. It's also to get an understanding of who we are in relation to all things that has happened in our lives and what is currently happening in the world. We are responsible for what this world is and yet as a child, we are also victims to the cycles of abuse. We are brought into this world without proper education or understanding or a guide even to what this world is about and why things exist the way that we do and things happen to us or towards us or around us. So do not judge yourself for what has happened in your life, instead practice self forgiveness, breathing and writing to get out all the 'stuff' that we have stuffed within ourselves and keeps us hanging onto the past - things we cannot let go of and keep us from being here, free, in each moment.

So suggest to support yourself with DIP lite and the many video recordings and interviews that you can find here on the forum, and the examples of other participants that are walking their self forgiveness here on the forums to get a better understanding of 'how to' apply it. There is not necessarily a 'right or wrong' way - there is only self honesty so don't be hard on yourself, don't judge yourself - simply give yourself the gift of a chance to get to know yourself, who you have been throughout your life and how you are able to change yourself within freeing yourself from the emotional pain and anger and resentments we carrying in not allowing ourselves to understand why things exist the way that we do and how we are responsible in stopping what has been created and recreate/redefine ourselves as Life to live in ways that are Worthy for All.

If any of this is unclear or you require more perspective/clarity - do not hesitate to ask.



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Qkimazasi
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Re: Keyondria's Self Forgiveness

Postby Qkimazasi » 29 Sep 2015, 13:00

Read felt very good Do not read anything like this a long time.



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viktor
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Re: Keyondria's Self Forgiveness

Postby viktor » 12 Oct 2015, 21:42

I have found that self-forgiveness is the most effective when one focus on one point at a time. So, that is where I would begin – selecting one point that comes up often throughout your day – and working with that until you can experience that the emotions and feelings are settling down. What is cool about self-forgiveness is that you can actually feel and experience how you release the emotions and feelings, and this then you can use as a point of cross-reference to see how effective and specific your self-forgiveness is.

Then, another suggestion, is to speak the self-forgiveness out loud. It is a big difference speaking it inside of your mind, compared to voicing yourself. When you voice yourself, it is easier to be present, and to hear your own words, and then you are also able to spot where in your self-forgiveness there is still dimensions left to work with. For example, if you notice that your voice stats to get tense, or trembling, then that could be a sign that there are reactions still to be uncovered.

However, the most important suggestion I have to share, is to just begin with it. Sometimes we have to practice as we go, and self-forgiveness is one of those points, that the more we do it, the more we understand what is effective and what isn't, and how to do it, and how not to do it. So, don't try to understand self-forgiveness before you start applying it for yourself – rather begin and see what self-forgiveness together with your self-commitment statements can do for you when applied in self-honesty and with the intention to actually change yourself.




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