Nicks self forgiveness

User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 07 Dec 2013, 22:32

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2013/12/day- ... art-1.html


Day 86 - 21 day breathingpart 1
So within this blog I will cover my relationship within participating in this 'challenge', and points I've seen that cause me to hold my breath, and even prevent myself from trusting myself within breath. Now within this 21 day challenge I will be doing the same form of blogging winthin the points where I explain what I've seen within the moment I did breath, and then if there's a point where I fall, then I can simply bring myself back to daily participation with cross referencing with my schedule, so I can assist myself to direct myself back to a point of working within that breathing point, and then blog on the point to correct myself within which I accepted and allowed myself to apply a notion within my mind in relationship to breathing that caused such a repreccusion to not go through the 21 days

What I've noticed is that when I am in consistent breath, I eventually acknowledge the very point of breathing as some thing that should be categorized within myself as some higher ability, or something to protect myself from becoming unstable, which then branches off to this comparison competition point.

For example I will be working, and I will simply be working, but then when a reaction comes up, I eventually have a Few of these untill I start reacting to the reaction, or will self sabotage myself under the reaction, to the point where I start protecting myself within breathing, or as if I'm going to lose my breathing, as if its something outside of myself.

Within this I then go into an accumulation of repercussion towards communication, and then start becoming indecisive within what I'm doing, instead of just simply breathing here, since I've made this such a focus point to protect myself from essentially actually breathing to assist myself here. So therefor within this I create a mind relationship to breathing, as t manipulate the very points within myself by self sabotaging myself within the reactions, instead of practically breathing through them,, and allowing myself t walk through them.

Now after this accumulates I eventually come to a point of falling within a more intense reaction, and thus once I lose my breath for a period of time, I then just spiral down into the point of procrastination and where I deliberately hold my breath, as if to convince myself that I can't breath unless there's some point behind it, some purpose/self interest reason, and so that self interest is tested by my very moment of breath, and I simply don't just breath and let go of the starting point through practically bringing myself back to each point I was walking through within physical participation, or what I had written for myself to face within my schedule.

Self forgiveness statements following into part 2...



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Contact:

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Anna » 08 Dec 2013, 08:51

Cool insights here Nick.



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 10 Dec 2013, 10:47

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2013/12/day- ... eness.html


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I am trying to protect myself within breathing, that I am not actually breathing, but protecting a point of self interest within myself that I've related to breathing in relationship to others in terms of breathing to do it as a point of surviving within the system. Thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not stand one and equal with myself within my process in itself, and thus abstract from the point of my process, which is to bring about a world which is best for all life, and thus notin fact standing equal t others as well within desteni and outside of the desteni group.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the points within myself, in fear that I am going to lose within survival of that reaction, not seeing and realizing that I have therefor created simply a reaction towards that reaction, and where I tried to justify, self sabotage myself. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that a point requires walking throu here in the physical, and that any loose ends or back chat happening to try to sort out the point within my mind, with my mind is only counter productive, and will thus accumulate to procrastinating the moment where I can stop and start again with fixing the point within and as breathing here within cross reference to the tools of bringing it back to self, and with the tools I've personally applied as to bringing it back to schedule, and participating within what the schedule says to physically guide myself within each point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not be patient I thin a point of reaction, but try to allow that reaction to react to the reaction, and then want to act in this sense of figuring it out in my mind, and not simply taking it back to what needs to get worked with here, and then as I practically stabilize myself within that point with breathing, then utilizing it practically when I have brought myself back here through for example: focus on my work, write in my back chat diary, smoke a ciggerette, support myself with playing guitar, self forgiveness and correcting myself within misdirection SLOWLY. Within this I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it really is as simple as walking through a point, and tha when having a reaction or a fall, that that is the very moment to simply take it as its exposed oppurtunity to walk through the point within the capability to do so in that moment of breath, and that it will take a certain amount of time to get it, and thus its ok if I am practically struggling with the reaction, and to simply take it slowly.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus instead of applying tools when n such reactions, that I will deliberately overwehlm myself and self sabotage myself t the point of misdirection within myself, which is where I will have a reaction, and then instead of allowing myself to breath and simply see it as its nature, and allowing myself to remain here where I can practically utilize the point, or walk through the hysical participation points, I instead generate the want to supress the point, and not simply letting go of it. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that letting go of a point, is letting go of my very concious relationship, by simply understanding that that point is not that which is best for all, and therefor it obviously isn't something that is effective or can be worked with within myself, thus when having reactions or falls or facing a point, I either will allow myself to work with the physical to bring myself to a point of stability to where I will utilize the point, or I accept and allow the back chat and the self sabotage continue to accumulate within myself as to protect the point.

I forgive myself that I've thus accepted and allowed myself to not realize that practical point of process, which is taking each point as itself, and not rushing to another point, and thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate money to my process, and t thus not stand one and equal as a group with desteni, and therefor take on each point within equal sencirity, and thus within this in fact having an automated sense of approaching each point simply within that point, and not just scattering my mind into it and fucking myself in thought.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with the fact that the points will either be walked through, or isn't. Meaning, either I am herewith the physical, willing to be here with the physical, or else it is a mind deceit point within myself to supress or protect seeing within myself.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed yself to realize that moving in the physical is as simple as itself, and that it is practically a guideline for me here, and that its clearly right in front of me and is me, and that resistance is simply a reaction to the reaction to protect its unrealistic bullshit. For example: I have a reaction, and then the emotion will of course be intense when it is something I haven't seen before, and then when I have been breathing consistently, and I see someone within myself that I didn't expect, I try to protect the point within its concious design. Thus within this, I commit myself to redefine confronting myself, or applyi mysef to appoint as simply being here within breath as myself here, and directing that point practically untill I am one and equal as myself again.

Self corrective statements to follow in part 3..



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 13 Dec 2013, 00:14

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2013/12/day- ... -take.html

Day 89 - blame, and wanting to take advantage of others part 1
So I will experience myself in relationship to others within my back chat within the point of blaming them for shit that I see those individuals do. I then will eventually want to take advantage of these people through having made myself in my mind better than them, or more 'pure' than them, and then use what I had created them as 'bad', and then create this desire of this relationship where I will want to help them, of course in relationship to the back chat build up where I had blamed them, and place myself on this pedal stool against them. Within this I am thus only intending on taking advantage of these people, and where they will listen to me, or where I want to basically place myself in some helping position or teacher position, where I can therefor use them under the control of what I fear within myself being exposed.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to take advantage of specific people I communicate with, or have had relationships with in my mind, and thus use this back chat system I've created towards them, as to use them under my own self interest, in relationship to my process, and where I try to exploit the information and process I've walked through within myself to control others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus deliberately compromise others process through compromising my own process, and thus creating this void from myself, and only doing what is best for my own self interest, and protecting my own self interest within my points.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse tht because I've walked so much or what ever aspect of my points, that I can just go out and speak out knowledge to others, not seeing and realizing that Im merely exploiting others and my own expression within what is best for all life, to in fact cover up my shit that I accepted and allowed to create a formation within my mind to not have stood u in the moments where had fallen and not corrected the fall, but instead tried to protect myself within the fall, and thus settle for the abuse I've caused, and potentially caused.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to intend on manipulating others to see a fake face, where I thus have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others, and to create a fake face within my posts on Facebook, or how I behave at work or at home, as to not walk through the points in real time where I had been faced with my actual nature, and instead of having breathed through and walked through that nature, and the actual intent I have towards others, having instead layered another dimension and compounded further personalities, and thus creating this point of manipulation and exploitation within my process and others process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the justification when in these moments of facing myself, and the harsh nature of myself, that I can cause attacks and blame towards others because they are the problem, not seeing and realizing that I am merely accepted and allowing myself to be willing to abuse life in itself and terrorize life and attack life to not face my own inner evil, and allowing myself to fuck with life and to cause consequences in my environment within the very intent to actual receive an energetic positive feeling from causing that destruction in others, and allowing myself to actually settle for my shit, to settle for the abuse within myself

