Self-Forgiveness for Depression and Anger

User avatar
Michael Breen
Posts: 73
Joined: 02 Jul 2014, 02:06
Contact:

Self-Forgiveness for Depression and Anger

Postby Michael Breen » 20 Jun 2015, 23:52

https://mikeabreen.wordpress.com/

I am writing to assist and support myself. I want to start from the point of how I have used or rather how anger and depression have used me. The pattern I see is the manipulation of others through my own passive-aggressiveness, anger, depression, and self pity. Right now my body feels heavy like I’m carrying weight and I am anxious. Basically I have isolated myself. And I’m fucked. There’s nothing I can do about the feeling of this. My anger and violence won’t do anything. I have to work through this depression that has come up.But my first reaction was an urge to blame others. Blame my parents. Today, I don’t even want interaction. I do but I don’t even want to open my mouth and speak because whatever comes out will not be me. And that’s a shitty feeling. It is a pattern.Today I felt like I can;t help but be depressed and feel sorry for myself. Probably because my depressing thoughts were feeding my depression! But I felt like I couldn’t stop it or control it or make it go away. As long as I am “possessed” by depression and anger (toward the depression) I am almost unable to speak and think clearly. Unfortunately feeling sorry for myself will only make it worse for me. It’s all me now. this is what I hate : the pattern of going though this and not doing anything that is fun. I don’t say anything about it I just keep silent. Just be fucked and be silent about it it the painful pattern I am trying to dismantle.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be manipulated by my own anger and depression to the point that it takes over

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to manipulate others with my anger and depression so i can control them and “make” them feel sorry for me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be passive-aggressive

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid of my own hostility and repress it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be silent about being depressed

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go through this pattern and not have fun

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse myself through negative thinking which feeds my depression and isolation

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame others instead of look for the solution inside myself.



User avatar
Kim S
Posts: 286
Joined: 06 Jul 2011, 10:18
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Self-Forgiveness for Depression and Anger

Postby Kim S » 22 Jun 2015, 12:24

Hi Michael.

Thank you for sharing this. I personally don't have any experience of depression, but I do know a lot about patterns that I have accepted and allowed to repeat. The key is in 'I' because I was/am the only one allowing them to exist in the first place. What really assisted me is the four count breath. Have you tried this? To slow down when the thoughts first come up with taking a deep breath, holding for a count of 4 then releasing for the same amount of time and then holding one's breath for a count of 4 - then repeating, until you are calmer and more stable, focus completely on the breath and counting. Because it will be much more difficult to stop when one is in the rampant stage of the thoughts running riot, and one becomes fully possessed. Then sit and write it out and forgive YOURSELF completely and let it go. ( feeling sorry for oneself is in itself what the system of depression likes within you - so you as the system will feed off this as energy) So forgive it and keep forgiving it, and let it go.



User avatar
viktor
Posts: 1324
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Self-Forgiveness for Depression and Anger

Postby viktor » 18 Aug 2015, 14:23

Hello Micheal,

Cool to see that you've begun applying self-forgiveness on this point that you're facing. I have also been walking through depression, and have in this found some supportive techniques and tools that you're able to utilize to bring yourself out of the abyss.

Depression is one of those patterns that we feed and create through our physical living behavior. What I mean by this is that, depression is something we live and act out through for example: Slouched shoulders, being uninterested and demotivated, not caring about what is going on around us, not paying attention to life, and being generally apathetic towards opportunities for expansion and self-creation. Thus, through us remaining in this physical zombie-state – we're affirming for ourselves that we're depressed, we're sad, we can't do anything about it, life sucks, etc.

A solution, thus, is to start changing your physical behavior. And see, it's fascinating, you don't have to feel a certain way, in order to change your physical behavior. Usually, what I do when I notice that I am going into a depressive energy, is that I go to my computer, put on some music, and dance – this helps with grounding myself and shaking that drippy, deep, and saddening depression energy. What I also do, is that I straighten my shoulders, I also practice remaining clear, and specific in my voice, so that I don't drop into a low, mumbling, because that will also fuel this personality/energy of 'depression' – and you want to push yourself out of that energy through physical movement and action.

Now, it's important to remember that you can't solve the depression with only changing your physical behavior, because you will have certain thoughts/back-chat that you participate in throughout your days, that create this depressive experience/energy to begin with – and the depression will as such come back, until you direct the origin-point. Thus, I suggest that you spend some time to write about this depression as well, look at what is creating your experience, what are the underlying thoughts, ideas, and beliefs? And when you find these – forgive yourself for having participated in them – and the next time they emerge within you – move yourself to not participate in them – do not accept and allow yourself to fuel this personality anymore.

Lastly, remember that it's all up to you to direct depression – and we do have the power to do so, but we must give of ourselves, it will take effort, and will-power – and as a reward – we will have magnificent results where we are able to now direct depression and as such never again become depressed.



User avatar
Michael Breen
Posts: 73
Joined: 02 Jul 2014, 02:06
Contact:

Re: Self-Forgiveness for Depression and Anger

Postby Michael Breen » 22 Nov 2016, 21:12

Thank you Viktor That is helpful.




Return to “Sharing Self Forgiveness”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron