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Day 73 - procrastinating responsibility with the excuse of confusion
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate responsibility with the notion that because I'm too confused, that must mean I am inane to build up directive principle for what's best for all life, thus what's best for myself in co existence to my environment and the life in it.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do this from the built up accumulatin of self sabotage, guilt regret, self victimization, and placing myself in this position where I will challenge taking action, simply because. Allowed myself to have accumulated to such a point of misdirection, that that must mean I cannot stop and change myself, to have directive principle to stop the point of abuse, t stop the point of misdirection.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have held on to mistakes, and consequences that occurred, and then make the excuse that because I'm now facing a difficult point that seems to very easily tend to create such consequences, that must mean I should just isolate myself because I cannot direct myself because I am just this bad person and basically deserve to not be a participant within this world, and then from that will blow mysp consequence out of proportion t self sabotage myself more.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk through the pont f confusion by firstly stoping and breathing, letting go of hat I'm fearing, and then take at least that first step to change the intentions I have accumulated from the past, the fears, absolutely everything, and not stopping untill that intent no longer exists, as all emotional patterns, to assure that I can clearly stand as life, and direct all forms of intent, where I do not cause consequences to occur any further.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to pretty much any other who is walking a similar process, as if I'm like in the worst position of intent, or am the least capable of doing smething, or am the least willing, and so its just too hard because I'm just this worthless person, thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to simply relate what I've been presented from my parents of the extent of how inadequate I've experienced within myself my hole life, and then once I actually have this chance to change myself to not that self loathing self judgmental person, and into actually independent, actually a being who pushes through these tough points, and thus actually a being willing to even sacrifice self interest that uses to protect such a design.
I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus make the excuse of my past inabilities, and relate them to myself now, as if I'm just not good enough to do smething, or take on abilities that have clearly been formed to face more advanced points within my existence.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not simply start directing myself through the moments I find myself confused, and instead accumulate that to only more points that I have t back track to the point where I could stood up, breathed, and applied investigation by considering what's best for all life within that moment.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus try to protect this notion that their are easier and harder points, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself t be harder on myself on easier points, and easier on mysef on harder points, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place the emotional attachment of guilt and self victimization when reaching a more extensive point, and then placing this punishment go all out on the less extensive more basic points.
I forgive myself thative accepted and allowed myself to not breath within writing this, but instead protect an emotion attachment within this. I commit myself to thus breath here, and then t direct myself further to what's most practical.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to just want to give to the discomfort of exposing myself within this process due to accumulation and the pattern of making the excuses that I have from having pushed mysef so hard, and then just strolling on through without really taking self responsibility to what I've accepted and allowed within myself.
I forgive myself thative accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the point of expecting appreciation for what I'm walking, working with.
I forgive myself thative accepted and allowed myself to try to protect and verify this relationship with having t have this be the starting point of moving, to e point of having I have a physical consequence occur to actually push through and stop procrastinating the self responsibility.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to simply as a mind consequence,create a build up of abuse simply because I well understand that needing t be appreciated to move myself doesn't exist, and then when I decieve the opposite frm appreciation, I simply am on a short fuse from causing abuse because I can no longer go int suppression and mind games with myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create confusion as a suppressor to taking directive principle in changing this with actually facing each point that relates to wanting to be appreciated within my expression.
I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to protect myself from creating the same consequence as before, instead of just stopping myself all in all, and walking through what the fuck I need to walk through to simply stop the intent, stop the bullshit emotions, and start participating in what I well know and to an extent understand within what I require walking with, such as a schedule and physical participation.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make such an expectation from the very starting point of wanting to be appreciated within my expression, to where I will thus create the very confusion where I face a point of dishonesty within the physical participations in my schedule, where I will just go int the same survival emotional roller coaster mode and then quickly give up in fear of facing the intent, and thus changing the relationship.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself t not realize that when I participate with physical participation, I will face the very dishonest that I've accepted and allowed to relate to what's valid, what's real, what's real responsibility, real care, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that it will just be a breeze to walk through physical participation, and then when I actually start participating, the points I'm currently acing innevitably get triggered, and that being a chance to physically change myself, I just give up because I don't want to give up the illusion, the emotional attachment of being appreciated, which has nothing to d with physical,with working with what's here.
I forgive myself thative accepted and allowed myself to thus crate working with what's here as bigger than me, that I cannot change, because what m changing is bigger than me. Thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not let go of relying on this character relationship through walking through physical participation, and breathing, and holding off on points, and changing relationships, and Ching out, then standing back up, etc. to practically change the very foundation that I've created this idea of myself as bigger than life, wich is me, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not consider life, myself as life, and thus place this fear demon as smething real over me, where that can make the moves, and that can be the decision maker in this physical manifestation as my very existence in itself.
I commit myself to redefine my relationship to my process practically as where I will stop me moment when in the mind, breath, and take a stand within that first step to changing the relationship, the intent, the point, and not go into guilt, regret, and dwell on past points, thus within this I commit myself to be self honest that I still have this intent of selfINTEREST within my process, and that it is extensively flawed, and thut I commit myself to build an understanding of myself within my process through every aspect of physical movement.
I commit myself to stop the comparisons with others to only bring myself down to the point of what I've accepted and allowed myself to be as inadequate.
I commit myself to thus build a foundation of self responsibility of wherei will no longer be influenced and limited by the illusion that I have someone over my shoulder who intends n punishing me if I don't stand in this moment, or fall in this moment etc., and thus. Commit myself to stop the procrastination through the illusion of another, which within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize,that the moment. Allow myself to fall, to accumulate nergy, that I will inevitably have procrastination through wanting t blame another, or have selfvictimstion or self sabotage, since the very egoi allowed to not fdirectmyself off of, still exists within me, and thus that which I've made an existent reality, will relate to myself and will thus challenge me only further the more I allow the layers to exist.
I commit myself to create a ste by step foundation of this process, to where I understand focusing on this point, the that point, and thus I commit myself t not integrate procrastination within my schedule of physical participation, to thus not keep myself from identifying how practical application really works through learning how accepting every physical participation allows myself to live just as considerate to what I've allowed myself to build as considerate to every physical event within my schedule, which within this I commit myself to not create expectation frm this point, but t however understand I am inadequate to an extent within this moment,mans thus I practically require pushing through Ipthere points of inconsideration, to build this foundation of consideration,and thus I commit myself to practically bring it back to self with breath, slow myself down, and then continue with the schedule. I thin this I commit myself to always br got back to schedule, and then once I am effectively continueing with what I require, then I build off of that physical practical direction, and see where I had fallen for a moment, and fix it with the next writting.
I commit myself to thus now know that I have the upbasic direction I need where I can no longer make excuses, wherei can n longer allow mysef to accumulate myself off course to emotional turmoil, thus within this to assure that I do not forget points to change my inadequacy, and try to place mysef on past relationships that ive clearly commited to change, or even might have changed to an extent, commit myself to read my writting frm the evening before bed in the morning, to thus have a foundation of self directive principle, and not allow the rebooting of my mind to take over as the foundation frm the point I awake.
When I find myself in a turmoil emotionally, physically, I will stop, I will breath, I will start from the very stil position here, I will start from the very point of needing to change what I've allowed myself t be misdirected as, and I walk through all necessary changes, and if I find myself confused, then interconnecting with that extent of misdirection, and taking the first most possible clear change within that oment, that will assure, that I do not continue p the position of abuse.