Further self forgiveness in part 2



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 13 Dec 2013, 00:16

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2013/12/day- ... r-and.html


as point that seems to be touchy within myself, is that when I face a point of an individual who I fear is judging me, or where I think they are deliberately attacking me in their minds, then start to go into this state of (if I don't really focus on myself and breath) resent and irritation, which combines into anger, which requires much bringing it back to self with allot of sowing down and breathing when at my restaurant job which in itself can be quite a spiteful place, and thus I start rushing myself in all indoor emotions after having accepted and allowed myself to accumulate this point of void and blame towards my co workers, and taking advantage of them, into becoming resentful and angry.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction when someone talks to me at my work, or anyone in this sense within myself where I think that they are deliberately attacking me, or are upset at me - regardless if they are or not.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the reaction within myself, and where I will go into back chat and where I start dwelling over memories with parents or school or siblings where I would receive this attack, or where I was called stupid, or maybe some remark from my father.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus have accepted and allowed myself to let these self judgements within myself, settle to such an extent, that after having accumulated these memories, I begin to start to have an extent of mind demons where I start attacking the other person or people in my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to then go into a point of becoming separated from my work, or from whatever I was doing before, or working with or supporting myself wi before, and then go into blame that they are the reason why I can't remain here as breath, and that I need to just keep blaming them and resenting them.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus go into a state of confusion within myself, where I am trying to defend myself simultaneously within the definition I have created of myself as more pure than the others, because "Im apart of desteni" "I do self forgiveness and they don't". Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to self sabotage myself up t this point, from the perspective that I must be a big asshole because 'I just can't change' this intent of competition within my mind', instead of slowing myself down and letting go of the confusion, and simply trusting myself, and thus only tryi to protect myself within the idea that because I'm superior and apart of desteni, that thus my breathing and participating within breathing is superior, and thus not allowing myself to actually breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into this point of anger and irritation towards others and my environment, where I will thus slowly start building up this accumulation of resent and self sabotage, to the point where I will start becoming aggressive, or if I don't slow myself down and give myself a break, even o not yelling or cussing or hitting something, or start becoming frustrated with my work place where I will release anger by throwing equipment around, or like dishes or pans.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not release this point primarily within myself when facing this point, or taking consideration of this rage point in how It relates to myself even when Im calm. Within this, I commit myself to thus direct myself within this pattern of anger and irritation within myself, and deconstruct this point primarily within my back chat diary, or in any other relationship in regards to this point of anger.

Self corrective statements to follow in part 3...



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 15 Dec 2013, 11:22

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2013/12/day- ... ments.html


Thursday, December 12, 2013

Day 90 - blame, self corrective statements
When and as I see myself accumulating back chat to the pattern that results in wanting to make a statement in regards to 'what's right' in relationship to 'what they are doing wrong', or when creating such back chat in the first place, I stop, I breath, and I deconstruct that point of back chat in relationship to the person I Berber and then judged, within self forgiveness self corrective statements. Within this first understanding that I am breathing, that I am here in and as breath, and not allowing emotions to be only accumulated within my mind, or where I try to use the emotions to state self forgiveness, but really pushing myself to breath within the context of actually deconstructing the point practically.

I commit myself within the commitment of bringing it back to self, that I limit my communication with others, and that I work on creating the starting point of how I communicate with others, nder the principle of what is best for all life, and us start with relating my physical participation, and what's here to communication, and keeping it meaningful, and not go into useless conversation that's merely preoccupying myself from taking self responsibility.

When and as I see myself using points I've walked through, or think I've walked through as this form of arsenal n my mind to defend myself as self righteous when in back chat against others, I stop immediately, I breath, and I let go of the points I'm exploiting and covering myself up with, and within this I commit myself to walk through this dimension of self righteousness, to understand that regardless of what doesn't of does exist within me, that I have no excuse to make rom for abuse within myself, and that In order to thus build principle to be introspective and bring it back to myself, that I cannot let any loose ends win myself which would protect myself from self responsibility for dishonest points, and thus openings to manipulate and deceive myself and others that Im smething else, a fake face.

I forgive mysef that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that any time I settle even just within the pont of laziness from taking self responsibility for my shit, that I inevitably am making the statement within such implication of irresponsibility, that I am willing to attac life, and that I will continue to make fake faces, and will continue to be spiteful and disregard life and myself as walki through this process one and equal with life.

I commit myself to thus redefine myself here as walking this process one and equal with life, and that I commit myself to walk through all points of loose ends which I've accepted and allowed such voids and blame and animosity towards others to protect myself within only my self interest. Thus within this, when and as I see myself in such position of wanting to remain settled in the position of protecting myself or being self righteous instead of walking through the point equal in breath, I stop, I breath and I walk through the point within what ever means to bring that point back to self, and us within this I commit myself to challenge myself to really breath when in such a point of rush, and to really focus on bringing each individual point back to myself, where I can actually stand within moments where I can direct the points within myself in all places, and not hen too much dependability on having to resort in writing because I accepted such points within myself to accumulate within the voids and excuses.

Self corrective statements to continue in part 4..

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2013/12/day- ... -self.html

Day 91- blame resent and anger, self corrective statements
When and s I see myself reacting to what I suddenly happen to percieve within a moment, that I'm being attack essentially in some aspect within a person, verbally or non verbally, I sto, I breath, and within this I focus primarily on myself, and primarily on schedule, on work, on music, on writing, etc., and within ip this practically diverting myself from accumulation within my co existence to the other, until I have utilize enough of myself to practically communicate with the other person. Within this I commit myself to thus relate my communication if I find myself n the middle of reacting, to the task at hand, and breathing through manifestations of potential reactions, and not judging myself within such reactions.

I commit myself to take the point of memories consciously creating the energy point, as to deconstruct the memory within introspect. Within this, when and as I see myself allowing a point of back chat and conflict within myself accumulate within the point of memories of conflict, I stop, I breath, and I release the point through my back chat diary, and the memories that already make up the points of why I react within and as myself.

I commit myself to continue walking through my backchat diary, and through my writings to deconstruct the points of feeling that I use as voids through others, and within this building the point of remaining introspective within all forms of reactions and intensities of reactions. When and as I see a difficult reaction occurring within and as myself, I stop, I breath, and then I stop participating n relationship to the other person, by guiding myself within the physical whether its merely breathing, or writing myself out within the point of reaction, or being patient within myself, and instead of judging myself, understanding that I will practically remain stable as possible untill Im alone to write the point out.

When and as I see myself within a state of having accumulated to a point of attacking the other person n my mind out of anger and out of emotional build up within this point of resent, I then immediately stop, I walk to an isolated area for a moment, breath, let go of the point to where I WILL work n stabilizing self to a healthy extent for my environment, and en I practically forgive the point then or write the point out.

I commit myself to redefine my relationship within my process and relationship to non destonians, from the starting point of being introspective, and thus within this, allowing myself to In fact handle these points from bringing it back to self. Within this as commit myself to redefine myself within the context of introspection, and expression being her within my next blog.

When and as I see myself wanting to throw someone or want to destroy my environment physically to release anger, I stop, I breath, and I immediately isolate myself, or keep a ciggerette on me to support my body stress, and within this allowing myself to come back to a rational point within my environment to then come back to ip being introspective and stabilizing myself within words.



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 03 Jan 2014, 12:56

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2014/01/day- ... ships.html

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate self abdication to remaining here as breath within relationships, to where I create this boredom character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself within this illusion that I lack physical energy to move myself within this physical reality, and that 'it's just too boring to work more effectively"

