Jorn's SF sharing

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Jorn
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Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 23 Feb 2015, 12:19

A point that I have been struggling with is the Image I have build up of Bernard and Desteni and individuals involved. I have pushed it to the extent where I would compare anything with if Bernard would do it. Not realizing I am feeding and supporting an idea that I have created and accepted and allowed and continued.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a 'father' figure from Bernard, not realizing I am following an idea that I have created myself of how I perceive Bernard to be and what I must do accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a person or something greater than me that would give me, personal satisfaction. Not realizing I am feeding the idea I am creating myself not actually stopping in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Bernard as an excuse for my actions. Not realizing I am completely limiting myself to an idea I have created and in that not taking responsibility for my actions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define desteni as something with special mystical knowledge that has somehow importance to me personally because I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the idea of desteni as what I really believe it to be that is something that would give me something, where in fact I have created an idea that I am following, limiting myself to my perception of myself and not taking responsibility for my actions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define the portal as something 'special' that would give me somehow more than I already am not realizing I am feeding the idea I have created and accepted and allowed myself. Not seeing the portal as life expression here as who we really are. Limiting myself to an idea and the believe of a particular goal that I can only achieve with the image I have build up from desteni as something that would give me more out of life that I have defined as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep resisting all and everything, not realizing myself here breathing.



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Jorn
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 23 Feb 2015, 13:11

I am seeing a point where I allow myself to rush, to push for something that is not there and not stopping and realizing myself here breathing as who I am giving all my care and attention to the task at hand. Instead I created a time based reward system as myself where every-time I do something, I feel that I have to do it and that I have to push a certain tempo to satisfy the idea of myself of "completing me within time"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush and define time as a measure for my progress. And essentially when looking at this I can see that it is violence as myself towards myself expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed violence as myself, not realizing I am recreating the experience not stopping it as me here in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in violence and fighting as a solution to the problem, not realizing I am separating myself from a problem out there and creating a reaction as violence as me to fight it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see violence as myself as the total realization of violence as me as life as what I have accepted and allowed and in this I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed violence to become a solution to force my will that is defined from the limited definition that I have accepted and allowed of myself not realizing myself as all as one and equal and not realizing the totality of humanity as violence as me So that I can stop as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as violence as the experience of myself, not realizing myself as violence and stopping as me in the moment here.



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Jorn
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 23 Feb 2015, 14:09

Memories I am struggling with that keep projecting into the future are also mainly desteni related. From the idea I have formed of myself in relation to desteni I have created myself from the memories from the farm that I keep participating in, not realizing I am repeating myself and not realizing myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treasure memories like they have some special significance not realizing I am recreating my behavior from the past and not realizing myself here letting go of the memories as me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create 'desteni' as a heaven concept that I have to reach. I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to see the simplicity of myself being here that is not related to any place.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to form a memory of Bernard asking me: what are you doing? In that moment not stopping myself and realizing myself as me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from memory not realizing myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to measure and value everything including myself according to memory. Not realizing I am limiting myself to a past event by not realizing myself as it and in this creating the constant repeating of the same behavior.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not realize the words as myself as who I am and to stand clear every step to see the words as me as what I have accepted and allowed about myself to become and go through words that I disregard and haven't realized as myself not realizing that I will create conflict as an experience from not standing clear as me as life as every word and reacting to my accepted and allowed definitions that I have not cleared as me as who I am and in this creating a reaction within myself when others use words and in that not realizing I am making it impossible to communicate clearly without preconceptions or memories with special significance.



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Jorn
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 23 Feb 2015, 16:01

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fixate on an image of a partner and to within that relate myself to that image and define myself accordingly not realizing I am separating myself through an idea that I have relayed from knowledge which is the repetition of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach special significance to symbols and knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idol from an image, imagining the properties and qualities and in the forming of this image I have created the believe that I have to become in relation to that image.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to create a real relationship that is not based on an image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a relationship as a picture and within this picture separating myself further, creating a cycle with a beginning and an end, not realizing that I have created an image that is not who I really am and thus the relationship comes to an end, because I did not realize myself Here as who I really am here.

From the idols I have created I have formed definitions of myself

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tough as though I have to withstand something. Creating being tough as an ideal state of being.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to a definition I have created myself adding to the believe and intricacy of that definition through experience, not realizing I am accepting and allowing more friction and conflict in and as myself.

therefore I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see I am creating my own experience in limiting myself as tough, acting tough not being here as breathing here and creating a mind-experience of everything I interact with.



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Jorn
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 23 Feb 2015, 16:28

Saddnes, through my process I have clinged onto my mind and its content like you would hold onto your shorts and through many self created experiences and mindloops I finally gave up and found a very deep saddnes. Where does this sadness come from? How come I am so sad and I could never feel it, I do this to myself? Have I been completely senseless in my entire life? For the first time in my life I actually had a phone conversation that was relaxed, I told a story and we laughed and I didn't treat the person on the other side like a complete machine. Have I been treating people like a machine my entire life? How come I did not feel this sadness before?

There is so many things, like disappointments and expectation that I can think of. What is sadness? I feel down and depressed and cannot suppress the tears and I let it go. It is like I have been screaming at myself forever and suddenly I realize that everything I have been doing is only for myself, in that there is deep sadness. I realize my cropped up energy in my believes completely overshadowed anything I really felt. And it is like you are holding yourself under from yourself and when I finally cried, it felt much better.



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Jorn
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 23 Feb 2015, 16:57

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to strive for perfection. Being that in anything it is measured and compared as I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in perfection as something static that I can accomplish and the believe that it is factually related to reality through imperfection.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to to believe in perfection not realizing myself here as breathing here

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to strive, trying extra hard to get to something extra impossible.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe Sunette is somehow perfect or done, not realizing myself here and not seeing the simplicity of a human being walking process, not understanding process and seperating myself through an idea that I have created through the strive for perfection in all things being 'sunette' as the ultimate price.



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Anna
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Anna » 23 Feb 2015, 20:13

Cool Jorn - glad to see you opening yourself up!



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Jorn
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 24 Feb 2015, 10:24

yeah i enjoy it, not that I have any choice



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Jorn
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby Jorn » 24 Feb 2015, 10:53

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge other people based on what they do or the role they play

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define 'hi' or 'hello' and not clear it as myself as who I am and in judging the word, not realizing I am separating myself not only from another but also separating myself from myself through a definition of a word that I believe is separate of me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed to believe that I have to say something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other human beings that say something not realizing I am not communicating instead I am judging myself.



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barbara
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Re: Jorn's SF sharing

Postby barbara » 24 Feb 2015, 19:36

Hey Jorn!

It's really cool to see you here again!

Cool opening up! Keep it up!




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