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus expect relationships to have this mind energy relationship. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am merely resisting points within myself that I have not been willing myself to face and instead keep falling within the points I have within certain relationships.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus fear myself as a physical expression, in fear that I will lose the mind energy, the personalities, the preprogramming that I have constructed within myself through out my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not transform myself here as life, and to actually stand up for myself as life, but instead allowing personality systems to settle, and just remain in this bored stare to not take self responsibility for points within relationships in where I have 'fallen'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this 'I give up' state in where I just am trying to go back to depending on comfortable things, and energy in order to move myself as these systems, and not actually breathing, writing, and working to open up the points within myself again.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make thee excuse that it will put me in a negative mood, and that it will place me in a position that I would define as negative.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not step out of my comfort zone within my behavior towards my activities, and actually take time to investigating my starting point within how I'm approaching writing in terms of whether I'm slacking in really meaning what I say, or slacking in how much I say, and how detailed I get within what I write out/state.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this point of resistance to where I deliberately hold on to this apathetic 'I don't care' character, to where I pretend like everything's fine and that I'm just doing process because I have to in this obligation of 'showing up', and not actually taking effort to every word I speak and write.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to let addictions thus as we'll prevail within how I direct myself, where will just go into internet browsing for no reason, or will just masturbation and not care and just pretend like I can get away with the consequences.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself tot his let excuses continue to accumulate, which where I'm not on guard of how I direct myself, but instead letting loose ends run free and not actually ground myself here to where I have reals table direction, and thus consistent discipline within everything I participate in.

I forgive myself that I've his accepted and allowed myself it continue suppressing points within myself, and allowing this energy of boredom ultimately keep myself from standing up within points that require utilizing, which I've accepted and allowed myself to remain settled out of falling and consuming time with internet, porn, and just generous entertainment that waists time and only accumulates points and causes consequences that only make standing up more extensive to do.

Part 2 to follow,l



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 03 Aug 2014, 03:33

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2014/08/day- ... rtive.html

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to stern/assertive mannerisms/resonance.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have judged S. when manifesting stern/assertive mannerisms/resonance, while not seeing where had judged myself in relationship to a stern/assertive mannerism/resonance.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into negative backchat when hearing sternness/assertiveness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into predetermining a 'positive intent' when hearing someone express sternness/assertiveness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus protect my position that I've accepted and allowed as positive energy within hearing a stern/assertive mannerism/resonance.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have deliberately placed myself in the position of backchat, by searching youtube videos which thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feed consciousness through watching others play video games online.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that "they're just mean, so I don't require writing about it"

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abuse my immediate environment/relationships through entertaining backchat with others talking/ expressing stern/assertive mannerisms/resonance.

When and as I see myself reacting to sternness/assertiveness as negative, I stop, I breath, and I investigate where I have placed myself win the position in context to the reaction using the 'one point method'(writing 3 paragraphs about one detail within the participated Patton) initially.

I see and realize, that S. was practically expressing sound, in which I reacted to as 'stern', within the context of memories within relationship to sternness negatively.

I commit myself to always be here within and as breath, to confront all backchat in relationship to sternness, to assure I'm equally assertive to always remain introspective, and always seeing and investigating the point/Patton in which with doing this, it am creating the only effective tool in solving a reaction to sternness/assertiveness, by using outside assertiveness as self support within using this tool.

I commit myself to not overthink the point of sternness to suppress the reaction, but to always remain here, inevitably thus introspective, to when I react to sternness/assertiveness.

I see and realize that any point of protection, is in fact abusive, and must require assisting myself with physical support/self confrontation clearly, assertively, while equally remaining calm/here as breath.

I see and realize, that when searching/placing myself in and as positivity/abusive, that I will inevitably react to mannerisms, and thus self judgements, within this, I commit myself to once a day, watch a youtube video, any one at random, to write out with the 'one point method' within the reactions I potentially accept and allow when watching them.

I commit myself to stop fucking around and remain self responsibility as breath here, within this, building after deconstructing and disclosing points of self limitation that I've accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in the polarities of positive and negative, in relationship to stern/assertive mannerisms/resonance.

I commit myself to within these self corrective statements, remain humble at all times/in breath, within my current process, to support building relationships with those in my immediate environment, yet self introspective/assertive.

I commit myself to investigate with the 'one point method', within my accepted and allowed reaction to assertive expressions from others.



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 17 Sep 2014, 18:10

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2014/09/day- ... apped.html

Day 121 - feeling trapped
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience being trapped in my mind, trapped in my body.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try recovering from the experience through money, through desires, through personalities. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give up on self responsibility/self honesty when experiencing myself trapped in my own mind, trapped in my body.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that this is my minds way of healing itself through following desired experiences, comforting experiences to feed the mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience being scared of losing my old habitual relationships, within this experiencing being trapped, with the preconception that if I let go of these old relationships, that I will end up in starving or suffering, or even dead.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use others within this experience of fearing myself, where I try to hide myself, and use others as a leverage to hold myself up in these old habitual relationships.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into panic when confronting these relationships, when realizing that these relationships are in fact what I'm trapping myself within. Within this,
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience powerlessness, helplessness, when realizing these old habitual relationships.

I commit myself to open up one specific relationship each day, in which I find relating itself to this experience of feeling trapped in my mind, trapped in my body.

I commit myself to start focusing on physical things that have an equal purpose - what's best for all, what's most supportive for me and my environment. Within this, I see and realize that by initially moving myself with physical things, open up my accepted and allowed limitations/what I've trapped myself within my mind and where I've related this point of being trapped with my own body in regards to the minds chemistry.

When and as I see myself trying to heal myself with desires, with future projections or self admirations, I stop, I breath, and I do not follow this, but instead replace these experiences with what's here, with what I can do physically here.

I see and realize, that these frightening experiences when confronting myself, is simply my mind resisting change, is my mind wanting to heal itself, and trying to hide the true nature of myself within the old habitual relationships. Therefor, when And as I see myself becoming scared, trapped, I stop, I breath, I slow down, I take a walk, have a cigaret, talk to my family and friends, etc. and let go of the experience, and release the stress and fear through that which is here, that which is simple and practically available.

I commit myself to open up the point as to why I latch onto specific people, why I find it difficult to be alone with my own acceptances and allowances, and thus build integrity to where I no longer put my trust in emotional dependence, and reconstruct myself to build physical dependence in replacement.

I commit myself to focus on building back up to a new foundation of what I will and will not accept to be myself, as myself, and within this, facing these intense experiences of fear when facing myself, when realizing myself, when opening up the reality of my relationships.



User avatar
Nicklk1795
Posts: 252
Joined: 19 Mar 2013, 00:06

Re: Nicks self forgiveness

Postby Nicklk1795 » 17 Sep 2014, 23:17

http://nicklk.blogspot.com/2014/09/day- ... ed-of.html

Day 121 - scared of myself, scared of changing old relationships
So it seems that currently I have been faced with the situation of seeing my relationships for real, and realizing how abusive I've accepted and allowed myself to be in these relationships. I have been experiencing allot of resistance, and is resistance comes in the form of freight, of allowing my mind to observe that I'm losing these old habitual patterns, and am at a gate that will only open if I dedicate myself to changing these relationships - emotions, self definitions, the general chemistry that I've used to survive from, to keep my mind stable.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear change, to the point of accepting and allowing the point of "this is too scary, I don't want to face that". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance from facing myself, by going into reaction, and not slowing down, breathing, or practically applying self forgiveness to stabilize myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my mind when facing these relationships, when facing the true nature of self. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create more extensive points through reacting to the point of possession.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take the time to be stable and write/correct myself as preparation to when facing these points within myself again. Within this I commit myself to over time lay out effective ways of remaining stable, and applying activities, and physical work to bring myself back to breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become confused as to how I should be moving, what I should be doing, and then becoming scared of losing myself in possession, not seeing and realizing that I require developing a support system/physical dependency to help me when in such experiences. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to build trust and intimacy with physical things and people/ those in my immediate environment to be able to assist myself to bring myself back here.

When and as I see myself going into reaction to a specific point, or go into the experience of intense discontent, I stop, I breath, and I forgive myself for the experience, and slow down, breath, and allow change to flow and let go of the resistance.

When and as I see myself going into a point of possession of fear, I stop, I breath, and I slow down, work with something, release it through self forgiveness, talk to my support system, and walk through the experience by exposing what had initially caused the intense fear, or the intense emotion.

I commit myself to work with a support system, and build a more effective relationship by doing my part in ensuring that I stay in line with my process, and being honest with those in my immediate environment, and also working with physical things as self support when I require building self intimacy.




Return to “Sharing Self Forgiveness”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron